INTRO
Hey everyone. This is a trip report of my first mushroom trip and my first time writing a trip report and it's my first time posting on Actualized's forum. My only experience with psychedelics apart from this was half a tab of LSD.
I took 1g of Liberty Caps. I took them alone, in my room. I chewed them well before ingesting. As some close people recommended me, I prepared a nice atmosphere in the room beforehand, some Christmas Lo-Fi music, a plate a sliced fruits like banana and an orange and a pitcher of water to stay hydrated. I also prepared a small table in front of the couch and put my journal there in case I want to write something down.
My face started to feel a bit sore in around 20 minutes and I understood that it starting to take effect. I felt like changing the music to something more "natural" and I put some Folktronica music that I like and a specific album called "Tranquilllitas". I listened for it like 5 minutes and then I got the thought that I have to meditate and stop the music and other external stimuli. So I stopped the music, I sat on my couch, closed my eyes and relaxed. I started panting a bit and got a bit feverish.
DISCLAIMER!
This is where it got really trippy. It's very hard to describe it with language and even so it doesn't describe the fullness of the experience. I'm doing my best to present the experience in written English even though it wouldn't represent even 5% of the whole experience. I suggest to approach what I'm writing further with plenty of open-mindedness, imagination and a grain of salt. You have been warned.
MAIN
All of a sudden, I felt like I am my energy, my soul, my essence, not in my body anymore - and I was in the presence of a great entity. It had no specific form, even though it had some sort of visible shape. In a very simplistic, labelling and limited way, it looked like some Lovecraftian god/Biblically accurate angel/non-Euclidean kind of thing. It was also in continuous shapeshifting, never static. I understood/was communicated that IT is a benevolent Entity and it was exuding calmness, peacefulness. The sensations were as all the senses were mixed together and formed something superior, some sort of sense that includes all the senses but lets them communicate among them. So this way it seemed as I was seeing sounds and touching colours. The most simplest explanation would be that I felt in a space of non-physicality, where the usual rules of reality, physics and so on - don’t apply. It felt like the entity in front of me was at the same time the space I was in, as a gigantic soul. It seemed as the reality of this Entity and the Entity itself was one and the same. I didn't understood if it was a single entity that I was in the presence of or if there were more entities. I was communicated, or I understood, that this either doesn't matter or that there's no difference - for the Entity, both of these meant the same thing. I was communicated that a lot of things are actually the same thing - it's only that I/we don't see it. The Entity seemed to address me as neither in singular nor plural, as if IT didn't perceive if I was also only one entity or more - again, it rather seemed as for the Entity this didn't matter or that it was the same thing . It also seemed as if it perceived not only me, as a single soul, but the whole of humanity, or rather the whole "life" from the "physical reality" - but not sure.
I was continuously interacting with/was interacted with what appeared to be appendages of the same entity or different entities (from here on called the ENTITY). The Entity was continuously communicating to me and/or making me understand different things. It also told me that IT communicating to me and me understanding something from IT - it's the same thing. At that moment my physical body started laughing because I understood that I couldn't use language to communicate with this Entity or properly understand it, and that the way I was trying to do it was very limited. I understood that language is a medium through which meaning and understanding is transmitted - but the way the Entity was communicating was just sharing the meaning and understanding with me directly, without any medium. It made me understood that a medium can help but it can also prevent, and even distort. The communication with the Entity felt like pure unhinged, unblocked communication. I experienced very so-called bizarre, grotesque and beautiful mix of…experience. It wasn't just visual or sound. I was seeing how, supposedly, the body of this Entity was passing by through me, ripping me apart, making eyes sprout from nothing, rainbows coming from eyes that form a plant that kisses a star - and that is only for like 2 seconds - it continued for around 2 hours. Never during these experiences did I feel fear, panic, or any so called "negative" emotions. I continuously felt bliss, joy and happiness throughout interacting with the Entity. I was communicated/made understood that killing, having sex, eating - these are limited survival processes of "our reality/physical reality", that those concepts are too simplistic to explain what I experienced with the Entity. IT told me that the so called "mushrooms" are a medium/portal/middleperson to THIS reality/plain/world, but it’s an inefficient/impermanent/temporary one. IT communicated the desire for "Its reality" and the "physical reality" to become connected/become one/ be merged/be undivided - this seemed of importance for the Entity (not sure).
Before the trip, I prepared some questions that I wanted to get answer for, regarding my relationships from the physical world, my evolution there and so on. The Entity communicated that those things don’t matter and that there more important things to do. At some point, during an ecstatic, multisensory experience, covered in waves of energy/light/bliss, a face appeared. I'm not sure if it was the face of the Entity, neither that it even knew what face is. I can't explain the process but it seemed that it gave me something/I received something. It told me that I was "fecundated" or something like that. Though, I'm not sure if IT gave me something right then or before - the tense wasn't precise and I'm not sure if IT meant "fecundated" like a verb or an adjective (it might have made only a statement.) The Entity told me that it likes me and that it's a pity that I can't stay there for longer. It communicated that it would like for "us in the material world" to be able to join their world/plain freely and stay there, or for the Entity to be able to freely be with us, "in the physical world". For the Entity, It seemed like there wasn't real difference between the two options. IT knew that I would like to communicate/share the experiences in the physical world and the Entity seemed to be indifferent if I communicate about IT and my experiences or not - IT did make me understand that it will be difficult to communicate these experiences through language - of which I'm becoming more aware as I write this.
It seems that our "physical reality" was like an experiment, and attempt into something new, but it created limits, duality and labels and that IT wants our realities to become one again. It communicated that even though our realities seem to be separated and that it's sad that we're separated from the Entity - it makes it so much sweeter when we reconnect with IT. It communicated that since our separation, "the physical world" was meant to continuously evolve/change until one day it will be able to merge/connect with the "world of the Entity". The "physical world" is of "receiving energy" and the Entity "fecundates" it through "souls" from the "physical world" that are of strong "receiving energy" and are able to make connection with the Entity (in my interpretation, it's the artists and pretty much everyone in history who had a strong "muse/inspiration/realisation/revelation/etc".)
The Entity made me understand that it can observe/perceive "the physical world", but it cannot directly interact with in - which is why IT can do it through mediums (like mushrooms and "strong receiving people"/gifted people). To the best of my understanding, for the Entity, the "physical world" is like an aquarium, with us, living beings, stuck in it, like fish - and the Entity as the people who interact with the aquarium but are separated by the "barrier" of the "aquarium", with the "fish" unable to fully comprehend/perceive what's outside the "aquarium". For us, people - "the fish", understanding the Entity and its world is similar to the fish in the aquarium to understand the human world - close to impossible, while for the Entity our "physical world"(the aquarium) seems trivial.
(In my post-trip understanding, it seems that if the "physical" and the "Entity's world" are to merge/connect, the result will be The Revelation of the Entity's world/The Entity. For us, this would mean the Collapse of Reality and Duality, of which the older religions talked in some way (like Ragnarok in Norse mythology and Apocalypse in biblical mythology).
It seemed as the Entity was made of pure Love/Bliss/Pleasure (the same thing according to the Entity), and every of its activities was loving - it was a mix of destroying, having sex, communicating, being consumed, consuming and many more - the differences between these actions is arbitrary and just a label, as I understood/was communicated. It didn't have a gender or it had all the genders - again, for the Entity it seemed to be the same thing. I was communicated that there is energy, and that because I was of "receiving energy" I became "fecundated" (or rather my "soul") - again, not sure of IT did it to me then or if IT stated an adjective or a fact that happened before. IT communicated that I will grow the seed and become of "giving energy" - that's when I'll bear fruit and could feed and "fecundate" others with my fruit and seed further - and the cycle continues.
These and many more things seemed clear , but I was communicated that most of these things will become unclear for me or I'll forget them once my soul leaves the Entity's world, as there's no equivalent of that knowledge in the physical world, it cannot be explained or understood through language and that the brain with which I'll try to analyse and conceptualise this knowledge it's too limited to make that knowledge explainable in the "physical world", being otherwise clear and meaningful in the Entity's world.
After that, the trip started to wind down and I felt how the Entity is leaving and I'm starting to feel my physical body more and more. I had some crazy laughs for like 20 minutes and after the trip pretty much ended.
EPILOGUE
Overall, in a nutshell, it felt like I had a trip to the spiritual/astral/energetic plain, was met by the/an Entity, had a great time, feeling otherworldly pleasure and overall experiences, talked in between about how the physical reality is limited, dual, how it would be great for all of us to come together and have a collapse of realities, communicated some unspeakable knowledge and then IT let me be and come back to my physical body. VERY in-a-nutshell. The trip was around 5h long. Close to the end of the trip, I had a bit of diarrhea, no pain or stomach ache - just liquid poop.
