TheOneReborn

Subtle body/nervous system. Be careful you're playing with Kundalini, it could drive you crazy for years if you don't take it seriously

You're thinking way too much about this. You're also crazy.

Free time, family gatherings, laughing with friends, hiking

I feel so disconnected from other people and from the feeling of love. Ive convinced myself that everyone is an idiot and that they have nothing to say that's worth caring about. My spiritual practices especially have amplified this. I know it's fine to feel disconnected from people during spiritual pursuits but I have a base assumption before anyone opens their mouth that "this person is wrong, an idiot, unconscious as fuck, and can't add any value for my life. They have no idea what I'm about or what life is about" It's a terrible thought to carry in your pocket but I do and it's making me sick. I cant feel love for other people anymore, I feel like they're too different than me. Any advice?

When I've had my enlightenment experiences my confidence and self esteem literally feels infinite. I can say or do anything without regard to any external judgement because I realize it's all just me judging or analyzing myself. When my enlightenment fades away after a few days or weeks many of my confidence issues come back. Any advice to embody the insights from enlightenment into your daily living specifically with regards to confidence?

But engaging with that which distracts you only provides opportunity to further train your nondual awareness. When you have a really solid awakening, like a kundalini awakening that totally blows open your crown Chakra, engaging with people is so fun and magical. You see in everyone's eyes their utter fear of death and rejection of God ever present before them. You see how they act like puppets literally moved by strings. It's amazing. It's when you get lost in social games that you fall back into your ego. One needs to constantly train themselves to be mindful even around others, in fact more so around them. One must learn not only to feel truth in their hearts but express truth in their words, actions, movement, and eyes. That can only be done while around others.

"Kensho achieved sitting on a za-zen cushion is weak in action" I find my non dual states are easily wiped away when dealing with people. But this only provides opportunities to see the truth of human interaction, in economics, business, social games, family, dealing with your past, emotional problems, etc. I find one's initial awakening probably needs plenty of alone time. But to develop the awakening, to achieve more awakenings more often, one needs to constantly confront the truth that lies in the outside world. The truth that lies in people and in your discomfort around them.

@Gesundheit2 I've only ever had awakening through kundalini awakenings. Never broke through with a drug. Thanks for all the advice everyone

Open your crown Chakra and release all that tension and confusion

@Judy2 totally right. Well said. There's a counter intuitive nature to confidence just like there is with enlightenment

Using spirituality to "check out" of real life instead of engaging in it fully and surrendering to it Working on enlightenment strictly mentally instead of physically as well and working on your chakras

At least listen to the podcast version while out in nature

Focus on that part of the body and be conscious of what feelings, thoughts, and memories stir. For example I have tension in my back where my heart Chakra is and when I meditate on that memories of my dead father race through my mind like no tomorrow. The implication is clear obviously. When I meditate on my neck and shoulders, I have thoughts of work and all my responsibilities go through my mind.

You can never really run from your emotions. They're stored in the body. And you ignoring that part of your body (neck, stomach, back, wherever) means you are unconscious of that part of the body. This will lead to countless problems like addictions, bad coping habits, stress, tension, and other terrible things. If you've ever had an awakening experience you should have noticed that your body felt as light as a feather and you had conciousness over every fingertip and inch of the body. It's a very immature thought you're having here frankly. You can never ever run from your emotions. You can only deal with them. This may as well be a law of physics.

Through meditation, yoga, and psychedelics we get a stronger and stronger feeling of Truth. What about when that truth is the truth of the chronic pain or tension you've been carrying in your body? How do you deal with that pain? I did some shrooms on a hike yesterday (just a macrodose) and I eventually started to feel a very subtle but sharp pain all across my mid-upper back, at the same time memories of grief and my ex girlfriend raced through my mind. That pain lasted for a few hours but it made it a little painful to breathe, but in a good way. I got the sense like "oh I've been running away from the truth of this pain (and it was actual physical pain) for years" and it felt good to cleanse that pain through my awareness. If I had to frame it in terms of chakras, my heart Chakra opened and there was a lot of pain to deal with there. Does anyone else relate to this? Am I the only one for whom conciousness works is sometimes physical painful?

You are actively creating the present moment from nothing instant to instant. There was never a past or future to be had. Theres just a perpetual present. Time is an illusion.

"not even so much as the tip of a hair of self remains" This is a quote from Leo's ten ox herding videos from Yamada Mumon. Is this really possible with spiritual practice? I find myself now on cycles of non-dual awareness which lasts for a few hours only to go back to my egoic self for a few weeks, and repeat. In non-dual awareness I have little to no thoughts for most of the time and true no-thought conciousness for an hour or two. But my ego always kicks in once I start thinking again about work or my goals or any self oriented thing. My question is whether the spiritual master has killed his ego completely or just learned to dance, flow, and control it? Is it even possible to totally kill your own ego but also strive for success and achievement? I'm a practicing lawyer and while I do think I have a grasp on my own arrogance and and pretty mindful of my own ego, my own financial situation (just starting out, high student debt, etc) requires me to have a lot of strong personal goals and desires. I'm confused as to what I am supposed to do with my ego and personal desires? Utterly annihilate them or learn to tango with them?

Let's say I'm walking in the forest and suddenly start thinking about work. I'm imagining being at my desk and working, and not where I am in the moment. What I don't understand is that if the totality of experience is all happening as one single flowing phenomenon, then where are my thoughts taking place? Is there an actual duality between material world I'm looking at and the immaterial thoughts in my head? Lets say there is no duality between thought and the material world, then why do they feel so distinct? When in a non dual state, one has no thoughts, but when you're not in a non dual state and are having thoughts you are simply not conscious of the non duality of everything, though everything is actually nondual all the time. Even when thoughts occur you are simply lying to yourself about about the non-dual nature of the world. I'm just having trouble about how to place "thoughts" and imagination in actual reality?

Remember the feeling of the Truth you experienced. Don't try to capture intellectualize it. Just try to recall the feeling. That's what I do. My conciousness has skyrocketed ever since I stopped trying to "understand" or model my insights.

The word "spiritually gifted" has been used a lot in Leo's videos. I think that probably is synonymous with one's own sensitivity and perceptiveness. People who are very low in sensitivity are probably less noticing of their own bodily sensations and their reactions to stimuli and are going to find it more difficult to really "get" what the immateriality of being and the inner world is about. At the same time people who are more sensitive are more prone to having trauma and baggage that prevents them from staying too long in their inner world and getting really deep in their own conciousness. Further people who are lucky enough to be very sensitive and also had a very healthy upbringing with lots of love and support are more likely to have no need for spirituality because they never really suffered much. It all evens out. But in general if you are very brutish, traditionally masculine, and not sensitive at all, then you likely have no shot at attaining enlightenment frankly. Not everyone is meant to be spiritual. Some are meant for battle. Some are meant for farming. Some are meant for management. And some are meant to find God.

Thanks. I haven't watched that video yet. Will definitely watch it now. That is very true that you cannot hold the thought and behold the tree at the same time. Overall I agree with your point. You're saying that thoughts exist in the exact same "field" as what we perceive as the material world? Here's a thought to follow up on that: If we consider that when one is in a non dual state, they are simply choking/constricting/holding back their total conciousness. When in the ego-self, thoughts appear muddied, vague, hard to grasp, almost see through in a sense like they are overlayed on top of our vision of the "material" world. Perhaps the reason for these vague/weak thoughts (thoughts with little vibrancy, or sense of realness) exist when not in non-dual conciousness is because they are simply derivative of one's "choked" conciousness (of course you are simply choking yourself here; God is choking himself). However I notice when I am in non-dual awareness and I intention ally think or day dream, my thoughts are incredibly vivid and I can imagine that I am in different worlds and it almost feel like I am in the world where I am daydreaming of. Perhaps this is because when I am closer to God conciousness, my mind isn't choked and this thoughts and imagination has so much more vibrancy and "realness" to it? And I guess the reason the dream right in front of us which produces the tree which I am taking as material, is because at the highest level there is a part of our being was which is always producing the dream in front of us? The ego is a choked version of God but God is always dreaming the dream before us with full absolute conciousness.

I'm Arab ex Muslim, what do you want to ask? My opinion is that Islam like all religions has the kernel of truth in it, and God is described well in the Quran but there's so much baggage with Islam that it's probably not the best spiritual practice to embody non dualism if that's what you're going for.

Thanks everyone. Seems like the idea is to tango with it for now and throw it off a bridge when I'm ready lol

Fundamentally I think they're chakras are so unbalanced that they appear sick. They either hold their bodies in such tense difficult ways that you see clearly seems painful, wrong, or sick, or they're tone of voice seems so affected because of the way they hold their throat or heart Chakra. You see this with old people or middle aged people with unresolved trauma. I just met a man a few days ago who shared with me a story of how his son murdered his daughter many years ago. Despite the man seeming to say and behave positively he had such a strange, tense and pained tone of voice (and not in a way where he was simply sick or had a cold) - I can't know for sure but I'd guess that he's still holding on to that trauma in his body and because of the depth of the trauma it's coming across in his voice. You see it with drug addicts on the street too. They all have awkward gaits, strange tones of voice, defeated eyes, etc. Low conciousness also means low conciousness of one's own body and feelings which means you can't relax your own body or chakras (which is just your internal sense of your own body)

You have the right to act for yourself and make yourself feel good. You have no reason to do anything you dont want to. You are god and you live for yourself. You do good things for yourself as God because you recognize yourself in them. Live according to a morality driven by love and take no shame in where your love leads you.