decentralized

Hello everyone. Last year I had a partial Kundalini awakening which developed into a spiritual psychosis. I spent almost 2 months in a psychiatric hospital and experienced insanity with some paranormal phenomena. After taking some antipsychotic medication for months things have settled down and I don’t feel much kundalini symptoms besides some shaking (kriyas) and spontaneous mudras which occur everyday. I believe my previous ketamine use and my psychotic break damaged my receptors and even though I don’t feel depressed I feel directionless in life and experience anhedonia. My sex drive and creativity is very low, I don’t feel like doing anything, I spend my days laying in bed scrolling social media. I don’t even watch YouTube videos because I lost interest very quickly. The only thing I enjoy is talking to people but I should be spending my days more productive. I have an upcoming exam for a course which will be a turning point in my career journey but because of the said reasons I can’t find the will to study for it. I need to find a way to rebuild my damaged receptors after this psychotic breakdown before it gets too late. Thanks in advance for your help.

The only way I can explain this is infinity. There’s an infinite amount of dreams that God is dreaming right now, and those dreams should manifest in infinite dimensions in all possible directions. The dream that you’re living in right now HAD to exist, because it’s a part of infinity. If I were you I would try to investigate infinity to answer this question on my own. But realizing infinity can kind of drive you insane.

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s kind of weird that nobody has commented on this before. I can relate to what you said about cannabis. I had a psychotic break which lasted for months after heavy ketamine use. Now I am afraid to even take a “soft” drug like cannabis and possibly I never will use any drug again. The fear of psychosis recurrence is just so strong within me. For your girlfriend, it’s important for her to stay sober. She should forget that cannabis even exists, alcohol wouldn’t be good for her either because it’s also not as innocent as it seems. She and your son are so lucky to have such a wonderful man like you in their lives.

What I mean is you, God, is everything/nothing (those two are the same thing) and everything is God’s dream. We are its finite parts and the sum of those finite parts is infinity. The thing I’ve said about God imagining itself is a paradox, just like this drawing from M. C. Escher.

Sure. You’re God and you’re imagining yourself.

Thoughts are illusions just like anything else.

Is soul real? How is it different from the life force within us? Is it possible to experience it? Where does it go when the body dies? Does it reincarnate?

How do you know?

@Sugarcoat 🙏🏻 Does anyone else have an idea on how to deal with this?

Can you check your DM?

@Sugarcoat what’s your experience with psychosis?

Interesting. So how do you break the cycle or karmic thoughts?

How can you get this sober? I've had a kundalini awakening (or just prana activation, I stopped caring) and I have spontaneous mudras on my hands everyday. It feels like a gentle electricity is running through my arm and fingertips. You made me kinda scared of the energy. To be on topic, I had experienced the technology glitching for a bunch of times when I'm on acid. Phones and computers behaving and glitching in unexpected ways different from how they do in my sober life. Also one time on ketamine I realized I'm god and I'm the only being in the entire universe. I'm infinitely alone and there's nothing but me. Everything, including myself, is my own imagination. I'm nothing and everything. My ego freaked out on the loneliness part, it was not nice to realize that I was imagining my loved ones. That was profound, I wish it was a full awakening though, it wasn't full because I haven't discovered Love yet.

God is everything and it’s imagining itself. That’s my take on it.

@Kokorec I’m also interested in this. Following.

A little backstory - Last year I had a partial kundalini awakening and shit hit the fan quickly. I got blacked out and hospitalized for 2 months. I changed cities and right now I’m not working or going to school, I have no hobbies, no friends, no money, even though I’m 26 years old I feel like I don’t have any good skills to earn myself some money. I am biased though. I have some Kundalini symptoms. Kundalini gives me a bunch of spontaneous mudras everyday and it “talks to me” through my mouth - I have some unhealed traumas from past relationships and when I ask “it” questions about it it crosses my eyes to the tip of my nose and gives me an answer light-fast. I am not controlling this. It has been telling me that I am going to die in the same way of crossing my eyes and giving me mudras, the point is my life is seemingly so out of control I am not going to have a happy life in this lifetime so when I die I am going to reincarnate and by this way there will be better conditions for my awakening. I know kundalini is not something separate from me. Some people told me this was my own escapism, or Kundalini is actually telling me about my ego death, I don’t know but I actually know that all the answers are within me. Until I figure it out, I want to focus on improving my skills, get a job and get some friends. What do you think about this?

@Davino would you like to share how you experienced it? It’s hard to forget isn’t it 😄

From Bursa, Turkey 👋 Send me a message if you also reside in TR

@Xonas Pitfall I understood what this video meant very well. You are everything and you are going to experience everything, realizing this with a partially dissolved ego drove me insane though.

@Breakingthewall thank you for your comment. It definitely felt like a real trip. As Leo said, insanity is a domain of consciousness and it’s worth to explore. That darkness is also a part of Everything, which is you. It was quite interesting to experience that Love can reach the very depths of darkest consciousness. It changed my understanding of Oneness forever. Maybe you can explore it yourself by setting an intention of realizing this part of you, but your ego will do anything to protect you… until it falls apart and dissolves as a part of insanity. This shit can get very scary…

@_Archangel_ thanks for the advice. I’ll do the work to get my life in order

@Javfly33 thank you 👍💪

@Javfly33 thanks for your comment. It’s actually almost impossible to hold any of them in my hands because they change so rapidly on their own. I’m not trying to hold any specific Mudra on my hand and let them come and go naturally. I don’t know exactly why are they coming to me, but I realized if I’m stressed I am having a certain set of mudras and they calm the nervous system down. I am not practicing anything spiritual but I have recently realized that my body wants me to practice yoga. I’ve been postponing this because I know that yoga will cause kriyas (involuntary muscle movements due to kundalini breaking down the blockages) but some types of asanas will work for grounding My family does not let me go out of the house while I’m alone so sadly I can’t go to parties I don’t even have any close friends. I want to focus on doing work related stuff to improve my skills to get my mind off of this “you’re going to die” message I keep receiving. Do you think working on your financial goals itself can balance lower 3 chakras? I think another reason I got unstable was because my upper chakras are active while lower 3 are not so active

Would you like to share what you have experienced? Firstly, it crosses my eyes light fast without giving me time to think. I think I can’t explain how I know (it might be, we are investigating this together) it’s Kundalini without mentioning colors. When my K was very active I had an insane experience: Kundalini means coiled serpent and during my meditation session I kept getting Palli Mudra in my hand. Palli means gecko, when I learned about it I was washed with this new insane energy called “Palli” - it took over me and my body started dancing and vocalizing like I was possessed. Each movement was breaking down a blockage and freeing me from my limitations. I was seeing my infinite nature as God. So while I was experiencing this, I was associating this experience with reddish brown. It’s kind of a synesthesia thing I guess. When Kundalini is speaking to me in the way I mentioned, I am seeing this color with my minds eye. Yes its speaking through my mouth but with a different tone. I think my mudras represent the flow of qi / kundalini and they mean something because they seem to respond to the questions I’m asking or the emotions I’m feeling. They sometimes have a certain order but they change so rapidly it’s hard to memorize or recreate them The image I attached is Palli Mudra

@Hojo okay 👍