David L

Perhaps there was a decision to heal ones family? That's an ambitious goal. One can always work on themselves and make progress. Your lucky, that you can see all this dynamic play out from a bit of a distance, as unpleasant as it is, and perhaps choose a clearer path. Thanks for the reminder about boundaries. That appears a fruitful examination, which others have recommended to me. Just a couple personal observations. On a positive intent, I believe some elderly, especially in the mother role, are desperately trying to keep involved in Life and participate using whatever avenues of expression are left, even raw emotion. Mother is a very powerful, primal role, mine hasn't signed on to be the child, despite becoming one emotionally.

I understand what you are going through. Similar situation with my 93 year old mother. Threats, verbally abusive, paranoid, instant rages. Diagnosed as bipolar ?? Own version of reality. Calls the police and very manipulative. Very fearful. I am so tired of talking with the police or the fire dept if she thinks there's smoke. No Alzheimer's. A very difficult patient to advocate for. She's scratched and bitten myself as well as many caregivers or nurses. She is a retired nurse and knows so many tricks. Has to carry a knife or screwdriver to bed to feel safe. So much misdirected energy, so tiring... Use to think I understood something about the human mind, but this is beyond my capacity to deal with, especially with someone I have been so very close to. I'm sure someone could objectively work through this maze, but it's not me. Of course, most of us would like to give their all and help care for and support our closest family. Been there done that. Some people want to heal and do that, some people need help when losing capacity and heading out of this world, there can be a trust. Some of us could use a little encouragement when dealing with no win situations. I am not willing to engage in the drama and follow others down a delusional path, that is harmful to myself. Tried that, not taking care of oneself. The boundary becomes clear at some point. It's like all the filters are off. Suspect that all the suppressed emotion and trauma from a childhood from another era, which can no longer be hidden by a facade. Motivation to continue working on oneself. Can't heal everyone, despite family loyalty. I know there is god in there somewhere, but some others are so darned tricky. There's probably some great lesson in utter failure to reach another (especially family member), let me know when you figure that one out.