FinnishJon

that hurts my back... I'm 46... I can do it for 5 minutes, but not much longer...

Actually there are 6 flavors of moral intuition... just read a bit further in the book... can anybody (who hasn't read the book) guess what the 6th moral foundation is? He discovered it later on...

Those of you who think patriotism is bullshit should read a bit from the book The Righteous Mind, in which Jonathan Haidt talks about evolutionary psychology and morality. He postulates that there are five flavors of morality that people, globally, have evolved. Care/Harm Fairness/cheating Loyalty/betrayal Authority/subversion Sanctity/degradation Patriotism relates to moral foundations 4 and 3 from this list. Ask yourself 2 questions. How much would you have to be paid to perform these actions: 3a: Say something critical about your nation (which you believe to be true) while calling in to a talk-radio show in your nation. 4a: Slap a male friend in the face (with his permission) as part of a comedy skit. Now sum that dollar amount up and then ask yourself how much you would have to be paid to perform these actions: 3b: Say something critical about your nation (which you believe to be true) while calling in, anonymously, to a talk-radio show in a foreign nation. 4b: Slap your father in the face (with his permission) as part of a comedy skit. If the sum of amounts for you to do (3a and 4a) < the sum of amounts for doing (3b and 4b), then you have a patriotic moral foundation. If these sums are equal, then you are devoid of this particular moral intuition.

I had a yoga instructor who was very much into religious talking during our hour long classes. I think it was Astanga yoga. Anyway, I struggled alot with yoga back then because I was pretty fat. It's damn hard to do yoga with a fat belly that gets in your way... And he insulted me by calling me "big guy"... he never remembered my name, even though I (from the USA) was the only other foreigner, like him (he was from UK) and we were in Finland. Quite full of himself. So the spirituality stuff really turned me off. Luckily there were other Yoga flow classes at our gym which concentrated on physical yoga. I've since gotten myself into shape and been more open to spirituality/meditation, but I still can't shake the feeling that a lot of the spiritual yoga stuff is a bunch of BS. There was a documentary on netflix that had an atheist journalist going around trying all kinds of Yoga, even travelling to India to taste the different classes and his conclusion was that the spiritual yoga tended to be cultish, whereas physical yoga really had great fitness benefits... healing back problems, building muscle strength, breathing, etc...

My personal trainer recommended vitamin B complex and Huperzine A which are both legal in the USA. A long time ago, I read a book called Smart Drugs and Nutrients which spun off from the research of Pearson and Shaw who advocated megadoses of antioxidant vitamins for life extension, generally. There was at least one sequel to Smart Drugs and Nutrients, but I lost track of the whole topic. I do remember one of the prescription drugs recommended which was Hydergine which they described as a super anti-oxidant that had been used as a prescription for people with alzheimer's, and yet I cannot find anything on the internet that continues this discussion... I read that book back in 1992, before the internet was popular. By the way, where can you get Alpha GPC? I don't seem to be able to find choline available in vitamin stores in Finland, where I live.

Would you guys say that it 's better to meditate with music, or in silence?

I suspect that I have ADD, and 20 minute meditation sessions can sometimes be difficult, but not impossible to get through. But, I suspect that some of the meditation guru's will point out that this is exactly what you and I need to get a better grip on our drunken monkeys in our heads. I have never taken any medications and I've never officially been diagnosed with ADD, I just have done a few self assessment tests and my symptoms do correlate pretty strongly. However, I don't understand why one would oppose western medicine in general, nor eastern medicine either for that matter. Perhaps that's an issue you can work out for yourself... I wouldn't want to get hooked on an expensive medicine if not altogether necessary, but if it can at least begin to heal you, then I don't see why not. I know a guy who has schizophrenia and if he didn't take his medicine he'd be a drooling idiot with no normal functioning whatsoever. You don't oppose his taking of western medicine, do you?

I think there are things people can do, but I don't have a full imagination of what. I'm thinking blackmail, extortion, sullying my reputation among me real life friends. One example comes to mind. The organizer of "everyone draw Mohammed" day on facebook has had real death threats and has had to hire security to keep her from getting murdered. So, there definitely are things that internet people can do to you. I didn't totally understand your second question. A long time ago, I participated on an atheist forum, and the trolls there used their combined efforts to insult me, but not really anything more. It just felt bad. But I can imagine a lot worse if some unscrupulous individual on the internet who is playing the equivalent role of one's online "therapist" would go use one's intimate life details to his or her own advantage. And this doesn't just apply to me, do you think anybody has such a perfect life that there wouldn't be some sort of issue that a malevolent person couldn't somehow use against you? Anyway, these are the thoughts that sometimes go through my head when I post on the internet and it makes me more reticent in my activity. By the way, should we move this discussion to a new thread? It has gone a bit astray of the original question of Mentoring, though you seem to be acting as a good mentor here... My apologies and thanks!

It's not only about being honest, but being diplomatic... like, if I have a strong opinion about something, is it always wise to state that opinion, or is it better to listen. Or even answering questions about trivial subjects. I don't have to have anything to hide to know that sometimes, it's not what you say but what you don't say that reveals your psychology, and I'm not sure I can always trust the people on the internet with intimate knowledge of my own personal psychology. Do you trust everybody on this forum to have your interest in mind? Perhaps more so than the internet at large? I'm just not sure at all who to trust. I haven't seriously used internet forums in a long time, since 2008 or so, because I learned the hard way that sometimes it can cause me a lot of grief. And though I used to use facebook a lot, posting pictures and so on, I think looking back, I probably should have been more prudent about what I posted. Because not all your "friends" on FB are your real friends.

I think I need a mentor to help coach me what to say, and what not to say on the internet, to strangers. Like how open should one really be with people you don't know, don't have any way to measure how safe you are to post comments or thoughts, and even on my facebook page... like how willing should you be to bare yourself to others. My natural tendency is to be totally open, but I don't think it is always wise to reveal unfiltered thinking to everybody in the world. It can get you into trouble... or is it best to just blurt out whatever comes to your head?

forget it...

Thanks Robert, that's exactly what I was wondering!

I was married to a woman who let herself go... she's 125 kg today. And I ended up cheating. I felt like shit about it, so I eventually got out of the marriage. She continues to put 100% of the blame for our marriage's demise on me. I don't see it quite so black and white. We still get along very well, but I had to follow my honest internal feelings that it was a dysfunctional relationship. Leo's videos on dealing with a breakup and recognizing the signs of a dysfunctional relationship helped me come to my current decision in which I feel happy to be living on my own and not getting back with her, even though we have 2 wonderful kids. It would be comfortable to go back to that marriage, but it's better for both of us, in the long run, to break up. So, yes to leaving when the partner is cheating, and also yes, when you are the partner who is cheating. Both cases are dysfunctional.

I'm wondering if Leo would be willing to share on this Forum some of the recommended Pickup community places where he learned to get better? I have a couple of sites that I have used to learn more, and I have to say, it is a lot more detailed than Leo and catering to beginners like me, and probably Cen655, as well, since you sound like you are new to pickup. I still suck at dating even after more than two years of practice, but I think I am getting better. There is a guy named Richard "Gambler" La Ruina whose videos I have seen on the Attraction Rockstar website. Does anybody have any experience with this site? I think his approach is very good and doesn't denigrate women, but just coaches nervous, low-confidence men like myself to navigate the social cues in the bar scene.