Monster

hey i can emphatise i used to leave awful comments on all of rupert spiras videos for teaching non duality. funnily enough what really triggered me was the self inquiring

i wish i had this simple worry before i started. it seemed so freaking innocent, i heard a self inquiry instruction and it sort of clicked and i went into that space "behind the thoughts". i did hear gary weber talking about having particular difficulty about close relationships or something. that comes kinda late though i wouldnt worry

its true that the ego cant have a good time realising stuff doesnt really exist, and youd have to experience the whole thing's resistances and attachments and fears and work it out over years... then every once in a while, a moment of great clarity, great synchronicity... just the dreamer and the mind

Can't be expressed in words, its just what it is Doesn't feel like anything Absolute(else it wouldn't be absolute) It does that a lot. I call it the "story" it makes up with its characters and dramas There is no experience of being "unconscious". You go to sleep and wake up later to create the concept of "i was unconscious" in your awareness. You can not experience anything else other than being aware. So your consciousness is on a constant level, as in, it exists yes Its all stories You are conscious about everything. You can't be conscious of something that doesn't exist e.g. "separate" creatures that have hypothetical "separate consciousnesses" Its the default mode we operate because survival doesn't care about truth or anything of that matter

i made a topic about this on reddit and it had many many very insightful replies, but the thread got deleted the jist of the top replies is that meditation is like a bone to throw, to facilitate in getting to Truth. I do still think it is a bit of a distraction as well

i once did 250mg of 5meo dmt and tripped for 3 days straight, cant remember much. Something about cyclical-infinity, rebirth, manifestation. I remember dying many many many times over followed by cathartic release realising i cant really die. Cant remember much else. I don't recommend it.

I had this thought. It's like a good logic with a bad logic combined to cause a bad conclusion that somehow exists. Idk

In my experience, the common consciousness that we share. When i experienced my non dual awakening, my friend was very strangely having the exact same experience at the same time(i shared with him the self inquiry tehnique the same time i found out about it). So we both had the experience of we are one, at the exact same time, after roughly a year and a half of dedicated self inquiry, Several times, it felt like we were in each other's head. This experience happened in several bursts, then a final burst that lasted for 3 days(no psychidelic experience) Whenever a "burst" happened, its as if we both knew a burst was happening in the other, and were driving each other's minds into "it". We were both unphased but fully aware of what was happening. This sense of being "connected" was also shared with 2 complete strangers, which left me wondering if they were also truly awakened, or the saying "everyone is already awake" is really somewhat true

it was self inquiry at first but its hard to describe deeper levels. Like softening into it very hard to describe. Nirvikalp Samadhi is somewhat akin to it I emailed Raltson about it and he said you can go too far. Now learning about soul leaving the body stuff like that-strange its left unspoken

@Frenk best i can explain with an example- my friend asks me did i study for whatever. I can feel the answer rising in my consciousness, and i want to answer, like a normal human being but then it fades as soon as its noticed. Then the reaction of panic to that mundane desire to answer dissapearing comes up then it dissapears just as quick(like, under a second). On the outside, my friend thinks im being a massive dick completely unresponsive and ignoring him like hes not there. On the inside im in very intense oneness with all these mundane desires and reactions coming and going with big pauses of no thought in between. Does not feel functional. to clarify, there's oneness right now. Back to "functional levels". Seems to be my new baseline. But it can go much deeper. And those deeper levels are not functional

why does no one ever talk about this? It comes a point when you deepen the enlightenment so much it becomes hard to function. maybe i am some genetic freak? I started self inquiry 5 months ago. First started getting glimpses 1 month in. Then just cruising in the glimpse 2 months in. But it keeps getting deeper and deeper and deeper. It gets deep to such a point even the desire to speak itself fades. The desire to do a lot of things simply fade!!! This is social suicide. This is i think the 3rd time it happened. the last month or so i kept oscilating between "too much" consiousness and coming back down. I could not believe it possibly could be because of the consciousness work simply because no one ever speaks about it. "You can never have too much oneness" is the general premise. Why isnt this being talked about more?? What am i even experiencing??