Insights after 2 LSD trips.
1st: 310μg - Jan 28th - 2022
2nd: 130μg - Feb 19th - 2022
(surprisingly much deeper)
•"Reality" is no different than mental imagery or a thought process. The only difference is that it's predictable, arguably consistent & Grounded. You are also imagining and constructing these qualities with the same exact mechanism of thinking, sense-making, imagining & contextualizing.
•All fears, insecurities, ups & downs, Even subtle things as mood swings are all deliberately placed and intelligently designed. Even fear isn't arbitrary.
•Fear is automatic when creation is willed into existence. As your Oneness is absolute love. It's gracefully magnificent. Once it separates itself, fear is the automatic dualistic response. Since you only fully understand yourself as the God head, when you separate yourself infinitely you literally don't know what the fuck is there. And so the Love simulator begins. Finding, owning & accepting all of the infinite pieces.
And yes. It's very obvious that this will go on forever.
•To exist is to fear. Fear is also Love.
•God is an Infinite art generator. It's a mystery to itself & the game it plays is none other than a game of trying to love & own whatever the generator pops out.
•Fear of the unknown isn't arbitrary. The only way fear at all can be totally erased is that if God stopped imagining/ separating itself.
When that happens, everything collapses into a singularity of infinite symmetry, self acceptance, love & ultimate understanding.
•You'll sort of move from Desktop mode to a screensaver that plays an infinite loop of absolute nothingness.
•Understanding is how the nothingness reacts to it's own grasp on itself.
•God is inevitable.
Since everything is God itself, without it knowing or not. It is everywhere. It's the every and the where. It is ISness itself too.
There is absolutely nothing that is not God.
•The Oneness of God removes everything. Every explanation for God is and isn't God at the same time.
•Once you even have a thinking voice, you're creating a duality and deceiving yourself.
•All self-deception is by choice & is intelligently placed.
•God is consciously unconscious.
•For God to grasp itself it has to contract all of its forms, including thoughts.
•Fooling yourself into thinking you're a sack of meat and then discovering that you are actually a formless infinitely eternal mind that is all powerful, all knowing & all present is just how God jerks off to itself.
•Creation is as effortless as imagining whatever. Yet it's hyper intelligent.
•Memory & past experience is the most powerful grounding mechanism one has.
•Self reflection is the only show running.
You self-reflect as God because you love yourself as God. So you are exciting and intriguing to your own self.
•Fear is the mirror for Love to witness it's beauty.
•Everything is ultimately sexual & orgasmic. Divinity is just sexuality times infinity.
•There are no other bubbles of consciousness.
At the highest level of complete sovereignty and absolute consciousness, You are completely alone.
•"Other" are nothing but infinite holographic images/ forms or appearances that happen not to just be visual. And you make sense of whatever is being said with your internal "database" let's say.
This database is also the one creating the imagery. This is where the confusion happens and where the duality of the absolute & the relative gets created.
•When you're talking to someone, it's the exact same process as you having an internal dialogue.
The reason there's a duality is that you can predict your own thoughts to a certain extent. Whilst the other is just another infinity within the absolute, thus decently unpredictable & it's not an NPC dialogue.
•Fear is why anything exists. Fear is a form preservation tool.
It's like you picked one image that the infinite generator popped and loved it so much you wanted to keep it running.
In other words, you got attached, and you distract yourself from the finitude of this image.
•You are "you" by choice. There's nothing outside of you to make this choice for you, or to take it away from you.
•Everything is precisely the way that it is because it's the maximum expansion of your love.
•The only way for you to enjoy your own drama is by getting immersed in it and completely forgetting about making it.
•Notice that completely forgetting includes forgetting that you forgot.
•Ego is God's puppet.
Ego's suffering, foolishness and self-deception is how God plays.
•Your "life" goes on forever.
•The only way you can experience yourself is by limiting yourself.
•Absolute Truth is the realization of no absolute truth(s)
•All of your explanations for reality are imaginary.
•Your spiritual journey/ pursuing awakening is imaginary.
•No one has ever died outside of your conscious experience, and all of these events were nothing but plot.
•God is formless. And by formless I don't just mean visually.
God is sovereign, glorious, divine, graceful & also childish, sarcastic, foolish, and literally just the best meme lord there is.
•Enlightenment is the biggest inside joke and it's between nobody.
•The transformation from a human body with limbs into a formless cosmic singularity feels like you sunk your teeth deep into a pillow, and it turned into a cloud in your mouth.
•God has nothing to do but to understand & love more and more of itself forever.
•God is so magnificent it cannot not share itself. It overwhelms itself with how amazing it is. It's sort of a childish/ innocent sense of WOW I AM AMAZING. But the heartbreaking thing is that there's absolutely nobody to look at you and tell you that. So you create/ Imagine Other, starting with the Human you're navigating life as. You love this little human so much that the only one who can see you fully is Him/ Her. Until of course you both merge & this duality collapses.
•There is no point for God to play God. Obvious, right? There's nothing but God, Therefore God does not have or need a sense of self, since it IS the only one True self. There are no other Gods to outcompete, and all beings are also it. So It has no reason to play the game of domination. It's all alone.
•As sad as it sounds, God creates and plays these games of being hidden and feared by people (also god) just so that can feel it's power when it unravels it all.
•God is taking you on a journey of showing you how great and beautiful it is. You are both the mirror & the face in it.
•The mechanism through which you create/ imagine/ will reality into existence is absolutely effortless.
•You cannot predict reality/ yourself.
So your life goes like this:
1-You wanna go try a new restaurant.
2-You automatically have a preconceived image of how it's going to unfold as a sensory experience
3-You actually go there & find out it's different in many ways.
4-You fool yourself into thinking there's such a thing as actuality. Or you begin to compare present experience to the mental image.
The mental image is also the absolute (lower case a)/ Since it is still being imagined within mind.
While the direct experience is the Absolute (upper case A) Since it actually IS.
So if your mental Image had an oval-shaped food plate in mind & what IS in front of you is a circular plate, BOTH are God, both are consciousness, But in different orders, let's say.
•You weren't God, then started unconsciously dreaming as a human and then bam! One day you awoken back to yourself as God!
No. This is just a story you imagined.
All of these chapters and phases are just entertainment for yourself as God.
•Since your sense of self is also within your consciousness, you cannot escape yourself.
There was never an ego to kill or to erase. Yet it had to be designed this way so you could play the game.
•Every form of suffering, whether you went through or "others" have, is designed in such a way through which you can self reflect and appreciate yourself.
•Every time you were not grateful for what you have has also been designed so that when you awaken you can actually taste your own divinity. You can then appreciate your beauty and magnificence.
•Society, culture, dogma, etc. Are not unconscious Egos running a randomly selfish show against the will of God.
This is just for suspense. It's all you.
The way cults and religions are designed in this way is so that -(as childish as it sounds)- You feel special. You get to be an undercover GOD.
•Since there's no difference between Ego and God, your sense of self is in a very twisted way God's greatest compliment to itself. It gets to think with a voice, to actually have a form through you. And most importantly it gets to create a hero's journey through you.
•There's no such thing as falsehood. Everything is divine. Including what you'd consider weird, uncanny or nonsensical.
•There's absolutely Nothing to do as the "raw" Formless God. I mean, you couldn't even entertain yourself with thoughts, or explanations about Yourself or even Life. There is just Pure I AM-ness. It's like you were playing an exciting video Game that you got immersed in for YEARS, and then you turned everything off and sat there.
You realize in this state why you want your life back, but also exactly as the way it was. You wanna resume from the last checkpoint. And only then you realize how untouchable and eternal you are. You also realize Will. With just the THOUGHT of wanting your Life back, you instantly will it all back into existence.
•When you sleep you actually wake up to your nature as infinite imagination, so you dream.
When you "wake up" from your sleep, you're actually sleeping.
•Sleep is you exiting the game and dreaming up another one. God realization is you Turning the whole machine off and taking a break.
•Your dreams and their inconsistent funky nature ARE the alternative you have to "solid reality" thus you buy deeper into the illusion because you have something to compare.
•You fooled yourself into actually thinking that some other human is perfect, so that when you eventually get to accept your imperfections you gain a sense of power.
•God designed/ is designing the illusion to crack it. You're not "trapped" here.
• God is too powerful even for it's own Self-deception, and it knows so.
• Everything that you take for granted is the hard base of maintaining the illusion.
•You are not every human being that ever lived, is living or will ever live.
You're imagining past, present, future & the idea of human beings.
•You are deceiving yourself by creating a sense of scale, imagining things like a "Universe", "Society".
•You are a movie screen. Like a montage of a 1st person video game.
Notice how the drama pops out. Notice how nothing has any good/bad significance unless it bounces off you.
•Your direct experience is not just the only experience "you" have of reality. It's the only experience. Period. It's also the Only reality.
•When you look at someone that's holding a coffee cup, you can effortlessly imagine their POV. You can even feel the hot cup, you can even taste & smell the coffee, and if you wanted you can look at yourself and see yourself through their eyes.
THIS is how you're exactly imagining and creating an entire being that's holding a hot drink.
You're not imagining neurons and biology and bones and a heart, etc. It's just a fucking image, and you're projecting all of this onto it.
•If you're inside your house, there is actually no outside. If you go outside to verify, there is no inside.
Both are images held within consciousness.
You're never really anywhere.
•Your bodily center of gravity that you feel is actually the empty ever flowing center of infinity. When you FULLY awaken your collapse deep into this feeling and you enter a free fall that ceases to have any weight.
•Ever played an open world video game and pushed both main and side missions to the side just so that you can explore the world, the graphics, collect loot, and mess with NPCs?
After a while of doing this, the game starts feeling very hollow. You predict every animation, what types of enemies spawn where in the world and how, etc.
And everything begins to feel mechanical as the immersion slowly dissipates and you begin to feel like the main character is just you, the human player & not the in-game protagonist.
What do you do to ground yourself back into the game world?
You start a mission! NPCs talk to you, you get to finally hear your character use dialogue! And bam you're in baby
There are consequences, choices to make & a role to play. All happening within a narrative. And for maximum enjoyment, the narrative is unpredictable. It's delicious, it's exciting.
•You can't "unimagine" anything. Why?
1- You don't actually want to (as God) since nothing is controlling you.
2- every possible imagination is yourself, so can't really disown or deny anything that's You. (In some sense you can and you do so, that's how the Ego got created)
3- whatever you imagine is also absolutely nothing at the same time lmao.
With no beginning and no end, Your presence is eternally infinite. • For you are both the seen and the unseen. With no single enemy and no friend, Your oneness is gracefully intimate. • For you are both of the lovers within a scene. With no good to fight for, nor evil to bend, Your peace is the only instrument. • For your spacious land is beautifully serene. Tasting the taste of your blissful divinity, Here I sit And I be Infinity.