NeonLayf

I was one hour into the video when it was deleted. If solipsism is true, maybe I really wasn't ready for this truth - therefore I imagined Leo taking down the video so I can continue dreaming...

Hi, I'm back from trying to implente the new stuff. My OCD didn't attack me during meditation as hard as I fought. But I also haven't done any real work in ERP and the meditations didn't involve breathing techniques. It was just do-nothing-meditations as a means to get me closer to the whole topic. For me this is a whole new world. I never tried listening inwards in fear of my OCD. Now I realize, how hard in general it is to shut off your mind. Your mind is constantly wandering off, and when not... you're falling asleep lol. However I think this is a good development now and now I can go into meditation as a newbie I'm still not sure if I should deepen my meditation techniques first, or do hardcore ERP first. Good point. I have problems with my energy. For approximately 5 years now I feel a decline in energy. I'm much quicker exhausted than other people and it's especially difficult for me use stars / go up a hill. I'm sooo exhausted after that. I let my blood get examined and they told me there are just some random deficiencies and I cleared all these. I went to my doctor and did an exercise ECG. And they told me oh well yes, you really are sweating more and are in a worse place after the short trip of cycling, you heart is pounding too hard for this little exercise, you should hop on betablockers (for your whole life) °-° I take them sometimes now, but not regularly, not everyday, for the rest of my life.... Wouldn't even solve the issue. I have low energy even if my heart stops beating so fast. Thanks for lifting me up The infamous ERP. That was my question.. should I start it right away ? Do you do this hardcore style? My online guide said something like actively TRY TO GET TRIGGERED. Bring yourself into situations where your OCD will destroy you. For me for example, this would entail writing words like "breathing" all over the walls, as post-it-notes on my PC etc. Did you heal yourself with this? Thank you everyone for the support.

Hello, everyone, I'm new here in the forum but I've been listening to Leo's videos for approximately 2 years now. Im a mid-twenties man from Germany. I have always been a deep thinker and was intrigiud by the deep metaphysicil topics that made more sense than any ideology or worldview I've encountered before. So of course I wanted to get into the practical parts as well, meditation and counsciesnesswork. These seem to be major pillars. Without them, spiritual progress is apparently not possible and so I'm mainly still living in my stage yellow theories. I wanted the real thing and started meditating and trying Psychedelics. But there's where my problems come in. I suffer from OCD since I was 12 years old. I have been to multipal clinics and was giving medication and ERP techniques. The compulsion revold around trivial things my mind told me I had made wrong, "oh I saw my mother changing when I came into the room, that means I must be hiddenly sexually attracted to my mother. " "Oh I looked at that person with an angry face even though I didn't meen it. He probably hates me now." Every day masses of this and my parents always had do comfort me with these problems and reassured me that they are not real problems. This took ages. Later I also got touching OCD, I had to touch things symmetrically etc. And later again, it turned into pure sensomotoric OCD. I couldn't stop focusing on my bodily functions. I was constanty aware of my body functions for example breathing, swallowing, blinking, pain in body parts I focus on and the fullness of my bladder. This eventually became better and better and for a few years this did not dominate my life. Now, however, whenever I try to meditate or do mindfullness exercises my OCD skyrockets. When I feel into the moment, all my complexions are present. Focussing on my breathing is not relaxing for me but exactly one of my biggest fears. After the meditation this focus still doesn't go away and i had to think about my breathing for a few weeks 24/7. Focussing on body parts is not better. I get intense pain in these body parts and regularlly have to hold my hand into an ice-cold bucket. Then I tried the psychedelic route. I tested LSD. The trip was nice, I didn't take much because it was my first time. However, a few days after, my complexions told me that I had sure gone crazy and scizophrenic. But this was also just a mind game from my OCD. Once I figured it out, it went away. I don't want to give up spiritually work. I am also still not aware of the root issues why I have this disease. I got it in school when I was totally stressed and bullied. I was 12 years old but that seems to be the age everyone gets it. So maybe it's in the genes but no one in my family I know of has this. Sorry for the rant. Here are my two questions: 1: Should I go full in on the techniques? Meditation, mindfulness and even shamanic breathing etc. to get stronger out at the other side. Of course the OCD skyrockets first, but eventually after time the mindfullness pays off??? 2. Is it possible that I damage myself further with mindfulness, while right now the only time I'm not obsessing over bodily functions is wenn I'm distracted. Without distraction, living in mindfulness, is that my salvation or my demise? 3. Let's assume I meditate. Do I focus on my breath? Because that would make the meditation completely easy but I'm also fueling my complexions... All this stuff is so hard. Everyone around me doesn't see the value in meditation but me; and I'm the only with psychological problems with it. Would be nice if someone could give my advice about what to do in this situation. PS: Not sure if in the right subforum. I just read OCD in the title and thought this is for me. But maybe it's also good in meditation.

Yes, of course healing the mind is the first step to advanced spirituality. I'm focusing on healing my mind. I think that's also part of the Greymond Method I'm following. You just have to accept whatever OCD throws at you and if you fully embrace it, the fear will vanish. What if I won't ever stop thinking about my bodily sensations? What if I have the psychosomatic pain forever? What if I can really cause a heart attack with my own thoughts? I need embrace the possibilities and accept any outcome, then the fear will vanish. Of course this is easier said than done. But this journey is so worthwhile, not only for OCD but for life in general. In school I was totally overwhelmed. The school stress and the bullying was too much for me, because I have always been a very introverted person even since kindergarten. During that time, the compulsions arose. (around 12 years old) When I was 14, I was already in a mental clinic and put on SSRI. But I only took them for a few months. The doctors themselves wanted me off them, because I was so young.

Hi everyone, sorry for the late reply. After my first post I forgot my password and the "reset password" option did not work. But I have taken all your comments into consideration and they helped me a lot to make sense of what to do next. Thank you The last weeks I thought a lot about my issues and watched my OCD and it's still there, not 24 / 7 but every day and it was only not there when I was distracted enough. I don't want to live like this anymore, with the constant anxiety in the back of my head and afraid of silent moments with myself, so I decided yesterday that I'll face my fears head-on now. I will start meditation and do ERP (which for me is the same lol) and use the techniques from sensorimotorocd.net and the youtube channel "ali greymond" that SQAAD posted. Wish me luck, guys