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For me, this is comforting. My biggest fear is ending up in a position where I have too much power/control over this dream—too much responsibility. I'm thinking to myself: if this is true, and I am God, maybe I could imagine whatever I want. But what if I imagine something that could physically destroy or damage me?

So scary.

Yes!!! I’m interested too. So exciting!

Hello everyone! Last year, I had a trip on MDMA while I was in my living room. Every time I looked in a corner, I imagined spider webs and insects forming. However, these were purely hallucinations. They didn’t exist in reality because when I approached them, they disappeared. Also before that I watched Leo's solipsism video, which he later deleted. These two events have made me extremely fearful and stressed. My life has become ten times worse than before. I used to be brave, open-minded, and eager to explore the world and reality. Now, I am terrified because if life is a dream and physical reality is just an illusion, I fear I might unintentionally harm myself, even physically. I am afraid that I might "imagine" or "dream" that I explode, stop my heart, or experience other harmful scenarios. For the first time in my life, I am questioning my mental sanity. I feel okay when I remain ignorant and immerse myself in practical and survival activities. It has been more than a year since these events, but I used to wonder, contemplate, and think about life and reality every day. It was my greatest passion. Now, I fight to stay ignorant because I am unsure how much control I have over this "dream" if I truly open my mind. As Leo said in one of his posts on Instagram, if I were truly open-minded, I might start seeing demons in my room. I believed him, so I put effort into staying close-minded. I don’t really know how to frame reality in a healthy way now. I don’t know how much I can change or destroy reality and myself if all of the world is infinite imagination. How do I integrate this paradigm?

Even crocodiles fall into traps:

Good to hear a realistic perspective about this. Do you think that programming will still be a skill of the same value as it is today in 20 years, with all the advancements in AI, for someone who keeps adapting and learning new tools and technologies? When you are a beginner, it is hard to tell.

Hello everyone! I'm seeking advice on a decision that has become more challenging than I initially thought. A year ago, I began my journey to transition from being a prison officer in Romania to a web programmer (I’m almost 26 years old male). I'm comparing the pros and cons of both positions: My Current Job as a Prison Officer Advantages: - Monthly salary of 2,000€. - Possibility of retirement in 20-25 years with a monthly pension of around 2,000€. - Comfortable work environment with manageable stress levels and a social setting. Disadvantages: - No possibility for further financial advancement. - Routine and repetitive tasks every day. I don’t like it anymore. Job as a Web Programmer Advantages: - Potential to evolve to a monthly salary of 5,000-7,000€ within the next 4 years, considering my current 1-year experience. From there, there may be opportunities that can make life more exciting and meaningful. Disadvantages: - I'm not particularly passionate about coding. - I'm concerned about a potentially isolating and impersonal work environment. - Job stability may be an issue. - I would need to develop a retirement plan independently. *I know I’m focusing a lot on money, but I don’t have other passions other than studying life/reality more and developing my consciousness. And for now I want to just enjoy the human life. I feel I need to build a stronger real-life foundation, and it seems that money will give me more freedom. I feel a bit of guilt saying that my focus is on me because it is egotistical, given that I grew up in a Christian household and all my life I knew I had to live for others (this was the reason I become a prison worker). But lately I don’t have the motivation to focus so much on the good of others. I'd appreciate any insights or suggestions you might have. Thank you!

@PurpleTree Thank you for the encouragement!

@OBEler @PurpleTree I have no excuses. It was my mistake due to my foolishness and lack of patience to study more about this substance. Only yesterday, I realized what I had done. In the YouTube video I watched, it said 150mg, and I understood 1.5g. Effectively, I confused the measurement.

@Razard86 @Vincent S @Breakingthewall @Verg0 This discussion has helped me enormously! I took MDMA cristals for the first time in my life 5 days ago (1g) and 4 days ago (1.5g), and it's incredible that you @Verg0 wrote about it because I'm currently in the biggest crisis of my life. The first time I took it was blissful. The second time was good in the beginning, but then it got pretty worse for several hours (Physically, I felt like I had no breath. I had to drink some water every 1 minute for an hour maybe. I had to keep my jaw with my hands because I felt that the lower one would go away, and my brain felt very hot. Oh, I know it was foolish what I've done. It doesn’ even matter how the trip was from other points of view. But I’m currently learning some powerful leassons as @Razard86 said.) Now I feel my brain and heart are terribly ill. My main concern is to not damage something permanently about my physical health. You won't believe how much this discussion means to me. It gives me a lot of hope. I didn't know that the effects could last so many days. I'm not near my baseline. Last night I experienced something very strange. Nearly 10 times I slept and then woke up and had very powerful and vivid dreams, which I could almost control pretty well. I have never dreamt that way. Has anyone else experienced something similar and fully recovered? It's like a current goes through my brain from time to time, and I have some kind of pulsation and tension in my brain. In the dark, I still don't see clearly, and I feel the need to take deep breaths regularly. But I’m starting to feel better every day. Thank you! I hope you are doing well.

Leo, regarding your last quote on the blog, I want to face the truth as much as I can, even if, for now, it's just theoretical. I can't do more than that right now for survival purposes, but I'm strategically directing my life towards a place where I could go all in. I imagine you saying that quote, right? And the quote is true, but not from your perspective because you exist only in my imagination. It is true from my perspective. I am imagining myself as this finite self, and I'm imagining that this self is thinking about you, reading your blog, etc. Is it correct that if I were awake I would say: "I am so conscious that I understand that Leo, saying that his mother is imaginary, is just imaginary. And also my finite self is just imaginary"? Do you literally not exist outside of everything that I think about you?

What does it mean to be highly conscious? I want to gain a deeper understanding of the distinction between unconscious people and conscious people. In my opinion, the more you understand what life is and how it works, the more conscious you are. Is that correct?

Thank you!

Hi everyone! I’ve found it beneficial for me to make a list of all Leo’s videos from his main YouTube channel by title and duration of every video. I’m sharing it with you below if you’re interested. Writing it all down was surprisingly unbelievable for me due to the vast amount of videos, consistency, diversity of subjects, and non-repetition of topics. Even though I scrolled through his YouTube channel many times, I didn’t fully realize how much work he had put in there. So, once again, thank you, Leo! actualized.docx

Happy birthday!!! ?