Fight1Up

For the sexual kung fu, it has helped me move freely away from my long term porn addiction. I have been practicing almost 2 years and can't say the least how free I am today. I guess my real input on this is my idea of semen retention, and how I feel the need to gain power in doing so, but at the same time expressing/leaning it in a way that may benefit others or even by having a partner.

I usually don't post as much, but I had this question/issue in the my back of my head as this is the place I feel comfortable asking in a like-minded environment. I'm still stuck between the duality of having sex and not having sex. I am 24 and still a virgin and there is this thorn of emotional maturity I want to express through sex, but I also want to keep a long term answer in finding a genuine authentic partner which is no sex until I find one. I don't know what your thoughts on hookup culture, but I was having thoughts about it with the mere intention of growing myself and expressing my sexuality since I always loved the idea of sex. I'm also aware of having an authentic genuine partner which means I feel like I have to wait for the perfect one which somewhere within says I will be thankful if I wait for this one. The only thing is my sexuality is not being expressed which makes it hard to not follow. I am practicing sexual kung fu from Mantak Chia who introduced the idea of 'Taoist way of love: cultivating the male sexual energy' for fyi with idea of expressing love within self while not losing chi or through ejaculation. With this issue at hand I feel like I'm trying to kill two birds with one stone meaning have sex and also find an genuine authentic partner. What are thoughts or input on this matter? Am I overthinking the situation? Would it be wise to wait for my partner? Should I express my sexuality with someone else until I find one? What is the genuine direction I'm going with this subject?

Most of the time is guiding myself, but a good mentor made me realize a lot of myself while pursuing the leadgen industry. I lived a lot on fear, but now I feel like dropping everything from money seeking and pursue just my purpose. A lot of people want me to drink, drugs, lose my virginity and get messed up. Their thinking is trying to get in my head, but I will consciously think for myself. I can only keep fighting for what I want. I feel like a lost cause in my end, just trying to get to a position where I love doing my purpose without people trying to get control of me.

I thought I put this out for feedback to letting out my mind to more like-minded individuals. Here it is: So I may have limiting beliefs and doubts about my life purpose, but here is the spill of what I have been through. I have been an introvert all my life and quiet for most of my life so I would fear a lot of things like footsteps, sounds, and people in general. This introverted fear has stopped me a lot when people would talk angry or create my limiting belief that "I'm not enough". I sooner realized after meditating and abstaining from my addiction that people aren't necessarily mad... that is just their state of background and being which is not really to affect the identity of yourself. The book of not knowing has helped me discover more of myself. I spent some money on a course that would help me make more money, but all I want from it is a return on investment. I don't want to keep pursuing money to help build on top of my life purpose. Right now I am in the military reserve, but I aspire to be a screenwriter. I usually don't share with anyone what I do in the military - just to prove anything or argue about concepts, but to show within myself - especially that they do drugs, think negatively, and think that we are all messed up and the reason may be is that they might die. I sometimes don't feel like hanging around people that don't care about life and actualize themselves, but that in turn poses a threat to them. I like to hang around people that inspire me, but stuck in deployment right now in which I spent my time writing when we are doing nothing every single day. All I can do is soak in this aloneness and not let others tell me the right path when there is none, to begin with.

The following are sets of questions that have been in a ruffle in my life and the level of understanding. I have contemplated these concepts such as emptiness vs fullness (feeling so empty yet so full) and pain vs pleasure. Wanted to get these questions off my chest, maybe it will point me in a different direction. Main Question: How can I be more productive while gaining the right amount of pleasure, powerful habits, rewards, and being motivated to get stuff done in minimal time while disciplining the mind? Secondary Sub-Questions: Am I being deluded to the fact that I am grinding and hustling every minute of the day? Do I need time to relax throughout the day, take breaks, or how does that work? Can anyone tell me a schedule that one typically has if you can? How does discipline work while gaining a healthy amount of pleasure or motivation? Is there a need to have pleasure or is it pleasurable to feel pain throughout the drudgery of the process? (no pain, no gain?) The only reason I ask is that I am in the process of removing all bad habits, but don't seem to know how to pleasure myself again or if I need to. Powerful habits are cool such as inspiration or meditation, but the fire burns out at some point. I'm not sure if I am just overworking myself or in need to lay back. Sometimes it makes me feel better if I take a nap when I am tired then get back to the day again, but looks like a new bad habit. Any thoughts or resources?

Wow, I didn't think this thread was going to go this far! I thought I was supposed to be emailed for the replies for this thread. I was going to come back to see if I could answer this one day. Really great views and angles on the issue. I started to gain a little bit of knowledge over time within myself and through the book 'Atomic Habits'. Most of the answers seem to be reconceptualized and reflected upon me.