turkeysub3000

Still doesn't really address the crux of the issue.

Leo, I think you need to give the anger video a new and different attempt. In your current video, you resort to inflammatory, judgmental statements in its beginning. You express contempt and disgust at the idea of people expressing their anger, and you do more harm than good. Not only that, your micro facial expressions and judgments suggest you yourself are angry, and yet you say that you really do not understand anger. If you really don't understand anger, then PLEASE take some responsibility by taking the video down and taking some time to really think about what you say and its potential impact before you resort to such negative value judgments of other human beings. I am asking you nicely. If you were a psychologist and you posted that video, your license would probably be suspended if not revoked. If you look at the top comments on that video, people are upset. They came to you in a vulnerable, angry place and you threw salt into a wound that they seek to heal. Not only that, your suggestion in the comments below is that if one does not like the video, they are automatically a dick. How is that fair? People have a right not to like your videos or your methods, but to be judged so harshly even after they felt turned off suggests you have made a suicidal attempt to have your needs of being seen met...and that is an irrefutable display of anger. I know that part of your shtick is tough love, but you have to understand that a lot of people who experience issues with anger are often people who have experience TOO much tough love and just need to be validated and understood if they are to first seek to change the thoughts and beliefs that arise in helping to create anger within. You do not help people to understand their anger by first saying you do not understand anger and where they are coming from. You first seek to empathize and validate the anger and figure out the need that's being violated by the person who is angered. You actually violate your own need to help people to succeed in keeping this video up. It's disheartening to someone like me who looked up to you as someone who could help me transform my life, and it has undermined my sense of respect for you. Also, you can claim that your judgment is righteous, but if that's the case, you could have found a completely different way to mount the judgment.

Calling me wounded is a judgment, so there is no way you can say that you do not judge. And it's not like I haven't figured that out and do my best to work on myself. I have gone to workshops, a therapist, maintain a solid network of supportive friends, I seek to rid myself of toxic influence and work to validate my own feelings before seeking to discredit the actions of others. Just because you are right doesn't mean you haven't rendered judgment here. Just because you are exercising unconditional positive regard doesn't mean you do not judge me, yourself, and others. The focus here is on reducing harm. When a psychologist or any other health care provider for that matter takes the Hippocratic oath, they state that they will not knowingly harm others. Clearly, Leo is absolved of this because he is a Life Coach. Not a trained, licensed Psychologist. If you wanted to advocate for less negative judgment, you would advocate for the removal of his video on anger because it is hurtful.

Then why are you enabling Leo to judge other people? It's one thing if Mr. Gura was a comedian or an aerospace engineer-- saying judgmental things like that, I and others would not take offense because the intentions are inherently different. But as someone who feels its his mission to help other people improve their lives, he needs to acknowledge where that judgment is his own anger and OWN IT. His microexpressions at the beginning of the video and his intonation are pure indications of anger and disgust-- ask any CIA agent who regularly has to interrogate witnesses. He essentially says, "I'm an angry person, but I don't understand anger largely because I see it in other people and it disgusts me, and you are a dick and a loser if you have issues with anger." By that logic, he is judging HIMSELF and he is angry with HIMSELF. Not someone whose advice I want to validate, and, in that vein of things, it is hard to validate your statements when you'd rather make judgments about what I need to do to be happier(judgment). You come across like the Catholic Church during the Holocaust.

By that argument, Leo should lovingly take the video on anger down. I am human. Like any other being on this planet, I make value judgments for the sake of survival. Judgment is essentially inescapable, one can simply filter the types of judgments they make. I came to this forum because I feel upset for the people who are enduring pain, and all they want is to figure out where their anger comes from and to try and stop it at the source, and right out the gate, Gura JUDGES them harshly and negatively. I feel love for those people because I know what it's like to be angry. It's not fun, and it's an emotion that can be highly volatile and reactive. It requires a sensitivity that Leo acknowledges he does not have the experience nor the credentials to address. If he was a psychologist, he would have his license revoked for saying such nasty things to people of whose lives he knows NOTHING about.

Tell that to Leo Gura

I struggle with judging myself when I get angry but I am working on it. I would rather not feel judged, and not judge myself thereby. Leo's video on anger hurt my feelings and if you look at the top comments, a lot of other people's who were clearly upset when they watched the video and only became more upset. I understand that maybe this is his way of segmenting his audience by separating out those people who struggle with anger. But then it creates this 'Us vs. Them' mentality that doesn't necessarily espouse unconditional love and acceptance, two things I have found essential to my own healing and progress as a human being. I know that Leo espouses this idea of tough love, but the problem is, many people who struggle with anger have had TOO MUCH tough love and they have learned to be critical of themselves and others to the detriment to themselves and their relationships. They don't need to be judged for feeling angry. They just don't. It's a slap in the face.

No! Where did I say that? Stop resorting to Straw Man arguments and then telling me I lack logical facility--it communicates your dire need to feel superior, and that's not the point of discussion. Her understanding of the universe is inherently flawed, and I have no qualms about it--but when she makes sense, I go with it. No one is going to have a monopoly on logic and understanding of everything. Including you--who seems to think that logic and reasoning are the only things that SHOULD govern human interaction, when clearly it can be observed from any corner of the universe--especially if you are brave enough to look in the mirror--that emotions govern opinions. The Hagakure says, 'We make our logic and reasoning according to what we like,' You are no different, sir. Neither Mr. Gura.

Tell me why you don't agree? Why should he be absolved of calling people dicks and losers for having anger? Is it because you are a moderator on his forum and are currently experiencing cognitive dissonance of wanting to 'validate' my point of view whilst simultaneously not ruffling the feathers of Mr. Gura and his community of avid followers? And suppose that's the case, is the fear that you will be judged and ostracized for speaking out against his policy that to get someone to change, you need to berate them? Seriously, how is his video on anger in any way fair? How is judging someone teaching them not to judge and not to be upset? Perhaps by non-example than example, in which case, Gura should be the Judah you spit on and not the Jesus you praise. Teal Swan doesn't do that. Maybe she's a little too 'fairies and unicorns,' but I've seen plenty of people on this forum say they take what they need and leave the rest. I do the same. But I just can't be bothered with a man who does not practice what he preaches.

Double checking... I took the time to address the points you made, whereas you seem to think strawmanning and cherrypicking somehow equivocates logic and reason. Lawdy!

Because he is a persona whose apparent intention is to help other people. He wants comments and constructive criticism for the sake of helping to improve his approach in helping others. Maybe his calling people a dick and a loser wasn't out of malintent, but that doesn't somehow absolve him of responsibility. Those are inflammatory, ad hominem statements that do not reflect someone who is loving and cares about the person on the other end of the video. I work on a suicide and crisis hotline and I can tell you that you will NEVER get a person to calm their anger by calling them names. You empathize, you put yourself in THEIR shoes, you feel the feelings with them, and you use your vocal tones to calm them back into a state of allowing. If they can't get there and they are getting angry with you, you tell them you don't appreciate being treated like that and you tell them to call back and you hang up.

I honestly don't watch her videos on things like Astral Projection. Calling someone a dick and a loser for having anger as Leo has is meeting anger with anger and is an outright refusal to accept things as they are. It is not cold logic and skepticism, it is an act of aggression, a suicidal attempt to have his need met of having his ideas subscribed to. Like I said, I don't venture in to some of the more esoteric spiritual practices that she espouses. Her videos on more basic psychological concepts are pretty insightful, but it sounds to me like people on your side of opinion would like to throw the baby out with the bathwater and completely invalidate her point of view. That suggests your feelings, ideas, and emotions were invalidated a lot when you were growing up, and you may want to examine that hurt child inside you when you are ready. I don't need to feel judged unfairly by a man I barely know, particularly a man who thinks he is helping people to become actualized and enlightened. The Buddha lived compassion and love, and to talk the talk you have to walk the walk.

I definitely like Teal Swan better than I like Leo. His video on anger comes across as very judgmental and condescending, whereas she seems to be neutrally addressing the subject. He's alienated a lot of people with that video and he doesn't really address the root cause of the issue, and on top of that he expresses anger. His micro expressions in his face and his intonation suggest disgust before he even talks about the topic of anger. On top of that, he adds insult to injury by suggesting that if you don't like the video, you're a dick! Haha! For someone whose mission in life for people to be more spiritually enlightened and less judgmental, he needs to figure out how to be a bit more humble. I can understand the qualms with Teal-- she is a bit egoistic, she has said that people listen to her because of her beauty, and she's a bit out there in terms of her beliefs and some of her approaches. But never once have I felt judged by her. I have felt validated.