Leeo_SA

@Leo Gura I think it is time to delete Elon Musk from Stage Yellow 😅

Date: 18-21.1.25 Relevant incidents today: The urge came up and noticed some changes in my behaviour with Social Media and pictures of woman. On 21. I relapsed in bed (power nap on noon) and in the evening. But I dont know why. I feel strange, I got a job today. Was not really excited about that bc I want to continue my self employment but I need the money. I wasnt stressed, I wasnt in a bad mood. I was anxious of getting back to porn and so it was. Why can I see some picture and I dont bother and then if I am sensitive (however that happens) I am anxious that I fall in this trap? It is like I see those pictures with two different personalities. Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 9/10 Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa What I am proud of: Got the job!! I can finally stop doing applications.

I am Leo, 31 years old and wanted to start this journal for following reasons: To stop my porn-addiction To stop my self-sabotage behaviour especially when I want to work To develop a kinder relationship with myself. Which methods am I using? Introspection, self-reflection Self-Inquiry Brutal honesty Maybe psychedelics Porn-addiction: Background: I started to watch porn with the age of 12. Since then, I watched is on a regular basis. Since about 2016 I am aware of that I have an addicition, tried all kind of different method to get over it: hypnotherapy, NLP, lots of introspection, psychedelics, coaching, sexual therapy, journaling on nofap homepage aso. No method was working in the long run. Over the years, I decreased my consumation of Porn from 1-3 times a day to periods in which I consume every 1-3 days for 4-5 months followed by 3 months with no consumation at all. Addiction is a well known behaviour of myself: I smoked for 10 years straight, was drinking since COVID alot but got rid of both of them. Further I am very sensitive to Reels, shorts, youtube, social media so I am hooked fastly. My current method is following: since 2-3 weeks now I take a microdosis of IBOGA every day together with L-Tyrosin. Background: I read a nice book about addiction which claims, that it is not just behaviour failure but also a brain chemistry issue. Porn and other addictions are caused due to a irregulation of Dopamin. Iboga and L-Tyrosin should help with that. In my last LSD trip I discovered that I am not trusting myself due to my addiction. I got insights into myself that because I promise myself all the time, that I am not doing it again, and I break the promise, I cannot trust myself anymore. Being friendlier with myself and accepting myself more, would be the solution. Self-Sabotage: Since one year I am self employed as a coach in self sabotage and authenticity. Because I changed my marketing platforms in the beginning, I started all over again for the 3d time now (I accept it, bc I need to find a marketing platform which fits me in the long run). Now I am producing YouTube Videos in this field, wanted to share also spiritual content. Now I don't have cash left, so I search for a part time job. Bc I just have one month left, I had a lot of anxiety about that. But after facing this anxiety every time it came, I am no longer afraid, which is a good improvement. But I find myself over and over again in self-sabotage when I want to produce videos. So shining some light on this issue is my cause of journaling.

@James123 Here is a german group:

Date: 16.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Noting Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 1/10 Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium What I am proud of: Worked through some limiting beliefs. Date: 17.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Nothing Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 1/10 Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa What I am proud of: Worked through some limiting beliefs. Was happy today, had some rest time in between my clients.

Date: 15.1.25 Relevant incidents today: M in bed after a 1min struggle if I should or shouldnt. Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 7/10 Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium What I am proud of: I worked through 3-4 limiting beliefes today. Worked for about 90min and started after that my day with my clients. Further I applied for around 8 jobs and had a great time with one of my clients.

Date: 14.1.25 Relevant incidents today: M in shower, was nice. Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 3/10 Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium What I am proud of: Worked for about 90min and started after that my day with my clients. Had not so much motivation for work so I did a break in the afternoon.

Date: 11.1.25 Relevant incidents today: No self-sabotage, nothing special. Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 1/10 Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium What I am proud of: Worked for about 90min and started after that my day with my clients. Had a conversation with a guy who probably is going to be a client and had an interview for a part time job, which went pretty well.

Date: 11.1.25 Relevant incidents today: There were some ads of nude woman when I watched a TV show on a streaming platform. It didnt botter me at all. Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 1/10 Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium What I am proud of: Worked for about 90min, did alot of personal work and had a nice day!

Date: 10.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Had back pain again. Went to medical center. Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 0/10 Supplements: Tyrosin What I am proud of: Was happy altought I had pain. In the evening, before I went to the doctor, I had a nice conversation with a new Client from HI. Date: 11.1.25 Relevant incidents today: M in bed today, without yes / no, Yes / no thoughts. was nice! I have the controll, not my automatic behaviour! Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 3/10 Supplements: Tyrosin What I am proud of: Worked for about 2h, organized my dashboard in notion aso. Was a nice day!

Good Idea! Thank you for that Input! That makes Sense! date: 9.1.25 Relevant incidents: nothing Sleep: very good Difficulty PM: 2/10 Supplements: nothing What I am proud of: I got invited for an Interview. I Spoke the truth about myself that I want to be Self employed in the Long run. I am Proud about that and that I dont let my anxiety take over. further I had a hard but nice day. I got another offer for an interview as well as a Coaching request 🤗

@mmKay Thank you for your reply. I understand know, why I am more tempted after a phase of abstinence. I read the book several years back. But since then I forgot a bit, will do some research.

@mmKay Yes I tried. But I am afraid a bit that I overdue fapping as well. My biggest struggle is that I see myself, that I have periods of 3-4 months were I fap to porn regularly followed by 3-4 Month where I dont even think on porn. I tried several methods for recognizing the thought which triggers the behaviour for looking at porn at the end. And that works at the moment well. But when I have the urge again in a few weeks or months, than I don't remember, that I need to look at my thoughts and bring distance in between. But that is also just a believe I think ... Date: 6.1.25 - 8.1.25 Relevant incidents: Just today: i fapped in the shower, felt good! Sleep: very good Difficulty P: 2/10, M: 8/10 Supplements: nothing What I am proud of: I meditated again but stopped today in the second meditation. I asked myself, why I am overdoing it. Further I had again a really nice conversation with a friend. I feel like I am in a transition. Topics Enlightenment is very present at the moment and also letting it go.

Date: 5.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Was really horny the whole day. In the evening I had an orgasm with my GF. After that, my mood got uplifted like a withstand went away which was very surprising bc I didnt want to have an orgasm. In the afternoon I felt a big resistance to work and to do anything. Sleep: very good Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 9/10 Supplements: 0.12g Iboga and 1 capsule of Tyrosin. I stop now with Iboga. Maybe I do it again in one year in winter. The experiment with Iboga and Tyrosin was superb! I experimented a lot with different substances in previous years but this combination had the biggest impact on my mood and handling with anxiety. Every winter I am another man, have more interest in meditation and spiritual pratice but have also winter depression. With this combination (or also without Iboga) I am in another mood. What I am proud of: I meditated today 3 times, 1x 30min, 1x 25min, 1x 20min. Tomorrow I start with walking meditation. Further I had a new client in my part time job: an 101 year old man, he runs like he is 40tish, he eats fruits (in comparassion to other elderly people who are eating just garbage), he is pretty optimistic and has a really good brain (no alzheimer or so). Was nice to be with him! In the evening I made an exercise for introspection due to my resistance to work. Was also a great excersise! Further I applied to 5ish jobs.

@Princess Arabia Thank you for your reflection. Perhaps the ego feels more threatened when it knows that it is real. @The Crocodile Crazy!! As long as we know it is fake, it is funny. It's like comedy and satire. That is social accepted even if the comedian does some racist, female, or minority jokes (ok not by everyone). But when it is not in a context of comedy, it is a problem.

@June June Hi, thank you for sharing your experiences. When I tried the first time Ayahuasca in the amazonas, I didnt have any visions and grand experience as well. Only after the 7th night I had my first introspection. It was really beautiful! In my experience it was due to "living in the head". Psychedelics are something frome nature and I bond them with heart, intuition and more female engery (without wanting to sound too new age-ish...) The second reason was maybe unconscious trauma and a projected lack of trust. After that 7th night, I had several other ayahuasca ceremonies and other substances. Since then every experience was awesome. But my experiences are manely in my head, especially ayahuasca. I have so many thoughts and insights but dont have visions with colors and scenes. I suggest also trying other substances like LSD. OR: Maybe the energy of the substances are too subtle or feminime (like ayahuasca, the mother) for you and because you are (as I was) more living in the head, you need something "stronger" and more masculine like YOPO. I really hope you will find something which suites you well, psychedelics have so much potential!

@Princess Arabia I understand the point of @Buck Edwards and have a similar view. I have really problems seeing violent gore videos. But why? Is there something deeper than just "I know it is not real vs. it is real" ?

Date: 4.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Nothing Sleep: very good Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 1/10 Supplements: 1 capsule of Tyrosin. What I am proud of: I meditated today 3 times, 2 times 20min and 1 time 45min with an online Meditation Group in the evening. Had many thoughts, I believe due to too much (unhealthy) eating and beeing tired.

That is bodyshaming. What do you know? Maybe he has an illness or he had normal weight before and due to psychological issues he has eaten much. A Cop needs good mental health with all the bs in this world, and they Are the First one in contact with criminals. Further du you Like it if somebody says something against your nationality?

Date: 4.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Was horny in the afternoon, but had controlls over my thoughts. Sleep: very good Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 8/10 Supplements: 0.13g Iboga and 1 capsule of Tyrosin. What I am proud of: I meditated today 3 times, 2 times 20min and 1 time 45min. Further I wrote applications for 90 min and read for about 90min. Was a good day!

@Terell Kirby How they slamed him in the car at 8:19 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Date: 3.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Was horny when I woke up, had a filthy dream. In the evening I was in the internet and wanted to see, if there are some porn categories on an online stream plattform. As soon as I saw my thoughts, I stopped and shutted down the website. Sleep: Good Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 7/10 Supplements: Didnt take anything today. Tomorrow Iboga and Tyrosin again. What I am proud of: I really enjoy meditating now. I meditated today 2 times each 20 min. I was very still in the second meditation which was a nice preview of the next level in my meditation journey.

@Exystem Nice to hear 🫶🏻

Date: 2.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Nothing. Sleep: Good Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 0/10 Supplements: 1 capsule Tyrosine, didnt want to take Iboga bc afraid that it could have some effects one day after mushroom trip. What I am proud of: Had a really nice chat with @Exystem. Was great to talk with somebody, which is on the same intellectual and spiritual level. Further I was proud of myself that I respected my mood and body and didnt pressure myself in working. I was tired today and respected that.

Date: 31.12.24 Relevant incidents today: Nothing special. Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 1/10 Supplements: What I am proud of: Date: 1.1.25 Relevant incidents today: Had a really nice 3.4g mushroom trip today. Discovered reality and myself. I took videos of myself speaking to me for insights in my life aso. It did go well but 3-4h longer than usual (I think due to iboga micrososing). Sleep: good sleep Difficulty: 1/10 Supplements: 0.14g Iboga and 1 capulse Tyrosine What I am proud of: I was amazed by the intelligence of our existence. I really want to share my deepest greatfullness of my life. For that, I am doing my meditation praxis and sometimes mushrooms.