centacdogma

4/26/23 I feel like shit. I've been restarting the life purpose course for like the last 2 years because I keep thinking that my answers aren't clear enough. I feel that they're too broad or non specific. I think its just a bunch of self deception and some type of perfectionistic tendency. Maybe its me being too afraid to take the next steps and actually make it happen. When I look at my goals I feel nothing. I only feel a spark when I redo the process from scratch, but since I have my old answers saved I just try to combine them which is time consuming and draining. Its like I'm obsessed with getting it right. Its made me neglect my health a bit. I don't exercise as much or do my homework. I feel like I can't focus on one thing thought because I still let myself be distracted by shit like YouTube. My self esteem feels pretty low and I hate my body. I've been dieting for a while but I think I lowered my BMR too much to the point where doing a energy deficit would be really unhealthy for me. So I feel stuck being fat. Well not fat since my BMI is considered healthy but my body composition is mostly fat and very little muscle. I hate working out though, I hate the feeling of not putting in enough effort and being disappointed in myself. I feel like I never do enough lol. I am aware that this is a negative thought pattern that I need to address though. Like how do I set the right expectations that still make me feel like I've done enough. At the very least, I've been using an app called Waking Up and I've been doing that consistently for the past 10 days. I have a lot of trouble staying consistent with my goals. I've wondered if not having goals or a to do list would be good for my mental health and self esteem since I wouldn't be obligating myself to do something as harshly.

still confused

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IDK what I'm DOING. I keep feeling like I'm running in circles with this values assessment. It never feels right. and I feel like I can't think anymore. WTFFFFF. my mind keeps of fucking me over. I keep on fucking me over ahhhhsifnaoirh ow;ifnjksn f.

lol

Nvm I think I got it, at least for now. NVMMMM lost again. I think its an ego backlash, or just resistance towards actual change in my life. It hurts so much to know that I'm falling prey to this all the goddamn time. and I know it too, damn I wish I had more self respect or assertiveness.

Hi, I'm stumped on the values section because I find that whenever I think about them too much, it all just feeds into truth and I feel very confused as to how divide it into 10 different things because I find a ton of overlap. Also I find that some values are subsets of other values so i get confused as to whether combine them or not. Its like excruciating discerning what belongs in one category vs another even with definitions and stuff. I end up redoing the entire thing again but just get overwhelmed every time. I know I'll probably wont have it 100% accurate, but I need something to start with ykno. I might retry again and just think of selfishly and adjust over time because I tend to shoot for ideals, but it doesn't feel 100% true to me because I'm nowhere near them. Like discovering the truth doesn't really make me feel anything, but intellectually I know one of the most important things ever. Maybe its just an issue of not being self honest idk. I know this might bias me but if anyone is willing to share their values with their definitions and 10/10s, I think it would help a ton to get a clearer idea of what to strive for in mine. P.S. Oh uh message me the values cuz I forgot you can't share here pls.

Name: Adriana Sex: Female Age: 18 Years old Location: Dallas TX, Occupation: Gap Year Student Status: Single Hobbies: Personal development, making fine art, learning new forms of making art I got into personal development at the end of 2020 after my first boyfriend broke up with me. I felt really lost and I felt like I had nothing left to look forward to since all of my ambitious ideas couldn't materialize due to my poor work ethic and fears. So I just dwelled in overstimulation until it was time to sleep everyday. One day i snapped and decided that I wanted to figure out what went wrong in that relationship to prevent something like that to happen again. The first book that spoke to me was Mark Manson's Subtle art of not giving a fuck and from there I slowly began to realize that I had extreme low self esteem all my life and was able to pinpoint what instances in my childhood sparked that. I was very desperate and needy to my ex, but I repressed it until I couldn't handle it anymore and I remember feeling like a doll who just did whatever he wanted to do. What I've gotten from Leo's videos I don't hate the way I look anymore/indifference I have more instances where I take more control of my actions gratitude journaling savoring random moments of my day inconsistent meditation better understanding of life as a whole, idea of what I should do A lot more self awareness, but not enough to direct myself to taking better steps what I'm working on I'm still in the struggling phase of pinpointing my values and such, but right now I'm in a arts competition called YoungArts where I can get lifetime career support as an artist and 10k bucks. Understanding the fundamentals of personal development deeper Life purpose course clean up diet free mental health course by coursera beginning therapy with better help i want to start increasing my finances for financial independence ASAP, but postponing for now