bloomer

@gettoefl I feel forced into situations often where I have to make small talk. Unfortunately the number of people I come to contact with weekly is higher. Of those I'd like to get to know better? Well anyone really close to my age, I'm sick of being stuck at home all the time. That's a good method for dealing with small talk. I'm taking it. But I'll actually give my opinion. Again I don't like being disingenuous.

@PurpleTree Just edited my previous comment now. It was poorly worded. Typically the women who are best for us we have no sexual interest in. But the women who are bad for us we are aroused by. This is also true for women. I think you have to learn to be more attracted to those women that are actually good for you. Also you need to find out what a satisfying relationship actually looks like rather than just sexual flings.

I stopped smoking weed because it's expensive and made me stupid and lazy.

@PurpleTree Reading your story and you mentioning that you were a drug dealer and how your lifes been messed up from your teen years on wards. I expect you've already dated girls before etc... I'll caveat this with the fact that I don't know what I'm talking about. But it might be useful to have another opinion. I don't think a lot of women give a shit if you have your life together. Plenty of women date, sleep with, fall in love with and have kids with men whose lives are complete messes if those men are attractive and charismatic. Now will you find the kind of woman you want, having your life as a mess? Probably not. But I think you should first figure out what kind of woman that is and what kind of standards she has. As soon as you've figured out what kind of woman that is work on becoming the man that she wants.

@Nahm Just noticed I forgot to add the o to that to. NOOOOO Yeah you're right. Well those thoughts have been with me as long as I can remember. It will take a long time meditating before I get rid of it. I don't know, I'm not happy with my life right now. Sure feels like somethings wrong with me when I can't do what everyone else can do which is to have a social life and make small talk. How do you detach the thing you want from yourself? The two things are completely connected.

@Nahm That's interesting. I've been meaning to meditate but each time I start the habit I stop soon after starting and then begin procrastinating again. Stopping that thought activity I think is close to what I was saying in the other comment about getting out of my own head when socializing and dealing with people. I will start meditating more. How long with a meditation habit could I expect for my introversion t begin fading away? Thanks Nahm. I'll read that page now and look into that course. @Armand I have an issue that's related to that. Since I'm such an introverted and shy person. Since covid lockdowns I've fallen out of touch with friends. For the past two years really all I've done is go to work and come home, without any social life or really talking with people. I think that's destroyed my ability to really hold conversations with people. That already being on top of the fact that I naturally don't like to speak or really engage in most conversation. My issue is I don't know how to fix my lack of a social life or go out and find these groups with people my own age. I'm 21 years old. I feel trapped in my current life right now. Maybe there are book clubs I could join in my area but I doubt it. I've never been to a rave or concert and the idea of going alone make me nervous. Especially since I can hardly hold a conversation with a customer. I doubt I could handle being in such a high energy environment like that. But it might help me get better with people and be more of a people person to find some group. Thanks both for the replies.

@Fearless_Bum So not being afraid is understanding? What are you understanding?

I think people have an attachment to fear. Being afraid is a defense mechanism against death. When you let go of being afraid you stop clinging to your own life. Fear is what motivates the gazelle to run away from the lion. Without that it would be the lions lunch. I don't fear you're giving fear it's due credit here. Fear has it's uses which is why it exists.

@Leo Gura Thank you for the reply. First post and the first reply is from the man himself. Been watching your videos on and off for years now, and have found them very helpful, so I'm deeply thankful and wish you all the best. I think I'm a very introverted person, so I struggle with always being stuck in my own head and analyzing every situation. So when I have to make chit chat with people, I'm always thinking about why I'm doing what I'm doing and saying what I'm saying, and the same goes for the person I'm talking with. I think for me to change my attitude I'd need to get out my own head. The only times I get out of my own head though is when I'm drunk, pretty much. I don't know what my point is. It's easier said than done than to just change my attitude on talking with people when it's basically my personality. Honestly it seems alien to me. I've spent some time around extroverted people who can talk about nothing endlessly, and to me it's as if they're performing a magic trick or something. When I watch people who are good at small talk it seems like they just blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind. They have no filter and the thoughts they have are all naturally the right things to say most of the time. I'm always up in the clouds thinking about weird shit that no one wants to hear, and definitely wouldn't be acceptable to say to some stranger in a grocery store lol. I don't think I'm a very interesting person or that people want to hear about the details of my life so I just don't say them.