Toby

No. You can't be interested in something you are not interested in. But if you are, learning might be challenging in the beginning. It's the same with everything.

Awakening or "Englightenment" doesn't happen because of effort but in spite of effort.

It's an kundalini symptom imo. Probably nothing you can other than to relax.

Iago in Othello is a pretty good display of aspects of the ego.

Peace and happiness - if a state - is the same as a bigger car or bigger house. Same game: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_materialism

I would spend time with a teacher and see if that "helps".

Keep it practical: can you take some medication if the situation is too severe or try some supplements like Niacin (B3) or CBD-Oil which both also can have an antipsychotic effect? Meditation as well as Yoga or Tai Chi... usually is designed to open things up which might be too overwhelming sometimes. You could instead just do exercises that ground you and deal with the lower chakras. Being in nature could help, being with animals or with conscious human beings can help. Even working simple, preferably physical tasks can help (in monasteries when monks did have some kind of psychotic symptoms, is was even advised not to meditate but to go to the garden and work instead for some time in the garden or something until the system calms down). In addition also don't try to escape. Be present with whatever comes up or the situation is but also don't force to overwhelm you.

I'd suggest to check out these books: - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1893840263/: this shows different ways ego plays out - also regarding fear, so you don't take it personally. you can also see that people where anxiety isn't that of an issue might have different issues like pride. - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1556439431/: is all about mechanics of trauma and it's symptoms which anxiety might be a part of

@hansrogn no, because I never have been to India. I only know that some teachers I know like to go to Tiruvannamalai or Rishikesh / Haridwar for doing retreats. You will find a lot of indian Gurus in these places as well. Some were interviewed by Premananda: http://conscious-websites.com/blueprints/high/index_en.html

Did you guys know that Hitler was vegetarian? Now... imagine he would have been even vegan.

Yes, that is what you think. In my view there is a huge difference how animals are treated. You can find more local farms where you can actually see how the animals are treated, pigs for example. Not everything is the same.

@WaveInTheOcean as I said: I heard this perspective from a spiritual master. And no, we were not talking about how animals are treated but about eating meat.

Is there a link or video where he says that?

@Nahm there is no reason for it. I don't control it or try to. I don't like the taste most of the time. But I like it sometimes, like 4-5 times a month or so. It just happens that way. I don't have any plan or agenda.

@Nathalie @Nahm no I'm not joking. Hey, I'm not eating meat most of the time. But I have nothing against it. In fact, why is it such a "right" and "wrong" issue? Why isn't it ok to eat meat but ok to eat plants (also alive)? What exactly has "self-inquiry" to do with not eating meat? It has nothing to do with on another. There are plenty of spiritual people that eat meat. Even spiritual teachers. In fact, the "reframing" from above is from a teacher I know that used to eat meat.

Meat eating has nothing to do with "high" or "low" consciousness. In fact, you could reframe being a meat-eater that - unlike vegetarians / vegans - you help that animals are being born that otherwise would not exist.

@hansrogn yes I made that map. Well, I don't know him personally. Asked him a couple of questions online or watched his online meetings or his DVDs (with his interviews with other teachers) though. I guess he is quite ok as far as I can tell but as with every teacher I'd recommend looking them up on youtube and see if you resonate. Otherwise might be a waste of time and money.

Adyashanti in UK (registration already closed I guess?) http://www.adyashanti.org/index.php?file=retreatsschedule Isaac Shapiro in Germany, Netherlands http://www.isaacshapiro.org/index.php/schedule3

This is what Adya is handing out on his retreats for the meditation sessions and is kinda fitting here: https://www.adyashanti.org/index.php?file=writings_inner&writingid=12

@Martin123 I don't know. There are even studies being done with narcissists that show that they themselves are - contrary to what psychologists thought - aware of their perceived unworthiness. And this kind of "narcissistic rage" can only happen if someone really feels unworthy and the image / constructed personality of superiority is threatened. Eckhart Tolle also talks about inferior and superior egos and shows that inferior egos have superior tendencies as well; and that superior egos have inferior tendencies as well.

@Martin123 Well, what you say about narcissists feel "off" for "my" ego structure. But never the less I can find also patterns to wanting to be superior or narcissistic or egocentric in me. And I also found that a person I knew (which I am pretty sure is a narcissist) was very very sensitive to any kind of perceived withdraw of attention or "love" leading to rage... which would be very hard to happen if they really felt good or superior about themselves.

@Martin123 but aren't narcissists driven by the feeling of unworthiness and therefore overcompensate? And are because of that very sensitive themselves to so called narcissistic injury leading to narcissistic rage?

@Martin123 I haven't explored Matt Khan so I have a question: isn't also the "inferior ego" narcissistic? I mean, doesn't have everyone narcissistic and egocentric behaviour and patterns - even the so called sensitive people?

1: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00A2UQUXY/ 2: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LOQR37C/

He only says that the two things are different dimensions. So you can work on both, one or none. It's up to you. There is not really a rule or correlation what you have to do first.