HereNow

So hello guys, I have experienced this trip on September 8th 2022, so about three monthes ago. Today I just felt the urge to share my experience, so that maybe people can relate to it or can give me an advice, what the hell I experienced there. So anyways here we go: Side note: Im 26 years old, male, living in Germany, currently still a student, have had a relatively normal upbringing and never really struggeled seriously with mental health issues, just some OCD, little depression here and here, but nothing that serious. In my entire life up to this point, except the trip I had three monthes ago, I literally had zero drug experience in my life. I only had a few sips of beer and a bit of coffee (last time I drank coffe is six years ago). So my brain is completely fresh and totally sober. The substance I took/smoked was weed. All the people I know who smoked weed had a fun and chill time and were just enjoying the experience. And weed is officially not a psychedelic and not something dangerous to be afraid of. I waited till 26 because I wanted to be on the safer side so that my brain is almost fully developed. I never ever read anywhere that you can experience hell and insanity on just weed, its really crazy. Anyways, on the trip day I was feeling pretty good, was in a good mood, felt mentally stable and me and two other friends find ourselves a nice spot in nature to have a chill time, listen to some music, eat something and talk a bit. The weed I got from another friend, and he said that it was pretty solid stuff. He said that there are two types of weed mixed with eachother in the bag he sold me. So we found a nice spot and my friend built a nice long joint. We sat on a tree somewhere in the forest, so that nobody could see us. And then the trip started: I was the first one and I dont know why, but I really took many long puffs right from the start, I think it was 3 long puffs. Then the other two friends smoked and it was my turn again. I took two more long puffs. The other friends again and me again with one or two puffs. Then we waited a bit. I started to feel a bit anxious, but nothing serious. My heart started to beat very fast. Then out of nowhere I lost all colour vision and saw a white light. I had a very loud buzzing in my ear and all I could see was gray. I tried to stay calm and thought to myself that this was just the come up and that it would go away in a minute. And after 2-3 minutes the colour vision came back, the tinnitus went away and my heart beat got back to normal. I tried to force nothing and let the experience happen. I waited and tried to enjoy the music. My two other friends were already stoned and talked to eachother. What happend then is very difficult for me to put into words: After a few more minutes I got into a consciousness-state that really felt like insanity. I didnt have any hallucinations, I saw everything for what it was, but I entered another reality, my consciousness shifted and I felt trapped. I felt so trapped and it was the weirdest and most terrifying thing I experienced in my entire life. All the nightmares I had were nothing compared to this state I was in. In this moment I was 100% sure that this is pure insanity, pure nightmare, pure hell. I completely lost the sense of time and I lost all orientation. My ego-consciousness melted into a state of pure imprisonment, chaos and desorientation. Past, Now and future merged into one and I didnt feel myself anymore, it was as if I could watch myself from another perspective, but I was still trapped. I walked around all the time, scratching my head and making movements and speaking things that didnt make any sense. I felt like a crazy person and I was 100% sure that this will never go away. I was sure that I will go straight to the lunatic asylum. I said goodbye to the normal life and prepared to live there my entire life. And during this phase of the trip I thought to myself many times that suicide was the only thing that can bring me out of this hell-state and I never think about suicide in my normal state, never considered it, never. Its really difficult to put into words what kind of state it was. I was in an entire different reality. It felt like infinite imprisonment. My other two friends were enjoying their trip and were talking to eachother the entire time. I tried to hide my experience as good as I could. We started to walk out of the forest and I felt like Im in a labyrinth. I also lost my sense of distance and couldnt tell, if things were 100 m behind me or 500 m. We walked around and slowly this state started to go away. (by the way, the whole time I was praying to God to make this stop and I sweared to myself that if I get out of this I will never ever take any drugs in my entire life again) After 4 hours, I was still 30 percent in that state. We all went to our homes and I immediatly went to bed. The next day, there was about 5% of this state still left. And two days after the trip I was fully back to normal. I was so relieved that it went all away and that I was back to normal. Im also glad that it didnt traumatized me, but it really had the potential to do so. Anyways, for the next time I stay away from any kind of substance, and maybe for the rest of my life because I really dont want to experience this insantiy again and maybe the next time I wont come out of it and be stuck in it permanently. Thanks for reading and wish you all a good day Peace

@undeather Thanks a lot. That helped a lot. Wish you a good day? If I have further questions, can I send you a private message?

@Michael569 Thanks a lot. I try to implement all the suggestions.

@Leo Gura Thanks for the advice? Were you able to reduce your antibodies? How is the disease still affecting you?

So I got the diagnosis for Hashimoto last year and today I went to the doctor and he said that in the future the disease will get worse and worse. Im taking medication for it right now. Most internet sites tell me that it is not possible to heal it. Are there any people here on this forum, who themselves are struggling with Hashimotos disease and who reversed it or made it somehow better? How did you do it and what other ways are out there to heal your thyroid? Also I think that Leo is struggling with this disease, so what is your advice, Leo? Thanks a lot and wish you a good day.

@Leo Gurawhat do you think about this situation, Leo? I would really appreciate it, to hear your opinion/advice on this. Thanks a lot.

@NoSelfSelf So you mean, otherwise there is no hope and I should move on to other girls?

@NoSelfSelf Before the first physical escalation, before I made it clear that I want more, we talked with eachother a few times at work and met one time to hang out with eachother. We talked normal conversations, laughed, had fun, listened to music, just had a good time together. The second time I met her, I already touched her hands, her arms, her head, I escalated physically and it was quite obvious. She accepted it. Before that heavy escalation I would say one and a half monthes gone by. We also chatted everyday and quite a lot. I met her for the first time 2 monthes ago at work.

@Roy I already led her. I took her hand, I escalated physically, I kissed her twice. And I directly told her what I want. Nevertheless she still just want to be just friends. Shall I just move on?@Roy @Roy @Razard86

@Razard86 Thanks for your answer, really really appreciate it. But she sent me via chat that she doesnt have any feelings for me and sees me as a friend. How can I then have sex with her?

So basically Im attracted to that chick (Im male,straight) I know from my part-time work and I am more interested than just friendship. I want her as a girlfriend. We met for the first time 2 monthes ago. At work I see her on Fridays and in total I saw her on about 4 Fridays and I talked with her a bit, when I was at work. I also met her a few times besides work in my free time. I wasn’t attracted to her from the beginning, so I didn’t set a sexual intent from the get-go. It wasn’t her physical features to be honest that got me attracted to her, I mean shes good-looking, but shes not that beautiful. Shes average-looking I would say. I am more attracted to her inner qualities. She very feminine, caring, loving and cute. But I also love her body to be honest. I wouldn’t say that shes hot and I know many other girls, who are physically more attractive than her, but Im not the type of guy, who gets attracted to a girl, just because shes hot and good-looking. I have to first meet her a few times and see her personality before attraction happens. The problem is, she said she doesn’t have feelings for me at the moment, but we did many romantic stuff together, some of them from her idea, some of them from mine. We cuddled together, we touched our bodies, we hold hands, I even kissed her on the mouth two times. There was no sex. But I didn’t feel that she really wanted it, but she also wasn’t opposed to it. She let me do it. She also said that she wanted to do more romantic stuff with me, like cuddling together in the evening while drinking some whine. And she is always texting me, everyday asking how Im feeling, what I am doing etc. really everyday. I have almost never asked her that kind of questions. Yesterday we cuddled together and I kissed her two times on her mouth and out of the blue she texted me on the evening, that she is not sure, whether she sees me as a lover or as a friend and that shes not ready for kissing and cuddling (although we did it a few times, makes no sense at all). She said she sees me more as a friend. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, and she misses me all the time and that Im a very important person in her life. She is always asking me, if I want to go out to hang out with her or to take a walk with her. I also met her family and we got along very well. She trusted me many of her secrets, although I haven’t told her even one secret of mine, lol. We really have amazing chemistry together, but something is missing, she isn’t very sexual towards me, apart from the stuff I mentioned above. She also said that maybe in the future she could develop some feelings for me, but right now at the moment they are not existing she said. From my side I have feelings for her, I feel drawn and attracted to her. I want to be near her, I want to touch her, I want to have sex with her. I want her as my girlfriend. So where did I fuck it up? Did I set the sexual intent too late? Do you think, shes attracted to me? Am I already in the friendzone and is there a way to get out of it, if it’s the case? By the way Im 25 and shes 18, soon 19. So there is quite an age gap between us. Thanks for the help ?