Truth

Well, personally, even from what you said, if my girl wanted to get married I would 100% do it for her especially if I know she's the one. I don't give a fuck about the social and religious conducts, even if she believes in them. Marriage can show your women that you're 100% committed to her and that you've chosen her over EVERY other girl out there, to me it's not some form of fucking slavery. (what the fuck?) I wouldn't get married to her because of some fucking "illusion" of physical borders in order to keep her around or to keep some false sense of protection and she wouldn't either. If we're doing that then we're not perfect for each other and the relationship is based on fear, not love. Why would you get married to someone who you know isn't the perfect for you with all these issues you've listed? That sounds like a deeper issue of not having a lot of options with women or just settling with what you've got even though you're unhappy. If you can't have all the freedoms you've listed in the marriage then you haven't found the right one.

Don't get stuck in egoic victim thinking, there's more than enough for you here.

I'd say tread carefully, especially since you're way more detached than she is. Its really good that she accepted it and understood. Girls ultimately want to become the right girl for you. But its you're job to know when the timing is off or if things aren't gonna work out ultimately and to say something about it otherwise you're gonna have some problems.

Well, pertaining to long distance relationships --> I think it's best to let them go and do their thing. then if she comes back around and she doesn't have anything serious going on and you don't either then you guys can have a good time, but then again you two have only known each other two weeks. How detached is she? How attached is she? Does she seem like she wants a serious/long distance relationship? Or is her thinking like your thinking? The bottom line is, as the man/leader of the relationship --> Figure out where she stands and where you stand and decide what is best for BOTH of you.

Jeez, sounds like you're getting off writing this post lol

And you feel like you can't talk about it/bring it up? Sounds like communication is a deeper issue than your perspectives on reality.

Haha, no but in all seriousness, if you play your cards right you only need about 3 dates to get laid or at the very least to get some action. Date/Meet Up 1: Bowling. Date/Meet Up 2: Movies (Kiss) Date/Meet Up 3: Your place & A movie = Action. What are your bad experiences? Why was it awkward?

"Can't pull the trigger" meaning you're scared to get their number? or what? You can get a girl interested in you and attracted to you but it's not gonna mean anything if you don't do anything after that like get her number and set up a hangout/date etc. Or do you just want to keep them chasing you/ attracted to you so that you can keep that opportunity open so you can muster up the courage to get her number/hangout etc.?

It's not a projection, I am a junkie.

WOOOOOOOOOOHH

why u suckin sac

Mental hurdle. It's all in your head bro. I imagine you got stage fright then fear creeped in and you noticed you couldn't perform and it just perpetuated itself. Learn to get back into your body, focus on your breathing, focus on her breathing, don't try to think what she's thinking either, focus on body language, focus on eye contact etc. get out of your head into your body and make sweet, sweet love.

#HowToLoseFriendsAndCreateEnemies

Can you provide more context? How are you meeting these girls? What are you texting each other? How are you getting them to come over? What do you guys talk about? Whats your strategy for attracting her/getting her to chase you/curious about you? Why do you think she comes over? If she's letting you put your arm around her/ letting you hold her hand then I say that's a sign to go in for the kiss, even if you get rejected. If she rejects you that is 100% okay. just be honest with her and tell her you just had to know/find out if she was into you. Don't be weird about it, be cool with it. And hell, she may even give you another chance, especially if you're still talking and texting each other and she still wants to hang out again.

Stop deluding yourself into thinking you know the future. It's just as equally viable to say that "everything will work out.". Don't fantasize against yourself, there's no point.

A workaholic and an abuser? hmm. Sounds enlightened af to me.

Well, for me I know the love I want to create and how I want her to feel, and if I can achieve that then it's absolutely worth it.

I'm talking about EVERYTHING is here to help you, not hinder you. Anything you THINK is keeping you from growing whether that be from people or even yourself. I'm saying it's here to help you to get what you want, to be where you want to be, to be who you already are. How? otherwise you'd be where you want to be, you'd have what you want to have and you'd be who you already are, no? and this wouldn't even be a struggle at all. Just keep growing and improving. Don't stop. Self doubt is here to help you, you just gotta learn to see how it's helping you. you "not being/feeling good enough" is here to help you. That's all I'm saying. You don't have to suffer over it or put pressure on yourself, just realize it's there to help you like a good friend then you can start enjoying the process instead of suffering through it.

Yeah.. I think that was his goodbye to his stand ups hopefully not, but we'll see..

Sounds like you're on the right track, just keep moving forward. You're gonna face a lot of resistance from people when you're trying to change/improve yourself. Keep growing. Don't let anyone stop you. Any criticism they give you is there to help you, not hinder you. Remember that.

I'm starting to see more of what's going on now. You need to love yourself. The reason this insecurity hasn't gone away no matter how much you know about it, no matter how much you know what's going on, what you think stems your insecurity etc. even on the meta level is because fundamentally you're using the temporary external environment (your boyfriend/people) to validate your worth. And I'm here to tell you that this will NEVER EVER work. It will only keep you spinning your wheels as you have been all these years, it's like watching a marathon on Netflix but then after you've watched all the episodes you're left with this empty feeling/void because it never made you full and leaves you wanting more, even if they had 60 seasons eventually there would be none. It's LIMITED. the only permanent solution is to create love for yourself. A person to help with this is someone like Matt Kahn He's absolutely amazing when it comes to teaching you how to love yourself and finding your own value. The next time you find yourself having these emotions again, love yourself. Love the one who is angry. Love the one who doesn't feel attractive. Love the one who is insecure. Love the one who doesn't like herself. Love the one who doesn't feel good enough. Just sit there and try to love yourself to death, and you might not like being loved so much, but do it anyway, because what you're feeling you're healing, and over the weeks and months it will slowly start to get out of your system. Create an unconditional love for yourself. We all love you, but we can only get so far. The love ultimately has to come from you.

It sounds like you think your entire relationship is based on looks, and if your looks become threatened you react and think that your relationship is in jeopardy, but in reality you're just creating that and it's toxifying your interactions with him and the relationship as a whole. Stop basing your relationship on just looks. Make it more than that, make it deeper, make it so deep that even if a hot ass chick came through the door and tried to seduce your man that you know in your heart that there's no way he could give in. And even if he caved it would still be nothing compared to the empire you've already built with him. Because in the end, how much can you really control him? You could be this absolutely amazing women but that isn't gonna mean shit if he doesn't make you feel sexy and wanted and assure you all the time that you're his sexy beast. But also, realize that your jealousy/insecurity is really making you look "ugly". I use that word deliberately because you're so focused on looks. It's not your outsides that are ugly anymore, now it's your insides, and that is not turning him on, that is not making him excited, leading him to be less and less attracted to you and making you feel like he's looking at other girls and leaving you feeling less and less attractive and it's just becoming this negative downward spiral. You're BOTH to blame here. It's not either, or.

You two have been together for 13 years he still is on the rocks with you? ? Sorry, I'm trying to comprehend that.