decentralized

A little backstory - Last year I had a partial kundalini awakening and shit hit the fan quickly. I got blacked out and hospitalized for 2 months. I changed cities and right now I’m not working or going to school, I have no hobbies, no friends, no money, even though I’m 26 years old I feel like I don’t have any good skills to earn myself some money. I am biased though. I have some Kundalini symptoms. Kundalini gives me a bunch of spontaneous mudras everyday and it “talks to me” through my mouth - I have some unhealed traumas from past relationships and when I ask “it” questions about it it crosses my eyes to the tip of my nose and gives me an answer light-fast. I am not controlling this. It has been telling me that I am going to die in the same way of crossing my eyes and giving me mudras, the point is my life is seemingly so out of control I am not going to have a happy life in this lifetime so when I die I am going to reincarnate and by this way there will be better conditions for my awakening. I know kundalini is not something separate from me. Some people told me this was my own escapism, or Kundalini is actually telling me about my ego death, I don’t know but I actually know that all the answers are within me. Until I figure it out, I want to focus on improving my skills, get a job and get some friends. What do you think about this?

@Davino would you like to share how you experienced it? It’s hard to forget isn’t it 😄

From Bursa, Turkey 👋 Send me a message if you also reside in TR

@Xonas Pitfall I understood what this video meant very well. You are everything and you are going to experience everything, realizing this with a partially dissolved ego drove me insane though.

@Breakingthewall thank you for your comment. It definitely felt like a real trip. As Leo said, insanity is a domain of consciousness and it’s worth to explore. That darkness is also a part of Everything, which is you. It was quite interesting to experience that Love can reach the very depths of darkest consciousness. It changed my understanding of Oneness forever. Maybe you can explore it yourself by setting an intention of realizing this part of you, but your ego will do anything to protect you… until it falls apart and dissolves as a part of insanity. This shit can get very scary…

@_Archangel_ thanks for the advice. I’ll do the work to get my life in order

@Javfly33 thank you 👍💪

@Javfly33 thanks for your comment. It’s actually almost impossible to hold any of them in my hands because they change so rapidly on their own. I’m not trying to hold any specific Mudra on my hand and let them come and go naturally. I don’t know exactly why are they coming to me, but I realized if I’m stressed I am having a certain set of mudras and they calm the nervous system down. I am not practicing anything spiritual but I have recently realized that my body wants me to practice yoga. I’ve been postponing this because I know that yoga will cause kriyas (involuntary muscle movements due to kundalini breaking down the blockages) but some types of asanas will work for grounding My family does not let me go out of the house while I’m alone so sadly I can’t go to parties I don’t even have any close friends. I want to focus on doing work related stuff to improve my skills to get my mind off of this “you’re going to die” message I keep receiving. Do you think working on your financial goals itself can balance lower 3 chakras? I think another reason I got unstable was because my upper chakras are active while lower 3 are not so active

Would you like to share what you have experienced? Firstly, it crosses my eyes light fast without giving me time to think. I think I can’t explain how I know (it might be, we are investigating this together) it’s Kundalini without mentioning colors. When my K was very active I had an insane experience: Kundalini means coiled serpent and during my meditation session I kept getting Palli Mudra in my hand. Palli means gecko, when I learned about it I was washed with this new insane energy called “Palli” - it took over me and my body started dancing and vocalizing like I was possessed. Each movement was breaking down a blockage and freeing me from my limitations. I was seeing my infinite nature as God. So while I was experiencing this, I was associating this experience with reddish brown. It’s kind of a synesthesia thing I guess. When Kundalini is speaking to me in the way I mentioned, I am seeing this color with my minds eye. Yes its speaking through my mouth but with a different tone. I think my mudras represent the flow of qi / kundalini and they mean something because they seem to respond to the questions I’m asking or the emotions I’m feeling. They sometimes have a certain order but they change so rapidly it’s hard to memorize or recreate them The image I attached is Palli Mudra

@Hojo okay 👍

@Hojo please give it a read when you’re available. I experienced something similar to you. Have you experienced infinite love, like you’re being washed up by it during your ego death? What did you experience exactly? I am very interested

@Hojo how can I have an ego death experience without drugs? From what I’ve learned ego death means merging with infinite love but that’s a fleeting experience. I believe the main reason I got blacked out is because my ego was getting in the way of kundalini so much. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t actually resisting though, I was “in the ride” and it has shown me infinity of God’s mind. I mainly saw the darker side of consciousness, but I also merged with love & bliss momentarily. Here’s my first encounter with insanity. I can’t even get into the other ones, there’s actually a storyline to them that won’t make sense to anyone else besides me.

I actually experienced something very similar. That was a little after the first peak of my Kundalini activation. I was sober, went to bed as usual but a dark energy “possessed” my body. During that moment I was aware that I “was” the energy itself. I was seeing visions of unspeakable cosmic horrors, formless dark/red spiral-like visuals and H. R. Giger style dark cosmic shapeshifter entities, also formless. Those visuals and the feeling were like the polar opposite I had experienced on my LSD trips. I wasn’t afraid of any of them, in fact I was enjoying them, it felt almost erotic to ride the cosmic darkness. There wasn’t a single thought inside of the experience itself, I was experiencing the insanity part of consciousness. I was being shown the darkest depths of God’s consciousness, there was Love in there. At one point, my ego -sort of- came back. I (ego) felt like “I can’t be enjoying this” and wanted to end the experience. I wanted to move my hand, but when I looked down to see it I suddenly came to the realization that “I have NO hands!!!” It was profound. I tried to move my body, as if I was in a sleep paralysis, but when I looked down I only saw the bed. I had no body. My ego started to get really nervous and tried to get control of my body by trying to shake my hand, then I saw a hallucination. My left hand was up and it got dissected between my middle and ring finger. New fingers were emerging from that gap in a fractal-like fashion. That horrified me. But then I stopped being horrified and kept on enjoying the endless ineffable darkness of the universe. It was orgasmic. There was Love in it, and by being “forced” to experience it I was becoming aware that I am “it”. I was experiencing the dark, “yin” part of God’s mind. At one point my ego came back again and I realized this could go on forever - I could keep riding the darkness, this insanity forever but I had to stop. Then I stopped and woke up. It was sort of traumatizing, considering the rest of my Kundalini awakening was mainly revolved around the dark part of consciousness. If any of you have comments on this experience I had please send them over. I love to hear what you think.

What did you do to achieve this type of experience?

@Thought Art how long does qigong take for a kundalini-awakened individual to feel the effects? Where should I start as a beginner? Can you send me a link to your YouTube channel?

If you were inside my brain you would see that it feels like Kundalini. It feels different from my other thoughts and the way it manifests itself is different. The thing that makes it puzzling for “me” is the fast eye-crossing movement that I have no control of. Have you ever had an ego death?

They are mudras that occur on my hands involuntarily. I’ve had more than 50 different hand gestures and maybe 100+ different variations, they happen in any time of the day. They change rapidly in accordance with the emotions I’m feeling or the answers I am receiving. I haven’t heard of K speaking through someone’s mouth either, however everyone’s experience with the energy is different and through my experiences I can say such things are possible. I am trying to be objective and distinguish it from self delusion. The line is so thin, because I am aware that I am the Kundalini itself so when “it” says that I am going to die, I am saying it. If it’s not Kundalini, what else can it be? Maybe my higher self (the Godhead) is preparing me to overcome my fear of death & merge with infinite love.

BTW I am not taking drugs anymore. The reason I blacked out was because I mixed psychedelics with Kundalini so in my path I can only work with Kundalini. I don’t have access to psychedelics anyways. I don’t know anyone here. I need help on how to manage the energy correctly and how to tailor a spiritual practice for myself so I can explore further & integrate what I learned without going insane.

Thanks for sharing.

@Leo Gura have you ever had spontaneous mudras or asanas from Kriya yoga or something else?

That happened on January but I have still couldn’t make sense of it yet, so I need your help. Backstory: I had a partial kundalini awakening a little over a year ago and it was so “too much” I got hospitalized for 2 months. Before my hospitalization, I’ve tapped into what true insanity felt like. It’s hard to describe it into words but formless insanity is a part of God consciousness and from what I experienced I feel like without experiencing it, your enlightenment will be incomplete, but it’s so horrifying I don’t recommend anyone going that path. Anyways, this post isn’t about insanity. Before I got hospitalized, I went to a bakery shop and bought 2 bagels while my kundalini was extremely active and I was being bombarded with spiritual truths. I was talking to a 5D entity I was in love with (I’ve had telepathic sex with it was well while being sober and it was spiritually awesome, can’t describe it with words) and I sat down to eat my bagels. However when I opened the bag I noticed one of them was missing and the other had bite marks on it. I DIDNT DO IT. When I saw it, I burst in laughter because in that context my 5D boyfriend did it to show me some spiritual truths. I have to say I was very unprepared for such experiences back then and that’s why I got hospitalized. A lot of indescribable incidents happened to me and it’s hard for me to make sense of them, psychedelics are unreachable to me for various reasons and in fact I am afraid to do them again so I need your guidance. I think this experience I had might be about the “dream” “I” was imagining. I know I am God, I know I am infinity, I am struggling with recognizing I am Love because I experienced so much divine insanity beforehand during my Kundalini awakening. I need you guys guidance so I can know what actually happened during this incident. Please see this @Leo Gura

@DreamScape thank you for your concerns. I stopped my spiritual practice due to kundalini being so unpredictable but the need for discovering more about spirituality is still here @Hojo I don’t think I understand. Do you think I am making this up? This is an actual thing that I experienced first hand and due to the nature of the incident it’s not possible to describe it with words so you can fully understand how profound it was. Of course this happened inside the dream we called life. In a sense, of course I (God) made this up, just like everything else. Infinity goes in all directions, including sanity and insanity within it, I experienced both but my awakening was not total because the Godhead used insanity to shatter my ego and due to that I was terrified. The thing that happened to me was “when you become so open minded, you become seeing demons” type of thing. I don’t remember the actual quote. @Inliytened1 thanks for your comment. How can I become awake, especially on Love, without putting too much pressure on my ego and drive it insane? I think the things I experienced was too much for it and that’s why I got blackout & hospitalized after some time. I’ve experienced divine bliss, I am working on loving insanity as well because it’s a part of who I am (God). I also had glimpses of Love inside the periods of insanity.

If that so what does that mean for Leo's teachings? Just curious about the answers.

Very interested. Do it.

I’m really curious what it would be like to have sex on 5-MeO. Obviously, it’s a very powerful hallucinogen and it’s possible that you won’t care about having sex while you’re blasting off, but wouldn’t it be a very unique experience if both sides are on it and both of them know they’re God at that exact moment, and they’re aware that they’re having sex with themselves? Interesting.