Yeah Yeah

I am afraid i might go fucking crazy about this single subject - Especially if my mom passes away the only woman ever in my life and only person I connect to if at all a few times a month because she has her own busy life - I feel like there is a point to be drawn in the sand as a human biological specimen which rezigns and gives in - There is a line to be drawn within myself where I say nope, Universe, I'm out - I disagree entirely with your set up and I want no more of it - I should be able to say that to the Universe and not be a part of its cruelty - I should have the freedom to opt out of a system I do not agree with and which does not support me at the finer levels of my existence

Everything I do technically yes it is for myself, but also for women dude - Obviously a level of self actualization if also for dating and women, getting a job, being hygenic, hobbies - Language learning - Ya know - I had money saved, a nice car, like ... not one fucking single fucking woman what the actual fuck

I wish I felt otherwise though it is quite crippling - I'll be stuck dating older women like 24 above which aren't all that attractive imo - The younger the better; been that way throughout histroy; Ancient babylon the riches men bought the first woman on sale as the most beautiful, and then the poorest gets the ugglies - Richer you are the more likely your marriage will last - Throughout histry the rich and wealthy were priveledged to women and marriage. I think the gorvenment should offer services for assisted suicide if this crippling anxiety continues manifesting in the infinite Quantum field deeper levels of unwanted - I mean what if with this depression I kill myself and then I return as someone ugly - Like death is a LOA launchpad and your energy will manifest into something near to the energy you died at - Or as divine source energy do we get to come back as whatever we please; somewhat like Alan Watt's teachings, Abraham Hicks, David R Hawkins, Teal Swan ... probably a few other great teachers to list ... Leo, too ... - Because the latter I mean my mind can only handle so much and I'm okay giving in the flag and quitting this unnecessary pressure to survive with an insatiable tormenting immense lonliness sexual desire for nothing.@Jannes Dude - I am 27 what is my dating range? I want 19 years olds dude who are virgins bro - That is what I want - 24 years above they should be married at that stage imo - I missed teen romance and now I'm probably creepy if to approach 19 year olds? Unless I was rich and clubbing - But idk - The moment it starts to get creepy and I have to date 30 year olds dude I am going to go fucking mad - I will go fucking crazy - Fuck that - Hence I ask Leo if suicde has what preprecussions??? I want an answer - Because I will go fucking mad - I will not fucking handle it or go fucking zen about or fucking mindful about I can not tell my sex energy to fucking stop - You are a fucking dude you know I am not making this up - You can agree with me about this on some level??

@Jannes Sorry maybe you are female

@Jannes I persue my hobbies, I work a job now which I've gotten - I eat strictly healthy - I dance - I'm hygenic, clean house, clean clothes, healthy body - I do attract women but ... nothing really clicks - I never move beyond because I was first born to strictly Christian parents, and my father who I sort of look up to as a sort of God as children might do, homeschooled me, never allowed me to parties, and I don't drink for health reasons, I read a lot, never video games or movies, strictly educational content through YouTube addiction/music - But women don't wait for marriage like I do, they'd hook up with a string of men, and I will only attract a woman I am sexually attracted too since I think of myself atm sexually attractive but hopefully I don't decay so that I only attact single moms or party chicks with high body counts or exes now ready to settle down. I'm stuck thinking sex is for having children, and you aught to have sex with a person you believe you can see yourself having children with Honestly I believe people should wait till marriage, and people should value the marriage tradition - And I think the divorce should be equal, and then I'd be okay commiting - But if I divorce as a potentially successful man since I do take extroadanary care for myself as a high performer for my passions then I may lose it all to a woman - And I know people change over time too, I had a friend who I thought I knew, but as years progressed his background life was changing and the person was no longer the friend I made friends with, sadly he got into drugs, trapped in a mental ward and he worshiped the devil and had delusional conversation, and this was my best friend, and he financially abused me and was a narcissist and this has made me extrememly socially awkward where I continue telling myself I am sane -Covid didn't help either with socializing - I don't even know where to meet chicks bro - Or if anyone is already in a relathioship, or how to afford a date - Honestly if the American dream was still valid today for Wester societies I should be married bro by about now technically if the government actually gave a damn about their own people instead of spending trillions to overseas territories ... U.S. military spending/defense budget for 2022 was $876.94B, a 8.77% increase from 2021 World Food Programme (WFP): They estimate $40 billion annually is needed to achieve Zero Hunger by 2030. Planet Earth with war, us eating meat animal slaughter especially fast food is almost satanic dude for all humans to mass populate and thus mass slaughter animals for our own benefit like wtf dude - Global warming - Hm what else about existence as a human is unnerving and almost as if created by a narsisstic god ... Oh plus big tech giant manipulating my internet addiction to make me angry for more engaement - They have my personal information and are creating SUPER AI gods bro - Like wtf - In five years Earth may freaking end dude - Super AI Quantum Gods Autonomous in 5 freaking years wtf bro - Who the fuck does that - Some people bro like wtf

@Jannes I probably would; I'd dive into it dude - I'd exhaust my engine bro, and experience every which way until it's thoroughly out my system - It'd be a freaking celebration if I could have at my fantasies/desire which I cannot switch off desire because even that too is a desire - So I'm stuck with desire whether society talks about it or not - I cannot switch it off - I think it daily a 1000 different ways so it strings into painful yearning - and I feel powerless about it, I feel like I have no power over these unmet needs and yearning, and I'm alone with sometimes (Often times like I called beyond blue to help with suicidal emotions while at work I could have quit and just died) ... terrifying thoughts

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Yo there is the side of "Satan" if you will now in the comments - or in other words the left hand or reason has emerged - with an opposing point that sex should be satisfied, or I'll become more depressed. I already feel the depressed rage and I continue practising hobbies and making money and what not, but still I could fucking blow up. Which is it guys, society is fucked, or I'm fucked?

@r0ckyreed Dude you tapped into some mysterical conciousness to talk about bees as this is a reoccuring theme in my experience of the Universe - Thank you for your wise words, like many of the other responses there is wisdom shared and worthy for contemplation, and your response for example has definitely further eased my heart. You're right about the culture being toxic, too, and another response said we're still sort of medieval in a technologically adancing society, and someone else was talking about how people are unable to really connect due to continual needing to survive. So I will continue developing my best self and as Jesus says "Worry not about tomorrow" so this will be my practise too, and maybe changing me the world will change too.

Thanks everyone for all your responses, (Many of the responses were real insightful and appreciated) as I've read them and contemplated them often these past few days for intergration ...

@Salvijus Thanks man - I appreciate these alternative perspectives, my own mind while alone stresses different possibiliies but I like what you might be saying about this - I gotta chill a bit more I suppose lol gheeze

@numbersinarow Some people out there like that; may the divine have mercy on their sufferings

@integral Okay, thanks for your response - This is interesting news to consider - Appreciated

If suicidal is a solution then it may end this inner torment - nor do I want to go to therapy - Like my inner world is a raging bull sometimes in a labrynth of complex conceptializing idk if thanks to Acid for example - But if suicide ends this horror film, that might be a solution, right? Seriously, I want an answer to this, and Leo you're the most enlightened intellectual I can reach out to for an answer, as youtube is limited, or even your subsribers too, thanks. Like why don't I just end it, this rage sometimes could do it if with the right means Like once a week I call suicide hotline almost regularly to get it off my chest otherwise I could maybe go mad dude

God you are hot

@at_anchor Reading your words has caused most of us brain damage

@RMQualtrough Hahahaha, his life was way away from any potential to heal I'm personally sitting here wondering how good it must be to no longer exist, I am done, at this moment I would love it all to go away and I simply fade into the background until I no longer exist - For the most part I geniuinely hate life and I cringe at the obstacles I am forced to face

I'm thinking to soon candy flip both ACID and MDMA - Done MDMA in the past and found it quite addictive and dissapointing I'm unable to attain that divine high in mundane daily life - Done plenty of acid, and two days ago micro-dosed which was a fantastic joyous and even life changing experience, had an absolute appreciative blast Just MDMA I'd like permission slips - If I take 3 days in isolation, I should be fine ? Thoughts please - I know people who take it often and they're rarely depleted Like Terrance Mckenna, I take druhs specifically for spiritual evolvement - I avoid alcohol for example due its detremental nature

@JuliusCaesar I have been declining multiple times to a particular person offering this drug - I usually walk away feeling somewhat like I'm missing out, while he's high and actually comes off just as happy as myself having avoided MDMA - Perhaps the comedown exists for select few, although he's taking these drugs often, yet seems just as aware and well as myself who declines

@Jannes No, I don't attend parties or clubs, otherwise social apps nope - I was homeschooled - I've practise LOA since 2015 or 2017, so hopefully eventually life circumstances will turn around so long as I avoid arguing for my limitations

@Ima Freeman I'm quite alike - The first few hours are almost heaven on Earth, then ensues the comedown - Which life feels almost void, empty, hollow - Once these chemicles fall into my lap, I have a difficult time tossing them in the bin and ignoring the potential to feel ecstasy; a sensation I rarely experience out of life as it is mostly boring, work-based, paying bills, fretting over finances, and being a virgin at 25 with a past of immense loneliness I have a friend who is a drug addict, and he wants to eventually excperience heroin - I'm sort of stuck with this best friend who goes all out on drugs; his habits worsen as the years go by - Unsure why Law of Attraction would put myself with this sort of friend, and I wonder if I will make it out in peace

I hate life, especially Law of Attraction - The amount of BS I attract and are unable to change because I'm a subconciously orriented and pre-programmed nhilist and existentialist since before I learned about LOA is detrimental, and my life continue erroding even though I meditate as often as possible and nap as Abraham Hicks suggest - I've watched her videos on repeat since 2015 and this year is 2022 and my life continues going down hill with a side dishe of personal absolute hate If I could choose to abort myself before birth, I would have done - Never would I have consented to this twisted life I am now in the midst of and unable to escape - Absolute boredom, anxiety, dissappointment, sorrow, trauma, and eventual old age, pain, death with hardly any extscy

@Space Yes, you will be replaced and you have likely wasted years - All for what? Years spent with the sweats and deliberate deisre to achieve what? I've studied these topics for myself, and I guarantee you will be replaced - All your artwork will dwindle in comparison to myself typing in a few words to desribe a piece of art I then receive instantaniously Now I will also point out, that your desire to make art is to impress people like myself - I mean, so long as you enjoy this experience of creating your own masterpieces in the quiet sector of your organism living ebnvironment - Does it matter if you die, with the likeliness of people like myself who may never come across your art? So long as you're in the moment EXPERIENCING this expression of art, which AI yet is unaware about, then the time you spend arting has a blessing of infinite and mysterious value - Unless you need to feel validated with likes, followers, fame, success, and so forth before your death or the rise of AI; well you're distracted, therefore wasting your time instead of being a real experiencing human enjoying the evolution of creating art - Perhaps you get the point I'm attempting to expand upon,

@KH2 my room is essentially clean @JoeVolcano idk dude, I doubt reading another self help book will create an ego death which will break the chains of being alive - I genuinely do not look forward to another bs day making zero dollars in this bs world where eventually I will die - Imagine being a farmer when atom bomb dropped, your entire blood line of hard work eliminated - I know you won't give a way a out, nor will the book you recommended, nor will a google search which I've done thousands of times througout the many many years - Instead all there is to do is scroll mindlessly on the internet waiting for the moment I face death, whether a tragedy, self inflicted, a vibrational match to it or old age - I genuinely am incredible bored and zero interest in anything except one thing which is something I won't mention - Other than that I'd go out like Kurt Cobain