Dombey

Name: Vivian Age: 24 Gender: Female Location: France Occupation: Student (law) Marital Status: Single Kids: No. But 2 pets! Hobbies: learning and understanding the world and people around me, reading books (all genres), my music instruments, handheld video games (playing and collecting), creating jewelry and other DIY projects, my pets,... It's been quite a few months since I got more into personal development! I realized that I'm by far not perfect but that I can do something about it! I started with initially with a few self-help books in the dating field, how to get over an ex and co, and moved on from there to learn more on how I can be more poductive, how I can better understand my emotions and behaviors and get a grip on them, how to get stuff done in a day etc! I don't meditate in the traditional sense, but I practice mindfulness which works very well for me! I like to be a better version of myself with tiny little micro changes over time, that are do-able. One thing at a time! Personal challenges I've overcome: - living with very little money, and to appreciate the little things in life, because there's so much more to it than just money - not to abandon things when things get a little harder, accepting that life has its downs as well - being able to self-reflect, to be honest with myself and others and to communicate with them, communication is key! - accepting that being a sensitive person isn't a bad thing What I'm working on now: - my perfectionism with the work I put out there.... - getting my body healthier and more in shape - to be just a bit less lazy sometimes (goes hand in hand with the body thing)

My question basically is - where to start when one is interested in philosophy on how to live life? I started quite recently to get interested in philosophy and I started out with stoicism. I'm still reading Seneca (I love it to bits) and will get to Marcus Aurelius afterwards! I'm amazed how over hundreds and hundreds of years, human nature keeps dealing with the same kind of problems! I find it very refreshing to read and think about! I had philosophy classes in school, but back then it put me off, it was too academic! The ideas were interesting, and after hearing from different viewpoints from different authors, I made up my own mind about the subject, thinking on my own, but that wasn't asked in school. Nowadays, I want to get more into philosophy, learn about it, at my own pace! I don't know a lot yet, which is fine since I'm willing to learn and broaden my mind in that area! But besides stoicism, what else can I read about? Something that is easy to read and ideas that still apply to our lifestyle nowadays? Any author recommendations? Your personal journey when you started learning and reading more philosophical ideas?

Ok, first of all, congrats that you're conscious of your problems and realize that actions needs to be taken! Second, don't compare yourself to your ex-best-friends. They're exes, for whatever reason, it doesn't matter now. Maybe down the line you can recontact them when you're in a better place where you feel good about yourself! You're 17 but you don't have to go out all night partying, laying girls. I always was a homebody, reading and learning or playing games! My first relationship was when I was 20, which was very late "compared" to others. That's completely fine! They do their lives, you do yours! I don't think anybody is in a position to judge others, but the same goes for them too in regards to your lifestyle! There is no correct or wrong way to live life, and it's by no means a competition, it's a journey with ups and downs! Don't see the devil in video games or internet! The devil is how you use them! The excessive, compulsive behaviour is the devil here! The fact that you seek help isn't the problem. The problem is that you reach out to others in order to reach validation. And also, who do you seek help from? Reach out to a mentor, someone who's willing to take you under their wings, and help you out. Someone you look up to, someone who you can learn from! This forum can be a mentor! Also try to seek help in your local area from professionals! It may take some effort and work to find the help you need! But they're out there! As for tips for fighting against these unproductive behaviors.... track your time you spend on the internet, know what you're dealing with, since we have a tendancy to underestimate those things! Install ad-ons or software to block websites where you spend too much time on! E.g. StayFocused for Google Chrome. You don't even have to go directly cold-turkey, you can reduce your time on these website gradually (like blocking those websites afters 2 hours of use, then 1h45, 1h30 and so on)! If you spend 3 hours on those websites watching cat videos let's say.... you'd still have 13 hours left in your day to live a normal life! New hobbies don't have to cost money! The local library has a very small fee (or is even free) and you can read all you want, and learn new things! There's a page, Goodreads, where you can track your reading and socialise with other readers! It makes you feel good about your efforts and hobbies! You can volonteer or help out stray animals! Even if you don't have a lot, you'd be suprised at how much you can still give to the world! Learn how to use internet or youtube in a new way, learn new things, or put positive content out there for others! Yesterday I got to talk with a stranger, a young girl, because I bought out 2 cans of bad quality tuna for a stray cat (cans I'd have thrown out otherwise)! This left me with such a positive feeling afterwards, helping out a scared stray cat with food (my goal will be to catch it and give it to a shelter) and talking to a stranger! It takes just so little to make yourself feel better.... There's a book I recently read, "Willpower" by Baumeister (and someone else, can't recall now), which helped me understand more about my willpower! How it is depleted, how to refill it (with glucose), and stay of the bad habits! Habits- start a small positive one and keep it going every day! One day it'll become automatic! I'd never thought I'd recycle, but it has become a habit now, and I still work at it (I don't recycle glass yet)! And friends/romantic relationships... don't beat yourself up with it! Your old friends won't help you if they don't understand that you don't want to game that much anymore/want to stop! You can't force them to understand, and if they won't, sorry, those aren't friendships you should run after, they'll frustrate you after time! Work on yourself, try to be the person you'll want to have as a friend. Sounds cheesy maybe, but concentrate on you for a while, the rest will come either automatically, either it'll be another aspect to work on once you sorted out your bad habits first! One small thing at a time!

You have quite a list of interests going there! Have you've seen some sort of counselor who could pinpoint you in some direction? Universities also have like 1 or 2 days where you can go in and meet the teachers/professionals where you can ask questions about what you'll learn! When I was doing my A-levels, we went to a university for one day where we were able to choose 2 courses over the day. It helped getting a feeling for what university is like, what a lecture in that field was like. Can I see myself doing this every day? Do I want to take the time to learn this every day? Check out where and when you can visit a university like this, there are options out there! I can recommend another video from College Info Geek about stoping to try to find your passion, if you want another insight. I personally feel that the "passion" finding thing is totally overdone. I think the point being made from the videos generally is, that passion takes work! It's through work and skill that you truly discover your passion and can fully live it because you know what it's all about! I'd suggest you go out there, meet people in the field you're interested in (it's very science-y, I can't give any advice on that...). Question yourself, do you really want to go to university? You feel like you would feel "locked" in for years, that stood out to me! Is university the right thing? There are people who wouldn't feel at ease studying 5 years or more, and that's ok, there are other options out there since it'd be quite a comitment (financially for sure, though avoid student debt if you can, lots of online ressources for that, but also time...)! There are other options as well besides university, there always is. Discover all your options, don't do university because you feel like you have to. I did 1 year something completely different before starting university! It was my no means a wasted year, since I learned what I don't want to do! This helped me motivate myself for something I wanted to do (university) and keep going when I failed one year! There is no such thing as being locked in! You may feel like after 1 year that the subject field isn't for you and may change! I had a teacher once who studied 1 year of medicine, realized it wasn't for him, changed to law and since then found his "passion"! You may also "fail" but realize that it's something you want to keep on learning, and redo a year but working harder to get to your goal! Also....it's university! It's a facility where you learn! Like any new language you decide to learn, you need some basic knowledge! That's what I feel university is all about, learning. It's not your job yet. It's just like a language you learn in order to go and visit/live in a country where that language is needed! You will "lock" yourself in later in life in a field that interests you, which will require very specific skills that you can offer! By no means you lock yourself "in", in a very large and general/basic univeristy learning field!