Yoremo

@Medhansh yeah, have to be careful not to go down the mental masturbation path. But it´s weird that there is not much advice on this around, and I thought about this and maybe the solution is just that you have to make yourself concretize it, that´s what I find hard but maybe it´s just as simple as that: look at what you have information-wise and see what you can think of in terms of change in action and thinking. What I find really hard is these statements of how you should be that I tend to find sometimes in self help, (like be confident) and I guess that that is just not really any advice and that in that case I need to find something concrete. It´s like when I learnt about self-esteem, and what self-esteem is, that doesn´t really help (it just clarifies the term), but maybe that is helpful but that I can´t just see it. Like does everything have to have a technique for me to change?

Hey guys, I´ve been into self help for the past few years mostly for confidence and discipline. I don´t know how to put this but I never seem to stick with anything or make any improvement. I have no idea what I´m lacking or doing wrong. And I´ve talked to so many people in my own life and asked them for advice but I never get to the bottom of why I never seem to stop sucking in life. I feel like I need someone to help guide me through this because I´m genuinly getting scared of how stuck I am. I feel that I´m trying my hardest but not getting anywhere. I just feel like crying over how I have tried for the past few years on improving myself and not really improving my life. I have so many wants and ideas but so many things that are bad about me, like my confidence, discipline, wellbeing etc. etc. Please if you can, help me, it would really mean the world to me.

@Ivan D I have solved this issue for myself, although my addiction to porn and masturbating maybe wasn´t as bad as yours. But here´s how I did: So I started to take one day of basically, where I couldn´t watch porn nor masturbate. And I would do this for a week or two. Then I would maybe decide that I can wank of say monday but not watch porn. And you just continue to do that very slowly and now I can masturbate to no porn about 3 times a week on average. And this makes you accustomed to the change. But this only works if you like me had just made an habit of watching porn, and then it will work and you´ll probably feel a lot better about yourself. But I think that sometimes the problem lies in some emotional problems or some need you´re not meeting up or something, and I don´t know what to tell you if that´s the case.

@Adodd So I was probably a bit unclear in my post, discipline is really not a problem, I am the most disciplined person I´ve ever met in my life. It´s more that I lack results and lack good feelings in my life. I´m very disciplined but I don´t really consider that a good thing because that makes me more prone to doing things that I don´t like just because I have this idea of discipline always being good no matter what. I don´t have an amazing life, nor the trajectory towards it and I´m looking for help to help sort out how I´m going to do that. @Carl-Richard Yes! I´m doing atleast 30 min meditation in the evening and I usually do breathwork everyday (which is kind of meditation). And it is really getting better and better. I feel much more connected to everything in a weird way now through meditation and breathwork, and I really like it although I miss out on meditation maybe once a month or so. *How am I growing if I´m not sticking to what I set out to do? *well, I´m kind of stuck in the loop that life sucks right now *I´m trying to not shame myself but I don´t really know how to do this all the way, because I still feel shame inside of me and blame (most definitely from my parents whom still are blaming me and making me feel bad af). *this is something I´m learning more and more, taking a lot smaller steps than I want to. Like I know all of this intellectually but I can´t do it practically. Well, through my experience they don´t really do that for me. I have always kind of envied the people that can get inspired from fiction. I´ve read the lord of the rings and other fictions, but I never feel really inspired. I´m probably just reading them in a suboptimal way because I´ve heard that from people that they got inspired by some book or movie or whatever but that has literally never happened to me. I took the personality test and it said INTP-T, but my main concern for these tests is that I answer the feelings depending on how I feel right now. I actually feel very dependent on having meaningfull relationships, but my theory is that because of my upbringing I never figured out how to socialize and so I don´t. I want to have some help with figuring this out: I always thought that my goal and purpose in life is to be a professional soccer player, I´ve been wanting to do this since I was around 12 years old. The thing though is that I have never felt a lot of emotions toward soccer, I think atleast. It feels like everything has been put on hold in my life because I wanted to be a footballer. But now I´m suspecting that I have been very bad at feeling inside for what I really want to do, so I constructed a purpose or goal of becoming a footballer intellectually and that´s the reason why I haven´t progressed in my life-- because soccer might not be something for me. I still feel this feeling that I want to do it, but at this point it feels like it´s just my ego or something which is so invested in me being a footballer that I don´t want to let it go. But how do I know whether I feel for soccer or no? I´m very confused about how I choose what I should do. I have realized the past few days that even though I´ve never been social, the best memories and the best emotions I´ve felt has always been with other people. And I´ve always fantazised about doing stuff with people and developing strong emotional bonds to them (but I never have done this to the extent I´m talking about). And actually the biggest reason as to why I like soccer so much is because of the comradery and the fun with people (but I might just like football aswell which makes me confused as to if soccer is "my thing" or not). And because I´m very injured right now I had the idea of trying real hard to socialize with people. And my dream would be to have a girlfriend whom loves me (I´m 17, soon 18 and have never had sex nor a girlfriend because of the lack of social skills). And the thing is this: the most inspiration and emotional leverage and adrenaline and all of this I´ve felt naturally without TRYING to feel something (which I have kind of done with soccer) is when I have thought about being "the man" so to speak, having a loving relationship with a girl and being a charismatic and good man and having good friends and having all the good social qualities like confidence and everything. That´s making me really amped up. So I am thinking of following Leo´s video series "how to get laid" (which is basically "how to socialize" in many ways) and using my inspiration and drive to get a girl and get good friends and being a great social being to develop myself, and changing my beliefs and tidying up my life with this dream of connecting to people as a drive and inspiration. These are my thoughts right now, and like last night I couldn´t sleep for two hours because I was feeling so enthusiastic about this and just thinking about socializing which I feel has been an craving which has not been met for my whole life (maybe this is contributing to my addictions too) My WHY for personal development has been because I wanted to be a footballer. But I´m confused as to if that WHY is the right WHY for me, because it feels kind of lame in some ways for me, it feels like I´m trying to make football my WHY forcefully because I´m so invested in it now because I have been trying for almost 5 years now seriously (I´ve played for soon 12 years in total). So maybe it´s the wrong WHY but as I wrote higher up in my response I´m confused if either I want football to be my why while it just isn´t or if football is my why but I just can´t do it right now because I´m injured (also football hasn´t been always so fun because my teammates haven´t been so welcoming to me, and I´m a bit shy so I was quite lonely in my club and I couldn´t change clubs because there are no more clubs around me).

@mememe Yes, when I feel good about myself and my abilities I feel a lot more "disciplined", also when things go well I have good "discipline". And I don´t focus on developing my discipline as much nowadays but that was just an example. I have filtered out a lot of stuff, so now I´m consistent with a couple of things which I like. But my problem is not discipline itself, honestly I don´t care that much about it, it´s just the abscense of results which is my main concern, hence the thread because I feel like I am doing something wrong since I don´t get a lot of results. could you explain further what you meant here? I didn´t understand what you meant.

Day 10 2-3 hours of listening to affirmations feeling good. It´s not like I feel any different with my confidence, especially because I´m only meeting my family and I don´t have any confidence problems with them. I´m feeling that this journal is kind of lame. I´m not doing enough. I have so much shit going on that just doing one thing doesn´t seem enough. I´m so lost, because I´ve tried too hard too fast in the past and failed, but maybe there´s no limit to how fast I can change? I want everything to change at an instant, not my results but my trajectory in life. I´m probably going to try and make something happen during the holidays, trying to figure out how to initiate a real life change. Somehow it´s so hard for me to change my life and my habits and all of this, I feel stuck in a rut that has been going on for my entire life, and I´m sick of it but I have also tried a lot of times and failed so I´m a bit confused on how to do this now. I feel like a loser man. Well, I´m sure I´ll figure something out during the holidays, I need to have a plan and some emotional leverage but I don´t know how all of this shit works man. It´s too much man. I just feel like crying all the time right now and I hate it. And I´m so overwhelmed by the internet aswell as I feel that I need the internet to get out of my situation, because I can get help on the internet but maybe that´s just in my mind. I would really like to get off the internet completely but I feel that I´m missing out. Maybe I can gather information and advice and stuff during the holidays and stack it up for like 3 months worth and take a break from the internet and try to gain some mental clarity because I think the internet is making my mental fog to some extent.

day 9 1 hour listening to affirmations I will just keep doing atleast something everyday now during the holidays. I have my whole family at home and it is very hard to get anything done. But it´s getting better now, but when I get back to school it will be easier. Will try and do more though On doing affirmations myself, I will probably keep listening only for a while more. Because this makes me triggered whenever I tell myself something that´s disempowering and then I can incorporate affirmations more naturally into my life

day 8 I listened to affirmations for 40 minutes didn´t feel anything in particular I will try and plan this out a bit better in the future. I have been slacking of from everything though so that´s why it doesn´t do very well. I need to get back on track

Day 6 &7 0 of anything. I basically just hung out with my family all day these two days and I didn´t have much chances of doing affirmations, but that is also because I´m not so into it yet. So that´s a bit of a failure, but that´s okay and I don´t need to justify it in any way now, I´ll just move on

day 5 I listened like 2 hours Nothing new really, feeling the same as the last few days.

Hi, I still live at home and go to school and I don´t have very many friends that I hang out with on my free time. So the people I spend the most time with are my family and my classmates. But both of these groups of people are super negative, it´s like they´re trying to be negative all the time. And I am of course also negative most of the time because of my upbringing, but I am trying to change and not get upset over petty things and such, but the immense and intense negativity I feel from home and from school is very overwhelming. The big thing though is my home and family, which I can´t choose away right now. So my question is how do I deal with this? I know I won´t be able to change them but how can I stand up for my values and such when everybody is doing the exact opposite, and whenever I express positivity they just try and bring me down. Like what do I do? I have tried to not socialize with my parents and essentially tried to avoid them, but they are on me as fuck because they want me to be with them all the fucking time and drown in their negativity. Because all they talk about is petty, negative things in a hopeless way and my mentality is influenced by this a lot even though I really try and go against it. What the hell do I do? Find a new social circle maybe? or how can I make my positivity so engrained, intense and strong in my mind that they can not touch that?

I´m 17 years old. I don´t know where I would go. I want to be a professional footballer but for that I will need financial support so I don´t know what to do. I guess there is no clear cut way to what I should do, when it´s something great you are after I guess you need to follow some "inner guidance" so to speak.

Yes, I am financially dependent on my parents. And yes environment change I also think is key, but that is a tough one to initiate. My brother might be moving close to where I live and then I might be able to move in with him, he´s also quite negative but atleast he wouldn´t demand company as my parents do. the thing is I am trying to find myself and my purpose and find my happiness again but it´s very hard when all I hear is negativity.

day 4 I listened to affirmations for around 2 hours today aswell I feel better about talking to people and I act upon the "urge" to say something, while also not saying stupid shit. I´m feeling pretty good. I did have some bad visuals when I was going to sleep but only once from what I remember. Next week I´ll start and reciting affirmations on my own. But I´m feeling good overall- I feel as though affirmations is the natural way to align your mind with what your ideal you is, and the you is thoughts, feelings and emotions (which lead to the actions) and those are all more or less controlled by what you consistently say, and I think that affirmations have a big role in this, not the only but it´s a big part. But I will of course try other things out when I feel that affirmations are a part of me.

When I´m doing the breathing meditation I notice that I can´t just focus on the breath, I control the breath and usually I breathe more when I´m meditating and if I try and not control it I don´t breathe at all. What should I do about that?

So I guess that all meditation techniques have more specific benefits, so how would you chose your technique? because there are so many of them, I´ve done mindfulness meditation just focusing on my breath for like 7-8 months consistently for about 45 minutes and I just don´t know if I should continue with that technique. I haven´t seen that much improvement but I wasn´t expecting too much in the beginning either. Like I don´t get what´s technique is suitable for what.

Day 3 I listened to affirmations for like 2 hours I feel a lot more confident, I feel a lot more inclined to talk to people. For some context: I´m really insecure right now, haven´t always been that way but I am more insecure than ever but I feel already a bit better with these affirmations. But I have a lot of generic negative self talk, I usually think about every situation that happens to me in a very negative way, my predisposition is to think of how a situation is limiting me and just complain about it-- because it´s hard to begin the momentum of having a good mentality and accept whatever is happening and move on from there. I´m going to try more generic positive affirmations so that I can tackle setbacks better and more constructive. Fell asleep pretty good today aswell, but I was very tired so that might have been it I don´t feel as much resistance to affirmations now, feeling a bit better about it.

@sileneyeah, I´ll experiment a bit and see what happens. But what´s TMI?

Hey, so I´m doing mindfulness mostly but should I try really hard and use all of my willpower to focus on my breath or should I be more gentle?

@higherself418Btw how are you doing your affirmations?

@higherself418Nice! I´m not yet convinced by affirmations because I haven´t experienced it enough but that´s why I´m doing this journal to stay consistent. Good luck!

Day 2: forgot to write yesterday but I will now I listened to affirmations for 5 hours I have been listening to confidence affirmations and yes, I can already feel that I feel more self assured and that I´m not as afraid of speaking up, a slight change in emotions regarding that. I had pretty bad own self talk yesterday because my training feels like it´s not paying off, but I´ll try and catch myself doing that and just counter it. I could sleep REALLY well yesterday, but that was probably because I was really tired, no negative thought while trying to fall asleep that I can remember. I feel that I have some resistance to keep listening to affirmations, and that´s probably what made me stop in the past, because I feel weird doing it and it feels like I need relief from it and that I need to stop. But that won´t happen this time, I´ll just do this steady and consisten and probably incorporate my own self talk little by little by next week when I have a bit more momentum. It´s so cool that something that feels so trivial such as affirmations can so fundamentally change how you feel and see the world, it´s the momentum and total of the kind of thoughts that make you (maybe?). Feeling pretty good nonetheless

Just a note: I will not fuck around on this journal and write about improvements that hasn´t happened because "eyy, I´m doing affirmations so I can´t be honest about how I feel", no I can express my feelings even though they are not always positive because this is just an observation and not something I´m doing throughout the day, throughout the day I´m doing thousands of positive affirmations and acknowledging where I´m at is fine, because I´m not very dependent on it, if it works it works. This is just a clarification for myself, because I´ve seen people talk about their improvement that affirmations have made to them in affirmation form, and you realize they are just saying the affirmation thinking that it will help saying the affirmation to others which is just straight up lying, I don´t want to be self delusional about this. This is a bit hard to express but I atleast know what I mean

day 1: Today I did like 4-6 hours of listening to affirmations, honestly don´t know but it will be easier for me to know when I´ve built this habit and kind of figured out what affirmations I want to listen to. I can already feel that I can do my actions without being insecure (I´ve listened to affirmations for a couple of days but this is my oficial day one), and I´ve felt a bit more calm in some situations. I feel more self-assured. One thing I can´t stand is my parents, they frustrate and irritate me like no other and I want to have more friends, I feel this inside of me and I think that I will try and manifest this as best as I can, because I´m conditioned to not like hanging around people from my childhood so this is a hard thing for me (I wouldn´t say I´m introverted, it´s just that throughout my whole childhood I basically never met people because my family was/is not like other families, but I think that this is reversable). I believe that I can say things like I did before without harming me, some people doing affirmations think that they should pretend everything is fine when it´s not. The thing is to acknowledge things and then see a better perspective and/or just express something positive about something else to increase your emotional quality which is very important for productivity and bla bla, really it´s just that I want to be happy. I´m becoming aware that I can be happy NOW, no fucking requirements or things that I have to wait for, I can feel the way I want (happy and wellbeing) at the same time as I´m wanting something else, I´m just not dependent on that thing to come into my reality and experience for me to feel happiness. Have a good day! EDIT: When I was trying to sleep I had pretty bad visual imagery like usuall, I´ll write a bit about that aswell and see if that will go away, because as of now I can have trouble sleeping because I´m visualizing disturbing images unwillingly at the moment

I´ve had chest pains for like 1.5 years, I have done blood tests for my heart aswell as ecg and it was fine. I also checked my throat and stomach with some sort of camera down my throat checking for anything wrong there but there was nothing wrong. I can´t really point to when I get the pains either, I just get them randomly and it makes it hard to sleep and sometimes hard to do other tasks because it takes my attention. I am also 17 years. So the doctors won´t really try to find the cause anymore and they said that it´s because psychological problems. But I´m a bit sceptical to this, because yes I do have anxiety and I´ve not had this much anxiety in my 17 years alive, but I do not think that it is so much that it would cause chest pains like that. I don´t know though but it feels like it should take more than the level of anxiety I have. So I really don´t know what to do anymore