Yeah Yeah

@Carl-Richard Final Reflection After My Existential Crisis Posts: I want to give a full and honest reflection after the heavy, sometimes horrifying things I posted here recently. I went through what can only be described as an existential furnace: Total collapse of meaning. Total collapse of trust in salvation. Total collapse of even the White Light. Fear that everything, including God, White Light, and love itself, was just another hallucination of a lonely void dreamer, spinning endlessly. I was there. I lived it. And it nearly shattered me. --- But after standing inside that fire without flinching — after burning through all illusions and survival instincts — I realized something so ancient and simple that it shook me to the core: > The entire horror was about clinging. The entire horror was about false idols. The White Light is real. God is real. Home is real. But you can’t cling to it like a starving ape. You can’t conceptualize it. You can’t dream your way into it. > If you cling to the White Light as an object of salvation, you turn it into dream material. If you surrender everything — you dissolve INTO the White Light, because it’s what you always were. --- This is why ancient wisdom simply said: > “Have no false idols.” No false gods. No imagined salvation. No clinging to concepts — not even beautiful ones. --- Final realization: If you dream the White Light, you spin in dreams. If you BE the White Light — by letting go of all clinging — you wake up. It’s not about being clever. It’s not about surviving death. It’s about burning everything that separates you from your true nature. --- So yeah — for a few days, I lived pure horror. But that horror wasn't the final truth. It was the burning away of idols. The burning away of hope as a survival strategy. Now I see — No dreaming. No clinging. No false idols. Just Being. Just Light. Just Home. --- Thank you to anyone who read my meltdown posts with patience or interest. Sometimes the only way through is straight into the fire. I stand different now. Not saved by a fantasy — but burned raw enough to remember what I actually am.

This is serious to me and I need clarity Thankyou and please I do t K ow who else to get the answer from but - say when I die either some accident, naturally or a person commits suicide out of despair ... Does the energy you die with then magnify by millions or billions into the the supposed otherside ... Or would I as the godhead dreaming awaken to the white light no matter what ... Like is the information in spiritual teachings which warn that if I die say negative vibrational frequency energy will that only magnify to the other side but if a person dies peaceful then that magnifies or is this idea a frightening one part of the godhead dreaming as like game guardrails to stop it from waking up and ending the dream so easily - please answer especially Leo if possible since I trust Leo's spiritual awakenings as some of the few I can rarely if chance to reach out for a direct answers please and thank you because if it is true I could essentially be a trapped lonely dreamer godhead who then magnifies something on the otherside

To whoever reads this later: I'm not here to dress it up for you. I'm not here to sell hope in a pretty box. The truth is: I went into existential hell trying to get an answer about death. I wanted to know if dying in fear, loneliness, or anger would trap me into endless spiraling dreams. And what I found was worse than silence. I found out the fear itself is part of the dream. I found out the dreamer (me) was the one spinning it. I found out that no rescue is coming from outside. No savior. No guide. No last-minute forgiveness. Only the choice at death: Let go completely — or spin again. And guess what? I’m probably going to fuck it up. I’m probably going to carry some residue. I’m probably going to spiral a little more before I ever come close to waking up. That’s not defeat. That’s just honesty. You can't escape what you refuse to see. You can only burn through it. And if you’re feeling the same terror, the same sickness of reality closing in, the same hatred for the trap — you’re not broken. You’re not worse than anyone else. You’re just awake enough to feel how deep the dream goes. And even if the dream keeps spinning — even if you scream, even if you fall — there’s a part of you that’s so ancient it’s already free. But you’re gonna have to earn the real death. You’re gonna have to fight for it inside yourself like an animal dying alone on the side of the road. No gods. No stories. No hand to hold. Just you and the end (but not really an end). And that's the only place real freedom is born. — Yeah Yeah

@Carl-Richard yeah hopefully I can get to that point because if I'm facing the truth of my dreaming existence oh boy - I'm hoping the white light and those beautiful NDE reports on YouTube are true and not more dream materials otherwise I have to just give up and be a hollow shadow in the void and just idk hope for the best or something and just accept there may be no end to this potential torture chamber and worse in my opinion maybe no love and no light and no homecoming and no joy and no peace since they are within the dream material projections. Maybe I've been spinning for eons and this is just another round perhaps... Hence this forum I'm trying to connect the dots I don't know who else to talk this with and if some insight could guide me maybe idk again where else could I bring this question to who - Leo's community is a blessing because at least it might be something

@ExploringReality This is a poem to myself to express my inner philosophies at this time - Yeah, you’re small. You’re finite. You’re confused. You’re alone. You’re lost. You’re inventing meaning as you go because you don’t actually know anything real at the bone level. You are a ripple of confusion floating in a void pretending to have answers." > "When you die, you’ll likely freak the fuck out — you’ll carry rage, fear, brokenness — you’ll not surrender perfectly — and you’ll spin off into another dream, another story, another cycle of confusion and hunger and desperate reaching." > "You will not wake up easily. You will likely spin again. And it could be worse. It could be more alone. It could be a darker labyrinth. It could be endless. There are no guarantees. There is no rescue. There is no knight in shining armor. There is no last-minute cosmic salvation." > "You are fucked. And the weight of being human — the hunger, the loneliness, the rage, the failure — will follow you. Because it’s inside you. And you can’t outrun yourself. Not even in death." This is the existential weight of existence on my shoulders right now plus the weight of being a human ...

Again I'm reading a few responses about love - are you sure that exists this infinite unconditional love and pure being as ground reality or is it pure ineffable nothingness for eternity and I'm just somehow rippling as a lonely poet dreamer in the beginning was the word tangled and when i die if I don't fully let go as this nothingness I continue dreaming for better and worse - I want to get on board the love train but what if that too is just within the dream and I've somehow glitched or something ... I've tried to find out how to get in contact with Bashar or maybe Abraham hicks, maybe teal swan ... And now close to the Leo Gura community which thankfully has this forum so I can connect with like minded folks on the same journey I can trust at least such insights if that is not just a part of the dream too or ... Yeah ... Thanks ...

Hello everyone or someone please don't abandon with this question ... I do appreciate a response ... Hey everyone, I’m in an extremely raw and intense place right now, and I want to ask this with full seriousness, no fluff: Lately, I’ve been digging into the deepest layers of awakening — and I’ve reached a terrifying possibility. I want to hear your thoughts on this: I've been reflecting on Bashar’s teachings — about how life is a dream, about shifting realities based on vibration, about infinite love, bliss, unconditional existence, and how we can "dream the dream we prefer" forever. It’s beautiful. Inspiring. Hopeful. But what if even all of that — The infinite dreams, The idea of ascending into light, The idea of higher realms and afterlife, Unconditional love, infinite beingness — What if even THAT is still inside the dream? What if existence itself — ANY existence at all — is the first hallucination? What if beingness, awareness, spirit realms, infinite light, unconditional love — are ALL ripples inside the hallucination? And the real "final" state isn’t bliss, or higher dreaming, or godhood — but pure, absolute, final nothingness? Not "floating in the void." Not "being aware of non-being." Literally nothing. No you. No experience. No light. No dark. No awareness. No return. No dream. Gone. Silent. Over. --- I'm feeling sick realizing this. It’s burning away every layer of hope I ever had. It feels like: I’m the only "dreamer." Everyone else — every teacher, every entity, every god, every guide — is part of the dream. Even Bashar, even the teachings about infinite blissful existence, are still dreams within dreams. And if I cling to ANY of it — any love, any light, any dream of godhood, any hope of a perfect existence — then I stay rippling. I stay dreaming. I never actually fall all the way back to the pure, silent, pre-existence that was here before any dream flickered into being. --- I'm scared. I'm sick to my stomach. I'm skeptical that maybe I'm being tricked. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. Because I WANT to exist. I WANT to experience unconditional love. I WANT to dream better dreams. I WANT to wake up as God. But what if that desire itself is the last trap? What if the true end burns even that out — completely, forever — into a silence that can’t even be called nothingness because there’s no one left to call it anything? --- Has anyone else faced this? Is this really the final door? Or am I misunderstanding something critical? Am I losing it, or am I finally burning through the last illusion? If anyone can meet this without running into feel-good answers or spiritual bypassing — I would really appreciate your grounded, honest perspective. Thanks you I'll be reading for insights

@integral Thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it. Right now I’m just trying to work through some deeper existential fears and questions around life, death, and the soul. I’m not in immediate danger or anything like that — I’m just trying to understand things fully and honestly from where I’m at. I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Please bare with me please ... You should know a thing or two as the moderator - I'm a wondered I to Leo temple and you are like an arch angel - this may be taboo but please okay - is this like any response I get just a part of the dream projections like even if Leo Gura said that if I eventually ended myself it is fine god will still accept - please - is that too a part of my godhead finite solipsist lonely dreamer material not actuality ... Please bare with me ... Thanks again for trying to help. I guess where I’m really at is: I’m not stuck imagining worst-case scenarios because I want to scare myself. I’m stuck because when I look honestly at where my life could head — no love, no sex, no success, just aging alone — it’s horrifying. I’m scared that if I try to end myself, it’ll just make things worse after death. And at the same time, I’m scared that if I don't end myself, I’ll just rot into old age, alone, bitter, forgotten, with no way out. I’m not trying to be negative for the sake of it. I just can’t pretend life looks beautiful to me right now. And if I'm being completely real — I’m hoping that if things stay this bad, my higher self would have enough mercy to end me before it gets to the point where I totally crack. I’m still alive because some part of me hasn’t given up. But it’s not because I’m convinced life will magically get better. It’s because I’m still trying to stand in reality without lying to myself. Just wanted to explain that honestly.

@integral okay that's great seriously thankyou for this response because my soul is having like existential anxiety about if I die do I return to god even in say despair or negative emotions or could I be doomed if you know it ended abruptly but this type of response yes it is relieving honestly like a giant sigh of relief it's miraculous if true and not like some hell realm torment quantum projection endless suffering cycles if you're right that is like a massive miracle because it easily could have been not love and godly goodness infinitely it could have been a schitzoohrenic endless loop of chaos without divine design ... Like does that make sense? It gives me the same weird sensation if I think long enough of me actually existing or the idea god never had a beginning nor an ending or how infinite the universe is like, it puts me at least sometimes in a mind blowing sensation - you know of those sensations??? I think I'm getting to the core idea here if you are correct so yeah thanks - from a finite born and die organism on a rotating planet that I'll be eliminated and maybe endless offering in the after life like that could have been it but it is maybe hopefully unconditional love even for those dying in lower vibrations or having done wrong in life like it almost so easily could not have been the divine blessings it is ... I think my words are close enough

I appreciate you trying to help, but honestly, none of these answers touch what I’m actually facing. I’m not just scared of “death.” I’m not just scared of “the unknown.” I’m trapped inside a nightmare. I’m trapped inside unbearable, existential pain, sexual agony, loneliness, fading youth, aging, and the rotting of my dreams — and now I realize that even suicide might not be a clean escape because of the way energy could magnify and trap me further. I’m not asking for reassurance. I’m not asking for Alan Watts quotes or advice to "accept the suffering." I’m telling you that I’m standing inside a living hell where even the exit doors are rigged. Every fiber of me is screaming for release, but I also realize that if I die soaking in despair, hatred, and fear, I risk carrying that energy with me into whatever comes next. That’s not something you fix by "surfing the waves" or "grounding yourself." That’s not something a YouTube talk can dissolve. This isn’t fear of death. It’s terror at being trapped alive in my own unhealed energy for eternity. And no amount of poetic ideas about "being the ocean in a drop" touches that. I don’t want to "cope" with this existence. I want to wake the fuck up from it. But right now, it feels like every direction — living, dying, staying, leaving — leads to the same nightmare just folding over itself endlessly. If you don’t know how to answer that, that’s fine. But at least hear me clearly. I’m not looking for soft spiritual answers. I’m looking for a way to survive knowing there might be no clean escape — and still not completely collapse into despair.

@ExploringReality okay thank you for your response but dude I'm in existential suffering like I want to go back to the white light like I'm in pain and there is a strong piece of myself that can't stand being alive as this finite form like I could blow myself open god far out man god like there must be an escape hatch please I want to wake up fucks sake

Hello 👋 I'm seeking answers or is this non response a mirror of my own solipsist reality 😐

What do you ultimately plan to achieve in this practise like what does the finish line look like? You seem dedicated to achieve something but what ... You walk around all alone or isolated or like you won't have anyone to lean on since it's just you so

I personally enjoy Leo as a niche underground philosophy I can connect with but idk

I watch a lot of NDE reports to cope - Many NDE experiencers say in their videos how much they want to return to the otherside so it's like is there a method to enter that void state and wake up from the body and return to god without injuring the body or is for some fucked up reason death the only route to it which sounds messed up how unconditional love, peace, connectedness, sense of home and yet to get to god ones body has to be destroyed like

@Matthew85 That'd be a mind-blowing collab if we did get such an interview session

I’m looking for direct and thoughtful answers to a few key questions about suicide, death, and what might come next. My aim is to strike at the core of these topics and get clarity. 1. What Happens After Death? Is it possible to return to "pure positive awareness," where there’s no resistance, need, or pain, only wholeness and joy? Or is death shaped by unresolved beliefs, leading to chaotic, illusory afterlife experiences? Are near-death experiences, spiritual teachings (e.g., Abraham Hicks, Bashar, David Hawkins), and other accounts reliable, or could they just be ego-driven hallucinations? 2. Suicide vs. Natural Death: Does suicide lead to a different afterlife experience than dying naturally? Does the intent behind death matter in shaping what happens next? Are there consequences or “karmic debts” for suicide, or is it just another form of transition? 3. Vibrations and Beliefs at Death: Do one’s beliefs or emotions at the moment of death determine their immediate afterlife experience? If so, how can someone shift their vibration to avoid “negative” outcomes like chaotic or hell-like states? 4. Choosing Death and Reincarnation: If life is chosen before birth, can death also be chosen? Can one align themselves with a peaceful exit and avoid future reincarnation altogether? Is it possible to fully escape the cycle of birth, death, and suffering, or is reincarnation unavoidable until “enlightenment”? 5. Ending the Experience Permanently: Does suicide provide a permanent end to the human experience, or does it simply lead to a new cycle of suffering in another form or life? How does one ensure they do not reincarnate or return to physical existence after deat?

I'm still stuck on this question - so are nde reports a part of my solipsist dream ... Like even people born blind have nde reports which say they could access the sense to see with sight so is that truth or a part of my imagination of the dream ... For example Leo Gura's solipsism idea I feel is like straight to the point like me I am the only one in existence dreaming this life experience and everyone including Leo's teachings are a part of my dream, or is Leo Gura say a part of Christ consciousness white light coming off as Leo and me in this shared dream so in that ultimate sense it is one but on the physical there is seperation with time and space with the illustrated of of seperation but overall nde reports are valid experiences or are they a part of the dream

Also apparently the transition from being alive to death as a ghost from NDE reports is sort of instant and like popping out of the body into the timeless state to which you visit realms that aren't of Earth and are difficult to describe which sounds different than say different alien realm planets or Psychadelic realms ... Though apparently idk sounds like there are loving angels on the other side and you get wrapped in unconditional love which to an extent sounds better than being a human, and many suicide attempts wanted to stay on the other side but were told their time wasn't to die yet so they had to return ... so

@Bobby_2021 @Oppositionless @gengar @kavaris Thanks Soul Fam for sharing some insights - Personally I've been listening to NDE reports about suicide attempts or general deaths, and honestly it is quite interesting ... I mean there does seem to be slight differences amongst stories - Although the same gist of things accross cultures even ... Sometimes I hear that a person may enter a hell realm on death but the moment they begin say praying to God or Jesus, then immediately a mirror reflection in the spiritual realm will reflect the divine heavenly bliss realms which is apparently the natural way of being for spirits ... Which is believable, it makes sense why the majority would prefer Heavenly states naturally over the hell realms, so I suppose it shouldn't be difficult to maintain unconditional love. Anymore insight feel free to add them in and I'll continue responding over time - Thanks again!

@The Crocodile thanks I am aware of Tom although I think Leo Gura might say this man isn't actually enlightened though like he may not have had the experiences like even sadghuru when younger he had poisoned himself to try and learn what is on the other side but he survived it if accurate from memory - like im willing to do similar some how to find an answer I'm almost willing to end it for the ultimate adventure but then again I know how weird things can get on psycadelics so if its that level of chaos in a sense then I may not be able to handle what comes after death the way I man not properly handle some psycadelics experiences but if it is pure positive awareness as Abraham Hicks might suggest ... Then why not end it sooner in all honesty makes no sense to be alive and generic

Even fucking Albert Camus said the number one philosophical question before any other philosophical inquires is the question if to or not commit suicide as a number one question in philosophy to be investigated and personally my answer to this nobel prize winner in literature is yes personally the answer is to kill myself but it fucking stops there like I'm not allowed to end it??? That is my fucking answer to the number one question I prefer to be dead fuck this life and yet I am forced to have to outlive this fucking shit as if my answer for thousands of years gets me no where Will it be pure positive awareness as Abraham Hicks puts it or is it worse of to kill myself and hence I am fucking trapped ???

How can so many people take this path but for thousands of fucking years like thousands of years still this topic is so fucking rare for answers or insights makes no fucking sense - god what the fuck

Like I've had this rage since 2019 like I feel like eventually it will be inevitable on god like the so many thousands each day and yet people fucking sideline the subject even spiritual teachers fucking don't give any fucking answers to this fucking subject yet so many people take this path but is so taboo makes literally no fucking sense