the_void_of_chaos

For me: I was really struggling with nihilism and really depressed about it...I was 16 or 17 maybe. I was looking for some inherent meaning to life but missed the obvious that I can create my own meaning! I've been always alone and I think that it's really easy to criticise and blame yourself at every action you take especially when you're young. Just awesome! It gave me grounding in my own actions and cause. Painting a picture. I remember sitting on my couch when I was around 12 looking for something on YouTube to help me attract girls ?...I watched through dozens of videos and everything was okay-ish. Everyone was talking about how you have to be confident but they never explained what it really means. "Do I have to act confident? What is confidence? How will I know I am acting confident?" It was too shallow for me and then one of Leo's videos appeared in my suggestion (back when it wasn't great camera quality) and I instinctively clicked on it and when the video started I thought..."Actualized.org...hmm...that's a strange name for a YouTube channel. This dude looks strange too. Why it there a black background? And then I started listening to him. He was probably talking about self-esteem and how you gotta work on yourself..."hmm...he's different but it makes sense" and it got my wheels spinning and I watched a bunch of his videos (including how to make a girl squirt ?). I lost him after that for a few years and I really searched for him until when I was 15 or 16, he reappeared on my YouTube feed. I'm 20 now and he has been like a father to me and I really look up to him. I am biased but I really Love him. I've been going to a crematory ground with a friend and looking at burning bodies from a distance and just thinking about it. How the flames look so big and beautiful but a body is burning in it...will be my body someday...and then the flames start settling down and people start leaving in their cars and how the person got left behind (obviously he's dead but psychologically speaking) but also how it's really necessary for them to let go of him. There's peace in an end somehow. Time stops...combined with a river and a sunset...it's humbling. I wanna see more dead bodies burning but my friend is too scared and dismissive. I'll go there alone and really sit...I wanna gaze at 100 dead bodies burning for a 100 days so I can die with them and fully live on the 101st day...if that makes any sense. Why do we forgot that we'll die? I'll die someday and I can't do anything about it. Btw, this exists ?. I'll watch it.

I have a feeling that you're not really thinking and maybe thinking too hard about it. There's no lubrication in the process i.e., feelings. Do you feel that you're trying to somehow justify to yourself that pain and suffering is needed? I can't tell for pain but I can tell you something about suffering. Some suffering is needed and you can't avoid it but also, you decide how much suffering is required for you to change. Say, for example, you want to write an essay and you're watching TV and you're procrastinating. Soon you'll start feeling bad about not doing the essay. Now you can do it. But if you don't, you'll emotionally suffer more. You'll decide how much suffering is needed for you to start writing the essay. You decided that. You allowed yourself to suffer. But if you decide that you should suffer more first and then start your essay, this will a habit. This is a simplification obviously. I don't personally think that way. Running with the idea of "enjoying/appreciating" pain in the common sense means you'll become a masochist. You can "enjoy" it in a spiritual sense by allowing the emotion to exist without interfering with its existence or allowing it to interfere with yours. You'll become insecure if you try to get rid of it. What do you like?

I guess anyone can do it with some practice but it's fucks the eyes. You can dominate but it's egoic. Also, Leo's eyes are beautiful and I don't believe that he tries to dominate people in some egoic way.

Found this by Osho ?

Won't be seeing this in my country till I'm a dead meat. ?

Come on guys, it's a a stupid test...

@bloomer I used the API to build myself an app since the website is mostly at capacity but here are your answers.

@Manusia iPhones are much safe. I'm an iOS developer, I know how strong the safety of Apple is. Now obviously some information is shared in both android and iOS but that's mostly harmless. Unless you share your Apple ID and password with someone, your iPhone probably won't get hacked. But for an android device, it's really very easy to hack someone's phone. You would just need someone's android phone unlocked for a minute and your privacy is gone.

FICTION: Norwegian Wood - Haruki Murakami 1Q84 - Haruki Murakami NON-FICTION: The Book of Secrets - Osho Raja Yoga - Swami Vivekananda Aghora: At the Left Hand of God - Robert Svoboda A Million Thoughts - Om Swami The Undiscovered Self - Carl Jung

This song is so good...feels like I'm the protagonist of a movie. Songs like these make me feel it's better if I stay away from stuff like MDMA and weed. Would love to try LSD though.

I like her style. I used to listen to this song when I was reading Murakami's 1Q84 and someone it reminds me of the main character Aomame.