Toby

Somatic Experiencing could help.

This is normal. A lot of people have similar experiences. (Adya also talks about certain traps - the state you describe is one of them - in his "End of Your World" audiobook). @Martin123 If you can rest in your being without formal meditation that's fine too I guess.

Meditation is a good test if the love is even real. If you cannot sit still in silence for 15 minutes it's probably not love that you are tapping into. Love is your very being and can only be accessed through being silent. At least that is my experience.

RAMANA MAHARSHI ON SIDDHIS Question: Are the Siddhis (super-natural powers) mentioned in Patanjali’s Sutras true or only his dream? Sri Ramana Maharshi: He who is Brahman or the Self will not value those Siddhis. Patanjali himself says that they are all exercised with the mind and that they impede Self-realisation. Question: What about the powers of so-called supermen? Sri Ramana Maharshi: Whether powers are high or low, whether of the mind or of a supermind, they exist only with reference to the one who has the power. Find out who that is. Question: Are Siddhis to be achieved on the spiritual path or are they opposed to Mukti (liberation)? Sri Ramana Maharshi: The highest Siddhi is realization of the Self; for once you realize the truth you cease to be drawn to the path of ignorance. Question: Then what use are the Siddhis? Sri Ramana Maharshi: There are two kinds of Siddhis and one kind may well be a stumbling block to realisation. It is said that by Mantra, by some drug possessing occult virtues, by severe austerities or by samadhi of a certain kind, powers can be acquired. But these powers are not a means to Self-knowledge, for even when you acquire them, you may quite well be in ignorance. Question: What is the other kind? Sri Ramana Maharshi: They are manifestations of power and knowledge, which are quite natural to you when you realize the Self. They are Siddhis, which are the products of the normal and natural Tapas (spiritual practice) of the man who has reached the Self. They come of their own accord, they are God given. They come according to one’s destiny but whether they come or not, the Jnani, who is settled in the supreme peace, is not disturbed by them. For he knows the Self and that is the unshakable Siddhi. But these Siddhis do not come by trying for them. When you are in the state of realization, you will know what these powers are. Question: Does the sage use occult powers for making others realize the Self, or is the mere fact of his Self-realization enough for it? Sri Ramana Maharshi: The force of his Self-realization is far more powerful than the use of all other powers. Though Siddhis are said to be many and different, Jnana (knowledge) alone is the highest of those many different Siddhis, because those who have attained other Siddhis will desire Jnana. Those who have attained Jnana will not desire other Siddhis. Therefore aspire only for Jnana. Although the powers appear to be wonderful to those who do not possess them, yet they are only transient. All these wonders are contained in the one changeless Self. Greedily begging for worthless occult powers (Siddhis) from God, who will readily give Himself, who is everything, is like begging for worthless stale gruel from a generous natured philanthropist who will readily give everything. In the Heart, which catches fire with the blazing flame of supreme devotion, all the occult powers will gather together. However, with a heart that has become a complete prey to the feet of the Lord, the devotee will not have any desire for those Siddhis. Know that if aspirants who are making efforts on the path to liberation set their heart upon occult powers, their dense bondage will be strengthened more and more, and hence the lustre of their ego will wax more and more. The attainment (Siddhi) of Self, which is the perfect whole, the radiance of liberation, alone is the attainment of true knowledge, whereas the other kinds of Siddhi, beginning with Anima (the ability to become as small as an atom) belong to the delusion of the power of imagination of the foolish mind. People see many things which are far more miraculous than the so-called Siddhis, yet do not wonder at them simply because they occur every day. When a man is born he is no bigger than this electric bulb, but then he grows up and becomes a giant wrestler, or a world-famed artist, orator, politician or sage. People do not view this as a miracle but they are wonder struck if a corpse is made to speak.

ego = wanting things to be different than they are. wanting something else or not wanting what is. material ego = I want a better car spiritual ego = I want higher consciousness

INTJ or INFJ

Never heard of it. I wouldn't attend any groups that you don't feel good going to. Paying money for groups or satsangs or retreat-days... that's perfectly fine imo. I myself would only pay 25$ for a session if the group-leader is "enlightened". If it's just some meditation group I would never pay more than 10$.

I like that one: http://www.soundstrue.com/store/guided-meditations.html. You get 8 guided meditations for 15$ which is pretty good. Also the meditations are very good and their explanations are really straightforward. The meditation-video I posted is from an earlier package ("True Meditation").

Is it more like a "neti neti" approach like this one?

Also, I studied the Enneagram to some degree. It tells you that superficial personality traits can be changed but the underlying character cannot. What can be changed is the fixation or identification with it. But for example Eckhart Tolle is still an introvert. It is just something that is part of his way of being as a person.

Because personality/character is beyond the body? I worked with children who were quite young actually. They are all different. And they are totally being themselves at times and they have still different characteristics.

Sorry @Prabhaker you post a lot of good stuff but here you are obviously wrong. Just because someone changes their appearance or state of mind doesn't mean their basic personality changes. Look at all the sages, they all have different personalities and character traits - even if they don't identify with them.

The "I am" is only the door. Full enlightenment goes beyond "I am".

@My_Name_Is_Mud dude, are you just a friendly and caring guy or are you trapped in this delusion: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania?

I guess he might be talking about Annetta who in several threads here complained that she is "stalked" by him.

Are you living anywhere near Bucarest? I know a really good teacher that supposedly was there just a few days ago and might be coming there in fall again for a week.

Where exactly do you live? Do you have money e.g. to travel and visit teachers?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_materialism

Why should the void be painful or be avoided? @Shin Have fun:

I don't know your culture. In europe this would mean that the dude has some feelings for you or just wants to have sex. Pretty simple.

Sitting with a master. Silence. Self inquiry.

@Elisabeth have you tried NVC (non violent communication)?

If anyone here is interested: Adyashanti has a free live webcast coming at 6pm PT which is in like 75 minutes. http://www.adyashanti.org/cafedharma/index.php?file=radio