Mitch

@thehero It's probably wise to build a stable foundation before working on this stuff. My understanding is that enlightenment is only direct, first-person realization of Truth, God, Nothingness, etc. By becoming enlightened, it does not mean that you have mastered every aspect of life. While it does seem that having enlightenment experiences would alleviate some emotional trauma, you can't force an enlightenment experience to happen. It could be some time before you have an enlightenment experience, even if you dedicate yourself to the work. What would you do in the meantime? That's a lot of time spent waiting. Though I don't know your experiences or circumstances, I'd suggest that you think of learning and growth as not being all or nothing—rather a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Put most of your effort towards your biggest problems but don't neglect the little things. Practically, this could look like working predominately on your mental health, finances, and relationships, while at the same time beginning to learn a little about enlightenment. I trust you to know what's best for you.

@Truth I guess I'm not creatively blocked. More so, I am blocked in my development and growth. I'm able to produce music better than ever yet it comes at the price of anxiety and a lack of faith in the quality of my work. I managed to stumble across this video this morning too. This is more along the line of what I want to work through. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrhvsQRKVUU

As of late, I've been quite good at weeding out the blocks that stand in the way of where I want to go in life until I hit this one. To give a little backstory, I am an independent musician, songwriter, and producer. I love music and there is a certain space that I feel with it that I can't really describe. However, whenever I go to create a new song, I become extremely anxious. Part of this is because I have a foggy idea of what I want to create ahead of time and when it doesn't translate as intended, there's some sort of emotional repercussion. I've kind of struggled with being a perfectionist for as long as I can remember and I can trace it back through my childhood, due to perceived demands from my father as well as the reactions I got from peers and teachers for doing fantastic things. While I've known about the perfectionism for a while, the need for control I discovered more recently. When talking to a friend about one of his past relationships, I noticed that in my most recent relationship I needed control. While my ex never criticized me for being controlling, as I was usually open to whatever she wanted to do, I realized that I wanted her to be a certain way and to better fit into my idea of who I'd want in a partner. Recently I've also noticed myself gravitating towards women who don't have it together. I have thought of three reasons for this. One could be that a sense of having no control feels good to one chronically in control. Another could be (though it sickens me) that in order to maintain a better sense of control, naturally I need to be with someone with little or no control. Lastly, acting as a stand in for my father to my sister when I was younger, being a "guardian" or "protector" could have been wrapped in with the ego and now this gravity acts to main this identity. I actually find it really hard to not help people but that could also be due in part to thinking what it's like in their place. Additionally, I notice I spend a lot of time trying to optimize my life so I am making the "best" use of it as possible, though on a rational level, I see that there is no one way. After contemplating a bit today, I see that perfection is something projected onto one's reality. It's similar to labeling something as good or bad. Perfection is different in the sense that it's a more global labeling of one's circumstances, that this particular arrangement is the best possible of any arrangement. That said, since perfection isn't inherent, it is possible that multiple arrangements could be equally perfect in one's eyes. I'm unable to see that really even though the thought came to mind. I also discovered that control is the apparent ability to reach a set of circumstances. Based on that, it seems likely that I desire control over as much as possible so I can better seek out perfection. While I know that I need to realize an answer for myself, I turn to this forum because I feel pretty stuck here. I could use some advice to get the ball rolling. Thanks, Mitch

My major creative outlet is through writing songs and playing music. After recognizing how much the human ego plays into a song's lyrics, I struggle to find anything worth writing that is still impactful. I believe music at its core is a vehicle for connecting with human emotion. My question is about how to produce something "meaningful" in a song. I have realized that music overall is meaningless but I'm wondering if there is any way for me to salvage this hobby of mine. For a songwriter, it is often easiest to connect with them emotions within themselves. But if a lot of emotions and thoughts within me are neutral or positive, how do I create music that resonates with others, inspires them, or have them feel something profound? I most write music that is on the heavier side of things, specifically Alternative Rock/Metal. Since the style I emulate is mostly about suffering (at least the stuff I listen to), how do I write something that can impact another? Some ideas I have are to write about realizations I've had myself or maybe I could empathize with another's suffering. Though the former feels pointless to write on since I've had the realizations and they're old news to me. I'm looking for any ideas. Feel free to toss an idea out there and don't worry if you know nothing about music. Thanks, Mitch

Lyrics: A long day alone The emptiness is so real Never having peace of mind Running from what I can’t see And there is no where left to hide Turn and face these empty eyes All alone, heart unturned Trying to find Break me down Replace this fear inside Take this nothingness from me I want to find I want to shine I want to rise Break me down I try to find myself I find the stranger trapped inside And I’ll take one more step away From a face I used to recognize Familiar shadows closing in Suffocating fear descends It comes alive, uncovered eyes Trying to find Chorus x2 Break me down I want to find I want to shine I want to rise Break me down Repeat Break me!

@tryingchanges It's all a matter of what you value. Personally I prefer to listen to music and do self development work independent of other things. I enjoy the feeling of devoting my entire focus to the experience. We learn the most when our attention is committed to the thing we're trying to learn. We enjoy life the most when we are wholly focused on the present moment. That said, more often than not you'll find me listening to music as I walk around my university's campus. There are other times though where I will intentionally not play music because I'm enjoying being outside that much. But as the weather gets colder, it becomes a lot easier to ignore the frigid temperatures by listening to music than to think about it actively.

@doubld Something tells me that the way to lessen the dependency on women for your happiness is to develop a purpose that you are even more passionate about. I feel like dating more women will exacerbate the problem, though this isn't to suggest you quit cold turkey. Do some soul searching. Have you ever really thought about what you want to do with your life? Think about death. Is your end goal in life to date as many women as possible? Does that create a fulfilling life in your eyes? Contemplate these things deeply. It could be the case that this is what you want to do with your life. It could be something else. Either way, when you become certain about what your purpose is, follow it. By following your highest purpose, other things will become relatively less important to you. Personally, I feel that a healthy relationship is something that improves my wellbeing. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't make finding a healthy relationship my number one priority but I would certainly be looking out for someone that I could maybe have that with. Be okay with both being in a relationship and not. Don't bullshit yourself though: if you're not actually okay outside of a relationship, accept that this is the case and work to move past that. Once you are happy with being single or in a relationship, then you will no longer be needy. Perhaps then you'll have even more to give to the relationship when you do have another since you no longer need anything from the other. That isn't to say you no longer desire a relationship and the things that come along with it – you just no longer need it. Good luck, Mitch

I have a strong urge to forget about enlightenment and live my life without dying ahead of physical death. I’m worried that I’ll end up losing all that’s dear to me prematurely if I pursue this. What I wanted and still want is absolute happiness, love, and peace. I thought I wanted absolute truth but it’s clear that I’m resistant to this. The problem comes now if I’m pursuing absolute happiness, love, and peace, I’ll be disturbed because I feel that there is something else out there that I’m actively ignoring. To get rid of this disruption would mean to seek truth for the sake of truth, though there is this feeling that this path will be in opposition to seeking absolute happiness, love, and peace. Is it feasible to ignore something like enlightenment and go back to living solely out of ego? Everything I perceive right now seems both real in one sense and unreal in another. I feel empty, at a loss for purpose and meaning, and that I know nothing real. Push comes to shove, I have found out that I don’t want to accept that I never existed. Any advice or firsthand experience with this is appreciated. Thanks, Mitch

@Leo Gura With coaching, there is a certain fervor that drives me to want to coach others. I think I view business as a cause or as something the world needs. I have a hard time with the prospect of starting a business just to learn business, though it seems this would be helpful when it came to actually creating a business to be passionate about. Whereas I feel I could contribute in creative and unique way through coaching, the only thought that comes to mind have for a business to learn business is to be a freelance audio engineer. The problem with this though is that I feel I don't offer anything unique here other than my own musical tastes. Any tips for coming up with an idea?

@Leo Gura @MIA.RIVEL Do either of you have any recommended methods for learning the business side of things? I might be able to take some business classes at my university as part of my breadth coursework but are there books or other sources that would be helpful in understanding business? The longer I've been thinking about coaching, the more I've realized that I indeed would be an entrepreneur. While it is true that I am interested in learning, I wouldn't want to work for someone else. Creative integrity is very important to me. I think it's quite clear to me that I want to embrace the business side of things so I can go to work for myself. Thanks.

I've been recently contemplating relationships and how love is expressed between people. While I think love is something different for many people, I am curious how different people display love in different situations. Mostly this curiosity stems from my subjective lack of love that I feel for others. I care about others in varying capacities but I wouldn't classify these feelings as love. The relationship between my parents and I is alright, though I feel awkward or inauthentic saying "I love you" to them when I get off of the phone with them. I care a lot about my girlfriend and want the best for her, though I didn't feel authentic saying "I love you" to her and eventually had to tell her that it didn't feel authentic for me. My best friend is extremely open and while he isn't very interested in growing, he is quite supportive of my motivations. This is where I feel the most profound bond between another person and I feel our sort of love is deeply rooted in compassion. Overall, I have searched online a lot and was only able to find things about love that seemed cliché and surface level. I confess I have no idea what love really is and how it manifests in different situations. The question I ask myself is "Do I love others and yet I don't know that what I am feeling is love or is love something different that I really haven't experienced?" I welcome anyone to leave their ideas about love here. Thanks, Mitch

@Gavalanche Thanks for the advice. Though the occupation of neuropsychology is indeed something that I'm not sure I'm actually interested in (at least to the extent of coaching), knowledge in neurobiology and psychology are. I think knowing about these things can only deepen my understanding and when used alongside more traditional methods, I can be more specialized and carve out a niche more easily. I'm not in it for money as a life coach but ultimately I want to live freely, which means I either leave society or I need to be able to sustain myself. The pitfall of pursuing life coaching now is that I have no money to do so and I suspect it would take a while to establish myself before I can live comfortably (figure of speech, developing oneself is anything but comfort) @Falk I've seen myself as a sort of intellectual, having always done well academically. I enjoy learning about topics that interest me, which neuropsychology does, though not as much as life coaching.

I've been pondering being a life coach for about a year now and I was wondering if any life coaches could comment on their experiences. I'm in my sophomore year of college and I'm double majoring in Neurobiology and Psychology. As a life coach, I want to have a deep understanding not only of personal psychology, but of neuroscience and more clinical frameworks as well, which I hope will make me more effective and differentiated. While becoming a life coach is my current end vision for fulfillment professionally, I feel as though I will need to have an intermediate job in order to generate enough capital to sustain myself and pursue my coaching endeavors. Something that I've looked at that I've found myself to be loosely interested in is neuropsychology. It has been brought to my attention that the general path for neuropsychology is to get a PhD, though this is something that I am okay with doing since I have expected that I would do more than four years of college. The plan I have right now is to become established as a neuropsychologist (or whatever I end up doing) and then get trained as a life coach, building up a client base where eventually I will be able to be a life coach as my sole career. So here are some things I'd like to know about: Why did you want to become a life coach? What program did you go through, why, and would go through that program again? What's the most profound thing you've learned as a result of your profession? Any other advice you might have for an aspiring life coach Many thanks, Mitch

@Lior From experience, I've found it's best to go into progression knowing that there will be an inevitable regression. This way, you're mentally prepared when the regression occurs. If you are aware of your regressions, you are probably still in the right direction. The path to mastery is never without plateaus and setbacks, so it is impossible to continuously "progress" in the direction you want to be going. Our experiences afford us all different paths and just because another took a perhaps more empirically direct path, it doesn't mean that you lost time or anything else if you took a more winding path to get there. Everything is as it should be: you should be doing whatever it is you're doing. To gauge your development, you could keep a journal and then later reread what you wrote on an earlier date. This will also build gratitude when you look back at how you once were, provided you keep moving in a positive direction. Remember to be patient on your journey. There is no need to have everything all at once in life. You'll be much happier provided you don't worry about things falling into place the way you see fit.

It could be that he does in fact want the problem. Depending on his childhood and the dynamic he has with his family, he might have learned subconsciously that complaining works and gets him what he wants. Now, it is good that you can see this interplay between the two of you. What tends to work well in this sort of situation is to first notice when you start to get worked up. If you notice what is happening while is happens, you become more able to handle the situation in an empowering way. Become intensely aware of what is happening in the present moment. Be aware of the sense perceptions and choose not to think. If you have a meditation practice, become present in the same way whenever you notice rising emotion. By taking care of your own emotions, you will become more happy and more than likely your partner will respond with increased awareness as well.