Hello everyone,
I would love to hear others perspective on this situation I’m dealing with because I want to do my best in making compassionate, kind and fair decisions to me and my loved ones. This holiday I am gonna be spending a lot more time than usual with my younger sisters(17,11,5), mother(47) and stepfather(25). Around 3 and a half years ago, one of my sisters came to me and told me that my mom’s now husband but boyfriend at the time had been going into her room late at night and just standing there over her bed or looking around her room. One time at a supermarket he bump into her rear with an erection and said nothing, in another occasion he touch her thigh when they were by themselves in his car, to which she said something in between the lines “If you do anything to me I’ll kill myself and let everyone know why I did it”, after she told me this I called social services and the police which came to their home and talked to everyone and nothing happened, I don’t think they believed me or her even tho I told them what had happened to me in the past (I was abused by my sisters dad and my mom had knowledge of it as she was also being abused) , my mom had told cps that my sister was angry at her because she didn’t let her date the guy she wanted to. 3 months later my mom and this man got married and things were bad between them as always but he never touched the kids again as far as my knowledge goes. Fast forward to 2 months ago my sister tells me that our mom and him went out and came back fighting and drunk and he got a machete and said he was gonna kill everyone in the home and started chasing them around, but they were able to make him walk out and locked him outside until the police got there, to which they said that he was the homeowner and he hadn’t hurt anyone so he could do and say what he wanted to/in his property as long as there’s no harm caused. And he stabbed the door because he was trying to get inside his home. The next day my mom and him made up and were dining in a luxurious restaurant. Fast forward to 4 days ago one of my other sister sent me an old video of them playing to do my mom’s husband makeup and my mom was recording it, the first thing I realized was that in that video he had a hard on, I felt so angry and disgusted to know that my mom was recording it, and this was taken when they were only dating for a couple months and my siblings where like 10 and 5 in this video. I’ve been working on forgiving my mom and her husband for their past behaviors but it gets difficult every time I have to spend time with them specially since they are not trying to improve in any aspect I feel like it’s not good for my mental health. It’s easier to do the forgiving process when I don’t have to spend time with him specially, because me forgiving him doesn’t imply me condoning his behavior towards them. Or maybe I need to go deeper on my forgiveness, since it has many layers. But I feel divided I have this need to be strong and protective when I’m around him part of me sees him as a predator I can’t relax and I don’t like that, another half is that I’m conscious that he’s just a broken hurt child inside and he never had anyone to love him properly that’s why he can hurt people like he does and I wish I could give him a hug and tell him that I am sorry that his mom wasn’t there for him, but the thought of the possibility of him hurting my sisters again stops me…If you were in a position like mine how would you cope, what perspective would you try to frame this in so that it wasn’t toxic for yourself being around them? Advise is appreciated.
