Daniel123

Sometimes the world looks fluid to me like on a small dose of LSD whenever I am really present. Everything seems less "solid" than it once did and more flow-like.

So I just recently came back from a 6-day men's retreat. I am not talking about the kind of Andrew Tate pickup be a manly man stuff, but a very loving, open space for men to share their experiences, scars and emotionally open up to each other about their challenges and struggles. I wanted to write a short review, because I don't see a lot of talk about this kind of thing and at least for me it gave a whole new understanding and sense of community, emotional openness, connection and vulnerability. I hope this will benefit someone. Structure of the retreat The retreat took place on Ibiza in a wonderful serene place on the island. There were 8 participants and another 6 staff members doing various jobs, so a very intimate, small group. The schedule included meditations, breathwork (holotropic and other), giving and receiving physical therapy to each other, a workshop on ancestral healing and three psychedelic ceremonies - 2x magic mushrooms (1,5g and 3g) and a hike with san pedro. Before the retreat In my spiritual journey, I feel like I overemphasized the feminine aspect a bit too much. Allowing and cultivating this feminine energy was very beneficial for me, but I felt like I lacked the more masculine energy and wanted to balance it out a bit. I didn't really know what to expect from this kind of retreat, but it just felt right to go. I also often feel quite isolated and like I don't fit in quite easily with groups - especially men's groups, so this was another challenge to myself to overcome this apprehension in this kind of setting. Inside the retreat In the beginning of the retreat, it was strangers aged 28 to 67 coming together in an interesting setting from widely different backgrounds. There was an atmosphere of carefully getting to know each other, but staying at a safe distance to each other physically and emotionally. After the first few rounds of personal sharing circles though, it became apparent, how similar the wound is that men share, expressing itself in various ways. Common themes were the feelings of being isolated, not being enough and not being able to live up to the expectations of those around them. There was also kind of a collective wound created by women, be it not being loved enough by the mother, being emotionally abused by a partner, the death of a long-term wife etc. I feel like this is part of being a man and almost nobody is openly admitting to feeling this way. Being able to share this so freely was such a relief in and of itself. But importantly, it was not about casting blame on women in any way, but recognizing the wound while also taking responsibility for healing. Over time, slowly the walls broke down more and more and everyone started sharing their innermost feelings, their pain, their traumas. It was okay to give a hug, to touch, to cry, to console, to talk and to deeply listen. This really transformed my view of what healthy masculinity looks like and what it is like to be part of a tribe, part of a brotherhood that formed such a strong bond over just six days. It is really astounding the connection you can build in such a short time if you dare to share and be vulnerable with others. The fact that no women were part of the group allowed everyone to freely talk about sensitive topics without any instinctual need for competition or fear of being judged by the other sex, so this was a really safe container. I feel like women naturally have this kind of space, and it is socially accepted, while for men it is very uncommon to have someone to share these things with openly. Sharing both mushroom ceremonies with the group was an intimate experience. Especially on the higher dose I felt the connection with the others so deeply and I did a lot of emotional purging while my own struggles came to the surface. The san pedro hike was very special for me as well. The cactus has such a subtle, masculine energy, it fit the occasion so well. Every step on the hike felt like a metaphor for growing up and finding my place in this world as a man. I really like this substance / plant. After the retreat I left the event with such renewed hope, connection and sense of belonging like I never felt before in my life. It also gave me a sense of direction for my life and what is really important to me. Sharing something that has been hidden deep inside of me with other men left me feeling lighter and like a burden has been lifted off my chest. I feel like I can become a better boyfriend / brother / man in the future and I will cherish this experience for a long time. I don't want to make this too long, so I will keep it at that. All in all, it was a wonderful experience and I really recommend it!

I feel this very strongly. I remember a spiritual teacher saying before giving his first teaching to a group of people: Take a moment to think about if you really want to go down this path for enlightenment. Because it will involve suffering and once you reach a certain point, you will have seen some things that won't let you turn back ever again.

I was very inexperienced at that time though, so don't let this deter you No ,not so far. They require sitting a few 10-day courses and some more prerequisites before going for a longer course. You can read about it here at the bottom of the page: https://www.dhamma.org/en/about/code

That was inspirational

I did five 10-day courses and joined one as a server. My first retreat was just a few months after I tried meditation for the first time. On day seven, the pain of all the sitting got so bad that after one meditation session I rushed to my room and cried into my pillow in anguish. The very next meditation session I had my first mystical experience, being in total surrender and watching the pain dissolve into just vibration. This was the moment I got hooked into spirituality, one of the best decisions to join the retreat for me personally. It can be very challenging at times, the timetable is quite harsh, but at the end of each course, everyone I talked to was happy to have joined.

That was a nice read, thank you for sharing!

My first experience with bufo occurred about two weeks after completing my first dark retreat, the effects of which still lingered, putting me in a good state of mind. Having just started to dabble in psychedelics this year, I decided to attend an official ceremony instead of trying to go all alone for the first time with such a powerful substance. Allow me set the stage a bit and describe the ceremony. Upon arriving at the location where the ceremony was to take place, I was warmly greeted and escorted to a waiting room, where over the next half hour, ten more people would join me. When the time came to enter the ceremonial room, my gaze immediately fell on the young female shaman, who radiated such love, kindness, warmth and security and gave me a long motherly hug. I immediately knew I was placing my life in good hands. After an introduction by the shaman, each of us was allowed to express our intention for the day. The correct breathing technique was practiced to make inhaling from the pipe as effective as possible. This was followed by an exercise in holotropic breathing, which allowed the last bit of tension to leave the body and prepare the mind. Each participant received their own glass pipe to hold close to their heart while staying consciously connected to their intention for the experience. The shaman went seemingly at random to the participants and administered the medicine. The first woman to inhale the smoke sank onto her mattress and kept saying, “No, no, stop, please help me,” which briefly raised my level of nervousness. What had I gotten myself into? I tried to concentrate on my intention. I just had to avoid resisting the experience, let go and allow whatever was to come. Suddenly, the shaman sat in front of me, I handed her the pipe, and I began the deep breathing. Then everything happened very quickly. In one long, drawn-out breath, I inhaled the smoke. Even before I had finished the inhalation, the medicine began to take effect. I was supposed to hold the air for ten seconds, but after two seconds, I had lost control of my body. The shaman pulled my sleep mask over my eyes and laid me on my back. I heard myself exhale. With incredible speed, my experience deepened, and everything familiar faded away. I was no longer human, though that’s not quite accurate, for there was no longer any past in which I had ever been human. There was no future in which I would ever be human again either; all memories were erased. I was in a completely timeless and spaceless place made of pure being. Pure direct experience, completely without abstractions and concepts. A grand being brimming with profundity, life and potential. I was pure awareness of this single timeless, infinite moment and completely filled with a love that far outshines the most beautiful human love. I felt a profound connection with everything that is and is not. The sound of my exhalation formed the sweetest background music, which shifted into a soundless melody, so beautiful as if angels were singing, yet so still and submerged that no one could disturb it. I was completely boundless and fulfilled. There was no lack of anything, and the mere concept of lack — if it existed in this moment — would have been laughable. I understood the entire universe, there was no mystery before me. I knew everything by being everything. I knew all, without needing pictures or explanations or details. Everything was crystal clear and obvious in a strange yet deeply familiar way. From one moment to the next, I was human again. I instantly knew where I was, just as quickly as I had forgotten it. My mind re-engaged within a second. My first thought was, “The mind can never comprehend this; no human could ever grasp it.” Within a single second, I was infinitely far removed from the experience that had just lasted an eternity and that I was so close to as to be one with it. Everything I had just understood vanished within a single second. My mind was far too limited to even begin to grasp the greatness of it all. All the talks of spiritual teachers made sense now. Being it was the only way to really understand it. I was overcome with a deep emotion and tore the sleep mask from my eyes. I began to weep out of awe at the beauty I had just witnessed. Shortly afterward, my crying turned into loud laughter in disbelief at what had just occurred. I looked around. More than half of the participants were still seated on their mattresses, waiting to receive the medicine. I couldn’t believe the ceremony was still ongoing, even though I had been gone for literally eternity. The shaman looked at me and nodded knowingly. I felt that she understood at that moment exactly what I had just experienced and her smile was the only way to really communicate it, because no words will ever do it justice. It was very clear to me, why God is talked about best in poetry, because it defies all explanation. I am so deeply grateful for this opportunity, the hosts, you who is reading this, this forum and Leo. I would never have had even the notion to have this experience and I would have missed the most beautiful thing in my life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all!

Sorry to hear this, I really wish you a lot of strength, you can get through this!

Looking forward to watching! Do you still upload your episodes on Spotify as well? The newest ones are just on youtube, right?

This was the first book that I read on nondual teachings / the direct path. I would say it is very accessible and also includes easy practical exercises to get the first experiences beyond just theory. https://lochkelly.org/shift-into-freedom Loch Kelly is a student of Adyashanti by the way.

I really like Leo's music playlist! This is a playlist that I created over the years: Also, I took the liberty of creating a Spotify Playlist from all available songs in Leo's two music playlists and wanted to share for those who rather listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Lmj2C4GsPlhmsKN2ogs1k?si=1dbe71be5b424166

I get this as well when I'm by myself or immersed into my work for an extended period of time. I get too much in my head and it makes me self-conscious when I'm around people. It helps me if I direct my attention gently from my head towards my belly and body in general. Being in touch with sensations and feelings eases the discomfort.

Beautiful, thanks for sharing! Proper context and integration are crucial to the experience.

Fortunately, the trip was very positive, but nevertheless I will heed your advice and lay off all psychedelics at least for the rest of the year to process everything soberly. Thank you for the valuable input!

That was a really interesting read, thanks for sharing!

Today, two weeks after my first bufo experience, I decided to do an LSD-trip on a small dose. Let me share some musings. I thought of the recent SpaceX Launch, where they launched this spaceship into outer space and then the booster returned to earth, being carefully caught by the big chopsticks of the tower. This seemed like a neat metaphor for how I experienced the bufo comeup and comedown. Rapidly being blown to space and then coming back down just as rapidly, while not crashing back to earth, but being lovingly and carefully received back by the chopsticks of the human form. No hangover, no headache, no dip in mood, no ship to repair. But cute metaphor aside, what was interesting during the trip was how similar it felt to the bufo experience at times, especially at the peak. It was by no means as intense or significant, but it had this same primal, ancient feel that I had at the bufo retreat and I felt like I was going much deeper than on previous LSD-trips. @What Am I @OBEler I wonder, is this something you experience as well, like a similar "coloring" of other psychedelics? It kind of felt like a new way was paved back then that is now more easily rediscovered? I hope I am expressing myself well here.

@Tboy Thank you. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea how high the dose was exactly.

@Bogdan My pleasure, thank you for reading!

That is really cool!

@bliss54 Fantastic, I wish you a pleasant journey and would love to hear your experience afterwards, if you are willing to share!

That's definitely scary. Good to be aware of these possibilities.

@What Am I I will read through this, thanks for sharing! Up until now it has not been negatively affecting me at least. I was told that the medicine will work its magic especially over the next few days and potentially the next few weeks, but not exactly how or what this entails. I've been told that dreams will probably get more vivid and intense, but this has not been so in my case (so far).

Thank you. For me, there were no visual effects at all, as far as I remember. I am not quite sure what this means. I think about the experience all the time now and sometimes I feel like I relive parts of it, although with much less of an intensity. Sometimes I also feel like I smell and taste the bufo smoke during the day.

Thank you! That is an interesting question. Right after the ceremony, I had the feeling that it would take me a long time to want to do again. The experience was just so grand and intense that I felt I need a lot of time processing everything. Even though, I had no ill effects like dizziness or a general hangover or anything like that. Now that a few days have passed, I feel like I could do it again soon, but I also feel I want to integrate some things first and I have no NEED to do it again soon. Interestingly, I get more scared thinking about doing it again than I was the first time. Maybe now the ego knows that it will die in the process and it gets terrified of the thought? I am also a bit scared that the next time could be more challenging. The other participants reported more of a struggle during their trip.