Shit is rough. hope is high tho. I'm a musician, would be considered a rapper by many, but i do a lot more, i've written and came up with shi for damn near every genre i can think of but as far as what i've produced so far it's Indie Rock, Country Rap, different plugg variations, R&b, Trap Metal, Pop, Drill, Emo Drill that's probably all off the top of my head, a lot of the time i just make what i feel, sometimes i'll make shi inspired by ppl in my life, that's why i made indie rock and r&b songs for example. I have mental health issues, like pretty serious, I'm officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety and adhd, but those diagnosis don't describe what i go through on a daily well, through research, working with an ai, and self observation, the most accurate diagnosis i've gotten for myself is that I'm an HSP, a highly sensitive person, i've been calling myself sensitive at least sense i was in middle school, then as i got older and more into studying myself, i started feeling like i was very sensitive compared to others in many ways, for instance, i have ibs, and my digestive system is more sensitive then most, my ears are sensitive and can feel irritated easier then others from loud music and such, i have a low pain tolerance, i have sensitive skin, and the list can go on.
Life has been stressful. I had mental health issues forever but they got bad when i was 17, some improvement was gained and seemed promising until i had a psychotic episode in 2021, i felt like i was going to go insane in my own mind during a mindfulness meditation practice and felt like unless i wanted that to happen i needed to stop and ground myself. ever since i haven't been the same, all my mental health issues had heightened, i lost sensitivity i had to sensations, and i lost a huge amount of energy and ability to feel positive emotions has been reduced i would say.
A lot has happened since then, I was in Florida at the time, then in Georgia Now I'm in North Western Vermont. I'm 21, have a beautiful girlfriend who is finishing her last year of college but only went because her mom wanted her to and feels like she has no use of her upcoming degrees, she just wants to travel and to have a career, she loves pot and is interested in psychedelics, she loves me, and i love her. her, music, and my journey to become happy Actualized are probably the 3 key factors in my life. I'm currently in emergency housing but it ends soon and i have no idea where ima live, been tryna get help and housing but been struggling, my car is a shitbox and i currently can't afford to get anything better, i work part time at the Walmart in the town I'm staying in, used to work fulltime earlier shifts but because of how my mind is it was unsustainable, i naturally have more energy at night and function better at night, so i got my shifts pushed to as late as i could which is 4-11 and they are definitely better for me, i want something chill like an overnight Security job where i just sit at a post for assurance and don't actually have to do shi, i'd spend that time working on myself, my music, my business pursuits, etc. i had that in mind for years, literally get paid to work on my own shi, but circumstances lead me to Vermont north Vermont and it's been a struggle to secure gigs i want here 😞. I'm only planning to stay here until my girl finishes college which should be sometime between next may and next fall.
I've been taking this Nootropic called Rholida, tried a bunch of the ones in Leo's Nootropic vid that seemed to be good for my needs but didn't have satisfying results with any of them, But been working with the premium version of Chat GPT and i broke down my issues my needs and it recommended Rholida and it's been working pretty well, a huge perk is that it synergizes well with shrooms, i started off microdosing those, now I'm tripping at only .62, had .66 at my girls dorm room the otherday, it was so much better with her trip sitting me, my extroverted sensitive ass doesn't like going through emotionally intense experiences alone, she held me down really well and the trip was actually way more enjoyable with her then when i did it alone, and it was a higher dose. I wanna do work on LSD, Molly, and MOST IMPORTANTLY 5-MeO-DMT, but because of how sensitive and complex my mind is, i have decided to first get my brain accustomed to tripping and psychedelic experimentation by doing a lot of work on shrooms to build a strong foundation for psychedelic work since they're the safest to use and build up that foundation with for someone with my issues. But God Conciousness, 5-MeO-DMT, Reality, like how Leo Breaks it down and stuff, it really speaks to me, it feels like the answer to my HSP burdens, i feel like if u know abt HSP, and u know abt Leo's God Realization Teachings you'll get it. A lot of it is the happiness it can bring if done right, and the unity u have with everyone, a lot of it is complex and hard to explain without leaving out important details but the path feels right, logically and emotionally, and spiritually.
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