Peace-and-Love

@Hello1 I knew a girl that was a very well known pole dancer and she had the most amazing tits from doing upper chest exercises. They literally looked like implants, but these we’re her natural boobs. Perhaps going to the gym could help? I agree with@Preety_India there is definitely some self esteem and insecurity issues that are beyond the boobs. A man should love you beyond your looks. Think about this for a second- think of the married couples/and or long term relationships and women that have babies every year. Some women unfortunately get stretch marks, saggy boobs and wear and tear on their bodies, but their partners still love them unconditionally. Love is long term. Love is deeper than looks. You have more to offer a man/partner than your looks. Your interests, your love, you care, your gifts, etc. You are worth so much more than you think. You are priceless. You are a Goddess, regardless of where you are in your life. But I honestly do feel where you are coming from. Regardless what anyone says even if the guy likes you for you, you are still going to feel insecure about yourself, and you need to do something about it. I had the same problem with my hair. I only felt beautiful if I was blonde for a really long time and no one could convince me out of it. And once I changed my hair to blonde I felt confident and happy again. I eventually grew out of it and I’m now brunette, when I was ready. You have to weigh out the right decision for you- exercise, implants, etc. you’ll feel better if you take care of your body. Research and meditate on your answer. I support you in whatever direction you choose.

@Antor8188 I think it’s all in the approach, your attitude and demeanor. Being friendly, being kind. Being real. Being patient. You don’t have to ask every girl for their number. It’s better to analyze the situation. Being aware, and seeing if there is a connection and a possible match. Being the best version of yourself. Dressing nice, taking care of yourself and your appearance, both inside and out (physically, emotionally and spiritually balanced). Treating people the way you would want to be treated. I think loving yourself and being confident is a big aspect with approaching women. You’ll feel fearless, and you won’t care about if something works out or not because you are grounded and know you are an amazing person regardless of the outcome. Several years ago, after my dad passed away from colon cancer and my mom was single, my mom got picked up from a guy in a local grocery store. They ended up dating for six months. Do you want to know what he said to her? He sincerely asked her about salad dressing and what to use to help him lose weight. They ended up connecting really well and were talking for a few hours in the grocery store and exchanged numbers. The thing is he sincerely asked her about salad dressing. It wasn’t some cheesy pick up line. And they ended up helping each other lose weight in their relationship together. They connected because of similar interests. Don’t worry about the girls that snicker or give rude comments. These women are not a match and don’t waste your time with them or trying to win them over. Just like with friendship, love is the same, It’s about quality over quantity. Know your worth, know your value as a man. Know that you’re a good match for the right girl that deserves your heart. I want to tell you about how I met my current boyfriend and what he did to win my heart. My bf and I used to work together in a retail job at a pet store. We didn’t work in the same department but we did interact with each other every so often. He was the only person that genuinely asked me how I was doing every day. And I really liked that he generally cared about my well-being. Every week he would help me clean this super large turtle tank. He was naturally a social butterfly and what was so interesting about him is I remember we would talk about things (and it was fun and enjoyable) even though we didn’t seem to have anything in common at the time. I remembered we would talk about alcohol and drinking, and even though I have been sober for over 4 years, the conversations were fun because I got to reminiscent about my past and tell them about the amazing shots and wine I used to drink. He wasn’t evasive. He wasn’t pushy. He was fun, friendly, happy and full of energy. It was magnetic. And even though he liked me he didn’t feel it was right to ask me out (which I didn’t know at the time). I started to look forward to these meetings with him and cleaning the turtle tank. And each time he asked things about me and how I was doing it got a little more personal each time. I remember showing him a photo of me in a swimsuit where my best friend and I had gone hiking and looking at waterfalls. He was always very smart about his responses especially the photos. He didn’t come off super flirtatious. The interest and attraction eventually grew and I pulled him aside and asked him if he wanted to meet outside of work and get coffee! The rest is history. And we’ve been dating for almost a year and half now. I think the best way to meet people is by hobbies and common interests. Go to a class, go to a concert, go to a convention. Go out and do something fun! Feel the moment, and be happy and engage with women in those moments and you’ll have better responses. Best of luck to you!

@PepperBlossoms For a long time I thought I knew what I wanted in a partner, that perfect 10. (Physical attraction, life purpose, similar career, interested in personal development- Reiki, hypnosis, meditation etc). And when I had a few instances when I had the perfect 10 I wasn’t satisfied because they were narcissistic, rude, non-committal or something else that couldn’t be ignored. My current bf is out of the norm. We don’t connect eye to eye on everything but we are supportive of each other. It seems to work for me.

@Preety_India I totally agree with this!

@PurpleTree I try to be kind and polite and sometimes you never know you might learn something new from a person that has a different perspective! If the connection is truly not there it’s not worth pursuing. Life is more enjoyable with people that you can truly connect with and have similar interests.

@fictional_character I’m sure it’s very possible to be friends with the opposite sex especially if you put up boundaries early on that you are only seeking friendship. My bf growing up was a super social butterfly and has had best friends both male and female. I think it worked to his advantage because he never had issues getting girl friends or just talking to anyone. I think the more relationships with women you have as friends the better off you can be because you can learn so much from experience. It will be easier for you to connect and start conversations. Plus these women friends could help you meet someone! The more social your life is, the more exposure to people you will have, leading to more potential matches! @Preety_India I can also personally relate. Most men I’ve met are usually just interested in more than just friends the majority of the time. (Although there have been a few exceptions with a childhood friend or two). And it’s crazy because I’ve had a few instances where I’ve been hit on by men that are in relationships. I will say it’s nice to be in a committed relationship because then they leave me alone! Lol!

@Striving for more - most of the guys I’ve dated in long term relationships have been about my height or slightly shorter. I’m 5ft 9in, and they’re usually 5ft 8in- 5ft 11in. There is perks to being similar height though. I think it’s easier for intimacy/sex/69! Lol! I feel more connected because I’m looking straight in his eyes. My current bf is 6ft 6inches. And I’m the tallest girl he’s ever dated from what he’s told me. And he’s definitely the tallest for me! He usually goes for the shorter curvier type while I’m more tall and slender body. He says I’m not the usual type he’s attracted to, but he tells me often that I’m the hottest girl he’s ever dated. And his attraction for me is off the charts. Sometimes dating out of your comfort zone can be a good thing because you could be missing out on a possible good match. I think sometimes we can be so rigid on what we want. Like we can come up with this list of everything we want for that perfect partner. And when that happens the love becomes conditional, we can become too vain in our search. And then when you have found that perfect 10 and something doesn’t match up on the list it crumbles. Attraction, good looks, (including height) don’t equal a good match or long term partner. My bf is not my perfect 10, and I’m ok with that because with personal development we can work together and he can become my perfect 10.

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day! Regardless of age, gender, sexuality, race, religious beliefs, and relationship status I hope you know that you deserve love regardless! Regardless of where you are in your life you deserve love! Even if you think your life sucks, or think you are not attractive enough or good enough you deserve love! You are love, and we’re created by love, the highest emotional vibration in the universe. Thus you can create more positive loving experiences for you and others around you. Be love and attract love. I hope that if you are single that you love yourself unconditionally, because that is the most important love of all. Without loving ourselves it can be hard to give our 100% all to love someone else. I am Love! I am totally awesome! And I am totally me! I am totally Awesome! And I am totally free! I have power and I use it everyday in a totally awesome way! I am totally Awesome and I am totally me! *I hope you take time today to reflect on all the things you LOVE in life! In fact, why not list them here! Have a great day!!

Nice to meet you! You are a beautiful soul inside and out! I’m so proud of you being so open and vulnerable!

@Preety_India You are more than welcome. I speak only the truth. Because you are good enough just the way you are! Thank you! You are too kind! That means a lot to me. I am back!! Lol! It’s been way too long! Thank you! You’re kind words mean more to me than you know. I was very hesitant to go darker, because I had insecurities that I was only attractive if I had blonde hair. But I’m glad I broke my belief system and I was encouraged by others (that care about my emotional well being) to go darker. And plus my bf loves the dark hair! We need to catch up!!

@slicketygiggedy I’m so sorry you are struggling with acne! I hope you can find relief and something that works for you. I used to get acne a lot when I was younger and noticed it would happen whenever I ate dairy and white sugar products. When I changed my diet it was gone. Your skin is the largest organ you have in your body. It sweats to eliminate toxins and cool down the body. Acne is considered by some holistic professionals a process of eliminating and detoxing things out of the body. I would try an elimination diet like many are suggesting here and see what happens! Best of luck to you!

I would have to agree with you on this one. If you look at it from the opposite perspective (Of a women’s rather than a mans) a lot of dating women’s groups will say that if the man doesn’t offer to pay for a date that it is a massive red flag as men should be the providers and protectors in a relationship. They will often say if they don’t provide or show signs at the beginning of the relationship you are wasting your time. I’m just being honest and telling the truth. *also read what I wrote above. I think it depends on how the girl was wording it and her intention. Some girls are users and only looking for financial gain. She probably was testing you too see if you’re a good provider. Did you offer to pay for the first or second date? If she was cold I think the right thing to do would be to offer your jacket to keep her warm. If you really liked her, and the vibe I get you don’t, but if you did the right thing to do would to buy her a coat and tell her you want to be there and support her. Feel into her emotions and sympathize with her. It could also be a great way to progress the relationship romantically if there was something there chemistry wise. Being in this forum really allows me to reflect on my current relationship. I feel so blessed and lucky because my bf bought me a winter coat for Christmas and on our day off we went shopping together and he bought me another expensive designer coat for $150. And that was because he wanted to, not because I asked him. But then again, if I probably asked he would of done it anyways. I also provide for my bf and buy gifts for him as well. We celebrated a Christmas together like little kids and opened a ton of presents for a few hours! It was so much fun, giving to each other but that’s just what we chose to do specifically. I love giving gifts because I enjoy seeing the person happy in the receiving. I actually enjoyed watching my bf opening his presents more than opening my own! Lol but I did enjoy and appreciate all the gifts he gave me.

@Vincent S - Great Answer!! I LOVE IT!

@Vincent S What do you love about life?

I love the emotional vibrational feeling of love! How it feels in my heart chakra and makes me so balanced. I second that! Woo hoo! That’s right! What somebody’s negative opinion of you is doesn’t matter because people will come and go in your life. Opinions and thoughts change and fluctuate and evolve. The people that think you aren’t good enough don’t deserve to have you in your life! Boundaries a form of self love protect us from letting people in that don’t deserve us, and let’s people know how we want/deserve to be treated. I love me! (Giving myself a big hug right now!)

@Javfly33 The monster- your negative thoughts, beliefs, habits and behaviors come from your subconscious mind. Which controls 90% of your brain. While your conscious mind (will power, decision making) controls 10%. Your subconscious mind starts developing in young childhood where you start to gather ideas, beliefs, habits and behaviors from experiences and things you observe around you from parents, friends, family members etc. This is what forms who you are as a person. This “monster” you are labeling is you, your inner child. We are our worst enemy but we can also be our own best friend. This inner child doesn’t need to be destroyed or hurt…it needs love, to heal, to let go, to be forgiven! Your inner child needs to heal- it can take time and is a multi-step process. Going to a hypnotist helps! Unraveling the negative feelings and where they are rooted from and how they started. Most negative emotions are started from some sort of lack of self love or self worth. I like to think of my emotions as a compass. The goal is to feel happy, peace, love and bliss- going in the right direction. And if you aren’t feeling well, unhappy, negative - something needs to be changed and shifted. I honor my negative emotions for letting me know what I don’t want, so I can go after the things in life I do want. These emotions are a guide that you deserve something better. Learning to control negative emotions can help. Deep breathing to calm down helps me alot. Find a technique that works for you- exercise, yoga, meditation, etc. Negative emotions can also be triggered by food intake as well. Junk food does not help, and can induce issues for some individuals. I found out several years ago I was allergic to wheat gluten and corn, which causes my thyroid to shut down and unable to process emotions properly. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for years because of something I ate. You are not alone in what you are experiencing. Everyone here in this forum has their own inner monsters/inner child’s they are healing. Be patient and kind with yourself when you are healing. You will get there! Best of luck to you!

@Preety_India I think a light buzz for some people helps to take the edge off, allowing a person to be more open and conversational. I noticed that worked for me a long time ago, but I no longer drink. I’ve been sober for over 4 years now. I don’t usually frequent bars but when I do I enjoy the energy of others around me that are relaxed and I naturally feel more calm. I do a lot of reiki and energy work so it just seems to happen naturally, giving me that natural buzz I would get if I were drinking. But being drunk? That doesn’t sound like a great idea. I’ve known too many people in my personal life that had no control with their alcohol consumption and become down right belligerent and aggressive. I would think the person would want to remember what happened the night before instead of regret for their inappropriate behavior if it does happen.

@NoN-RaTiOnAL I’m really glad you made this post because it’s allowing me to reflect on my current romantic relationship. That’s what I love about actualize.org forum. It allows me to reflect and learn from others and improve and find support. And of course helping others and supporting them too! I’ve been where you are, Is the really grass greener on the other side? So the relationship is not 100% perfect with the attraction, which is what I’m currently experiencing now in my current relationship, but there is room for growth. As a woman- Ive dated a few men in my past with what I thought were my perfect 10s. Everything I wanted- same career choices, life purpose, into personal development, similar hobbies as mine etc. It’s like you’re on cloud 9 when this happens. It’s like you feel somebody finally gets you. But even though they had all the things I wanted, they were lacking in other areas that I couldn’t ignore. One ex boyfriend treated me like total garbage. He was narcissistic, emotionally unavailable when we needed to communicate even the smallest of issues, and treated his family like crap. So I left him. The second ex boyfriend, we had the most amazing sex and intimacy that we both had ever experienced. He told me he had bad erectile dysfunction and couldn’t get it up with other women he previously dated. Often people would see us out in public and the connection and chemistry was so strong they assumed we were married. We were studying tantra and I felt like he was literally the other half of my soul. But I had to leave him because he wanted to be poly, and he only wanted commitment if he could sleep with other women. I wasn’t willing to lower my standards or values. So I left. Why am I telling you this? Because there is probably someone out there that will be better, but it will come at a cost. (And I could be totally wrong.) Sometimes we take what we have for granted, and we can take what we have and make it stronger. My current bf is not a perfect 10. But I am definitely his perfect 10, and he has told me on multiple occasions. We are not perfect, but I am working on taking what I learned from my past experiences and making it into a 10. This man literally worships the ground I walk on, buys me things when I don’t even ask for them. And makes me the most amazing vegan meals. And is the kindest, caring, friendly and most down to earth person I’ve ever met. We are working on attraction and intimacy and I’m taking what I learned from my exes and making it better, if possible. And you can be doing that too with your current Gf- finding even more ways to improve and enhance the relationship. *If I were you I would make a personal list (for your eyes only) of all the things you want in the romantic relationship and see how many you can obtain. Find out which ones are really important to you. Find out which ones you could live without. Be AWARE. And go after it in your relationship. In regards to the sex- could it be possible that this desire could be alleviated by trying new and better sexual things in the bedroom? And if it gets better or the best, would you really want to let that go? If I could sexually attain what I had with my ex bf in my current relationship I would never want to leave! At the very least it you gave it your all. That’s what I’m going to do. And if not I’ll try again! Best of luck to you!

@Preety_India I think you look amazing! I am proud of you for making this post and being so open. I think a lot of times we are our own worst critic. We beat ourselves up and give ourselves unrealistic expectations. If people judge you for who you are they don’t belong in your life. The right people will love you and appreciate you for who you are flaws and all! So embrace the flaws! Embrace your scars and imperfections! It’s what makes you, you! And if you don’t like them, you can fix them and heal! I find that when I say kind words to myself - example: I am beautiful. I am an amazing person. Etc. Just really loving myself unconditionally and really focusing in on that, it makes it a lot easier to take care of myself and make changes because I am motivated. The more you feel good, the easier it is to change! Here is a picture of me taken a few days ago. And I am not perfect by no means…my teeth are messed up so I’m afraid to smile anymore. I dye my hair to cover up the greys! And I worry about getting older and still being attractive. I’m almost 40! But I realize I’m good enough just as I am and I don’t need to impress anyone and do these things because I love myself. I am totally awesome! And I am totally me! I am totally awesome! And I am totally free! I have power and I use it everyday in a totally awesome way! I am totally awesome! And I am totally me! source: unknown, heard from a song during childhood

I don’t why but I really love giving gifts to others! I love seeing the joy on their faces as they receive and open their presents. I love the thought of planning what to get that particular person, wrapping the present, and making a thoughtful card. I just love the whole experience! I love helping others. Sharing my knowledge, experience and energy healing with others. To help them change, evolve and become a better person. I love reiki energy healing. I love how it makes me feel… peaceful, bliss, happiness. I love the spiritual guidance I receive while it’s happening. I love positive emotions. Love, Joy, happiness, peace, bliss, excitement. I love how they feel in my body and my solar plexus chakra. I love the warm feeling in my heart chakra when I feel unconditional love. I love that I can cultivate happy emotions within myself and attract energetically more positive experiences in my life. I love that I have complete control and freedom to be the best person I want to be. I love that I am one with the universe.

I couldn’t resist posting this, this song goes so well with the theme of loving life! Sometimes all the little things make life worth while! Sunrises, sunsets, lady bugs, ocean waves, birthday presents, love, etc… Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens Brown paper packages tied up with strings These are a few of my favorite things. Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels; Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles; Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings; These are a few of my favorite things. Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes Silver-white winters that melt into springs These are a few of my favorite things When the dog bites, When the bee stings, When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad. source- Julie Andrew’s “Favorite Things”, Sound of Music

This is a wonderful resource! Thank you so much for sharing this! I will check this out.