Daniel123

That is really cool!

@bliss54 Fantastic, I wish you a pleasant journey and would love to hear your experience afterwards, if you are willing to share!

That's definitely scary. Good to be aware of these possibilities.

@What Am I I will read through this, thanks for sharing! Up until now it has not been negatively affecting me at least. I was told that the medicine will work its magic especially over the next few days and potentially the next few weeks, but not exactly how or what this entails. I've been told that dreams will probably get more vivid and intense, but this has not been so in my case (so far).

Thank you. For me, there were no visual effects at all, as far as I remember. I am not quite sure what this means. I think about the experience all the time now and sometimes I feel like I relive parts of it, although with much less of an intensity. Sometimes I also feel like I smell and taste the bufo smoke during the day.

Thank you! That is an interesting question. Right after the ceremony, I had the feeling that it would take me a long time to want to do again. The experience was just so grand and intense that I felt I need a lot of time processing everything. Even though, I had no ill effects like dizziness or a general hangover or anything like that. Now that a few days have passed, I feel like I could do it again soon, but I also feel I want to integrate some things first and I have no NEED to do it again soon. Interestingly, I get more scared thinking about doing it again than I was the first time. Maybe now the ego knows that it will die in the process and it gets terrified of the thought? I am also a bit scared that the next time could be more challenging. The other participants reported more of a struggle during their trip.

My first experience with bufo occurred about two weeks after completing my first dark retreat, the effects of which still lingered, putting me in a good state of mind. Having just started to dabble in psychedelics this year, I decided to attend an official ceremony instead of trying to go all alone for the first time with such a powerful substance. Allow me set the stage a bit and describe the ceremony. Upon arriving at the location where the ceremony was to take place, I was warmly greeted and escorted to a waiting room, where over the next half hour, ten more people would join me. When the time came to enter the ceremonial room, my gaze immediately fell on the young female shaman, who radiated such love, kindness, warmth and security and gave me a long motherly hug. I immediately knew I was placing my life in good hands. After an introduction by the shaman, each of us was allowed to express our intention for the day. The correct breathing technique was practiced to make inhaling from the pipe as effective as possible. This was followed by an exercise in holotropic breathing, which allowed the last bit of tension to leave the body and prepare the mind. Each participant received their own glass pipe to hold close to their heart while staying consciously connected to their intention for the experience. The shaman went seemingly at random to the participants and administered the medicine. The first woman to inhale the smoke sank onto her mattress and kept saying, “No, no, stop, please help me,” which briefly raised my level of nervousness. What had I gotten myself into? I tried to concentrate on my intention. I just had to avoid resisting the experience, let go and allow whatever was to come. Suddenly, the shaman sat in front of me, I handed her the pipe, and I began the deep breathing. Then everything happened very quickly. In one long, drawn-out breath, I inhaled the smoke. Even before I had finished the inhalation, the medicine began to take effect. I was supposed to hold the air for ten seconds, but after two seconds, I had lost control of my body. The shaman pulled my sleep mask over my eyes and laid me on my back. I heard myself exhale. With incredible speed, my experience deepened, and everything familiar faded away. I was no longer human, though that’s not quite accurate, for there was no longer any past in which I had ever been human. There was no future in which I would ever be human again either; all memories were erased. I was in a completely timeless and spaceless place made of pure being. Pure direct experience, completely without abstractions and concepts. A grand being brimming with profundity, life and potential. I was pure awareness of this single timeless, infinite moment and completely filled with a love that far outshines the most beautiful human love. I felt a profound connection with everything that is and is not. The sound of my exhalation formed the sweetest background music, which shifted into a soundless melody, so beautiful as if angels were singing, yet so still and submerged that no one could disturb it. I was completely boundless and fulfilled. There was no lack of anything, and the mere concept of lack — if it existed in this moment — would have been laughable. I understood the entire universe, there was no mystery before me. I knew everything by being everything. I knew all, without needing pictures or explanations or details. Everything was crystal clear and obvious in a strange yet deeply familiar way. From one moment to the next, I was human again. I instantly knew where I was, just as quickly as I had forgotten it. My mind re-engaged within a second. My first thought was, “The mind can never comprehend this; no human could ever grasp it.” Within a single second, I was infinitely far removed from the experience that had just lasted an eternity and that I was so close to as to be one with it. Everything I had just understood vanished within a single second. My mind was far too limited to even begin to grasp the greatness of it all. All the talks of spiritual teachers made sense now. Being it was the only way to really understand it. I was overcome with a deep emotion and tore the sleep mask from my eyes. I began to weep out of awe at the beauty I had just witnessed. Shortly afterward, my crying turned into loud laughter in disbelief at what had just occurred. I looked around. More than half of the participants were still seated on their mattresses, waiting to receive the medicine. I couldn’t believe the ceremony was still ongoing, even though I had been gone for literally eternity. The shaman looked at me and nodded knowingly. I felt that she understood at that moment exactly what I had just experienced and her smile was the only way to really communicate it, because no words will ever do it justice. It was very clear to me, why God is talked about best in poetry, because it defies all explanation. I am so deeply grateful for this opportunity, the hosts, you who is reading this, this forum and Leo. I would never have had even the notion to have this experience and I would have missed the most beautiful thing in my life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all!

I think that is a good way to put it. You are resonating not with, but as being. And as soon as the mind is coming in to try and grasp it, even the tiniest bit of separation created by the mind will separate it by infinity, because it is in a whole other realm of experiencing. @Breakingthewall Beautifully put. Remembering requires time and direct experience is eternal, that is, outside of time.

The mind's way of knowing is mostly using abstractions, concepts, words, pictures, logic and such. Direct consciousness is doing away with these intermediaries by becoming it instead of knowing it as a separate object. It is hard to put into words, because words are still in the mind's territory.

That is a good point, it's very easy to get complacent and settle as if they are the best life has to offer instead of using them as a stepping stone and safety net.

This is very true. It's a good way to get a foundation of material and social needs plus some general stability in your life. You can have a creatively fulfilling job as an employee as well. Not every employee has to be a mindless wage-slave-worker. And I think not everyone has to be an entepreneur just for the sake of it. If that is someone's calling though, all power to him! You don't have to overcome every facilitation provided by society I think. You can also make use of some to expedite your growth in other areas.

That is an interesting perspective, I like it. What do you do now after dropping out of college?

@Salvijus I was in an advaitan monastery in northern Germany. It's called 'Gut Saunstorf'.

I wanted to share with you my experience of the past few days. I hope to answer some questions for anyone who is thinking about going on a dark retreat themselves. The retreat took place in a monastery over 4 nights. I was very nervous before the retreat, as I had neglected my meditation practice a bit lately. What would await me in the darkness? Would all my demons, which I had more or less successfully suppressed so far, come to the surface and torment me? These questions occupied my mind on the way to the monastery. Upon arrival, I was warmly welcomed and led to my room, which would define my life for the next few days. I could set myself up in the light and arrange my clothes and belongings so that I could find them later. The room consisted of a small anteroom with a table where the food was served, which also functioned as an airlock to the main room and bathroom. Meals were served twice daily, morning and evening, but not at precisely fixed times, to slightly unsettle my sense of time. In the evening, I had my introductory talk with my guide. She asked me questions about my previous experience with inner work, and I had the opportunity to voice my questions. After the conversation, we went to the room together; she darkened the window and lit a candle, which she placed on the floor between us. After a moment of pause, the time came when she left the room along with the candle. From that point on, it was dark, very dark. Orientation now relied solely on my memory and mostly my sense of touch. Showering, eating, brushing teeth in complete darkness was new to me, but I was surprised at how quickly I got used to it and felt as if I had never done anything else. When the food was served, there was a knock on the outer door. I then closed my inner door and confirmed this with a knock. Only then was the tray brought into the room. This ensured that I did not come into contact with light. Once a day, my guide would come to my room to discuss the day's experiences with me. She was very empathetic yet sharp and trained, giving me no opportunity to get lost in philosophical concepts, instead always bringing me back to my current experience whenever I drifted off. As the darkness enveloped me, my mind quickly became quiet. I did not find the darkness threatening, but rather a warm-hearted companion. Interesting phenomena occurred. I often saw flashes of light that illuminated my visual field or formed into colorful patterns. My mind constantly tried to imagine my surroundings, and I felt that I could see the room despite complete pitch-black darkness. I had a lucid dream, entirely without my intervention, in which I was aware that I was dreaming and could control my dream. Once, I woke up from sleep and felt as if I was outside of my body. I saw interesting visual scenes, but I was completely clear and awake. My sense of time was drastically reduced. The only point of reference I had was how long ago breakfast or dinner might have been. This allowed me to descend into a timeless space. On the last day, I became very emotional and realized how much I run away from the darkness of my soul in everyday life instead of facing it. Gradually, I merged with the darkness that surrounded me, and my sense of self was drastically reduced. During the daily conversations, my guide spoke to me, but I responded to the darkness. When the day came to let light back into the room, I felt very wistful. The darkness had become very familiar, and I felt as though I was losing a beloved friend. The transition was disorienting; I was dizzy, and I was glad to have another day in the light at the monastery for integration. Overall, it was a wonderful experience with lots to integrate into daily life, and it certainly won't be my last dark retreat.

Sounds fun, please share if you go through with it!