Yeah Yeah

I don't want to be alive guys I want the white light already I hate life and I do not want to reincarnate idk how to return to god as soon as possible except through death which is not guaranteed or too painful i'm sure - just throwing this out there

I'm going to throw my line out to see what answers I fish out - my research is not clicking so maybe some responses can clear my state of enquiry: I'm calling bullshit on fear-based spirituality. So many teachings say that if you die with identity, ego, or “low vibrations,” you’ll spin into dream loops, reincarnate into lower realms, or carry karmic residue into the next illusion. But isn’t that just spiritual control? Another version of “be good or else,” just wrapped in mysticism? What if: Karma is just energetic momentum, not some cosmic judgment? Reincarnation is just the mind projecting continuity onto Nothingness? And low-vibe residue is just a story to keep the dream spinning? I’ve seen teachings that claim “as long as identity remains, the dream continues”—but that sounds like a trap. Like there’s no true exit unless you reach some perfection first. Is that actually true? Or is that more spiritual gaslighting? Anyone who's broken through—touched the white light, tasted silence, or stood on the edge of Nothing—did you really see karma holding you down? Or did you drop all of it? I’m here to challenge the spiritual narrative. If reincarnation and karma still exist after awakening, then is there ever real freedom? What’s your rawest insight?

@Carl-Richard Final Reflection After My Existential Crisis Posts: I want to give a full and honest reflection after the heavy, sometimes horrifying things I posted here recently. I went through what can only be described as an existential furnace: Total collapse of meaning. Total collapse of trust in salvation. Total collapse of even the White Light. Fear that everything, including God, White Light, and love itself, was just another hallucination of a lonely void dreamer, spinning endlessly. I was there. I lived it. And it nearly shattered me. --- But after standing inside that fire without flinching — after burning through all illusions and survival instincts — I realized something so ancient and simple that it shook me to the core: > The entire horror was about clinging. The entire horror was about false idols. The White Light is real. God is real. Home is real. But you can’t cling to it like a starving ape. You can’t conceptualize it. You can’t dream your way into it. > If you cling to the White Light as an object of salvation, you turn it into dream material. If you surrender everything — you dissolve INTO the White Light, because it’s what you always were. --- This is why ancient wisdom simply said: > “Have no false idols.” No false gods. No imagined salvation. No clinging to concepts — not even beautiful ones. --- Final realization: If you dream the White Light, you spin in dreams. If you BE the White Light — by letting go of all clinging — you wake up. It’s not about being clever. It’s not about surviving death. It’s about burning everything that separates you from your true nature. --- So yeah — for a few days, I lived pure horror. But that horror wasn't the final truth. It was the burning away of idols. The burning away of hope as a survival strategy. Now I see — No dreaming. No clinging. No false idols. Just Being. Just Light. Just Home. --- Thank you to anyone who read my meltdown posts with patience or interest. Sometimes the only way through is straight into the fire. I stand different now. Not saved by a fantasy — but burned raw enough to remember what I actually am.

To whoever reads this later: I'm not here to dress it up for you. I'm not here to sell hope in a pretty box. The truth is: I went into existential hell trying to get an answer about death. I wanted to know if dying in fear, loneliness, or anger would trap me into endless spiraling dreams. And what I found was worse than silence. I found out the fear itself is part of the dream. I found out the dreamer (me) was the one spinning it. I found out that no rescue is coming from outside. No savior. No guide. No last-minute forgiveness. Only the choice at death: Let go completely — or spin again. And guess what? I’m probably going to fuck it up. I’m probably going to carry some residue. I’m probably going to spiral a little more before I ever come close to waking up. That’s not defeat. That’s just honesty. You can't escape what you refuse to see. You can only burn through it. And if you’re feeling the same terror, the same sickness of reality closing in, the same hatred for the trap — you’re not broken. You’re not worse than anyone else. You’re just awake enough to feel how deep the dream goes. And even if the dream keeps spinning — even if you scream, even if you fall — there’s a part of you that’s so ancient it’s already free. But you’re gonna have to earn the real death. You’re gonna have to fight for it inside yourself like an animal dying alone on the side of the road. No gods. No stories. No hand to hold. Just you and the end (but not really an end). And that's the only place real freedom is born. — Yeah Yeah

@Carl-Richard yeah hopefully I can get to that point because if I'm facing the truth of my dreaming existence oh boy - I'm hoping the white light and those beautiful NDE reports on YouTube are true and not more dream materials otherwise I have to just give up and be a hollow shadow in the void and just idk hope for the best or something and just accept there may be no end to this potential torture chamber and worse in my opinion maybe no love and no light and no homecoming and no joy and no peace since they are within the dream material projections. Maybe I've been spinning for eons and this is just another round perhaps... Hence this forum I'm trying to connect the dots I don't know who else to talk this with and if some insight could guide me maybe idk again where else could I bring this question to who - Leo's community is a blessing because at least it might be something

@ExploringReality This is a poem to myself to express my inner philosophies at this time - Yeah, you’re small. You’re finite. You’re confused. You’re alone. You’re lost. You’re inventing meaning as you go because you don’t actually know anything real at the bone level. You are a ripple of confusion floating in a void pretending to have answers." > "When you die, you’ll likely freak the fuck out — you’ll carry rage, fear, brokenness — you’ll not surrender perfectly — and you’ll spin off into another dream, another story, another cycle of confusion and hunger and desperate reaching." > "You will not wake up easily. You will likely spin again. And it could be worse. It could be more alone. It could be a darker labyrinth. It could be endless. There are no guarantees. There is no rescue. There is no knight in shining armor. There is no last-minute cosmic salvation." > "You are fucked. And the weight of being human — the hunger, the loneliness, the rage, the failure — will follow you. Because it’s inside you. And you can’t outrun yourself. Not even in death." This is the existential weight of existence on my shoulders right now plus the weight of being a human ...

Again I'm reading a few responses about love - are you sure that exists this infinite unconditional love and pure being as ground reality or is it pure ineffable nothingness for eternity and I'm just somehow rippling as a lonely poet dreamer in the beginning was the word tangled and when i die if I don't fully let go as this nothingness I continue dreaming for better and worse - I want to get on board the love train but what if that too is just within the dream and I've somehow glitched or something ... I've tried to find out how to get in contact with Bashar or maybe Abraham hicks, maybe teal swan ... And now close to the Leo Gura community which thankfully has this forum so I can connect with like minded folks on the same journey I can trust at least such insights if that is not just a part of the dream too or ... Yeah ... Thanks ...

Hello everyone or someone please don't abandon with this question ... I do appreciate a response ... Hey everyone, I’m in an extremely raw and intense place right now, and I want to ask this with full seriousness, no fluff: Lately, I’ve been digging into the deepest layers of awakening — and I’ve reached a terrifying possibility. I want to hear your thoughts on this: I've been reflecting on Bashar’s teachings — about how life is a dream, about shifting realities based on vibration, about infinite love, bliss, unconditional existence, and how we can "dream the dream we prefer" forever. It’s beautiful. Inspiring. Hopeful. But what if even all of that — The infinite dreams, The idea of ascending into light, The idea of higher realms and afterlife, Unconditional love, infinite beingness — What if even THAT is still inside the dream? What if existence itself — ANY existence at all — is the first hallucination? What if beingness, awareness, spirit realms, infinite light, unconditional love — are ALL ripples inside the hallucination? And the real "final" state isn’t bliss, or higher dreaming, or godhood — but pure, absolute, final nothingness? Not "floating in the void." Not "being aware of non-being." Literally nothing. No you. No experience. No light. No dark. No awareness. No return. No dream. Gone. Silent. Over. --- I'm feeling sick realizing this. It’s burning away every layer of hope I ever had. It feels like: I’m the only "dreamer." Everyone else — every teacher, every entity, every god, every guide — is part of the dream. Even Bashar, even the teachings about infinite blissful existence, are still dreams within dreams. And if I cling to ANY of it — any love, any light, any dream of godhood, any hope of a perfect existence — then I stay rippling. I stay dreaming. I never actually fall all the way back to the pure, silent, pre-existence that was here before any dream flickered into being. --- I'm scared. I'm sick to my stomach. I'm skeptical that maybe I'm being tricked. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. Because I WANT to exist. I WANT to experience unconditional love. I WANT to dream better dreams. I WANT to wake up as God. But what if that desire itself is the last trap? What if the true end burns even that out — completely, forever — into a silence that can’t even be called nothingness because there’s no one left to call it anything? --- Has anyone else faced this? Is this really the final door? Or am I misunderstanding something critical? Am I losing it, or am I finally burning through the last illusion? If anyone can meet this without running into feel-good answers or spiritual bypassing — I would really appreciate your grounded, honest perspective. Thanks you I'll be reading for insights

@integral Thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it. Right now I’m just trying to work through some deeper existential fears and questions around life, death, and the soul. I’m not in immediate danger or anything like that — I’m just trying to understand things fully and honestly from where I’m at. I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Please bare with me please ... You should know a thing or two as the moderator - I'm a wondered I to Leo temple and you are like an arch angel - this may be taboo but please okay - is this like any response I get just a part of the dream projections like even if Leo Gura said that if I eventually ended myself it is fine god will still accept - please - is that too a part of my godhead finite solipsist lonely dreamer material not actuality ... Please bare with me ... Thanks again for trying to help. I guess where I’m really at is: I’m not stuck imagining worst-case scenarios because I want to scare myself. I’m stuck because when I look honestly at where my life could head — no love, no sex, no success, just aging alone — it’s horrifying. I’m scared that if I try to end myself, it’ll just make things worse after death. And at the same time, I’m scared that if I don't end myself, I’ll just rot into old age, alone, bitter, forgotten, with no way out. I’m not trying to be negative for the sake of it. I just can’t pretend life looks beautiful to me right now. And if I'm being completely real — I’m hoping that if things stay this bad, my higher self would have enough mercy to end me before it gets to the point where I totally crack. I’m still alive because some part of me hasn’t given up. But it’s not because I’m convinced life will magically get better. It’s because I’m still trying to stand in reality without lying to myself. Just wanted to explain that honestly.

@integral okay that's great seriously thankyou for this response because my soul is having like existential anxiety about if I die do I return to god even in say despair or negative emotions or could I be doomed if you know it ended abruptly but this type of response yes it is relieving honestly like a giant sigh of relief it's miraculous if true and not like some hell realm torment quantum projection endless suffering cycles if you're right that is like a massive miracle because it easily could have been not love and godly goodness infinitely it could have been a schitzoohrenic endless loop of chaos without divine design ... Like does that make sense? It gives me the same weird sensation if I think long enough of me actually existing or the idea god never had a beginning nor an ending or how infinite the universe is like, it puts me at least sometimes in a mind blowing sensation - you know of those sensations??? I think I'm getting to the core idea here if you are correct so yeah thanks - from a finite born and die organism on a rotating planet that I'll be eliminated and maybe endless offering in the after life like that could have been it but it is maybe hopefully unconditional love even for those dying in lower vibrations or having done wrong in life like it almost so easily could not have been the divine blessings it is ... I think my words are close enough

I appreciate you trying to help, but honestly, none of these answers touch what I’m actually facing. I’m not just scared of “death.” I’m not just scared of “the unknown.” I’m trapped inside a nightmare. I’m trapped inside unbearable, existential pain, sexual agony, loneliness, fading youth, aging, and the rotting of my dreams — and now I realize that even suicide might not be a clean escape because of the way energy could magnify and trap me further. I’m not asking for reassurance. I’m not asking for Alan Watts quotes or advice to "accept the suffering." I’m telling you that I’m standing inside a living hell where even the exit doors are rigged. Every fiber of me is screaming for release, but I also realize that if I die soaking in despair, hatred, and fear, I risk carrying that energy with me into whatever comes next. That’s not something you fix by "surfing the waves" or "grounding yourself." That’s not something a YouTube talk can dissolve. This isn’t fear of death. It’s terror at being trapped alive in my own unhealed energy for eternity. And no amount of poetic ideas about "being the ocean in a drop" touches that. I don’t want to "cope" with this existence. I want to wake the fuck up from it. But right now, it feels like every direction — living, dying, staying, leaving — leads to the same nightmare just folding over itself endlessly. If you don’t know how to answer that, that’s fine. But at least hear me clearly. I’m not looking for soft spiritual answers. I’m looking for a way to survive knowing there might be no clean escape — and still not completely collapse into despair.

@ExploringReality okay thank you for your response but dude I'm in existential suffering like I want to go back to the white light like I'm in pain and there is a strong piece of myself that can't stand being alive as this finite form like I could blow myself open god far out man god like there must be an escape hatch please I want to wake up fucks sake

Hello 👋 I'm seeking answers or is this non response a mirror of my own solipsist reality 😐

This is serious to me and I need clarity Thankyou and please I do t K ow who else to get the answer from but - say when I die either some accident, naturally or a person commits suicide out of despair ... Does the energy you die with then magnify by millions or billions into the the supposed otherside ... Or would I as the godhead dreaming awaken to the white light no matter what ... Like is the information in spiritual teachings which warn that if I die say negative vibrational frequency energy will that only magnify to the other side but if a person dies peaceful then that magnifies or is this idea a frightening one part of the godhead dreaming as like game guardrails to stop it from waking up and ending the dream so easily - please answer especially Leo if possible since I trust Leo's spiritual awakenings as some of the few I can rarely if chance to reach out for a direct answers please and thank you because if it is true I could essentially be a trapped lonely dreamer godhead who then magnifies something on the otherside