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@Leo Gura you would be best to answer this

been making decision all my life not to cause trouble and living life that way

so emotionally fuck up

you have to be secure in yourself to make this life work and to achieve anything really

realization: that most people are so insecure that if you don't talk much and aren't social they just assume that you think you are better than them and they start scheming behind your back and make rumors. and they start hating you when in reality very dark depression, self hate, anxiety level of 1000% to the point your body moves uncontrollably and run away people just assume

what part of your psyche do you have to activate for people to respect you and be

actually is it possible to make friends , ppl who will have your back in 4 month like actual friends and what approach would i have to take to make it happen how social do i have to be or how much time do i have to spend and what makes a person you know how do you facilitate that ? genuinity ?

and the cause of most of my problems is fear

what i'm thinking now is that i am not going to be able to handle the pressure of people being jealous of me and hating me cause i kinda look good

i'm still the same kid who was shy all his life me thinking i'm going to make all these friends when i go back and talk to girls thats a fantasy its all in your head

i'm still the same kid who was shy all his life

when people dislike me or give me that disgust look my whole vibe changes and it seems that most people are in control of their emotions and aren't affected by other people which makes me feel alone

i'm really struggling in life knowing i could do so much but just being stuck

i keep hearing just do the steps and don't worry about the result yeah but what if you can't even focus enough to do the steps properly

it is what it is i am stuck in life i keep getting opportunities but i just dont act on it i'm stuck and i dont know how much it is going to take me to take action

went to a wedding and it was great i didn't talk much i smiled and talked a little bit to my cousin my facial expression changed when the camera was on me i got the vibe that people didn't like me (which might not be true cause its my perspective cause i am creating my own reality and i wasn't proactive and i got sad almost cried when i was by myself and others were with each other my sadness poured out visibly in my face still got camera shy little bit defensiveness when the camera is on me low key anger pouring out and my smile on top of that isn't authentic and in the end when we were going home in the taxi the guy next to me made me uncomfortable like his vibe and his body language made me feel rejected i know he can do what ever he wants but still his vibe transferred to me and i felt the emotions one feels when they get rejected what did i ever do to you? what is wrong with you? you don't even know me my body turned away from him all these sums up to is that i want everybody to like me and i tend to focus on those that don't and base the day off that

i'm thinking i still haven't started working on the essay i planned out starting out on the introduction part which was -18 pages but i didn't and the thought of i wouldn't get anything out of it cause i wouldn't be able to fully put myself into it and focus a blockage in my psyche i am also thinking about working on py but still haven't started also wondering how i would be able to learn math in 2 month from basics to der which is low key scary also wondering how i would execute it and also worried about apg

was about to post on a thread that i thought she looked naive in her profile picture but didn't cause it would be rude to and it wouldn't help her and that i thought people didn't respect her or from the photo but i could be wrong about it

how do i facilitate my growth

thought about posting a thread of how to mak fri but thats just me trying to control the outcome its something i have to test it out and see what happens when exposing myself to more experiences i just hope that i figure it out in the next 2 month and be able to put myself out there and anxiety disappearing

guys i dont know giving me jealous vibes wtf is wrong with people

having so many opportunities to approach but i just ignore it because i fear it will be awkward and i never take action or work cause i want to do it well on the first try and i dont know how to solve this issue

my anxiety has decreased significantly but not to the point i can talk to strangers and have a conversation with them i want to approach people and talk with them

i wish i had the ability to walk up to women flirt with them and then or even try to kiss them

i dont want to leave this life losing to others