Mitch

@thehero It's probably wise to build a stable foundation before working on this stuff. My understanding is that enlightenment is only direct, first-person realization of Truth, God, Nothingness, etc. By becoming enlightened, it does not mean that you have mastered every aspect of life. While it does seem that having enlightenment experiences would alleviate some emotional trauma, you can't force an enlightenment experience to happen. It could be some time before you have an enlightenment experience, even if you dedicate yourself to the work. What would you do in the meantime? That's a lot of time spent waiting. Though I don't know your experiences or circumstances, I'd suggest that you think of learning and growth as not being all or nothing—rather a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Put most of your effort towards your biggest problems but don't neglect the little things. Practically, this could look like working predominately on your mental health, finances, and relationships, while at the same time beginning to learn a little about enlightenment. I trust you to know what's best for you.

As of late, I've been quite good at weeding out the blocks that stand in the way of where I want to go in life until I hit this one. To give a little backstory, I am an independent musician, songwriter, and producer. I love music and there is a certain space that I feel with it that I can't really describe. However, whenever I go to create a new song, I become extremely anxious. Part of this is because I have a foggy idea of what I want to create ahead of time and when it doesn't translate as intended, there's some sort of emotional repercussion. I've kind of struggled with being a perfectionist for as long as I can remember and I can trace it back through my childhood, due to perceived demands from my father as well as the reactions I got from peers and teachers for doing fantastic things. While I've known about the perfectionism for a while, the need for control I discovered more recently. When talking to a friend about one of his past relationships, I noticed that in my most recent relationship I needed control. While my ex never criticized me for being controlling, as I was usually open to whatever she wanted to do, I realized that I wanted her to be a certain way and to better fit into my idea of who I'd want in a partner. Recently I've also noticed myself gravitating towards women who don't have it together. I have thought of three reasons for this. One could be that a sense of having no control feels good to one chronically in control. Another could be (though it sickens me) that in order to maintain a better sense of control, naturally I need to be with someone with little or no control. Lastly, acting as a stand in for my father to my sister when I was younger, being a "guardian" or "protector" could have been wrapped in with the ego and now this gravity acts to main this identity. I actually find it really hard to not help people but that could also be due in part to thinking what it's like in their place. Additionally, I notice I spend a lot of time trying to optimize my life so I am making the "best" use of it as possible, though on a rational level, I see that there is no one way. After contemplating a bit today, I see that perfection is something projected onto one's reality. It's similar to labeling something as good or bad. Perfection is different in the sense that it's a more global labeling of one's circumstances, that this particular arrangement is the best possible of any arrangement. That said, since perfection isn't inherent, it is possible that multiple arrangements could be equally perfect in one's eyes. I'm unable to see that really even though the thought came to mind. I also discovered that control is the apparent ability to reach a set of circumstances. Based on that, it seems likely that I desire control over as much as possible so I can better seek out perfection. While I know that I need to realize an answer for myself, I turn to this forum because I feel pretty stuck here. I could use some advice to get the ball rolling. Thanks, Mitch

@Truth I guess I'm not creatively blocked. More so, I am blocked in my development and growth. I'm able to produce music better than ever yet it comes at the price of anxiety and a lack of faith in the quality of my work. I managed to stumble across this video this morning too. This is more along the line of what I want to work through. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrhvsQRKVUU

My major creative outlet is through writing songs and playing music. After recognizing how much the human ego plays into a song's lyrics, I struggle to find anything worth writing that is still impactful. I believe music at its core is a vehicle for connecting with human emotion. My question is about how to produce something "meaningful" in a song. I have realized that music overall is meaningless but I'm wondering if there is any way for me to salvage this hobby of mine. For a songwriter, it is often easiest to connect with them emotions within themselves. But if a lot of emotions and thoughts within me are neutral or positive, how do I create music that resonates with others, inspires them, or have them feel something profound? I most write music that is on the heavier side of things, specifically Alternative Rock/Metal. Since the style I emulate is mostly about suffering (at least the stuff I listen to), how do I write something that can impact another? Some ideas I have are to write about realizations I've had myself or maybe I could empathize with another's suffering. Though the former feels pointless to write on since I've had the realizations and they're old news to me. I'm looking for any ideas. Feel free to toss an idea out there and don't worry if you know nothing about music. Thanks, Mitch

Lyrics: A long day alone The emptiness is so real Never having peace of mind Running from what I can’t see And there is no where left to hide Turn and face these empty eyes All alone, heart unturned Trying to find Break me down Replace this fear inside Take this nothingness from me I want to find I want to shine I want to rise Break me down I try to find myself I find the stranger trapped inside And I’ll take one more step away From a face I used to recognize Familiar shadows closing in Suffocating fear descends It comes alive, uncovered eyes Trying to find Chorus x2 Break me down I want to find I want to shine I want to rise Break me down Repeat Break me!

@tryingchanges It's all a matter of what you value. Personally I prefer to listen to music and do self development work independent of other things. I enjoy the feeling of devoting my entire focus to the experience. We learn the most when our attention is committed to the thing we're trying to learn. We enjoy life the most when we are wholly focused on the present moment. That said, more often than not you'll find me listening to music as I walk around my university's campus. There are other times though where I will intentionally not play music because I'm enjoying being outside that much. But as the weather gets colder, it becomes a lot easier to ignore the frigid temperatures by listening to music than to think about it actively.

I've been pondering being a life coach for about a year now and I was wondering if any life coaches could comment on their experiences. I'm in my sophomore year of college and I'm double majoring in Neurobiology and Psychology. As a life coach, I want to have a deep understanding not only of personal psychology, but of neuroscience and more clinical frameworks as well, which I hope will make me more effective and differentiated. While becoming a life coach is my current end vision for fulfillment professionally, I feel as though I will need to have an intermediate job in order to generate enough capital to sustain myself and pursue my coaching endeavors. Something that I've looked at that I've found myself to be loosely interested in is neuropsychology. It has been brought to my attention that the general path for neuropsychology is to get a PhD, though this is something that I am okay with doing since I have expected that I would do more than four years of college. The plan I have right now is to become established as a neuropsychologist (or whatever I end up doing) and then get trained as a life coach, building up a client base where eventually I will be able to be a life coach as my sole career. So here are some things I'd like to know about: Why did you want to become a life coach? What program did you go through, why, and would go through that program again? What's the most profound thing you've learned as a result of your profession? Any other advice you might have for an aspiring life coach Many thanks, Mitch

I have a strong urge to forget about enlightenment and live my life without dying ahead of physical death. I’m worried that I’ll end up losing all that’s dear to me prematurely if I pursue this. What I wanted and still want is absolute happiness, love, and peace. I thought I wanted absolute truth but it’s clear that I’m resistant to this. The problem comes now if I’m pursuing absolute happiness, love, and peace, I’ll be disturbed because I feel that there is something else out there that I’m actively ignoring. To get rid of this disruption would mean to seek truth for the sake of truth, though there is this feeling that this path will be in opposition to seeking absolute happiness, love, and peace. Is it feasible to ignore something like enlightenment and go back to living solely out of ego? Everything I perceive right now seems both real in one sense and unreal in another. I feel empty, at a loss for purpose and meaning, and that I know nothing real. Push comes to shove, I have found out that I don’t want to accept that I never existed. Any advice or firsthand experience with this is appreciated. Thanks, Mitch

@doubld Something tells me that the way to lessen the dependency on women for your happiness is to develop a purpose that you are even more passionate about. I feel like dating more women will exacerbate the problem, though this isn't to suggest you quit cold turkey. Do some soul searching. Have you ever really thought about what you want to do with your life? Think about death. Is your end goal in life to date as many women as possible? Does that create a fulfilling life in your eyes? Contemplate these things deeply. It could be the case that this is what you want to do with your life. It could be something else. Either way, when you become certain about what your purpose is, follow it. By following your highest purpose, other things will become relatively less important to you. Personally, I feel that a healthy relationship is something that improves my wellbeing. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't make finding a healthy relationship my number one priority but I would certainly be looking out for someone that I could maybe have that with. Be okay with both being in a relationship and not. Don't bullshit yourself though: if you're not actually okay outside of a relationship, accept that this is the case and work to move past that. Once you are happy with being single or in a relationship, then you will no longer be needy. Perhaps then you'll have even more to give to the relationship when you do have another since you no longer need anything from the other. That isn't to say you no longer desire a relationship and the things that come along with it – you just no longer need it. Good luck, Mitch

@Leo Gura With coaching, there is a certain fervor that drives me to want to coach others. I think I view business as a cause or as something the world needs. I have a hard time with the prospect of starting a business just to learn business, though it seems this would be helpful when it came to actually creating a business to be passionate about. Whereas I feel I could contribute in creative and unique way through coaching, the only thought that comes to mind have for a business to learn business is to be a freelance audio engineer. The problem with this though is that I feel I don't offer anything unique here other than my own musical tastes. Any tips for coming up with an idea?

@Leo Gura @MIA.RIVEL Do either of you have any recommended methods for learning the business side of things? I might be able to take some business classes at my university as part of my breadth coursework but are there books or other sources that would be helpful in understanding business? The longer I've been thinking about coaching, the more I've realized that I indeed would be an entrepreneur. While it is true that I am interested in learning, I wouldn't want to work for someone else. Creative integrity is very important to me. I think it's quite clear to me that I want to embrace the business side of things so I can go to work for myself. Thanks.

I've been recently contemplating relationships and how love is expressed between people. While I think love is something different for many people, I am curious how different people display love in different situations. Mostly this curiosity stems from my subjective lack of love that I feel for others. I care about others in varying capacities but I wouldn't classify these feelings as love. The relationship between my parents and I is alright, though I feel awkward or inauthentic saying "I love you" to them when I get off of the phone with them. I care a lot about my girlfriend and want the best for her, though I didn't feel authentic saying "I love you" to her and eventually had to tell her that it didn't feel authentic for me. My best friend is extremely open and while he isn't very interested in growing, he is quite supportive of my motivations. This is where I feel the most profound bond between another person and I feel our sort of love is deeply rooted in compassion. Overall, I have searched online a lot and was only able to find things about love that seemed cliché and surface level. I confess I have no idea what love really is and how it manifests in different situations. The question I ask myself is "Do I love others and yet I don't know that what I am feeling is love or is love something different that I really haven't experienced?" I welcome anyone to leave their ideas about love here. Thanks, Mitch

@Gavalanche Thanks for the advice. Though the occupation of neuropsychology is indeed something that I'm not sure I'm actually interested in (at least to the extent of coaching), knowledge in neurobiology and psychology are. I think knowing about these things can only deepen my understanding and when used alongside more traditional methods, I can be more specialized and carve out a niche more easily. I'm not in it for money as a life coach but ultimately I want to live freely, which means I either leave society or I need to be able to sustain myself. The pitfall of pursuing life coaching now is that I have no money to do so and I suspect it would take a while to establish myself before I can live comfortably (figure of speech, developing oneself is anything but comfort) @Falk I've seen myself as a sort of intellectual, having always done well academically. I enjoy learning about topics that interest me, which neuropsychology does, though not as much as life coaching.

@Lior From experience, I've found it's best to go into progression knowing that there will be an inevitable regression. This way, you're mentally prepared when the regression occurs. If you are aware of your regressions, you are probably still in the right direction. The path to mastery is never without plateaus and setbacks, so it is impossible to continuously "progress" in the direction you want to be going. Our experiences afford us all different paths and just because another took a perhaps more empirically direct path, it doesn't mean that you lost time or anything else if you took a more winding path to get there. Everything is as it should be: you should be doing whatever it is you're doing. To gauge your development, you could keep a journal and then later reread what you wrote on an earlier date. This will also build gratitude when you look back at how you once were, provided you keep moving in a positive direction. Remember to be patient on your journey. There is no need to have everything all at once in life. You'll be much happier provided you don't worry about things falling into place the way you see fit.

It could be that he does in fact want the problem. Depending on his childhood and the dynamic he has with his family, he might have learned subconsciously that complaining works and gets him what he wants. Now, it is good that you can see this interplay between the two of you. What tends to work well in this sort of situation is to first notice when you start to get worked up. If you notice what is happening while is happens, you become more able to handle the situation in an empowering way. Become intensely aware of what is happening in the present moment. Be aware of the sense perceptions and choose not to think. If you have a meditation practice, become present in the same way whenever you notice rising emotion. By taking care of your own emotions, you will become more happy and more than likely your partner will respond with increased awareness as well.

Often when I attempt to articulate myself to someone, the train of thought I had will tend to slip my mind almost automatically. The pauses between my phrases have increased as of late, which causes a worry to emerge along the lines of "the other person will grow impatient, time to speak." It's as if subconsciously I get drawn to the stillness of the moment and let go of the thought automatically, entirely by accident. I fear that I could have gone astray somewhere in trying to raise consciousness and that this losing track of though is perhaps below thought. Also, I fear that the message of my words will be lost. In an ironic twist, having lost track of many thoughts in this regard has caused me to be troubled with more analysis about what this could mean. I'm looking for any guidance that anyone might have to help. Thanks, Mitch

@Leo Gura @J. M. Wigglesworth Thank you.

@pixelwave Despite being in college still myself, I feel a tad under-qualified to give you advice. However, you mentioned having felt like you've lost your life purpose. Finding my own life purpose is something that I have been heavily seeking as of recently, so I can relate with what it felt like to be extremely lost and confused. I suggest you start by making it your life purpose to find your life purpose. If this was your purpose in life for the moment, then I would go around trying as many things as I possibly could. I would probably start by exploring things that seem genuinely interesting to me. For me, this is something like music or self-development work, but chances are, they'll be different for you. Do some introspection, sit down and ask yourself what your interests are. Be careful of your ego getting in the way though, it may cause you to think you like something due to the status it gives you but deep down, it's a false interest. I personally fell for this trap in high school: I wanted to become a doctor. Sure, I have the brain to do so, sure it'd be nice to make tons of money so I could let my mom and sister breath more easily, sure it'd be noble to help others as a profession. But I wasn't looking at the larger picture and wasn't going for this because it was what would express myself in the fullest way possible. Beware of this. As soon as you've pinpointed some interests, try to get involved with that interest more to see how deep it runs. So, using the example of an interest in music, your next step would be something like rent an instrument and start practicing. Or if you had an interest in health, sign up for a class at your local gym, etc. As you continue to explore an interest, you'll come to see whether or not you truly enjoy it. Try many things. I think a good way to gauge the power of your interest is to ask yourself if you would love to get up in the morning every day and do that one thing constantly, perhaps freely. Another thing to look for is how authentic you feel doing said interest. It's important to note that your purpose will change over time as you learn new things about yourself. Think of it as creating a sculpture. Initially, the sculptor, you, has a stone brick in front of them. As you chip away (as you explore your interests), you'll create a rough form of your final work. You'll continue making smaller and smaller adjustments along the way, narrowing your way down to a finished form. Your life purpose is just like this. Once you've found something that resonates with you, go after it and see where it takes you. Regards, Mitch

I've seen Leo's video "Advice for High School & College Students," and I know he essentially says to eat clean (notably, no bread). However, I don't know how to go about this really, since my food needs to fit either in my mini-fridge or in my cupboard and ideally needs to be affordable. Currently, my average diet looks like this: Breakfast: Oatmeal prepared with water in the microwave Golden flax seed and cinnamon is added to this Vitamin C (500 mg), D (2600 IU), Fish Oil (1200 mg), Calcium (1000 mg), Magnesium (400 mg), Zinc (25 mg) Note that I do not have dairy as it seems to have an effect on acne, so Calcium I see as fairly necessary Lunch: Grilled chicken from my dorm's dining hall Looking at nutrition facts, it's perhaps the best protein to calorie and fat option available, but it's served on a bun Pre-Workout: An apple Dinner Giant salad that is a mixture of spinach and spring mix Sliced carrots, onions, broccoli, red and green bell peppers are often choices I pick Grilled chicken slices and hard boiled eggs I often add to the salad A lite basalmic vinagrette is used since they don't offer olive oil or other such things to make a dressing with at my dining hall This is my post-workout meal as well, so I will add canned tuna for the low calories and high protein value Snacks: Peanut butter on a bread slice – not toast, because our dorm hall doesn't trust us with toasters This is one of the worst things I can see in my diet right now, so if I can replace it, that would be good What are some ways to modify my diet to be more clean (and without bread) without going broke and still being able to store food? I find I will eat anything so long as it's not horribly greasy or fatty or isn't something like cat food (though, I did mention I eat tuna, often times right out of the can). Thanks.

Good suggestions. There was a time when I actually had Ezekiel bread often, but that was when I was in elementary school. I do want to build muscle, but at the same time, I'm not overly concerned about getting it because there really isn't any need other than aesthetically looking good: I don't play sports like I used to in high school. The problem is that protein is never cheap, so I'm trying to find ways to get good forms of it cheaply. However, if it comes down to it, being healthy and having to pay a little extra is still worthwhile in my book, it's just that I want to explore all possible options first. Thanks.

@stephanie I tend to want to eat more at night after working out (weekday basis), but I don't actually feel my stomach growling, which is how I determine if I'm actually hungry or simply want to eat since I need some sort of stimulation. Generally speaking though, I feel like adding something else to throw in maybe right before bed might be good. I've cut out peanut butter and bread but haven't replaced it yet, so I have been having salads with chicken in two times a day and generally two apples a day. I feel cleaner without the bread and peanut butter, but it's difficult to not get hungry eating this modified diet.

I just finished watching and taking notes on Leo's video "Understanding Resistance," where he talks about using the Sedona Method to remove specifically resistance (but this can apply to any undesirable emotion). I've known about this technique for maybe half a year, but I haven't used it too terribly much. To be honest, I sort of forgot about it until I was reintroduced to it again just now. Having used it in the past, it is very effective. I have found that I don't want to dissolve my ego. After having watched this video, I realize that more specifically, I have resistance to letting go of my ego. My notion of ego is quite strong. Thoughts such as "I must destroy my ego" have indicated to me that 1) I take ownership of the ego by using "my" and 2) I feel as though it's something real that I need to combat, not something illusory that needs to be let go. With the Sedona Method, I'm wondering if it is feasible to dissolve resistance in this sense, with the end goal making it easier to let go of the ego and pushing closer to enlightenment. I'm also concerned about potential pitfalls with trying to use the Sedona Method in this very particular case, because according to my understanding (I haven't read the book by Hale Dwoskin), it only works with emotions and hasn't been talked about as a tool for enlightenment work. Thanks.

After having rushed into making a decision last year as to what major I wanted to get in college and what I wanted to have as my career after, I now have to come to the realization that what I had planned might not fulfill me. In fact, I'm almost certain it wouldn't be a fulfilling career for me, so I've been doing research as well as systematically getting the advice of anyone that is knowledgeable in relevant areas. For me, I don't feel I can lead a fulfilling and abundant life with a job that doesn't fulfill me. I've come to find that I have several factors that I need to satisfy to be thoroughly happy with my work. Firstly, I want to do something pertinent to my primary interests. The career doesn't need to utilize all of them, but the more interests it includes, the better. This is anything pertaining to self-development, psychology, philosophy, or the sciences (most specifically chemistry and biology – I wanted to be a biochem major initially). Secondly, I want to help clients directly and add massive value to their lives. This means that I'd prefer something like being a general practitioner over a researcher for neuroscience: I can actually directly interact with those that I am benefitting. Thirdly, I need to have a career where I will actually have time to myself away from work. I feel I need time for the following things in my life: developing myself, learning, forming relationships, maintaining my health, as well as creating and playing music. Lastly, I need my career to be sustainable. Yesterday I told my roommate that an ideal career is one that you'd willingly do for free, but ultimately, I need to be able to sustain not only myself, but any potential family that I might have in the future, as well as my mom and sister, to whom I feel as if I owe something. I've been into doing self-development for over a year or so now and I've noticed that even the minor things that I've been doing over the past year have contributed to massive personal growth. A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon Leo's video on "How to Become a Life Coach" and this idea strongly resonated with me. I think that it would be amazing to have a career where not only would I be helping others to achieve in their lives, but I could lead by example and simultaneously improve myself. From what I can tell, being a life coach seems like it fits the criteria I have laid out for creating a dynamic career. Overall, I was wondering what might be a suitable major to help me get to this goal. As far as it seems, majors are completely irrelevant to becoming "qualified" for this job, but I'd like to do work in college that pertains to it as well. Additionally, I wouldn't mind input as to other potential careers related to this or classes that I should take in college outside of the scope of my major. Thanks.

Interestingly enough, I was actually speaking to my current Philosophy 101 TA and she recommended Metaphysics to me. I do want to take some more classes relating to this sort of thing because I see the potential benefit in them in my own personal development. Back in high school, people going to a specific local college (though being apart of my state's college system, it was more like a community college) and pursuing Psychology meant they had no idea what they were going to do with their lives and I looked down on them for it. I was on my high horse thinking I was great for pursuing Biochemistry and going to perhaps the best university in my state. It's amusing to me now that I, in finally realizing what it is I value in life and a bit about myself, I choose to want to do something along the lines of psychology and philosophy. So there is a part of me that resists wanting to be a psych major, but it is indeed something I have to consider.

@Amir I recommend you listen to this part of Leo's video on "Understanding Resistance," where he explains the Sedona Method well. The Sedona Method can be used to release anything, not just emotions and works in a four-step self-questioning process as follows: Get in touch with whatever it is you want to release. In the case of an emotion of resistance, allow yourself to actively feel that resistance, don't run away from it. Identify fully with the resistance and get a clear sense of it. Ask "Could I let this go?" In your head, ask yourself if you could let go of whatever it is you are releasing. In the case of resistance, ask something like "Am I physically able to let this go?" Answer "yes" or "no" to this question. If you find that the answer is "yes," then proceed to the next step. If the answer is "no," that's okay, try to re-identify with the emotion of resistance and try the process again until you feel authentically that the answer is "yes." It is crucial to note that even if you feel as though you need to answer "no" that you are still making progress. The act of internalizing how it is you feel causes you to get a sense of clarity over what it is you want to release. Ask "Would I like to let this go?" Again, in your head, ask yourself if you would like to let go of whatever you are releasing. Another way to phrase this question is "Do I want to be at peace or stay identified with this?" This is another "yes" or "no" question. Answering "no" is acceptable, but you'll often find that as with the last step, "yes" is the answer. Again, if you answer "no," keep reflecting on the thing you want to release and try the process again. Ask "When would I like to let this go?" By this step, you've figured out that you can in fact let go of whatever you want to release and that you want to do so: it's now a matter of when. The best answer to this is "right now," since you are only limited by what you choose to be limited by and can release anything whenever you see fit. Of course, you could still answer something like "never" or "not yet," but then it's best to repeat the process over again. If you've successfully completed the process, it is recommended that you redo the process again, perhaps 3 to 4 times, in order to be thorough. As soon as you find it hard to do the first step, which is to identify with what you want to release, you're done. This is because if done properly, you will have released whatever it is that you are supposed to now try to identify with. At first, Leo warns that like using any tool, you won't be very effective at employing it right away. It will take time to become good at using this method, but results are quite long lasting if done right. I'm only just getting into using this method again as I see the massive potential for use with enlightenment, but this method worked for me when I used it in the pass to get rid of laziness that I felt I had.