BlueOak

@Barna I wanted to come back to this to say I read it at the time, and appreciated the time you put into it. So gratitude for it. I wasn't ready to give a response until now. I have distance, space between emotions and reality most of the time. I still feel emotional knots, pains and pressures that are the onset of emotion. Yesterday for example I hit a peak, started external and later in the night went internal to resassure my limpic body, and find parts of myself I am pushing away still. I have experienced space and become it in spiritual experience. But I struggle to fully be the separation you speak about, as I am both, this talking to you now and consciousness. Yesterday I realised living is enough, as long I live I observe and grow. I am a serious person that's part of this ego's personality, intense at times and overbearing at its worst. Its not a weakness its just a trait, sometimes intensity leads to focused understanding, effort, or strength for example when you need it. Othertimes it leads to self stubborness, self destruction and being overbearing on others. Accepting truth yes, I've done that more and more as the years go on. It leads to both being accepted by others but it can lead to apathy within powerlessness to change what cannot be changed.. While I am okay with powerlessness now, I don't resist what I cannot change near as much, it still leads to stagnation when its taken too far. I feel I am there, in stagnation and stubborness.

Thank you @puporing I had an emotional peak yesterday where I had to go through a few things. Usually I do this quietly to myself, not sure why I felt like sharing perhaps its as you say to be seen, vocalize. Its a balance of not doing this for its own sake or overindulging in it but still being with yourself or those difficult emotions when you are having a night of it. I never have been able to afford a healer or professional so its been a long process. Posts like yours are what helped and do help, videos where someone else said what I was feeling or thinking. I used to crave and manipulate for acceptance, argue for it, fight for it in an unhealthy way. Then I realised just by being honest and accepting yourself its often enough. Seeing it reflect in others because you are not pushing it away anymore and its accepted in you. Thanks again Take care of yourself.

Welcome. I remember one job a couple of decades ago where the boss was always telling me what I was doing wrong, always very full on. I was sure I was going to get the sack but then he turned around and offered me the business. Turns out he was the opposite of fragile, at the time I was fragile, I had no sense of boundaries or much self worth. That's the kind of person I would want, only I would want to stand my own more and argue with him. When I was a young kid 13-18 I was a waiter in a large busy resturant, same deal, everyone was arguing with each other all the time. The place went through 52 staff in a year and 5 bosses in 3 years. Looking back that was the beginning of me learning to get a thicker skin, to stand my own ground, as it was a shark pit until after work where everyone drunk together and blew off steam. Finally maybe watch films like Snatch. I am watching a reaction video to snatch right now in the background, opened before I saw this thread yesterday :D. Good synchronicity. This is a film about angry people, pushing each others boundaries in an over dramatic and sometimes funny way. Movies can however trigger emotions, which let us go through them from the comfort of a couch. It is very red humour. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snatch_(film) Here is the reaction if you don't want the full thing: Or find your flavor of red, I like humor too as you can put aside your ego naturally. Same with comedians, its just a bit of fun, so we put our egos and defenses at the door. *If you want the best Red and Blue series ever made, its The Wire. If I could advise people to watch one thing in their life it'd always be that.

The flip side being we need to have that kind of pull toward the parts of ourselves we push away.

Yes. The way we develop behaviors to cope or survive are many. The methods I have observed over my life that I have used where: Escape - Avoidance - Fantasy or Fiction - Being the helper to feel 'good'. Food. etc. Anger - Fight Manipulation - Control Breakdown - Freezing in Place Over Analysing - Control Anxiety - Worry - Outcome Worse we weren't even aware we were separate from the abusers as our consciousness and memory were not developed to that stage yet, so its all internalized emotionally and not known until we see it or have it pointed out to us. We go through cycles of behavior or live in reaction over and over. Its hard to explain to a mother or father why getting their kid away from an abuser is so important, as so many different behaviors can result and that kid will be living with them for the next 30-40 years, or perhaps all their life. With people who never understand why or even perhaps understand the behavior itself, and can't see it as a trauma or a wound they are interacting with.

No. I am more pessimistic now than I have ever been. If you can find anyway to create and earn off well grounded optimism do it. Now is the time.

Argue a lot with people who push your boundaries. Try to create boundaries in areas of your life until real ones exist. Try to work out what a natural boundary is by example of the collective (Blue), and draw on that experience in how you react to others. Red is about you. YOU. What you want. What you need. Leveraging collective experience (Blue) to put you first. Be selfish for awhile. Treat yourself. Gradually Learn how to treat yourself and be selfish without harming others. (Bit of Green but cant hurt :D). I had a lot of boundary issues from abuse, and still time to time find unconscious parts of myself that i am acting on for a reason not relevant to the conversation I am having. Identifying those triggers, traumas or wounds that stop you being you, why they exist, how they came about is crucial. How can you be yourself if you are not in control of yourself. Example: When you feel those knots inside or your chest getting tight, work out what just happened, if a boundary was actually violated or if its you responding to something from your past. 1) Strength, Exercise. Breathe. 2) What are you working on right now for you? How can you make it yours more. 3) Get around people who are not fragile. Who you can disagree with and stay with you. Support yourself (Blue) within others systems. In this model Red is great but its only healthy when its attached to blue. 4) Finally realise selfishness is selflessness too at times, and when you get to that point of realisation its okay to be Red, its a necessary important part of what you are. You may think it right now but until you get there in life its only a thought. I still have red shadow, nowhere near as much. Boundaries and the integration of selfishness are mostly done. Standing up for myself is done, and the severity required when I do is mostly done. This is red me talking :D. Me Me Me. Now You You You. Good luck! I would say work on procastination but I am terrible at it, so I will leave that for someone else to advise you on. *Oh and daily ritual you can rely on to build trust within yourself and begin to depend on yourself, for me that's the best part of purple in this model. As simple as exercise, to planning, to morning meditation etc.

Don't hate this. Its a mentorship effect and very useful for personal development. People put trust in and let their ego down with their mentor, which helps them take on what the mentor says. Even if I said it or you said, it would cause an egoic response. Someone who has helped them or reached a certain level of emotional trust or reliability etc. It does cause people to defend them perhaps more than they need, but that's completely understandable if you understand what I mean above. Its close to love, trust, letting people in, or making emotional connections, I realise its to someone you've not met. But heck people have been doing that toward products, companies and personalities for as long as i've been alive.

People who need help the most often have no money or are not willing to risk what little they have. Its a similiar more pronounced problem with psychiatrists, though people are acknowledging and look for ways around that. It still persists that the people who need or would benefit from help the most can't afford to get it in the first place, catch 22. *And yes @Egzoset You put that much better than I could. When we chop off what we don't like or hide it, it solves nothing, we never see the true or full picture of the problem.

I miss the style of spirituality that Nahm embodies. Its why I didn't connect with spirituality communities in the same way anymore. Sort of like a missing aspect of it, chopping off the non duality aspect. I felt it levelled me out somewhat. Of course its all your preferences, your house, your style, your rules. But if @Nahm reads this and tells us where he heads next, please drop me a mention as to where that is. I feel I benefit from both styles and could use less of a heavy handed, serious and/or material approach at times - within myself I should say.

You are projecting.

An egoic reaction to an egoic reaction is normality. Such as this one. Much easier to mock a reaction or belitte the person for having it, than to ask why such a disparity exists between deleting one video and the emotional reaction attached to it. This post is another example of the trait.

Yes. Its the magnifier for all issues, thank you for starting this thread I will keep it book marked and go back to it time to time. Its a sensitive issue and one nobody wants to talk about. Economic impact and civil rights being the two biggest roadblocks. The shrinking distance between populations allows things like viruses to spread easier, and their impact to magnify from urban density through mutation and strain on a particular area because of the ease of infecting many people in a short perioid. People can adapt to most things but the quality of life you get living in a small room shaped box is much worse a feeling than you get in a wide open room, or a building with a garden to sit in. Fuel costs, resources being used, pollution, crime rate, environmental damage and decline, war over land etc everything is increased in dense urban centers and rising population levels. Health issues and the strain on health services is also magnified, traffic, queues, heat, and stress levels are up for example. There is no easy answers I can see. Welcoming gay communities more and more openly in life, is a step in the right direction as that directly impacts population, and something some species do in nature to curb the biological drive if food is low. So a large gay population is ultimately good for our species right now. Encouarging people to stick with one or two kids in a gentle way, like having these kinds of discussions openly and more frequently is another for example. Again naturally species have less kids if there is less food or space. The biggest change will come when people, their governments, their businesses, and you all reading this take responsibility for our world. For all the species we no longer have, and all the medicine, insights, companionship, or life we can no longer gain or share with them, All the impacts we have and all the decisions we make. I have hated responsibility, it was a harsh word growing up, used in the same sentence as punishment in school, at home, on the TV or at jobs. I resisted when I saw people trying to redefine the word to not be completely linked to things like punishment at first. We need to educate and raise people that want to take responsibility, not are burdened with or worse hit over the head with it as a punishment. This is slowly changing and that is good. We need to reinforce that actions are more important than immediate results, and that has been another mountain for us to climb, avoiding the instant gratification that the 80s really pushed hard, and still lingers today. People need to know and act like what they leave when they die, is just as important as when they were living here. If you can work that last one out and how to do it, great, you've help solve the problem.

They, them, the other. The ones who want something different than we do. Behave differently. Look different. Act different. Not us. No me. Not whole. Separated from us. Judged and having that separation reinforced in their own identity.

By the way with the level of censorship we are increasingly under, I would say almost everyone, everywhere is not getting a completely clear channel of communication. Search engines list what 10% of the internet now? I hate it too but blame the platform, or the voices complaining to it, or the reasons they have, or what was done to them to give them those reasons, or the parents of people who traumatized them two generations ago. Its always the loudest voice, the most money, or the most traumatized that dictate the extremes of what can be watched or is allowed in society, separating out the rest and thus causing or accentuating the divisions we see.

Just take what is there and use if it works. Don't do the personality, manners or decorum dance. You are doing what you hate from others but in reverse. A few questions: Why do you think taking down a video is false. Why do you think leaving up a video is true. Why can we not correct something, or remove something. Why can we not watch what we say when speaking to thousands or tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands.

Stop separating them from you, and you won't have the problem of them fighting you for or with their separate identity as much. Yes I realise this is difficult when someone is doing it to you. The other alternative is you split your party and include their identity, concerns and wishes in the political process. This isn't ever going away using your current approach, so hating it is like repeatly kicking a wall.

Much of this is not wrong or bad. It merely can be used in this way. No need for anyone to defend their own hobbies or lifestyle if its healthy or works for them. 1) Intellectual rebellion, debate or activism on limited or single sources with no physical or communal attachment. Re: Science, Politics, Fashion, Lifestyles, Finance etc. Limited sourcing or sourcing just to support your own argument singularly without any focus on what has already been established to balance or integrate it. Especially if you are considered separate, alone, not taken seriously. 2) Overeating Alone, rather that sitting with others and sharing the meal. Feeling alone, separated, isolated and eating to fill that. Look at the rise in videos of people eating to eat with someone else and fill that void. 3) It used to be the same with writing, roleplaying, LARP'ing, geeky or nerdy behavior in general. It was seen as isolating and apart from the group. These days being Geeky is cool, accepted, integrated into society, intelligence is no longer shunned for example. This used to feed into people doing their own thing, starting their own theories, research or lifestyles to support their identity of being separated. 4) Psychedelics without sensible structure, support and health concerns being addressed. Its used to rebel, its used to escape, because its being placed outside of society, criminalized. 5) Singleplayer Computer Games. Again like geeky behavior, this is considered considerbly more accepted now than it was 20 or 30 years ago. 6) Reflect on anytime you've ever called someone's life or behavior weird, singular, apart or separate from the community. 7) Drinking Alone. People were and are still disassociated or separated from the collective for doing it. Often looked down on by those selling it to them. Encouraging escapism, separation, rebellion against your situation. 8) For many years musical genre's that were not mainstream, to extent this is still true. 9) Self diagnosing Health Issues with no communal support. Doctors and others consider you separate, wrong for doing your own research, laugh or mock people. 10) Any trend, sport, or fashion which is new, different and not accepted by society at large. Think rollerblading or skateboarding decades ago. 11) Sexual Activity, people still struggle to be adult and speak about it. People are still trying to limit others exposure to it on the internet and still separating it not fully part of the community. Its better but its still not talked about or treated in an adult, sensible manner. 12) Any theory, ideology or belief that people shun or laugh at, mock or disassociate from the collective. I knew this but it didn't click like this until i was typing out a Psychedelics post. Anything society separates encourage rebellion and escapism into it. Its very simple but I didn't realise how powerful that was.

When something isn't seen as part of the community or a group activity, it encourages it to be seen and used as a way to escape life, or to be used to channel rebellion. When something isn't accepted by society, built into it in a sensible and adult way, it attracts the same thinking and behavior. I feel this is universal.

If you have a small amount of money. You can certainly back conscious people when they need it most so they can maintain channels of communication, small fledgling groups, ideas or organizations. When they are starting up or struggling, if you are the second person to help out you are incredibly important in their development. Its an old saying that the second person to support something is the most important, because without them the person(s) doing it are just an individual alone in a void. When that second person arrives it encourages others to listen or help out and begins to form a group or community. You can provide moral support, encouragement and something for them to build off of. Now the hard part. The entire internet is against you finding these new or interesting channels, groups, causes or fledgling start up businesses. Its entirely biased towards large multinationals which are already well financed, successful and established. If I could do one thing to help, i'd make a search engine, index or organization dedicated to finding those who don't have the exposure they would benefit from and giving it to them. But for now you'll have to hunt around on the fringes and maybe on the deep web (not the dark web) to find anything. Reference: https://www.upguard.com/blog/dark-web-vs-deep-web

How much have you invested, how much is left to invest? How are your career prospects with or without the degree where you live? - If you don't know find out. If you do leave. What is your plan if you leave? Make a couple of plans so you have something to fall back on. Not just i'll do this, but i'll do this for this to get there, to map out 10 years at least. The people who look down on you for quitting a course you can't stand are likely people who have never expericenced failure. Which means they've never tried anything worth a damn, perhaps they've lived a sheltered life and never had to live. That or they are people who think enduring to get to the end of it has value, for its own sake. For example if its family pressure only keeping you there that's a sucky reason to live your own life for someone else. Are you depressed and making decisions from a rational place or an emotional place? Is something else going on that's bugging you? If you can't think of any value from this degree have you looked into it? I mean really searched out there? Philosophy is one of the things that can cause ego death, or at least strip away some of the baggage that you were carrying. Which can cause you to feel like you have no direction, purpose or feel hollow. Its a process. It's up to you to build it back up, nobody else does it for you, life doesn't bring it to you and spoon feed it. Living life for other people for example or by their own beliefs or values often ends in tragedy. Before you make any choice, make sure you are calm, rational and crystal clear with your reasoning and with a plan in place. Else you'll be exactly where you are now.

I'll drop the go to guide in as well: http://www.biologyofkundalini.com/ I was going to say Kundalini is a Psychedelic experience already but its been phrased better above. From what I remember a highly energetic and fiery one.

It would be like trying to live in someone elses story or pulling open a page of a book and pointing at it. Without everything that made that point in time what it was. Its just an image on a screen flashing by. There is no emotion, no reason, no path to that point.

Its a blight and a blessing. Going through the teenager years over and over is horrendous to put it mildly. Even if I had a perfect childhood and upbringing those years are not great for anyone i've ever talked to. So that's at least one decade every lifetime to endure and probably more because its doubtful your earlier childhood years did not leave you with trauma to go through either. On the other side. Would you want to live with the trauma of loss or events and accidents. The memory of dying or the pain of it, and how it effected others. Perhaps the regret, guilt or knowledge of some of the mistakes you've made or things you've done in this life. Even if you've reached acceptance or more from them, they won't help the next life to experience the memory of them most of the time. Because that life is for that life, not this one. You lack context, emotion and detail of the memory. Sometimes it helps to know and past life regression can give you insights, but i've found other lives blocked off and accepted there was a reason for that.

Yes because its not treated in a sensible way. Its not done in a group or communal setting, with appropriate safeguards and health concerns being addressed beforehand. Its often done behind closed doors, while people are looking to escape or get a high, and because its criminalised rather than an accepted part of society is going to attract people to it for the wrong reason.