Toby

Probably traumatic for everyone that this happens to even if it is just on an unconscious level.

There is a lot of things that can lead to trauma. It can happen from conception to three years old where you cannot remember anything. It could happen with things that you don't even connect to it like a surgery or an accident or just some situation that brings some trauma symptoms out that you didn't know you had.

Some people have things like you describe more than others but in general what you describe are classical trauma symptoms. Books that might help: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1556439431/ https://www.amazon.com/dp/159179658X/ https://www.amazon.com/dp/1897238401/

So, after watching the documentary my impression is that he intentionally slowed down later and that he had a personality structure that made the shows uncomfortable for him and/or had social anxiety with panic attacks. I also guess he had at least some spiritual interest, like many musicians have and like many of the musicians he worked with have (for a long time), e.g. Mike Einziger or Chris Martin.

The thing is, different people have a different disposition. So it's not possible to prevent all kinds of things. For example, Eckhart Tolle is still stressed and exhausted after giving talks or spending time with people. That is just his personality structure. Nothing wrong with it though.

Why do you want and "need" to take LSD?

Funny how the ego takes superficial information about someone's life and assumes there must have been something wrong. What if there is and was nothing wrong?

Rage doesn't mean you are in red. You probably wouldn't even post here with being overall in red. Depending on your makeup, for example an Enneagram type 8 would experience lot of desire, rage, lust and need to dominate people even in higher stages, even in tier 2. Not to say that you are type 8; just as an example that your experiences doesn't always define where in spiral dynamics you are.

Why would you want to take psychedelics when there are more than enough spiritual teachers available in Germany? I'd rather get a taste of the real thing than buying psychedelics.

the energy field of the group / teacher pulls you into it...

It's normal. I don't find a video right now but Gangaji describes something like that. Dropping through thoughts and emotions just before you drop right through some essential experience there might be some deadness. So everything is fine.

The names are given mostly by teachers as a pointer to the "seekers" potential / qualities as well as a pointer that the "seeker" is not his old name / identity. I only know one teacher personally that gives names (Osho / Sannyas-names) and somehow I did not get a name from him. And I didn't pick one myself either.

One has to take the Enneatype / Subtype into account (type 3 selfpreservational) which does explain his constant lying and narcissism. On spiral dynamics he is - at least in some areas of his life - clearly orange imo.

I would have a look at Jiddu Krishnamurti because he might appeal to your overly active intellectual interest but is also very very deep.

@Ether How do I or we know? Well... could be temporary, had this kind of awakenings many times, didn't last or wasn't really the final truth. But hey, it's different for everyone so there is no way to know how this plays out.

I wonder if it lasts or how this plays out in the near future...

Yes, I'm for it because it distracts. At least it distracts myself.

Always wondered if I'm INTJ or INFJ. Guess I'm INTJ after seeing that video.

I don't have much experience with psychedelics but what I experienced (3xLSD 100ug, 150ug and 200ug) was really uninteresting compared to sitting with any "guru" I know.

Check out Ken Wilber's map. Liberalism is stage orange. "Enlightenment" includes but is much much more than that. Just "liberalism" is limiting and I guess that is what you intuit.

And Eckhart's teacher says that:

That is correct. You are the now. Forms change, Now never changes.

Guru = Silence. Ego = Concepts.