bloomer

I may as well post my notes, thoughts and questions on the second video. “The best game looks so effortless and natural it isn’t seen as game. That’s not game he’s just a cool extroverted guy.” I'm so unbelievably robotic when dealing with people it's insane. I think up a line to say to someone thinking "this is what human beings say to one another" then wait until silence or some opportunity to spew that line like I'm some actor reading a script and it always seems forced and unnatural. But I struggle to let my guard down with people, get out of that logical state of mind and relax and speak my mind with people. So it might not be rocket science for some people but it feels that way for me. Day Game VS Night Game Okay Leo splits it into day game vs night game. Day game is meeting some girl whose a stranger in public and starting a conversation with her. This is in a park, in a mall, in a café etc… Second, night game, is meeting some girl at night at a bar, nightclub, party, festival, concert etc… and striking up a conversation with her. Now both have their pros and cons. Day game is a lot more low energy, but requires you to be more socially adjusted and know what you're doing. You and her are probably sober, there's a lot more social knowledge needed. But it's better for getting dates and finding a gf. You exchange numbers and then move on. Whereas night game it's a lot more high energy, alcohol is usually involved. So night game is for more extroverted people. You can find more women in the night, they're more receptive to going home and sleeping with you. So this is better for one night stands. There's more room for social mistakes because people are drunk and loose. There are more women to approach and they're usually dressed up and trying to look their best which makes them more intimidating. Once you approach don't be half assed, no meekness or 50%. You're all in. Get her attention. No ambiguity. Open with "hey, excuse me". Or "can I stop you for a moment". Get her attention first, make eye contact. Don't just blurt out, "I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL". Make sure there's a pause and smile. So smile because this is a weird thing to stop a stranger, she doesn't know you, doesn't know if you're trying to sell her something or if there is some kind of threat or danger. Once that's all down now give your opener. The opener doesn't matter honestly just say anything. The difficultly is keeping the conversation going. Here's Leo's opener, "hey I know this is very forward, but I just saw you and thought you were very attractive, so I wanted to come over and speak to you. Hi my name is Leo what's your name?." Something of that sort. If they still want to carry on about their day after that then just say "take care, have a good day" something of that sort. You need to relax, any anxiety and fear in you will translate to her. As mentioned yesterday they don't want to put in an awkward situation. Social situations are supposed to be smooth. If you're approaching a girl in the day be super calm and at ease. Make inferences based on what she's wearing or doing etc… Dressed in all black, flowery dress, what I say doesn't even need to make sense. Just say shit that’s interesting. Don't be logical be as emotional as possible. Ask emotional questions about "what are you passionate about?" rather than "where do you work?". Ask quickly if they're single or not. ACT LIKE YOU'RE ABOVE HER DO NOT SELL YOURSELF TO HER Best line after meeting a girl, talking with her, potentially going on an instant date for some coffee or whatever and where ever. To get you laid is "can I come with you?". Where ever she says she's going, for a drink, with some friends, going home etc… is "can I come with you?". By the end of the night she's going to be at home or in a bed. If she says yes to coming with her where ever she's going this is how you get laid. Girls don't lead you to sex you lead them to sex. Girls don't take responsibility for sex. So I'm going to work on building my way up. Since I've never even been to a bar with any mates I can go in and just observe and people watch, have a drink and smoke. No pressure to even talk to anyone, that will put me at ease. Then try to make some friends that would be a next important step, slowly incrementally getting better and better. I'm not thinking two years ahead. But thanks @Raze I will use those links. I have watched some PUA stuff before. These were Leo's step by step for newbies on the vid for talking anyway. 1. Find clubs/bars that are good for approaching 2. Go out every Friday/Saturday 3. Get over your approach anxiety, approach and build state. 4. Do a solid approach 5. Work on solid eye contact, firm voice, smiling 6. Be positive and put yourself into a happy mood when talking to girls 7. Keep talking to she blows you out or tells you to leave 8. Always try to end the interaction with a phone number, instant date or moving to a new location ^ those 8 are the 20% you need to know to get 80% of the results

@Thunder Kiss ?Everyone is horrid expect me (and possibly you.) Love the pfp Thunder. Funny enough I am working in customer service at the moment. It has helped a lot. Just a year ago I wouldn't be able to do half the things I can now. It's extroversion via osmosis. The job I'm currently working is cutting hours back in December and January quite a lot. So I do need a second part time job. I'll think about applying for some bar work. Thing with females colleagues is I worry if I approach them and fuck things up (which is honestly the most likely scenario) it could backfire and effect my job and make for an awkward work environment.

@Leo Gura You're right. I will approach some and even if they reject me at least then I'll know for sure they don't like me. @Federico del pueblo Well I'm only thinking what I'm planning on doing this Saturday lol. But I appreciate you bringing it back so can look at it in the long term. It'll come across as awkward but I will write down some ideas for openers with people.

@Leo Gura Thanks for the quick reply. I will do those three. I already know a few. Not from having been in them just generally from people and knowing the city I live in. I will do, but I don't think I'm even capable of really having a conversation with anyone. No one even wants to talk. Everyone is always in their social cliques and groups and only talk really among themselves. It was the same thing in college, all the girls would sit among themselves, would never talk, would always be on their phones scrolling through social media and as soon as class would end they would as fast as they can pack up their shit and be out the door before you could even say hello. Outside everyone is always on their phones, never looking away and not even paying attention to where they're going. I think the biggest things that fucked me over and got me where I am is not being on social media and being ugly. They're all avoidant. Most guys don't get girls from cold approaches. They get them through friends and social groups. I'll be a fucking autistic weirdo if I start approaching people and girls who don't want to be approached in a bar or club. I doubt I'll even be let into a club. I will try anyway just so I can say that I did try if it doesn't work out. Wouldn't I also develop a bad reputation if I started hitting on all these girls and being rejected by 100s of them? It's like no one even wants to talk. It's like there is this social media wall that people use to vet you to avoid real life face to face confrontations. Online they have total control of who talks to them. They don't want me talking to them. But I will eventually force some awkward interactions because it has got to the point for me that the pain of being an anti social hermit is worse than being seen as a creepy weirdo. I know it reads like a list of excuses but I will go out and to bars and try this out. I'll probably just start out going there and not talking with anyone and drinking/smoking alone until I can muster up the courage. It just seems like I've been forced into ridiculous public antics just to have interactions with people and women. I'm cutting out all the negative "blackpill" incelly content I've been watching and reading anyway in the mean time.

I'm a 21 year old and I'm planning on going to university in the new year. I honestly have no desire to go to uni but I feel it would be stupid not to go. I don't even know what I want to study. I'm not excited to be around other people. I've always been that weird guy. Was in college, the quiet kid who didn't talk to anyone and I worry I'll be the same one in uni. Hopefully I'm not that same guy, in the class that doesn't talk to anyone and doesn't do anything, but I've never really had friends, never a gf or invited out to parties or events. I'm excited to learn and to have autonomy. Finally moving away from my parents, but I'm dreading uni a lot. The lockdown has shown me that I seriously do not enjoy being around people. I know I sound like a shit but I just don't know what's wrong with me. I just can not connect with people. Uni feels to me like my last chance to be a normal person with a normal social life or meeting a girl. So basically I have two questions, how can I choose a course to commit myself too in the next months? and how can I not completely fuck it up socially and make friends and meet girls?

@Fleetinglife Thank you for the reply. I'm glad to hear things worked out for you and making friends. Sorry things didn't work out with that girl and I hope whatever mental health issues you had have been dealt with. Your post put me at ease a bit. I think people will be more adult in university and more open to befriending people who are working towards the same end. @blankisomeone Lol, don't tell me I should be afraid and that to go anyway. It should be one or the other. Help me put my anxieties at ease. @TheAlchemist When people get to know me they call me a good listener. Though you have to get to know me first and that's hard when I don't do much speaking. But I will try to throw myself into more social situations. 100%, you just described me to the letter. I've been thinking of just going to bars or a club alone and drinking or smoking by myself. I know it sounds weird but I need to get out more and I don't really know where to start. Does that sound like a good idea to you?

I find it very difficult to make small talk with people. The fact that I work as a cashier currently and have such a hard time with small talk makes for some awkward encounters with people who want to make idle chit chat. I've been struggling with this for the past few months. I've gotten better but was hoping someone here could give me some advice, so I can stop with the awkward quietness and with saying the wrong things and the wrong times. Most interactions I have with people now, are really just me operating on a muscle memory. They said that, I should say this. It's for the most part sub conscious now, but sometimes I get jolted into some conversation that I wasn't expecting. This is a side note but I hate small talk. I've always hated small talk. It comes across as disingenuous to me. I think in English culture and language we have peppered in all these emphatic pointless expressions, that lack meaning and are only really used for general social communication. For an example, an English speaker in the UK could come up to you, knowing that last week your entire family had been killed in a fire, and ask you how you're doing. Small talk and questions like that annoy me because typically people don't care how you're doing, or how the weather is, or anything else they say to fill in the silence. I'd be much more content with people just saying, hello and goodbye. At least that would be honest. It feels like every time I'm forced into small talk, I'm forced into lying and playing a role. How can I get over this feeling and start to actually get good at, and maybe even enjoy small talk?

@Jon_Bundesen Once I've finished this video Jon I'll post my notes here. I listened to 20 minutes of it this morning but now have @Kalki Avatar Yeah it's happened to me a bit as well. A year ago I would have been far worse and more antisocial. So I know I can improve. I just need to force myself out more into more social high energy environments. @Random witch How do you get out of that intellectual headspace?

@Sugarcoat Yeah, how are supposed to get past that block? I went out yesterday to a bar and join a group of people. They tried making conversation with me, I'm always very short and blunt and then at points there was just silence. Dead silence, in my head I have things that I could say but I'm too afraid to say them, like the words literally won't come out my mouth. I never just give myself permission to speak. As the night went on and more drinks were had I found myself more comfortable and willing to speak but there is this block that appears and just has me not open my mouth in even awkward silence.

@ZenSwift “The universe looks more and more like a great thought rather than a great machine.” - Sir James Jeans, The Mysterious Universe Reality and truth is just a concept and not the things itself. Language is just a way we convey that inherent truth but we get so caught up in the tool we use that we forget that its even a tool. Kinda like trying to direct a dog to something in the distance with your finger but the dog just stares at the finger not grasping that you're trying to direct. Of course there's going to be differences between the languages we use in the way they formulate ideas. I'm too ignorant to know though.

@Thunder Kiss Yes

@Sugarcoat I expect quite a few people relate here. Since introverts are put on a pedestal and all. I relate to that more than you know. Sounds about right to me. Well, you're smart enough to identify the problem. Now you need to learn how to not be so afraid when talking with people. I know, easier said than done. What do you think makes you afraid? I think both. But you are right, it's an issue with anxiety and the fear that I'll say the wrong thing. But splitting the two, social skills and anxiety, is very useful and you made me realize I've been conflating the two. Thanks for that. Don't mention it. All the best. ? @mandyjw I've never thought about it that way. I've always just taken for granted the fact that introversion and extroversion are these objective states, rather than just this comparison game. We should stop comparing ourselves to others constantly, and that will probably work wonders for our anxieties. You make some awesome posts mandy. Thanks.

@Leo Gura Fuckin A man I'm going to take solace in that fact, that the more confident and social a person is the dumber they are. At least I'm smarter than them, that will help me cope with the all consuming loneliness as I cry myself to sleep tonight.

@Thunder Kiss Uh, so you mean the truth? Just kidding, kind of. A lot of people are manipulative and will walk all over you if you let them. @Jacquelope you seem like a smart guy. Don't listen to thunder kiss and get your kid to bury his head in the sand lest he offend a woman's feelings and become the dreaded "toxically masculine male". I mentioned objectification half jokingly earlier. But really, who the hell objectifies people? Do you really think men are just sociopaths who only see a woman like a blow up doll? No, just because we have sexual attraction to you doesn't mean that we don't see you as people. It's just generally the only thing that interests men in women is sex and not their personalities mostly. Again, it seems you care less about what's actually in the best interest of the kid and more about him not having the wrong naughty beliefs. I think you find out pretty quickly what is sexual harassment and rape. I find it very condescending that this needs to be "taught" to boys. Like we need to teach them not to be murderers. Yeah, we get it. Rape and murder is bad. We don't need you to teach us not to rape with a power point presentation. Thank you

@Girzo Take it back Uh no, Ryan Gosling is a legend. Doesn't mean I want to fuck him. Maybe a little? I wasn't only throwing rocks at them. I was also trying to run them over in my toy car.

@Leo Gura This might sound sexist so I'll say a warning to those reading. But I never gave a fuck about girls until I had a sex drive. Now is that me objectifying women? Maybe. But I think of it this way. When you're a boy, prepuberty, girls are icky, their interests are boring. You're into cowboys and Indians, playing with trucks or videogames. They're playing barbie or whatever else girls play when they're little, I don't know. You'd put signs outside your door saying "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" and throw rocks down at them with the boys from the tree fort. Only once you start with puberty do you start taking an interest in girls. Wanting to be around them, hug them, care about what they think and say etc... What I'm asking how are you supposed to get your boy prepuberty into liking girls? I never cared about girls when I was young.

@Jacquelope I think every boy today is going to grow up in that bifurcated environment regardless. Whether you like it or not he's either going to sink (incel) or swim (chad). What determines that is first, have you gotten him to develop important social skills, and as @Raze said, to make sure he doesn't become a shut in. Have your son take care of his physical appearance and most important get him to be social. Besides that near to every boy is girl crazy just most girls aren't boy crazy. Especially in today's hyper sexualised age with ubiquitous pornography that he most likely has already been exposed to. Teach him the dangers of that, It's incredibly damaging. So basically my point is that thirst, aggression and desperation isn't going to get tamed it's only going to get satiated. If it never gets satiated because your boy sinks then you can't wish for his sex drive and need for intimacy and affection to go away. Especially when the disparity between those who have so much excess will always be dangled in front of his face.

@Gesundheit2 Great analogy, I'm curious, how does a introvert reach the end of the chessboard and get rid of over self-consciousness?

@Jon_Bundesen Thanks Jon I'll give it a watch now

@Preety_India Yeah that's just called not bullshitting people. Being that on the nose (I'm the same way) people don't expect it so they take it for rudeness where as I just see it as honesty. Yeah I'm not like that, I'm similar to you, I'm very fact based when talking with people. Not the best story teller. I know it's frustrating. Especially when people get offended over it. Put pressure on you into lying I think. Lol same

@ItsNick I feel the same way, though you do have to keep pushing yourself out your comfort zone slightly each time you try. @Kalki Avatar Saying it's bullshit, when I agree, isn't going to change my attitude towards it and make me not hate it. Fact is whether we like it or not it's still a needed skill.

@Sugarcoat I relate, I'm also a low energy introvert, struggling with self esteem. It's important to realize that everyone is human and has faults and extroversion isn't that unique or special. Just means a person gets energy from around people, socializes easier and has less of a filter. I relate to viewing that from the outside looking in as something alien but don't let that effect your own self esteem. I'm new to the forum as well and I made a first post similar to yours. Leo himself gave some advice and I found the info on there to be helpful and it might help you as well. I think because, when you look at it from an introverts perspective, they do things that we can't because they have no filter. No it was a good vent. Never let someone else social extroversion effect your self esteem. You'll be fine and I'm sure you can develop all those same traits that you admire in others.

@Nahm Thank you. I think I've realized this before but you put it very succinctly. I'm going to start meditating again. That's a bit difficult to grasp but I think I understand what you're saying. @mandyjw Great analogy. That's fantastic. Kind of a "aha" moment to phrase it as enjoying yourself. That's my issue and why I don't like people ask me how I am. Because I'm not doing good and I'm not enjoying myself. I need to start enjoying myself more when around people. You phrasing it like that has been really helpful so thank you. Yeah its a good movie. I get why you're bringing it up. Thank you. That was beautifully worded and tremendously helpful. In the end you started saying the same thing as Nahm really about the power of meditation and noticing your thoughts.

@gettoefl Thanks mate. I'll check for those questions now. @mandyjw I'm sick of getting into awkward interactions. Think it would help me be more comfortable around people and the potential to make friends. Also could be helpful to be good at small talk with girls.

@gettoefl Occasionally I actually have a customer with nice clothes or shoes on. Next time I see one I will ask this. Hopefully it doesn't come across as awkward. Yeah I'll write down some questions to ask.