KatiesKarma

Yeah but why does shitty sleep cause demonic hallucinations.... That's a weird connection man. Then again we would have to find out what exactly the purpose of sleep is apart from energy restoration. What happens to the I during times of unconsciousness

This Youtube named Lucidawake or something tried to astral project for 60 days until he finally succeeded, but it was eh creepy is again the word. He would try to leave and then his mother in that realm would appear and talk gibberish, distract him and Push him back. Forbidden territory I guess My lifestyle is literal trash and rooted in avoidance of people, emotions and responsibility. I basically do nothing with my life, am eternally confused and probably in way more despair than I am currently aware of so eh might be why I atttact this dark energy

Until 21 years or so your brain and personality develops. Your routine makes or breaks you. How hard wired in is everything up until that point? What about genetics, do they predetermine like 90% of your behaviour and preferences...? So that leaves me wondering - as I vaguely remember Leo talking about this in some video of his - how do I upgrade my brain. There was this metaphor of hacking your phone (mind) and reprogramming it as opposed to installing new apps. (completely new functions) I'm interested in this as I have profound emotional problems, can't feel really feel anything. No sense of self in the bad sense, maybe ptsd type of thing. It's like I have a really really low consciousness brain/soul. Or what type of activies lead to "integration" & activate the entire brain? I feel as though only a small part of my brain works in a disconnected, shitty manner. Brain fog + mind blank. I've done some drugs but in a dumb way. I didnt prepare and got nothing out of it. Just the most random bullshit hallucinations that increased my nihilism (saw rats everywhere, or really odd cartoonish type of things). I'll leave my hands off of them now because I am sure one joint and a sleepless night will literally ensure the onset of psychosis for me Thanks for reading my rant and endless questioning

I've read somewhere that dreams prepare you for 'unexpected' stuff in waking reality. I also noticed that when my life is mind-numbingly boring, the dreams become all the crazier. I honestly don't like what I see in them most of the time, I would really like to know how to take control of the unconscious mind, or at least really 'cleanse' it or something.

Um... hello. I don't even know how to justify the "life" I have created for myself. Honestly it is so ridiculous (and sad) that I cannot fathom that "I" did it, nor that it is actually happening. Current life situation/backround: - hyper religous mom + criminal narc father - basically what set fire to the gasoline was Corona, taking my one and only real life responsibility from me: school. No more meaningless small talk and homework, no routine. Just homeschool and rotting for 6 months -> Full on Depression and Depersonalization got triggered (no emotions, all my memories feel distant and impersonal) which makes studying significantly harder. - filled my mind with all sorts of delusional trash, including Leo's videos. I desperately wanted to figure out the "meaning" of life. Well I got to the intellectual bottom of it and I did not enjoy what I saw. [even went to a clairvoyant priest in Ukraine who just starred into my eyes and told me I should not have read any of this lol ] - I have pretty much fully resigned, gave up trying to achive something like finishing school or making a singular friend - i go to therapy but it is so useless because I have no routine (or anything really) going for me - mother went to tarot card lady who said that everything would turn out okay for me and I fully trusted her. Well, none of it came true. This really fucked me up even further - all I see is contradiction upon contradiction TDLR: wasted my life, turning 19 in a few days, criminal refugee family, no friends , not exactly a good future in store for me Questions 1. How do I get rid of Depersonalization? 2. Am I beyond help? 3. What would you do? 4. Is it true that deep down we always know what we should do but we are too afraid to do it so we just don't? - Katy