Irina Wolf

See that's what I mean. I've had professional help for YEARS on end but this has never improved and tbf only worsened when the pandemic came around. With my therapist I established that it arised when I was 8 out of anxiety, a feeling of utter powerlessness and anger I could only direct on myself. Ironically my feeling powerless to stop this (because so far I've had no succes) is yet another feeling of powerlessness that makes the biting continue or even worse. The biting however also happens when I don't expierence powerlessness, anxiety or anger. It's just become a habit I'm now sick of. I'm just hoping there's anyone on this forum with experience on self harm & successfully overcoming it. I guess it's a forbidden topic because I have yet to find any useful information online or in books.

I've done 14 years of professional help. I even went to an addiction clinic but even they said I best find my own way because I didn't belong there.

Thanks for the time to read and reply but to be honest this is not useful advice. Today I would have killed about 2 if not 3 entire antfarms with the amount I bite. Also to see how cruel I am would lead me to bite more because the biting initially already started because I felt bad about myself. Adding more guilt would only make me bite more.

Hi Leo! Could you elaborate on Terence McKenna & like you did on Jordan Peterson? I love Jordan Peterson but also quite enjoyed your critique on him. Would love to see one on Ram Dass or Eckhart Tolle as well. Very curious how you perceive other well known teachers. Anyone else feel the same?

Fear fear fear, crippling fear. I realized got myself in a pickle of a situation. I even have nightmares about being held hostage with no way out. I wake up in the night a lot due to hyperventilation. I just started the life purpose course about two weeks ago. Why? Because all I do is daydream about the life I wish for while doing nothing about it. The walls are caving in on me. My coping mechanisms are damaging my health, my financial situation is never getting better, I struggle getting to apply to University out of fear of rejection or believing I'm not smart enough. Now thanks to this course I finally admit to myself that it's all due to my crippling negative & limiting beliefs. I can't believe I've had 14 years of therapy but limiting beliefs are still holding me by the throat. Ofcourse I'm stuck in the same situation my parents are at. Ofcourse I haven't excelled them yet. I'm operating on the same software system that they gave to me. I'm 26 and I've been in therapy since I was 12. I still feel all the crippling childhoof beliefs holding me back in life. I quit therapy this year. The resistance to do anymore trauma therapy just was too big. Because I felt it made no change to who I wanted to become and where I wanted to be. My aim has always been to fix myself, without realizing that might be my actual problem. I've been in therapy for so many years because I kept believing I wasn't good enough to do anything on my own. I'm not suicidal (anymore) but I still feel I'm not worthy to live my life. To just grab it and to make the most out of it. I realized I never really lived life on my own despite the massive amount of loneliness I have felt over the years. Now, I'm really alone. No one to fall back on. Not my therapist, Not my parents. Not my friends. Just my cat. I'm so grateful for her ♡ I wouldn't know what to do without her yet I'm also secretly hoping to make some friends on Actualized.org so I can atleast connect with like minded people. The Netherlands is in another lockdown. I'm in my appartement and I can feel the walls caving in on me. Sometimes I daydream of having a superpower that could explode from my chest as I scream and turn every wall and everything in the world / universe to dust. I'm frustrated. I no longer want to feel this powerless. I've had enough. What about you? Much love from the Netherlands ♡ Irina

Hey Gregory! Thanks for the warm welcome. I've taken mushrooms often in my life but so far they've only helped me overcome my artist block. Which I am grateful for ofcourse. But I feel I'll have to do the hard work to feel empowered. The trauma is really deeply ingrained. But magic mushrooms helped me realize that it's there to fuel my creativity. I forget that sometimes. I sing too! Would you check out my works? Much love from the Netherlands! ♥

This is so satisfying to look at! Wonderful! Keep it up please!

Love to see this thread exist ! <3 here's my latest creation "Goldfish" @redcrimsonface_art on Instagram. deviantart.com/redcrimsonface