Nilsi

I know my grandma has been sitting in front of her TV for the last 20 years. You are creating those experiences. I am too. Im not saying stop it. Im not saying I would even know how to stop it. I see it as the symptoms of an unstable mind and I share your experience so im not trying to talk down on you here. Its just your interpretation of reality. Life is not a trip. Life is just Life. Im not trying to split hair. You can make up whatever kind of meaning you want and then defend it like its true. Its what we all do.

I don't think we disagree. I'm just not comfortable with statements like "life is like a trip." It's really a meaningless statement. I think it's just your Mind seeking out these fearful experiences. I know a lot of people whose lives have basically stayed the same for decades without any challenges or novelty whatsoever. It's just what happens when you're curious and open and ask too many serious questions.

Psychedelics basically just turn your mind inside out. It all hinges on where you are at. It can certainly go in both directions. Start with a low dose and see how you handle it, there is definitely no need to rush it.

I don't think you have to frame it that way. Life is just what it is. Don't paint yourself into a corner.

I never contacted you over anything

Yeah you can pretty much pierce the veil by asking too much questions lol. I'd say the solution here is to just accept it and let it happen - there is always so much Love on the other side of such terrifying experiences. But yeah, sometimes it's just too much and there is no need to constantly keep reminding yourself of the illusion.

Haha yeah I know I was doing it lol. At the time I was just confusing Mind with my everyday ego mind and so I felt like a crazy person who should be locked up and electrocuted. I don't think I can communicate the terror and helplessness I experienced on that trip but you seem to know what I'm talking about.

Just notice that you yourself used to be at stage blue at some point in your life (probably pre puberty) and still access this part of yourself in certain situations. The point is not to get rid of stage blue (which is impossible since every newborn starts from scratch and will at some point have to develop through stage blue) but rather to consciously build social and cultural systems that recognize these stages of development and facilitate their growth or give them a healthy outlet for their way of relating to reality. You should try noticing whenever you yourself fall into this mode of relating to reality and you will understand what its purpose is. We all just want things to be simple and easy sometimes. At the comedown of every psychedelic trip all I want is to have a wife, a house, a dog, two kids and a humble job. Life can be rough and sometimes all we want is stability.

Of course. If youre not yet doing any kind of deliberate movement practice like sports, dance, yoga etc. this will be such a huge boost to your quality of life. The body is meant to move. So much anxiety, insecurity and sickness in our world today just stems from, or is at least partially caused and made worse by us sitting in a chair all day, staring at computer screens or looking at our phones (basically our neocortex/rational-/egomind being disembodied and thus causing us to feel dissociated and not connected to life). Getting in touch with your physiology and instincts (brain stem) and with all the emotions and trauma (limbic system) in your body is extremely meaningful and beneficial and brings you toward greater wholeness. Combat sports is probably one of the best ways to do that, so I would highly encourage you give it a try!

Just take a nootropic stack unless you want to customize your supplementation (in which case you would need to test hormones, bloodwork, genome, urine, stool for max. optimization which is kind of a stretch for most people). I take MindLabPro and im very happy with it. Qualia Mind is probably the highest quality nootropic stack on the market so check that out if its available in your country.

Well the theory of it is as follows. "Addictions" are just a particular experience that your mind has associated with pleasure and thus seeks out. There is nothing about these experiences that is inherently pleasurable and nothing about work that is inherently unpleasurable, its all about the associations that your mind has made. So you should try to dissoaciate your addictions from pleasure and associate work with pleasure. How you want to go about this is up to you, there are more radical (meditation, psychedelics, ketamine) and less radical ways (every time you indulge in your addictions write a short journal entry of how you feel about it and every time you finish a working session write down how you feel about it - this will nudge you in the right direction).

Logic is exactly not taking in information and making sense of it. Logic is taking a normative model of how thinking ought to be and projecting it on the information. Thats why logic ultimately has to break down. Logic is always a finite prototype.

Dude let go of your stereotypes. Spirituality won't make you a nice person - that's a whole grind in itself.

I would not recommend cannabis for spiritual work. It's nice if you have nothing else but in the long run it will just undermine your progress and make you lazy and unmotivated. I smoke some CBD from time to time (not psychoactive) but it's just for the sake of enjoyment.

Thanks for all the kindness - helped me gain some perspective

Whatever dude, Im not going to justify myself to you. I know Im a bit cold an self-absorbed these days and there is of course always room for improvement. What do you want me to do? Write a homerian epic? Write the next thus spoke Zarathustra? Im just trying to get this shit out of my system and this is the only place in the world where probably some people will be able to relate to it.

I started when I was 16. I think I saw some Video from Leo talking about open-mindedness or something and that got the ball rolling. At 17 I started meditating, got my first girlfriend, and finally made some good friends I could hang out with and talk about live and shit with. At 18 shit kind of 180ed on me. I got kicked out of home by my psychotic stepdad, i broke up with my gf because her bipolar ups and downs were too much for me to handle. I betrayed my best friend by making out with his crush and thus lost him too, for a while at least.(I know this is fucking silly but we were teenagers lol) I had a good amount of money saved up by that point and my mom was willing to help me a bit financially so I moved into my own place (I was still in high school at that point). I spent all my free time producing music, trying to make it in the hip-hop industry. 19 was kind of a normal year for me. I finished school, spent a lot of time with my friends, doubled down on my gym efforts (i started working out at 16) and got more into spiritual contemplation (back then this was just a conceptual endeavor for me). Now at 20 is where shit was starting to go somewhere. The corona pandemic had just hit and I was spending all my time in my crib, smoking weed and making music. At that point I worked a side job in a factory to pay the bills, convinced that at any moment I would have my breakthrough in the music industry. I used to search the emails of all the big german hip-hop producers and mail them my shit. Sure enough, I got into contact with three of the biggest producers in the german music industry. They liked my shit and wanted me to send them more and see if they could use something for their artists to record on. At the same time I got really committed in my meditation practice and I went for weeks on end on cannabis induced vision quests and had many profound mystical experiences. I now knew this shit was the real deal and not just some intellectual exercise. My spiritual endeavors took up more and more of my time and focus and I slowly started getting less and less interested in making music. My connections were going nowhere. I was always told to just keep making more and eventually something would get a placement, but I was not having it. It got harder and harder to pay my bills as I eventually burnt through all the money I had saved up to that point. I decided something had to change and enrolled in university in austria to study psychology. I figured a new country and new occupation might get me out of my rut. At 21 I still had to wait almost a year until university would start and so I had a lot of time left and was kind of in a weird limbo. This is where shit got really real. I had done some mushrooms once with my friends and it was an enjoyable and innocent experience so when one of my buddy's told me he had some LSD and asked me if I wanted some I was quite thrilled - finally i could start tripping and exploring this domain of spirituality. I took my first tab of acid late at night on my sofa. I was expecting it to be fun but thought the dose was probably too low to have any profound effect on me (100 micrograms). Boy was I wrong. I had my first enlightenment experience that night and I understood now what it meant to lose ones mind. This shit hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. How was this possible? How could this be true? This is what reality is? It's just all my mind? I was shocked and couldn't accept it. After the trip I went into denial for a few weeks but at some point I just could not run away from it anymore. I had to come face to face with Nihilism and this existential terror that had cooked up inside of me. At that time I was working full-time in my job and made some decent money so I at least did not have to worry about my survival too much and it was a nice distraction from that profound loneliness and solipsism that had suddenly taken grip of me. In the summer I went to Switzerland with my buddy's and we rented a nice, big cabin in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. On the 4th day of our vacation my buddy's decided to take some LSD (they are not into spirituality at all so for them it's more like getting drunk I think lol). I don't know how I could have possibly thought that it would be a good idea for me to trip with them but I did. This trip was even more terrifying than the last. I now had my friends there with me, being fully conscious that I'm imagining all of us, trying to communicate somehow what's going on with me and utterly failing and going completely insane. Time had stopped going linear and just jumped back and forth. I felt like I was mind controlling my friends. It was terrible. After that I had to do some serious healing but eventually I got back to normal again (still, the solipsism and existential dread was lingering in the back of my mind at all times). University started but since it was all online for the first semester i decided to stay a few more months in Germany until I would find a nice place. I'm 22 now. It's the beginning of the year and I decide to take a psychedelic again. Maybe this would be the last time for a while that I would be alone and have some time since I would soon live with roommates and I hadn't taken one for 6 months now so my curiosity got the better of me. This time was even more shocking. Before it was kind of me as the human that had these experiences. Now the whole room I was sitting in woke up and realized itself as God. My vision turnt white and all my senses and memories and thoughts collapsed into this primordial soup of nothingness. I guess that is what they call the godhead. (This all happened on 100 micrograms of LSD lol). I cried a lot as I was coming down from this trip but I was more calm and accepting than I had been before. I started to accept what I am. After this experience my life was not the same anymore. I would just randomly start to cry some days and realize that what I really am is Love and this helped me accept myself even more. My finite self would get annihilated randomly with no warning. Material reality would just break down sometimes. But what I learned is that if I accept these experiences there would always be Love on the other side of it. This was 4 months ago. Nothing feels really real anymore but that's ok. All I ever knew was how to go faster, better, stronger but it just doesn't satisfy me anymore. I don't want to complain. I feel amazing but still something is off, something is missing.

So is the neocortex. Whats your point? Actually you're the one who is commiting the pre/trans fallacy, falling to see that sex and relationships and body-being can, and do, exist everywhere on the spectrum from unconscious, 5 second, half-erect monkey fucking to mind-blowing, tantric god-communion.

What changed for you?

How is having sex or being embodied pre-rational? It surely depends on how developed you are sexually and kinesthetically or whatever. Even Nietzsche said "I am body, through and through"

See i don't think that's what slave morality is about. It's basically just you submitting yourself to another part of reality instead of transcending it. What Nietzsche was lacking is an understanding of non duality; there really is no slave or master - it's just you playing with yourself - but even if he understood it, it does not matter, the concepts are still useful for any finite actor to grasp (should he/she want to become powerful).

What Nietzsche calls "will to power" or "master-morality" is basically just you becoming more and more transcendent and thus standing on top of more and more parts of reality. I'm pretty sure he kind of understood what would be the logical consequence of this, which is really not different from the work of actualized.org. What do you think the "Übermensch" is? Is it not exactly what we're pursuing here? Also don't fucking watch a video about Nietzsche, go get one of his books, read it and see if it resonates - getting your philosophy from some random YouTube armchair philosopher is not going to cut it - that's true slave morality right there. The trap with philosophy is getting hung up on words and concepts and not really understanding what they are pointing to (or what you imagine they point to lol). The more pragmatic approach would be to study developmental psychology or evolutionary biology - though you would need a really deep understanding of these fields to start applying them to spiritual work (and of course access these states that are being talked about).

Makes sense. Thank you