Truth

That's an egoic reaction, no ego likes hearing it doesn't have control, I didn't like hearing this, but the ego's control that it thinks it has is actually the cause of suffering, because you believe you have control, but you actually don't and you suffer because of that. The problem is the ego likes to have control, it likes to have a purpose, it loves chasing after things, and you take that away, the ego feels useless, hence the egoic reaction. You can still go after these things, but your relationship to the suffering and pain you feel trying to control everything can be taken away.

Ooh I really like these. good list.

I'll definitely use these, thanks

Haha love your name and avatar. I experience this too, I think your question is, is it okay to move during meditation? I think you should question why you think you need to have your back straight

Do you actually sit down and meditate and contemplate very honestly? Because anything we say to each other the ego just tries to find justifications to serve it's own reality (yes including mine), so to accept any ideas that we tell you doesn't change your view if you've never seen through the illusion of self, the person whose questioned the assumptions they've made about reality and their beliefs (there is no self/ego and our choices) is the difference between finding truth and not and also the difference between what's true about our perspectives (personal biases) and what's actually true in reality.

"We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - aristotle

Yeah he's actually pretty active. And most of his content and hard work goes into the videos he shoots, he can't do everything for you haha, read some books, research topics, Leo's videos/forum is not the only place for amazing information/answers you know.

If you've seen Leo's video he lays it out very clearly, your explanation of "reacting" to things and choosing to react to negative or positive things doesn't mean you have free will, and by someone being motivated externally, triggered into getting healthy, you see that? triggered, externally (watching leos video.), he didn't will that motivation. Leo talks about this EXACT thing in his free will video @ 55:50 The thing he gets at is that there is no self inside that is willing these things, only the illusion that there is a self inside willing these things, and he explains that in great detail, not just in this free will video but other videos that relate to this.

In Leos "Contemplating Your Own Death" video at 33:25, he gives an exercise and a challenge to really grasp and realize how important your life is and how short it is and it prioritizes your time.

Had a big insight during meditation. Am I addicted to knowledge and concepts like I am when someone says something positive, or in a way I eat sugars, or a gorgeous girl smiles at me? I mean I'm trying to figure out why I'm trying to be so certain about every little thing. Is this just this thought mechanisms job? Like a habit? Conceptualizing, building models, making guesses and assumptions to give the best possible solution in order to survive? Counter intuitively trying to get truth when you are the truth. But the Illusion of self, creates more and more self biases, self deceptions. Creating this jumbled mess of half truths and dogmas, maybe even less than half truths, completely false, clinging to beliefs to truly protect itself. If the self holds a fact about reality and that becomes false, the whole wall is broken, destroyed and the self is left vulnerable.. But there is no self to be vulnerable, only the illusion of vulnerability. It started with me asking why I want to be so certain. I found my answer and now the self inside me is satisfied, it loves finding answers. The awareness that I actually am is able to see and intuitively make judgments. It's like, I'm watching the screen, and the words and ideas and concepts pop up, but I'm identifying myself with the words that pop up on this screen. And I've been doing this my Whole Entire Life. And the words aren't true, but the ideas and thoughts that pop up are only conceptualized through my being. That which I've come in contact with empirical data. Which is repetitive, and not interesting to the ego. No matter how deep I go I can find answers, even false answers that seem right and intuitive, I can tell myself anything if it satisfies my ego and the answer feels right.

It's more about a realization and seeing through the illusion of the self/ego, the more you see through this illusion the easier it becomes to transcend the ego.

I think you should do your best on one project (song) and write down what you could improve and use that for your next song, and the next and repeat this process. Also I recommend a book called Mastery by George Leonard, goes into depth about being on the plateau (where growth and skills aren't developing) and mastering or (becoming world class) at what you do.

I think of affirmations as helping you become what you already are. and as you have more experiences this really helps the subconscious get on board.

Can't get enough of these two!

Well, since your feeling the stages of mental masturbation, you should take action, because the the more you sit on the computer the more that higher part of you is going to create more tension. "The point of all this is simply, you need to get off your ass NOW, if you've been falling into this rut watching actualized videos (self help) thinking they are making you smarter and cooler, and all this stuff, Stop That Shit. Take action on the things I'm telling you, every video you should be thinking "how can I take action on this?" and the ratio watching videos to taking action should be 10 times action taking, 1 part watching a video... Whatever you want, what is it? a career? more money? A relationship? Happiness? Meditate better? Decide the result you want, Make a project out of it, get off your ass, start doing it, hold your feet to the fire. Feel that burn, and learn to love that burn." - Leo

Well, think about why they tell you to love it, doing it for the love takes out all the pain that you might feel learning it, the failure, all the failures become redundant, and learning the music and being able to play it becomes worth it. Me personally I've been playing guitar for about 6 years, and I play because I love it. The beginning stages are a struggle, annoying, painful fingers ect. But the more you do it, the more you get better, the more you'll be able to love it. as Leo says, "Feel that burn, and learn to love that burn." as for the wasting time, that's up to you, you're still very young so, give it a month or two and see how it goes.

about 2 weeks ago, I became super conscious of my death, and it actually motivated me to do the 7 day challenge Leo recommenced. What I realized is I just kept writing things I valued, and things I thought wasted my time, it really gets my priority's straight. It's a scary thing but once you accept it, it can help ground you more than you think.

I understand that, but I Also see you trying to convince yourself when there is no self to convince. This stuff is very tricky.

That you that tells itself it's a "very competitive person", is the thing we are trying to get rid of, you're already shooting yourself in the foot, you already assume you know who you are, so that you that tells itself what it is "a very competitive person", is false, it doesn't exist, that’s an illusion, so by making it a "competitive race" to become what you already are right now is an illusion too and is the very thing stopping you from being it, you are the truth right now, always, you're just not aware of it.

I think of it as a automatic negative thought habit, because it pops up out of know where, and for a moment it kills and sucks all the joy out, you almost feel vulnerable. the ego trying to protect itself from an "attack". I think you should look into homeostasis to get more awareness and understanding of this. Leo has a video not directly related to this, but he still covers it in here http://actualized.org/articles/how-to-stop-backsliding

So, today I’ve felt, “not me” the more I grow and better myself, talking to others, the more I’ve kind of lost side of what I’ve felt like was “me” so I’d go back and look at old videos I used to watch and music, thinking I’m getting back to my “source” and started to dive more deep into this authentic self, and what I’ve found is that I use this method to not only hold me back but to stay in comfort. it’s like I started going outside my comfort zone, but something inside me said, “I just don’t feel like me.” even things in my past showing up, how much time I’ve wasted, I really feel not me right at this moment. The self/ego is getting in the way of who I really am and what I am capable of. Because what do I feel like doing right now? plugging into the system and letting go. this is the first time I’ve actually felt into that feeling of “running away” but I know better than to do that, how will that help me at all? I just remembered this quote, “Wyatt Woodsmall once told me that in order to improve yourself, you have to become not you. You can’t say “Oh well, that’s not me. I wouldn’t do that. I’m just not that kind of guy.” You can’t have limiting beliefs like that because if you do, you won't improve.” The authentic me is what I will become, not what I felt like I was in my past, or feel I am in my present. Even though this is still an illusion of the self, it helps.

Leo has a great video for building this vision.

Have you ever asked why you play video games in the first place? what is it you are really getting from it?

This is what they say when you "fall asleep" I struggled with this too, I'd be working, journaling about my thoughts and contemplating on my breaks. you find answers, you gain more insights, but eventually.. nothing improves, this is what some call being an insight junkie or mental masturbation, you have all these new insights blowing your mind, but nothing changes, what got me over this was just being "aware" of it, but what really helped was no matter how much I thought about shit, nothing was going to change, I had to do something different. "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten, so you gotta take different actions." - nick sparks

If you're curious about books Leo actually has an amazing book list, there's a lot of information out there, but even with all Leo's videos he's still just scratching the surface, so, he has his videos in audio form that you can have on your phone or Ipod whenever you go out, that's been really nice for me, along with other Youtube videos and things for what you have plans to take action or mastery on. The first book I read was Mastery by George Leonard. that book is absolutely amazing.