MovForward

why do i want to keep a journal because i'm afraid of losing my sense of self who i am

the assistant app

power authority and competence a man who has authority and competence has power as a by product. you are not the master of your own house there are spirits that dwell within you meaning you have a will and you can exercise a certain amount of conscious control over your being but there are all sorts of things that occur within you that seem to be beyond your capacity of control your dreams for example

i know what i have to do when working to learn implement the advice i learned follow the steps in the video write it in your code and then test it but my brain wants to do it perfectly and want to do it all at once all the hours of tutorial at once it wants me to learn it all at once or its not valuable at once it believes that and if a problem occurs i would want to leave it

months ago i used to fantasize about hooking up with my sisters friend and my sister founding out and getting mad but now i dont feel the need for outside approval or self destructive behaviour inner work is actually working

can't think straight to come up with a sincere or arti apology

i can't think straight confusion under stress

leo not responding to my thread is bothering me

sleeping with hundreds of girls is a coping mechanism for the ego or a way to escape facing your shadow just like people binge watches movies all the time, playing video game all day for years its a way to escape yourself the ego is looking outside to be fulfilled, we are all the same we can't sit in a room all by ourself without feeling bad or hating ourselves for our past actions

god last night was awkward i made the family dinner awkward as fuck i lowkey got mad at mom and i think they assumed that i didn't like them but in fact i was mad at my mom she made me feel unwanted and it triggered my past occurrences with her so in fact proving my point why i don't associate with others

how can life be this tough for me? how come its a struggle?

but i reacted that way cause i cringed and hated what they said from what i observed they have that part of them activated like they were ready to attack

even though my anxiety has decreased a lot i want it gone i want it to go away forever it is holding me back from living my life i want to live life and i want to work and it is not letting me go please let me the fuck go

panic attack and anxiety cause of the way i reacted and behaved and made people uncomfortable

how fucked up was i before i found self-help and rsd very i wanted to kill myself i didn't understand why i was this way , why i keep failing why i couldn't just act normal when i meet people it was just heavy

people who talk all the time and express themselves free unconsciously have no set of morals or restrictions in their psyche which is why they do that. which might mean that pastors don't actually have morals and are just preaching those pastors on youtube who are over the top i don't know about the black ones community they seem humble but those who preach on youtube are questionable

i'm starting to understand the people i have been shaming and saying they shouldn't do that. which in turn is freeing me to do things and be free

obsessed about studying and learning more how to learn from lacking view cause i dont feel like i'm good enough on the inside gathering information but not able to take action on it

why didn't i realize this sooner that most people want to meet you you can meet people hug them.

this anime has a perfect understanding human beings and their paradigms i tear up just how perfect it is like how did they do this its so incredible

haikyu is my favorite anime of all time for anyone reading this and haven't watched it go watch it you won't regret it

unlocking that part of the psyche wh you a bully, tyrannical is essential to getting laid

true change for me is making out with a girl i met on my own permanent

a girl touched my hand in a seductive manner kind of and i felt instant attraction to her but its not the touch that made me like her it is the way she carries herself, the way she stands etc

am i over analyzing when i saw leo's video on juggling it seemed like he was lowkey showing off but why would you feel the need to show off juggling if you have realized you are god and is feeling that way now and his body language is off i just don't know how to say it those who have let go of their ego are fun i'm guessing he hasn't fully let go it seems like he is hiding something whenever i look at his videos its weird it seems that some say they are enlightened and know the truth and stay miserable it seems he's taking drugs and making videos articulating the experience i'm assuming he a know it all and gets off on that if he was some guy on the street juggling i would keep on walking his vibe is way off