Vercingetorix

I have a female friend (the one I posted about a month or two ago) that her and me are getting closer in our friendship. I do like her romantically but even just being friends with her makes me happy. I think that she likes me too but the thing which prevents her from feeling enough attraction for me to want to be together is that she doesn't invest much in the relationship - It feels as if it's a bit one sided - I mostly help and support her. The main reason for that is that she is going through a rough period in life: she just started therapy recently and she is facing a lot of pain, anxiety, fears and traumas and in general I just want to be there to help and support her. I search for a WIN WIN relationship and if we stay just close friends - I'm happy about it. But I do think it's possible for us to have a WIN WIN romantic relationship and the thing that I Know from attraction theory is that It's important for a girl to feel she invests in the relationship to feel attraction. And I was thinking that this is the thing that is lacking. So I an wondering how to make her invest more in the relationship? I also think that this question is manipulative and one part of me doesn't like. So if I would like a relationship that we invest the same amount of energy and time in each other - how do I make it so from the place that I'm at -Which is more 70%-30% investment levels, in non manipulative ways?

@LordFall I practice day game pretty regularly And I have a date or two per week but I kind of lost interest in other girls for now. I feel like I have to sort this thing with her first. Why do yo think so? and what's wrong with supporting friends emotionally? There is a good chance she is not interested and that's ok for me. But in the case that she is - I would like to play my cards right. @StarStruck I did tell her a few times that's I'm interested in the past, and at those time she she was not. Since then the dynamics of our relationship changed - we got much closer - so I think there is a chance she is starting to develop feeling for me but I don't know. I'm pretty open with her and I think the best option is to seize the moment, next time we have an intimate moment I will test to see if she is attracted.

@integral @Leo Gura Beautiful

It finally dawned on me that things like flaking, ignoring me, not responding or not answering questions that I ask when texting, not investing in the relationship or doing only things that she wants - Mostly in romantic context but also in friendships I have with girls - Are Huge red flags of disrespect for me. And I pretty much allow it - I'm basically becoming a fucking rug. I'm allowing girls things that I will never allow a male friend to do. I'm sick of having suck relationships, So how to deal with it? I thought that every time I feel disrespected - She doesn't answer me a few times for example - I should set a boundary and tell her "Hey It's important for me to have mutual respectful communication with people. I think it's respectful to answer people questions or at least if you don't want to answer say or explain why. Of course it doesn't have to be 100% but I think you can feel when people respect each other. So If you value the relationship with me and are willing to invest that energy to have a respectful relationship - that's amazing, let's do that. If not - let's say goodbye" How do you guys deal with this shit? It happens to me with girls I took numbers from cold approaches, with friends, also with a girl I hooked up with.

Thanks guys. When submitting this thread I got emotional and was stuck in a this weird thinking loop. When I managed to get out of the emotional hole I could see how ridiculous my thoughts were. My solution is just to create more abundance until I'm satisfied with the quality of people / women in my life.

Where can I find an uncensored version of this bot? for science... Edit: Upon reflection, maybe it's not worth it - all the twisted shit that can be created without censorship

Favorite image I created so far!

In the last week, in 3 out of the 4 session of Cold approaching I made (daygame), Within the 1st or 2nd interactions I had, I managed to hook and take a solid number. If feels amazing and when it happens I'm really surprised that I can do that, It really feels like a Superpower. But the interesting thing is, That after such an interaction it's harder for me to approach more girls. Even though I feel high and in a way if feels easier - I don't feel I have the need to do it. It feels disrespectful for the girl I took her number - I just want to know her and be with her. It's a feeling of false abundance. It's false because I see from experience that this feeling of abundance doesn't last - I still feel needy if she doesn't respond, or doesn't show up for the meeting and I'm afraid to lose her on the date and therefore don't escalate. Also When I approach only 1 or 2 sets - I don't really build the habit of approaching and it's harder on other days to approach. What's your solution to this problem guys?

ask about what you're really curious and interested about

@Space that's nuts!!

@Jake Chambers You made me cry reading that! You deserve another chance and although I don't know what happens after death, I believe you will get it. When I was a child what hurt me the most was not understanding why I suffer and fail at things. I just wanted to be good at something and to feel that I belong. I would ask myself - why do I deserve this fate? did I do anything wrong? I believed i was pure and innocent and Just wanting the good for everybody. But reality showed me otherwise, that maybe I deserve the suffering I experienced. Only now in my mid 30's I can appreciate, understand and see the the fruits of the suffering , the greater good of it. So what's the greater good of your Situation? I don't know, but it must exist, right?

@Vrubel cool. I do practice no-fap and I feel the difference. So you say touching yourself without Cumming brings out the masculine energy? I'll try to do it before a date. Another good exercise for connecting to masculine energy - Put energetic music and Imagine that a group robbers are coming to your house and want to kill and rape everyone one that is important for you. That start fighting them - Punch and kick the air and the imagined robbers - bring out the killer in you, connect to this dark energy. on e you're tired - take a few breathes, relax and repeat a few times. About Food - why not go eat Pizza? Or meet after Diner?

@StarStruck Yeah I've on on 3 dates. In all of them I fell to a lot to my default behavior of trying to please them and see how awesome they are - Instead of Screening frame that evaluates and sees if I want them in my life. Platonic vibes and Boyfriend excuses - I didn't build enough attraction or in my last date - even comfort was lacking. All in all super insightful and educational meetings @KH2 @Vrubel The argument against will be that She loses attraction when you invest in her So better minimize it until sex - but If it works for you then why not.

@Karmadhi In Israel, which pretty much a western country, maybe a bit more conservative about sex. @KH2 From experience?

@Aleister Crowleyy You misunderstand. I do have an Aim. But focusing on this aim paradoxically hurts it sometimes . (It's the same paradox of entering flow state or of wanting not to want or reaching enlightenment). The solution: focus on another goal - like just enjoying the moment or having fun - a sub goal that helps you reach your goal)

@Devin Yeah I think in my mind it's like IF I approached her And it was a positive interaction and she give me her number - It's ON as if I slept with her. The validation from such interactions are overwhelming for me. Time and experience would be my best teachers! @Leo Gura Logically I understand it. But emotionally... Currently I feel immense appreciation to any pretty girl that is interested in me and I really don't wanna hurt any girl that was willing to spend time and energy on me. My fear is that more than one will be into me - and I will hurt them. I know That most girls probably don't care about me at all until sex but I still do. The solution is to contemplate and understand how I hurt girls by being this way? How do I hurt a girl If I'm overly respectful to her and I Invest in her more than she invests in me and I'm afraid to hurt her? -It makes me needy towards her. - It's patronizing to her to think I can hurt her -seeing her as weak. - If I'm not allowing myself to be free - I subconsciously wanting her also to not be free. IF I imagine my perfect world, In this world I'm free to talk to many girls at the same time, I can meet and have sex with any girl as long as I don't agree with a girl to be together and exclusive. When I'm aware of it I can see how such behavior limit me.

Yesterday at my job There was a girl (that looked 15ish) with her mom and she was really beautiful! I couldn't help but admire her looks. during the interaction with her and her mom I found out she was even younger - not even 13. On the one hand I want to express myself freely and Not to feel that I have to repress my admiration of her looks. On the other hand It feels weird to tell a 13 years girl that I find her beautiful. I know That the important thing is my intention - If the compliment comes from an honest and sincere place , with a fun vibe and smile and not from neediness It will tend to work but still I find it weird to be said to a young girl. That's open up a bigger question for me - Is there a general Formula for complimenting? I see that it's better to talk about myself: when I look at you I feel inspired, I find you cute/beautiful rather than "you are beautiful" or "you have beautiful eyes". Your thoughts?

The best answer That came from my intuition so far is that I shouldn't approach for the result. If I feel that I want to talk to a girl, I should just do it to enjoy talking to her, not focus on the result. Like that It doesn't matter if I succeed or not.

@Leo Gura Like Devin said, It's not about flirting @Devin Thanks @hoodrow trillson best response. Thankfully I don't live In America. @Ulax I don't think admiring someone beauty equals wanting to sleep with them. Although It's interesting to see what the parents think about it. I think I will try complimenting in the best way I can find and see if the girl / Parents responses are positive or not. If I see negative responses I will keep my thoughts to myself.

@Judy2 Thanks. I work at a thinking puzzle shop and I give people puzzles to solve so I thought a good line cold be "Wow you really pretty, let's find out if you're smart as well and give her a puzzle to try ) @Pavement why not? @KH2 Children are people too, why ignore them? I'm not talking about pick up, just common curtesy and having an enjoyable time with people. @Yarco Where I live I don't feel there is problem complimenting a girl (in a non needy/creepy way...). I feel more creepy If I have to hide my thoughts. Thanks for the reminder that Non look related compliments are great. @RazeI actually do it sometimes, that's cool In the situation I'm talking about it's people who I interact with for some time . @petar8p I agree that it's weird in a way. But it's also weird to hide something positive you have to say to someone. Also, maybe it helps me that no one believes me when I tell them my age, People think I'm 25. And I do practice with older women, Thanks

Smile, have fun and joke with them - until they feel comfortable with you. Be Genuinely interested in them, Learn to really listen and understand them (presence!) (If you are thinking thoughts and give them energy while they talk - you ain't really listening. when you notice thoughts discard them and bring your attention back to the person - IT's like meditation on the person's words) and ask questions that you are truly curious about. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your insecurities, pains and frustrations - This will allow them to feel identification, compassion and will allow them to open up to you and be vulnerable with you. Talk about FEELING!!!! how does it make you feel? how did it feel like to do/see/hear X? When they share things about themselves - genuinely compliment them about opening up/a trait or quality that they have. Specially for your situation - Bring up this issue with "their is something I would like to speak to you about. It's important for me to truly connect with you and there is something that I feel prevent us from reaching that... " (elaborate...)

Guys, Thanks for all the Funny replies, it made my day Will answer later.

depends on your definition of hate and love. Do you mean that when they feel anger (which is made out of body sensations+Thoughts) towards you, at the same time they feel Love (a positive warm feeling) for you?

Thank God for the reminder ? (It initially autocorrected to "thank God for tinder" ?)

What helped me breakthrough in my conversation skills was Making the conversations emotional. One way to do it is the "Screening and Qualifying" technique. https://davidtianphd.com/masterclass-content/ "From meet to date" video (whole video is good but specifically from 38:00 Minute Mark).