BlueOak

Yes. Self inquiry got me there, along with some kundalini work. When I had a lot of thoughts and self doubt. There was a lot of ego to unravel. I had a moment at the end of it, after my self inquiry, meditation, detox etc where the ego was lost completely. I had a white light spiritual experience, which I cannot describe to you adequately. What we know as love here if you amplified that so it was everything, if you took a yoga bliss feeling and turned it up tenfold. Then had the cloud of that light linger for the next two days as you walked around. No drugs. Just routine over six months. Only etherium black and gold for dream recall until that stopped working. Then life hits you in the face. You get some pain and suffering. The ego comes back or reforms in its protective role. Slowly the world changes as time passes and the ego has to come back further.

There is no absolute when speaking about something this broad. How many changes in your life have you accepted and they've been difficult for you? Caused a bit of pain, discomfort, suffering etc? There are plenty of examples of people accepting things and still suffering or resisting it and eventually benefiting. Homelessness, health, poverty, violence, abuse etc. In some of these cases you are completely powerless, and accepting that can for example save you a beating in the moment from an abuser who is twice your size, or allow you to go through treatment for a debiltating disease more easily. In other cases, pulling yourself out of poverty, getting away from the abuse long term or seeking treatment ahead of time for illness, resisting the natural course of things can save you suffering. Its always going to come up, then there is a choice to resist and perhaps change it, or accept it and allow it to happen without resistance. Which in the case of other things like living in a different ideology, a change in the workplace, cultural shifts, technological shifts, a family members temperament etc, can still cause suffering for you but accepting it can be more beneifical, or resisting it to carve a niche in business for example can create opportunities that weren't there before.

As people have said you have a lot of life left. Collective apathy and Cynicism is at an all time high and people speak about it. Fatalism however has been at a high for decades now and people don't speak about it. You can make hundreds of mistakes and then go on to have a better life. You can make a hundred mistakes and continue to make a hundred more. Usually combination of these :D. As for what you should focus on, yes survival comes first, but hopefully you'll realise you are surviving right now. What's after survival? What does that look like? That's what i'd be working on, not just surviving as that state of mind is rough. It doesn't mean you have to give up watching something helpful, that only takes an hour a week or so. That leaves a lot of hours in the week to get your life together from the ground up;.

Don't tell everyone that they are stuck and then say you won't go into details about why they are stuck. The forum is based around the videos of one man, so of course there will be a certain similarity in perspectives, on some things. I think you do this place a disservice if you don't see different points of view being offered. I have and i've only been here a week.

Suffering is part of life. You can accept it, or resist it. Neither is right or wrong, it depends on the outcome you are looking for.

@Nahm I appreciate you taking the time to give your thoughts and advice. The conversation has helped me more clearly see where I am stuck or blocked from experiencing love or connection again. Where I differ is that these conjectures are necessary. I realise we define our boundaries and what they are, they are self imposed beliefs. On a personal level with people its necessary thought conjecture when you experience either shaming, aggression, betrayal, or just general condescending behavior to respond. It happens in front of you, and its not healthy or even often safe to allow it. My reaction however is often not conscious, or tempered, its quite abrupt and I would like more space before it happens inside me, so I can consciously choose how to respond outwardly before I say something I might regret for example. So I can avoid decisions like leaving a job when someone crosses one of those boundaries, which happened a couple of years back. What you speak of references the larger world more clearly to me. Thought structures and hierachies are prone to that. With so many people firmly holding the same beliefs, we interact with organizational structures daily as they are very present in the world around us. I only have one mode of interacting with them when I find them overbearing, that is disconnection or if I am forced to confront it, some form of rebellion which is also disconnection. I am trying again now to seek out more teachers on empathy or collectivism generally, so that I can better interact with what I don't like to experience or see day to day.

I am right where you are. I don't know if it helps to know, but we are going through the exact same thing. Albeit mine was a parent who acted like a 6 year old raising a 6 year old :D. The point is, many people are exactly where you are now and hopefully coming to the same conclusion. Have you tried just going to things like https://www.meetup.com/ and finding things going on in your area. Right now with the lockdowns and people isolating this feeling of wanting connection is stronger than its ever been. Good time to go make friends. In my experience I only felt my heart when I am with others or thinking of others.

@BipolarGrowth Could be, when I use to actively practice energy work, do a lot of yoga, detox etc I had a very bad energetic blow out from an argument. It felt like a metal bar had hit me. This is nothing that severe but a similar sensation. @Nahm Arugments for me are not common anymore like they were when I was growing up. Now when they happen they are usually reactive and triggered, not something I often consciously choose to take part in. There is a split second warning, just a rush of emotions and a NO reaction. Setting a boundry usually. I appreciate the prodding. I intellectually know everything is love, I experienced it in a very direct way a decade ago. Not much since then but back then I felt like spirituality altered in a way that I couldn't follow in, and so I stopped meditating, yoga, and adopting a more loving state. Back to being very disconnected from love. Even though I consciously know that doesn't make sense what I just wrote, because all is love, its what I felt and to a certain extent still feel. I am trying to open up again, in things like this discussion, but its not so simple, there's a lot of good reasons to close down and shut yourself off from connection. There is a lot of times you have to be on your guard around people, locations, situations, or for example say very little. @Tim Ho I am trying it now thank you. As I have a mild headache and did a lot of meditating today. Consciousness feels very heavy.

One time it was Powerlessness. Going through and then accepting that was horrific but ultimately very valuable. Shame or Guilt still cut now and again when I focus on them. Oppressive structures or hierachy would be one I have partially accepted but still inspires fear.

Then take a break. Start now. Sounds like you need a vacation or a rest.

None of what she's saying requires dreams or some supernatural ability. Tension has been building on many borders for 10 years, if anything she's 10 years late making the prediction. She's talking about the big countries but there are many small ones experiencing the same thing. Just read this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_territorial_disputes There is a movement for simplicity, I watched a recent documentary the other day about its success, but I don't know if it'll compete with people's love for material goods on a par. Money still rules much of life. The fact we are still not on solar, wind, biofuels etc, well there has been a resource crisis coming for 50 if not 100 years. So *shrug*. Maybe they will relax the laws on things like Hemp Growth or make laws on designing green engines so they are not bought out before they reach market. I do get the response to teal videos in general, she lectures to the collective on how to be. Switching from making videos helpful, or not, to the individual in 2013, which was in a completely different tone. I usually have the same response myself, but this was something I could get through without turning it off. As far as dreams go they can give you a picture of the day ahead, from my understanding and experience via the subconscious, which stores vast amounts of information. The trouble with it is, its often a metaphor rather than a direct picture, and people fall into the trap of interpreting the subconscious, image for image or word for word. So it becomes difficult to get much from it.

If it helps to know, that's a widespread social problem now. Connecting through text on phones rather than in person dialogue. Its all done in your/their head. I dislike admitting getting older but when I was growing up interacting socially was the norm. Downsides were it was very much based on cliques, and I remember more physical altercations because of the social interaction, but other than those two issues, things were not extended out over time. Feelings were less likely to be left unresolved or at least unacted upon. It all happened in the moment and engaged much more of life, much more of what we are. There is no substitute for being part of a supportive group in person. Anxiety itself is lessened by a healthy collective experiece, they'd have your back and you'd have theirs. I am an adequate writer that enjoys living partially from the mind's perspective, but I can't tell you how much I miss the feeling of those days and the energy within group activities experienced in person. Maybe I needed this lifetime to learn the value of that in detail and what I suffered through living in a state of self imposed solitary confinement. BTW there is nothing wrong with being anxious, I was a wreck at one time, and I started feeling better when I reminded myself of that every time it came up. It stops anxiety stacking on top of anxiety at least. You'll find people that don't care how anxious you are if you take the time to look locally.

Sincerely thank you. I needed this. If you have any more recommendations about people teaching this, please send them. At the moment I could listen to their advice for a long time.

@Fearless_Bum Sometimes I enjoy working alone, sometimes I look for answers or help from others. I find neither approach wrong, just like I see value/flaws in many models or interactions. This model has allowed me to reflect on who I am and while I don't agree with the premise fully that the way society has developed over the millenia is the perfect method of mapping the modern experience of personal or spiritual growth, it is one method of analysing life and our psychology or spirituality. During that I have found I lack in blue and green. Collectivism generally. Blue I would imagine was jordan peterson and over the years I have resisted ever listening to the man so the last couple of days I did. I find myself wondering if my next job should be in a more structured or orderly role to experience it more, as that is something I naturally pull away from. I also find the collective aspects of green ideas and concepts somewhat hard to relate to, and so I asked for a teacher that well represented green, I suspect I have also rejected them out of hand. Orange I listened to tony robbins in my youth for example so I could name him as a teacher.

I do a bit of that without thinking around the eyes, neck, ears and scalp. Thanks for reminding me of it.

Could anyone name a spiritual or practically related teacher for each color on this chart we are referencing. I have realised what I am seeking, what much of this life has been about, and its to go over each of the states of consciousness, to fill in the holes in my understanding. So any you can recommend would be of great use to me and perhaps others seeking information out. Thank you.

Sincerely thank you all for being here I have realised what I needed. Thanks to you. I inwardly sought to feel more a few days ago, and to experience more empathy, this is what's happening. @mandyjw This is perhaps why thinking is eventually seperated as meditation progresses. Thank you. By thinking continuously I don't have to feel or understand, which is another method of avoidance. @Nahm Yes. Its more of a physical reaction and condition that occurs, if i am carrying out a meditative practice and then I get into an intense argument with someone I feel it a lot more afterwards physically. Like a pressure headache. @Tim Ho Very basic. The last few days I just sat down and meditated, I just cross my legs, palms up, back straight, tongue to the roof of my mouth, press my fingers together, and what happens happens. Sometimes all there is, is space. Othertimes I gain an understanding. Sometimes I would like an answer from my subconscious/spirit. Sometimes I focus on areas of pain within my body but that tends to happen naturally anyway, that pain feels warmth or relief. Othertimes I ask for something from myself like more empathy and I spend some time with those thoughts on what comes up. This thread and my argument was likely a result of me seeking the abilty to feel more, and its only as I type this I realise that's what is happening.

Gratitude for this. @Ulax I meditated on it yesterday, these last few days for the first time in years. I asked and wanted to know when I had hurt someone. So it didn't linger with them. I can't stop mistakes or hurting someone inadvertently but I did want to not be blind to when it had happened. Thanks for your words. @mw711 Are you afraid of what will happen, who you will become or what you will do when you bicker? My father and I bickered every day from about 6 to 26. It was only as I entered my 30's and he his 60's that we slowly mellowed. Its not the end of the world if you bicker, things don't break, or become usually unrepairable. If you talk to people, give them time, space and honesty. Trust and a sense of the relationship between you both can build in even the most tempestuous ones. It may never be flowers and roses but I should thank him because between our bickering he's taught me that.

Maybe we or I see what we don't like and concentrate on that more than is necessary, which skews our bias. Its very easy over an internet forum to only see flat words and no emotion or context behind them. Which means the response can be sharp, especially when it triggers emotion and tries to funnel understanding into text. I can't feel what you are trying to convey to me when you reply. I can only think, orange, rational, from the text sent. Voice helps bring context as does seeing the person talk, and even more being with them or knowing what is going on around them. If I heard your voice or knew you, your community and your backstory I would much more easily demonstrate green to you. On an aside, the internet initially was designed purely from a orange perspective by orange thinkers. Forum software designed in a green way might look and operate differently.