Toby

Why should the things "psychotic"? Maybe they are just physical, maybe just strong energetic symptoms which are not that uncommon. I would also find things that calm you down and resource you. It can be anything: nature, animals, touch, talking with someone, listening to music, having a walk, thinking of pleasant memories... The thing is, don't push yourself too hard with spiritual practices if you notice that symptoms or overwhelment get worse. But also try to relax as much into what you are experiencing. Afaik in some zen-monasteries when people had some overwhelment and psychotic symptoms they are advised not to meditate but instead work in the garden or something like that so that it grounds them. I went to a retreat with Adyashanti where he basically advised someone with strong symptoms (due to a opening on Ayahuasca afair) to skip the meditation sessions and instead go into the woods and hug trees. He even said that the person should ask the tree if it was ok for the tree to take the energy, because for some trees it would be too much while others would be glad to help.

"Giving to get" has nothing to do with "selflessness". It is just one way role of the ego.

Yet you don't have to do it all by yourself. If it works better in a group setting (meditation) or in 1on1 to face what comes up, I wouldn't mind trying that.

When you are on kundalini symptoms it is not the right time to do a retreat.

They fall to the side because of gravity I guess. I don't think a legit teacher would show siddhis for entertainment or bragging.

He's pushing it up with his thumb probably.

Osho-quote on "Aloneness" and "Loneliness" from @Prabhaker incoming.

Different teachers have different maps. Bentinho and Adya both like Ramana and Nisargadatta though. Speaking in Nisargadatta's terms: the absolute is in which the "I am" arises and vanishes. The "I am" can show up as a whitness but the most advanced "version" of the "I am" is "unity consciousness" or "universal consciousness" - if that is what you are talking about. That is still within the domain of "I am" and not the absolute. This here is Bentinho's map, it is very much influenced by Ramana and Nisargadatta as one might notice:

Well, what about applying Papaji's advise here? Who had the experience?

“When I used to do retreats at Sonoma Zen Center, where it was very quiet, we’d be up at 4:30 a.m. to start sitting. It was beautiful and peaceful that time of the morning. The sun was just starting to light up the air before it would come up on the horizon, and there was the amazing experience of just feeling the whole world waking up, your whole self waking. It felt wonderful. About 6:30 every morning, across the street from the Zen temple, the neighbors woke up. The neighbors had a different idea of how to get ready for the day. So at 6:30 every morning they played Led Zeppelin in full volume. This is when dharmic relationship can be learned. It is easy to stay conscious to the birds, to the pleasantness, to the beautiful manifestation of the Divine, to your own true self -- until Jimmy Page starts striking the first power chords. And there it is. There is the invitation. ‘What is that? And what's my relationship with that?’ What I found was that it was just another sound, and that was perfectly okay. And it was beautiful because it widened my sense of the spiritual. It just was what is. There is God pretending to be a rock star. God wasn’t just all the pleasant, good little moments, quiet and serene. This takes the idea of spirituality and rips it right down the center. It says, ‘Okay, you want to see God? Here is God -- all of God. Not just the part you want to see, but all of it.’” - Adyashanti (https://www.facebook.com/adyashanti.org/posts/374048206293688)

I can only say from my perspective that when I revisit some of the music I listened to as a young adult because I had some sense of that it expressed what I felt or was empowering... I cannot really listen to it for 5 minutes now. Some elements I still like though.

It's actually true: you cannot control life and you are not in control of life.

Where can I find it?

The only things that sound good are EFT, mindfulness, EMDR and 12 step programm.

There are some teachers that used that argument to abuse students sexually. "Hey, this will be really beneficial for your spiritual development"..

The now is a concept too.

For me it's not an assumption. I know that it's true. I chose the word "assuming" to make my statement more true to even someone who is sceptical about it. So, it's just an assumption.

Assuming that all is One, it is not correct. It is the best service there is. It's an energy thing. It affects everything.

Most who are awake don't teach. And there are - at least the teachers that I know - hundreds of "disciples" that are awake.

Isn't the Mooji guy somewhere in Portugal? Maybe you could check him out. His master's teaching of being still is the most direct teaching to the silent mind.