Oleg F

This post is more about social anxiety. It's also about potential connection between my meditation practice and becoming more detached from "social life" I am a 31 year old male and I feel really awkward around guys (my age, younger or older). Looking back on the last 10 years or so, it seems like I've been gradually getting more and more detached from what people do in general, but especially what guys do. I've been cutting off guys from my life, and avoiding more and more new connections with guys (but not avoiding new connections with females). Even my closest friends from childhood/teenage years - I cut all communication to a minimum. I have a very distinct feeling of awkwardness and tension when I am in a setting of doing "guy things" such as discussing achievements in life, goals, giving presentations in work/business setting(unless it is something I feel strongly about), drinking alcohol, discussing sports teams, and so forth and so on. I got into a meditation practice around 2014 and it certainly made me more aware of the things I do on a daily basis and the reasons behind those actions. This in turn seems to have exacerbated my social awkwardness even more. Things like sitting at a bar and literally drinking poison while discussing its taste, along with most of our guy hobbies - it all seems so bizarre (to say the least). Some of those guy hobbies I still do practice but I feel more and more awkward talking about them. And even outside of the typical "drinking beer at a bar" setting, almost any conversation is unpleasant and awkward (though I try not to show it). Any conversation with a guy basically consists of two main areas: 1. talk about sports/weather/beer/hobbies/etc and 2. talk about why we feel our life matters The #2 area is especially awkward because it feels like we all failed at life. And we are trying to EXPLAIN why we didn't. We try to EXPLAIN why the work we do "isn't bad" and pays the bills (but in reality it has little to do with our dream - if we even remember what our dream is). We try to EXPLAIN why out financial situation is better than average (but in reality it's far from what we are actually comparing it to). We try to explain why our family life is better than average (but we still compare it to Hollywood's ideas of family). If you have to explain it - you are more than likely failing A conversation with a guy feels like a long explanation of "I am failing at life but let me just EXPLAIN a different perspective on things, and thus create an illusion of my life being successful. Now, I have to mention that I do understand the ideas of life being a journey and that Failure is just a concept in your head. I respectfully disagree with those ideas. Another thing I noticed is that I don't feel nearly as awkward with females. I have a lot of intimacy with my female friends(sexual and non sexual). Conversations with females seem to be much less tense and have much less of a "we are failing at life" taste. Sometimes it's nice to just admire a squirrel for example and have a conversation about the squirrel without even thinking about anything else or having to put a meaning or a purpose on it. Small Talk seems weird to me because all conversations have the same awkward flavor. I am blessed to have a job where I can sometimes avoid interaction with people for 4-5hours at a time. In my business, I recently hired an employee and I found the same type of awkwardness when spending more than 10-15minutes with them. Ultimately, it drains my energy anytime I go out with guys. It takes a lot of focus and concentration to maintain a "guy conversation" for me. Usually, if I do go out, I need weeks of solitude time to recover from it.

Zen and Enlightenment doesn't pay your medical bill and your property taxes in the US of A. You cannot live without material goods. Try living outside without a house. Even the most basic living conditions require a certain level of income to support a family. Try buying an old car. You still have to take it to a repair shop to do all maintenance it needs for the mileage it has, still have to pay mandatory vehicle insurance, registration, inspection. Still have tires/brakes/fluids to replace and the vehicle will depreciate if you drive it. I don't see anything wrong with getting a raise at work? In most cases, it's not like you are taking money away from someone else. And even if you are - it doesn't matter, maybe it's for their own benefit (you really don't know)

Good example. I could start talking about all the reasons why doing air tours wouldn't work in my situation. But that's just my mind's flawed point of view (seeking excuses and reasons why it wouldn't work) .. so at least I understand that much. I too see people who make money effortlessly doing what they love. Sometimes doing the most ridiculous things which surprisingly brings them an income stream. I've failed at multiple small businesses (which I tried to connect to my hobbies). I had good business models and excellent profit margins. Every single failure was due to me simply losing interest and abandoning the business. I can't seem to resonate with the concept of spending time and energy on making money. It seems like a waste of my precious time.

I really love three things in life 1. being in solitude/meditating 2.spending time with my family 3.racing cars and flying helicopters I haven't been able to figure out any way to even make $1 while doing those things.

A common (perhaps heavily overused?) self-development advice is Step out of your comfort zone It's often claimed, that during the times of "stepping out of your comfort zone" great riches and great self-improvement will occur. I know a number of people (myself included) who are waaaaay out of our comfort zone in our careers. Twitching face muscles from stress, crying in the bathroom, giving presentations about things you strongly disagree with but cannot speak out due to Political Correctness, being bullied by coworkers, studying for tests you find absolutely no interest in - are some of the things I personally know people who deal with on a regular basis. I deal with this myself. I am like so far OUTSIDE of my comfort zone in my career. Yet, my pay at my job is exactly the industry average for my location. I am blessed to have other streams of income BUT being outside your comfort zone DOES NOT MAKE YOU MONEY. It's all a lie

Hi, First of all let me start by saying that I read all sorts of self-development books, I've heard all the cliche advice about doing what you love / having a purpose and yada yada yada. At one point, I was: meditating consistently had brief out-of-body experiences had measurable Law of Attraction results learned all the new age self-development jargon , etc... and I thought I was this awesome enlightened guy who loves everyone and helps everyone. That lasted maybe a few months until I realized that it's all just a silly phase . OBJECTIVELY looking at my life, absolutely nothing changed and I still have wild mood swings going from bliss to depressed in a matter of seconds. I want to do what I love. What I love sometimes includes meditating in solitude for a month. I also have expensive hobbies which can cost upwards of $4k per day (currently unable to enjoy my hobbies). I don't need to have a purpose in order to feel fulfilled. I feel fulfilled when I: 1.meditate 2.spend time with my family 3.enjoy my hobbies. I hate constantly thinking about how to earn money, I hate wasting my time on earning money. Yes, I am already a minimalist, I excluded all expenses which don't make me feel fulfilled. Meditation and enlightenment doesn't pay your medical bills and your property taxes in USA. I spend roughly 60hrs a week earning money just to cover basic expenses for me and my family. This takes away from what I really love doing. I have these crazy mood swings almost daily because of this.

I am going to go ahead and say that Affirmations do not work. But hear me out... Let's take an example: "I am the top militia general in a zombie apocalypse". Keep saying that. It IS an affirmation. Ok, try another affirmation: "My salary is 1,000,000,000.00 US dollars". That is also an affirmation. Try those affirmations and let me know how they work for you! Now, looking at Affirmations from a different perspective, they DO work. An example of an affirmation that does work is: "when something does not go my way, life actually has a much better plan for me" It is true so the affirmation does work. In other words, if you affirm yourself with something that feels good AND is true, then it works. But then somebody might ask - how do you know what is true? Life is non-dual and there is no truth and yadi-yadi-yada... Well, it is very simple. If it feels good in your body - it's true. There is no need to spend months and years on an Affirmation. If it doesn't work today, it probably won't work a month or a year from today.

I wanted to thank everyone for their responses. Some interesting and valid points were brought up and I can't say that I disagree with anyone. To make myself more clear, I am going to add that Enlightenment is very real and it does serve a purpose. It does two important things: 1. lets you experience the formless state (the other end of the spectrum of human experience); and 2. enables you to see WHY you are doing everything you do from the moment you wake up to the moment you go back to bed. Enlightenment is a crucial step. But nevertheless, it is just a step. "Enlightenment Stage2" work BEGINS when the enlightened YOU walks out their front door and begins interacting with the unenlightened. How do you interact with a raging Christian when they want to kill Muslims? Do you try to enlighten them about non-duality? You know it will never work, yet you still try to feed them your non-duality philosophy. Some of you may say "Well, an Enlightened person is OKAY with a raging Christian and accepts them the way they are". Yes, that mindset works until it doesn't. It works until you are faced with a close friend who is a raging Christian. And that is where real Enlightenment work begins. You cannot enlighten people with your logic. You cannot enlighten a person with your charts and graphs about human psychology. To them, it all sounds like the Anti-Christ. And you certainly cannot go back to your meditation room because you know that you are hiding from what lies ahead in your development. After Enlightenment there is a return to selfishness, so to say. When you, once again learn to do something for yourself. Instead of beating yourself down for having negative emotions and forcing yourself into the formless state, you are learning to open up to all emotions. You are learning to relax your body and do things which make you feel better when those emotions arise. You need to learn to serve yourself because this prepares you for the next stage. The next stage is where you begin serving the raging Christian, opening up to their emotions, and much like you did for yourself, you begin loving and serving them (in a non-violent way of course) to relax their body and make them feel better. This breaks the pattern of rage and in turn affects all beings. After that, you begin seeing that no matter where you are (your physical location) - you are there for a reason. And the reason is to serve someone next to you. It becomes so obvious at some point that it almost seems like somebody wrote a to-do list for you without you knowing about it. Anywhere you appear - there is a task for you to do, serving another being.

I think this is a solid video with a strong message. And I would like to make it clear that I am not bashing Leo's videos in my posts. But I do have a different view on the topic of self-development and simply sharing my perspective. The video may be a bit confusing. For example, if someone watches an older video about affirmations, and then jumps straight to Fake Growth Vs Real Growth, there may be some contradictions. How can you practice feeding your mind with affirmations with the intention of getting results in life, when the real growth will only happen after you no longer need those results in order to feel fulfilled ? Of course, somebody who is experienced in the subject of self-development will say that those two things happen on different stages of development: at first you need the affirmations... but eventually you move into self-transcendence - where those little worries become irrelevant. So in essence, you may say that real development happens when you no longer NEED to attain anything or to change anything. It simply is not a concern at a certain point. It is not a concern when you SEE that what you have right now is everything you need plus some. Which raises a very interesting question! Is it possible that real spiritual growth happens when you no longer NEED to change anything in yourself? When you no longer have the need to meditate for X number of hours and no longer have the need to attain Enlightenment? Because if you DO feel that need, then you are chasing something similar to THAT which you were chasing when you were doing your "My business is making $XXXX per day" affirmation. The "need to change" and "need to work on something" mentality is only meant to take you to a certain point in your development. It is meant to make you realize that you are only here to serve that which is RIGHT NOW. The idea of working on something (chasing) takes you to fantasy land even when it comes to self-development.

First of all, let me save you years and years of self-inquiry work. Don't get lost in endless self-inquiry. By seeking Enlightenment continuously, your Lower-Self Ego will prevent you from reaching Enlightenment. You will get trapped in seeking Enlightenment forever. Explanation: You do need to do your self-inquiry work and get a taste of your formless (out-of-body) state. Then just stop chasing it. And you will get permanent Enlightenment. If you continue chasing it, your Lower-Self Ego will keep feeding you that lie about you not being good enough YET to be Enlightened. Sound familiar? Second, let me let you in on a secret. Enlightenment is not the be-all and end-all. Just like with all the previous stages of psychological development, you can start seeing the limitations of Enlightenment and start looking beyond. And you WILL find something beyond. Though, you do NEED Enlightenment to move beyond. So Enlightenment does serve a very very important purpose as it stays with you into the higher stages of your development. Explanation: When you are Enlightened, you still have family and coworkers and/or employees who are more than likely FAR from Enlightenment. You will start seeing the limitations of your Enlightenment when you look at yourself and see how you try to make everyone around you Enlightened. And/or when you see how you start avoiding everyone so you can go back into your meditation so you stop being irritated by all the unenlightened. And when you realize how silly this is, you begin wondering whether you hit a dead-end in your spiritual development... Third (and this point combines and expands the previous two points), MOST people start seeking Enlightenment and they get really excited BECAUSE they think, once Enlightened, the Universe will just start throwing money and perfect relationships at them. There is this vibe, that once a person reaches Enlightenment, they will get something in return: maybe discover their important purpose in life (hello Ego), or their business all of a sudden will be making money left and right, or every relationship will be with an enlightened person, or you just get happy permanently and don't have to develop further. This is absolutely false. You still go back to living in form, in your body, among regular people who will trigger various emotions in you. And there is no need to go back to meditation and bully yourself into sitting in the out-of-form state. The human in-body state and the emotions are actually there for a reason. They are a signal for you to transcend your Enlightenment into the next stage, in which you embrace the in-body state just as much as the out-of-body and you begin to serve all beings unconditionally.