Fernanda

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Posts posted by Fernanda

  1. Posted

    I figured I might have Asperger for a variery of solid reasons.

    I never enjoyed labeling characteristics or conditions, as I think some distinctions might not be useful. I always avoided "diagnosis" in general.

    But I think it has been helpful to realize differences as it easier to love deeply the aspects in ourselves we do understand, so I am investigating more deeply how my brain operates and why some things that seem so easy to most people are hard for me and vice versa.

    Now I am aware I may seem odd to most people and I am learning to love that, instead of hating and trying to change it somehow. 

    I struggle a lot with executing really simple tasks in daily life- I really do- at the same time I have such rare gifts most people wouldn't get in a lifetime. 

    I also struggle with intimate relationships. I don't find the attraction game hard, but it is hard for me accepting other's limitations when in a relationship. I think I project my perfectionism and high standards on to them, but it is not on purpose, I just don't see things the same way as they do. I can't help it. I would really like to get married but somehow it seems I wasn't born for that. I think I've developed a fear of hurting the people I love the most.

    Despite all that, I've developed an imense capacity for love and my mind is pretty open and non judgemental.

    I would appreciate if anyone with Asperger could share something about it. Should I get a proper diagnosis, would it help somehow? Are you able to keep intimate relationships?

    It's very important ❤ Thank you.

  7. Posted

    @Razard86 it's an interesting subject. I think about that dance between the masculine and the feminine within ourselves a lot. It's a beautiful energetic flow of energy. I think a really healthy integrated human being could have a deep and fullfilling relationship with anybody he/she wishes, despite the gender. It's about energy, not gender, I guess. I think it's a POV that embraces more possibilities and perspectives. All relationships present room for growth, because it's a mirror. The problem is that we create so many labels and identifications that really become a veil to true seeing.

  8. Posted

    6 minutes ago, Galyna said:

    Absolutely, so this is what freaked me out. I looked back and retrospected about past events and it seems like a week was one day. However, when I began to notice it, as an observer, for magical reason time slowed down: double slit experiment ?

    Yes, pure magic! I heard many people tell me lately that I am so INTENSE and that's what they like about me. I was thinking about what this means and I think it is related of this quality of attention that pulls us out of time. You leave an impression, a trademark all around you without any effort. Sometimes a moment is so intense that you keep feeling its impression for weeks or months.

  9. Posted · Edited by Fernanda

    @Galyna when there is an impersonal sense of awareness time seems to pass neither fast or slowly, the moment seems to be totally out of time, it's hard to explain it in words. I mean...when you are having a great conversation which just flows and you get "lost" in the moment and in the reflection of "another", you can only make sense of time when you get back to the concept of time and try to make sense of it.

  10. Posted

    10 hours ago, iboughtleosbooklist said:

    God dreams the 21st century and it happens. Do you get it yet? It's solipsism!!!

    I do get it and thank you for this great post! I've been having similar insights about the TRUTH. Yesterday I was at a party and I simply realized how each thing happening was capital "m" ME/GOD doing it in real time. The realization deepens the quality of attention and non resistance, it's just you with yourself, loving whatever is shown about yourself.

  11. Posted

    1 hour ago, SamC said:

    The darkness was my light. I think for you, you might have to go the other way around and love the evil, the darkness to death.

    Perfect advice! That will change the reflection.

    If you fear being hurt, love that fear to death, then the deception with people won't get your attention that much, it will still happen, but you will move on so quickly as though it didn't happen.

  14. Posted

    3 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

    it is so tricky and the problem is all relationships are going to end so you had better have contingency plans even if you are a serial monogamist

    "Serial monogamist" might be a good term.

    5 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

    i say best to keep ties as light and as few as possible

    The ties are getting so light that I can't even see any and I don't intend to spoil that ;)

  16. Posted

    3 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

    polyamory is the admission that, i have enough love that could satisfy more than one partner AND my needs can most satisfactorily be met by having more than one partner

    Polyamory seems to be an option, but I don't feel good with the concept itself. I can't handle more than one relationship at once, because it takes work to create and keep intimate with one another. I just think over the course of the years you could totally lose interest in someone and it can happen quite suddenly without warning. I think it stabilizes with maturity, though. We should take more time before getting married, definitely. Some people just don't work on their own development and emotional issues and can get really behind.

  17. Posted

    49 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

    They find this difficult to communicate, for obvious reasons, and it can mean they become attracted to a different type of person.

    I think sometimes they try to communicate, but there is no resonance anymore, which is hard to admit and sad. I am saying all this but for me monogamy is a very important thing in a relationship. I just don't see it working well in most of the cases. It looks like something which is imposed and not a choice you keep making over the years.

  18. Posted · Edited by Fernanda

    51 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

    For me a confession is useful if the person in question is too autistic to get the hint that you like him, love him or else.

    Yes. I don't know why I have this habit of second guessing if the other is REAALLY getting my signs. I will work on that. I would never confess anything in public, for me it's even difficult to say any words with privacy ? 

  19. Posted

    45 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

    For me it's touch. A touch on the arm, a hug, etc. That would be how to initiate or for someone to begin to show interest. You are beginning to know him, but if you need to tick all the boxes, its words, being there with him, it's a personalized gift, and its the way you might touch his arm or hug him.

    Yes, love has many languages, right? For me it's also touch. I began to kind of "fall" for him and see him differently when we shared a different vibe in a hug. It lasted more than normal and he kind of smelled me. It was really unexpected,I think even for him at the moment. So, I guess it goes for both of us. The difference now is that we are both aware of what’s going on and it's still confusing. Before, it was all very unexpected.

  20. Posted

    1 hour ago, gettoefl said:

    as we well know nothing is forever and people can change unrecognisably even in a short time

    raising children is basically a 20 year program

    Exactly, and if you are in a self-development journey you might face yourself changing all the time (which includes your desires and life experiences). It takes a lot of maturity, admiration and communication skills from both sides to keep a relationship going, and even so it is not guaranteed monogamy will be untouchable. The moment you fall for somebody else you are already cheating and you will probably feel even more miserable if you deny that. This I am saying doesn't seem to match any good marriage standards we have in society today. 

    I might be very wrong, though.

  25. Posted

    11 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

    to escalate could be something like: i am here for this (cheeky but ambiguous) or hope we can hang out even more 

    and then make a suggestion about something in coming few days you would like to do, like see a movie or go to an art gallery

    What a great practical advice. I will always remember. Escalate! I did not do that when I got the message, because I wasn't expecting it, so I just replied I felt the same and that I had a great time. But I could escalate. Right. Thank you :)