Hello, everyone, this is my first post. I've been a fan of Leo's videos for a few years now, but find that I'm struggling to do the work. I've bought the life purpose course, the book list, and have been taking notes on many of his videos. But I struggle to read books, meditate, contemplate, work on my life purpose, etc. I think some part of me doesn't believe or understand what the benefits of doing the work are.
Despite this, I'm definitely unhappy. I've been trying to treat my depression since 2019. I've tried several antidepressants and therapy. But so far, not much has worked. Intuitively, a lot of what Leo says seems true. But I don't what to just believe, I want to experience it for myself. But I'm also afraid to invest the amount of time and all the risks that doing this work entails.
I was brought up in a fundamentalist Christian home, and all my family and most of my old friends are still in that very deep Stage Blue life. Meanwhile, my current few friends and coworkers are mostly in Stage Orange, with a little Green. I think I'm about half Orange/Green, and want to go through Green to Yellow. But I feel so alone, and I'm really worried what will happen with my relationships if I really go far in this work. I already feel like I have to hide my true self from everyone as it is.
I'm planning to register for Peter Ralston's Fall Retreat, hoping that will jump start my efforts. Although, I wonder if doing all four weeks will be too much for a beginner. I don't know if I can ever take psychedelics, given my issues with depression and anxiety. It sounds like Leo's next course will be focused on psychedelics.
