PataFoiFoi

If im God where all the evidence for my omniscience, omnipotence? Why cant I just show myself all the evidences right now? Whats so hard about it. Since on psychedelics its easy to feel like god and have all those experiences. But as soon as the trip is over all the questions about reality rise again and nothing makes sense infact even more questions arise. Why cant u be 1000% sure that u are god trough a miracle or something outside psychedelics? And why would you dream yourself a hellish life, having goals and dreams and working your ass off to see yourself never accomplishing them and having to accept that you cant do anything about it. On top of that you might be god that denies yourself that and tortures you in this life. Like wtff is one of gods traits beeing crazy, dumb & mentally ill? Its paradox doesnt make any sense anymore.

But if we cant prove something trough facts or direct experience how can we certain of anything then?

@FourCrossedWands i dont think so. U say that a healthy millionaire suffers the same as a starving child in africa?

@Hojo these are outrageous claims were is the evidence for that?

@Hojo But how can that be god? He is never happy no matter what, if ur in god state u get bored from all the hapiness and bliss and proceed to create a hellish life were you are also not content because its horrific and painful. Like wtf its so paradoxical. That wouldnt be an omnipotent god at all.

@Holykael then arent we just living in hell? How come you guys be so happy, blissful about this?

But wtff.. who tortures oneself and also has no enjoyment in that. Thats so ill and insane how are you guys managing to cope with that and even be happy and at peace?

Leo stated several times that we have to live trough every single human life, animal, organism or other entities after our own death or awekening? But why cant God be content with its awekend state and „stay“ so? Because imagine all the suffering you have to go trough each time to only see that you are God and after a time you will go to sleep and repeat that for eternity.

Most of emotional pain or suffering is in the mind due attachment and can be overcome counter intuitively. How about physical pain like getting kicked to nuts or more extreme surgery without anasthesia or even getting burned alive like some monks do?

So there wont be a way to break that cycle and just stay in Godstate for enternity

Im really grateful for any help or answer i can get and hope you could endure the long reading :). Im kinda a lurking user with little interaction on this forum, so if think ill do a little/big introduction. I had a wonderful childhood with good upbringing which im very grateful for. But as i entered my teenage years my life went downhill. I was good in school and later secured a good apprenticeship for a job i really liked. Things were very flimsy at the beginning (almost lost my contract in the first weeks because of an unlucky event) and i was noticing this bad luck but i kept going. I also had serious money problems in my family which i copped with and wanted to change trough personal development. I was fully commited to personal development and being succesful later in life. Thats where i found actualized.org and it really resonated with me. I was working hard in school, at my job, at the gym and tried to build an online business. I was following Leos tips and teachings and putting the life purpose course into practice. But after a long time i realized i was not getting any results, things were even going backwards. I was working so hard at my job but unlucky thigs were happening which werent under my control. My coworkers even said that i was the most knowledgeable, enthusiastic and motivated worker which unfortunately couldnt set a career path because of unlucky events. For my online business side I was doing good tried to build up a fitness brand or site were i helped people lose weight or achieve their dream physique from the knowledge i gained over the years. It was easy to run my online business because i was working in IT and gained some knowledge in Business administration from other online courses. I even made some money but as things were starting to pay off the next tragedy hit me. I had a burnout and it was very serious it even effects me till today. Suddenly my body was refusing to do any work, go to school or showing up to work. I stopped going to the gym and shot down my online business. I was struggling to do the bare minimum. It was a really tough time and i was fighting hard to get out of that hole. As i was trying to change i had other mental illnesses and started going to the doctor. And as i expected they were prescribing meds which really didnt do anything for me for the long run. I started to contemplate about life and the meaning of existence. First trough religion because I had a strict upbringing and was a serious practitioner which i forgot to mention earlier. But as I gained more knowledge and contemplated reality, religion was quickly starting to make no sense or i started to see the Evil in religions or even how sickminded of a god they were worshipping. It again was a really tough journey because religion was a part of my identiy but i managed to shed that part off. I was now even more depressed and anxious beause this world seemed very cruel with alle the human and animal suffering in it, various sickminded ideologies and brutal history. At this part I started my spiritual path with meditation, kriya yoga and reading spiritual books from the book list. I had little glimpses here and there and even little God-realization and solipsistic experiences. Keep in mind my life was running at the bare minimum i had shitty jobs, was fat, depressed anxiuos no real social life. I saw a last hope for change in psychedelics which i researched pretty well trough this forum and leos videos. I went to an ayahuasca retreat for a week were we drank from the brew every evening. The trips were mesmerizing but also very challenging. In one trip i realized that i was whiping myself too hard all these years. Or that i was very strong but because of my strength it had to be compensated trough external forces to make my experience challenging. I felt like an ant a very strong insect, relatively speaking, but very small. On other trips i had humours experiences and orgasmic pulsating love for my self. But there were also challenging experiences were i felt i was vomiting up my death and my body was in an intense fever. I had toughts about stoping this madness with a kitchen knife. I also tried to take 5-MeO DMT in that retreat but as i was inhaling from the pipe nothing happened. For others it worked, i tried to take it three times troughout the week and firstly I practiced inhaling the DMT correctly with the mentor and even with cigarettes. But nothing happened i was kinda frustrated because i hoped to get the most out of the retreat from the 5 meo. After the retreat i was motivated to put my learnings into practice and hoped that my life will change for the better. As time passed i realized nothing was changing again it even got more worse. I lost my job and my burnout still didnt heal it got worse to the point were all my friends and family saw my as an sick minded unfortunate individual. At this point it was easy to see that i was suicidal and didnt understand the world and my life anymore.I kept my spirutal work up the best as i could. The next thing i planned was tripping on LSA with hawaiian baby woodroses because they werent illegal and easy to get. I was preparing the setting at my home and made the drink with the extracted LSA. When i drank the brew it took a really long time for the effects to kick in, Because of that i was eating some more seeds because i tought the LSA-Extraction didnt work. But then baam it hit me first i was feeling this love but i quickly lost my self in toughts why my life is so bad. And the next thing you know baaaaam God-Realization. I realized i was God. The mask has fallen, i was playing hide and seek all along with myself. I really was openminded and wanted to be really sure if its true. And every time that tought came to my mind i had experiences which really broke that tought. it was realllyy realllyyy challengiiing it waaas heeellll. I tought thats it i fucked it up i had to call my friends to look after my during the trip. I really felt ashamed that it came to that situation. My friends just couldnt believe what my life has change into, from a succesful enthusiastic young guy to an ill minded guy who was thinking he is God. But they ensured that i was safe during the trip and stayyed with me. Know imagine explaining to them that I hadnt lost it and the experiences were real. After the trip i tought thats it i realized what i needed to realize i can now finally get my life together and change it for the better. As time passed worked hard to get back on track and even do the minimum things in life. And as you may have guessed it things didnt change and it got worse agaaiiin. I was only going trough sufferiing to paaain back to sufferiing and more suffering. Only bad things which i had zerooo control of were happening to me (i might go trough them in an other post). To this day i came to one realization that im im Hell. God dreamed up this hell were he tortures himself. As dumb as that may sound but with Conciousness comes a hefty price tag it can imagine everything the most misterious joyous fantasies but also tormenting existences. At this point im open to anything to stop this madness or surrender to anything that i need to realize. I would be really thankful if you could analyze my story or perception and make me aware of the things i need ro realize for a better change and hopefully the last time...

The burnout itself is the health problem. A physical and mental Exhaustion were a cant pinpoint the cause or root to it. It got better these days but other illnesses like suicidal depression, anxiety and anger issues are now dominating my life.

@Caoimhin Your really summed it up well. That might be it. I was never in touch with Love or Self-Love trought my life or while doing all this Spiritual work. Also from previous answers i just have to surrender and turn inward, read the signs and surrender to my Destiny. Starting to really make sense now. Thanks for the answers?

Thanks definitely going trough it this evening.

Not just that but anything in life. Relationships, hobbies, goals and ambitions, spiritual development and coming closer to Truth. None of that seems to work to the point where you have to stop pursuing and working on them. On top of that bad things keep happening where you start to think that you are getting tortured like in hell

Yeah i might have to focus my gaze inwards for a while and try to interpret the signs

Tell me more im open minded to see it

That might be accomplished but my real problem is trying to understand why misery, suffering and hardships are prevailing in ones life

Thats true my sturborness really kept my swimming against the current. Im starting to realize that some things that you are striving for in life arent destined for you or not the right thing. Yeah i think ill turn my gaze on the inside and flow with the time and life.

@PeaceOut96 ahh man thats a really tough pill to swallow. I am aware that most things or life in general cant be controlled u just have to accept anything that comes along the way and got no choice but to accept it. Saddening but i have no choice.

I know its the million dollar question. It just keeps grinding my gears to find just a subtle clue or hint in my lifetime.

If god is love and we are all one, how does all this suffering in life and brutality in this world fit in? The only reason I can think of is that God wanted this reality to be cruel and tough. I know its relative but the majority of lifes on this planet have it really rough (if they dont live in a western country).

Its said that our true being is One, Selfless, God, Love & true Happiness. Why would one ever choose to leave those states and dream a reality where he wont be fulfilled and only chaise its tail looking for fullfilment? Some might say those Selfless and God like states might be boring but neither will you find fullfilment in this survival minded corrupt world. Youll only wish to go back to those „boring“ states.

There is a thin line between all them or maybe ultimatly all of them are the same. But still there can be the problem of the Ego thinking it is God when in reality its just faking it. Because It is said that You are the Ego and God is You (this reminds me of the babuskha dolls). How can we distinguish them better and see better trough our own illusions?

I cant understand how to see Love in these things. Why would our higher Self create a human world full of tragedies and still call this love? I bet every spiritual guru wouldnt call these things loveable if they really would experience torture, war, genocide or suicide. Some Gurus might have trained to control Pain and their Emotions but these guys are just a minor exception. God just has to be a masochist and doesnt give a fuck what each human or being feels or experiences.