Judy2

i haven't read the other suggestions yet, but i would say it comes down to practice, and, crucially, letting yourself express freely. a little anecdote is that my language-learning progress (in French and Italian) improved significantly once i allowed myself to talk and write EXPECTING to make mistakes. i believe it could be similar with learning to express yourself more concisely in your own mother tongue. up until i did this, the things i was capable of doing and saying correctly were being inhibited by my fear of making mistakes, so even the things i could express correctly weren't being practised as much - conversely, if you allow yourself to make mistakes, you can really internalise (and even start to recognise) the things you are already good at AND make mistakes that lead to questions ("let me look that up in a dictionary"/"let me research that") and ultimately solutions. = progress. related to this issue specifically, i would also just begin by simply articulating your own mental process (images, words) and laying these out step by step for the people you are trying to communicate with. this is how i would approach teaching/tutoring most of the time: to simply describe to the students what steps my own brain goes through when tackling a certain issue, whether that's grammar or anything else.

okay, like usual i don't feel much smarter than i felt before posting. guess it comes down to trial and error, finding a system/structure that works for me personally. also, if anyone's curious, at this point my sort of philosophy in regards to this is to find an approach that doesn't stick to neither of the two extremes (tracking everything vs. being completely intuitive), but to hover somewhere in the middle and experiment with incremental changes in either direction to see what is really helpful for me long-term. i am also trying to recontextualise the term "restriction" for myself, because there's honestly some kind of trauma attached to it given my past, but maybe restriction can also be gentle and supportive (rather than punitive and extreme) if it is done out of self-love and with a long-term, holistic view in mind. i definitely like the idea of sticking mainly to whole foods. right now, i'm vegetarian (not sure if that will change back to being vegan in the future, but for now this is where i am at), focussing on balanced meals leaning a bit more toward high-protein; i eat a lot of fruit and veg because i genuinely enjoy it; and i'm guilty of using artificial sweeteners, at least for now. a humble "i don't know", "i'm still figuring it out", "i will figure it out" is the most gentle approach i can stick with for now. it may still be ignorant in some ways, but apparently, with all things in life, i have to be ignorant somewhere, so why not there, if i promise to take care of myself and figure it out. thanks everyone for your replies! keep the answers coming in, if you still want to - it's still interesting to read everybody's thoughts on this:)

i'm simply curious to survey this and encourage some awareness regarding what's helpful and what isn't:) there are no right or wrong answers - feel free to share what you personally feel works (or doesn't work) for you.

@integral you're touching on something interesting there. i find the shift in state from before eating vs after to be one of the toughest parts of eating to navigate (as someone with eating disorder history), and i don't see a lot of people talking about how this shift in state (which is significant once you start paying attention) is even a thing. do you eat meat or are you vegetarian? and how do you think plant foods vs eggs/dairy vs meat impact your state?

have you never tried tofu? i'd recommend you give it a go, but you need a proper recipe or buy smoked/pre-seasoned tofu.

@UnbornTao have you done any research on full-fat vs low-fat dairy, or is that just a personal preference? i have been having a lot of low-fat dairy (for protein) since i stopped being vegan, but i have been thinking that it would be better for me to diversify my (vegetarian) protein sources and have a balance of soy/other legumes/dairy for protein, because it might be better for my hormones. my skin is affected by the dairy, i think. not that you asked:) it's just something i've been thinking about. you're doing well with the legumes, though! most people neglect them, but they're affordable and recommended for longevity. lots of fibre, too:)

soooo... if all goes well, i'll officially be a psychology student in a couple of weeks. i haven't really allowed myself to get excited about this because the organisational side of things is a bit rough and stressful at the moment. in the past few weeks, i have been challenging myself a lot to be mobile, active, alive in the world....to walk the extra mile through unsafe, uncomfortable territory whenever i got the chance; to write countless applications, emails, make phone calls,.... and i have been feeling more grown up, more mature, balanced, nuanced, for sure. but the stress has also been building up quite a bit to the degree that i experienced some rather forceful releases yesterday and also this morning. right now, i am in this weird, activated mind-space where i feel like i should do, do, do - except it's time to rest now, and i can't really wind down, i feel a bit agitated, too unsafe to rest.... oh, well. but i thought i'd share the news and allow myself to start getting excited about this:)

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ok:)

hm, interesting:) i think it's certainly a confusing subject, and agree with you that hunger cues can be dysregulated and misinterpreted - but i wouldn't go so far as to say hunger itself is dysfunctional. yes, hunger (and appetite) cues may be disturbed at times, for sure, especially in our modern society with an oversupply of food available at all times. but that doesn't mean a core biological need is delusional or dysfunctional in its essence - i think the essence can be legitimate, it's just that it's become very out of balance for many people. if you had a toddler, you wouldn't tell them they're being dysfunctional for experiencing hunger. imagine telling them they are bad or broken every time they experience something so natural, something central to their biology and their overall well-being - and the degrees of psychological and physiological dysfunction it would bring about to make them feel wrong for it every time it comes up, multiple times a day. i.e., is it really healthy to reject hunger if that is a part of YOU, of your biology, of your body's daily lived reality? but i get where you're coming from - most people should re-evaluate what they count as hunger vs "just craving something because it looks good".

how do you "eat for energy" without paying attention to hunger cues? if hunger isn't your metric and tracking isn't, either, what is? are you plant-based or vegan/vegetarian?

thank you:) Good luck to you, too!

that sounds like a decent plan! i have gone through many different extremes, hence why i am trying to figure out what's healthy for me in the long-term and it's why i am asking what works for other people. i know a lot of nutrition labels by heart after having had an eating disorder for a long time, so i have a lot of knowledge about nutrition, but i am uncertain to what degree it's good or bad for me to let that influence my food choices. i'm still figuring that out.

@bazerathank you for sharing! how do you think you'll handle this when trying to maintain your goal weight? if you have given that any thought so far.

there is a functional, relative distinction between Truth-realisation and the clinical phenomena of dissociation, depersonalisation, and derealisation. the average person experiencing dissociation on a regular is steeped in trauma-driven thinking, needs to have their skin stitched up every other week, ruminates over their abusive ex-boyfriend and may occasionally experience significant gaps in memory or collapse in spasms on the ground. i'm exaggerating a bit for the sake of pointing out that these are different phenomena, and it doesn't mean a person more prone to dissociation necessarily "has the Truth" - quite the opposite. they are the Truth, yes, like everybody else, but dissociation in the clinical sense is not as clean-cut as a proper spiritual ego death the way you may think. there's much more nuance and variety in how precisely the ego breaks down/detaches. i would even argue there's still a very strong core of ego present with (clinical) dissociation, because it's a very crisis and survival-driven stress response. the two are definitely related, but also somewhat distinct. or maybe not.

you're welcome. i wish you all the best:)

okay, i'll try my best:) spontaneously, what i would say that the overwhelming appearance and your thoughts and emotions that are triggered in reaction to it - while being seemingly situated in a chain of causation - are ultimately both on the same plane of awareness. as they say, "don't resist your resistance" - or "accept your inability to accept something". if we keep that in mind, it means being aware of the troubling object (whatever it is) as well as your painful reactions to it. conversely, it would be inauthentic and probably counterproductive to try to delude yourself into not feeling a certain reaction that has already been triggered anyway - best to address these emotions upfront. so, in other words, resistance is best reduced by first removing the resistance you feel toward resistance itself.

i don't really know how to answer your first question. all i can say is that everything leading up to and fuelling the dissociated state needs to be addressed, and emotional patterns or conflicts need to be confronted bit by bit (i think?). glad to hear you feel more normal again! cutting out caffeine is a good idea. i remember it had a strong impact on me back then, too. although a cup of green tea should be fine - it's mostly excessive consumption that's concerning. i was doing 2 litres of diet coke a day lol, and that definitely enhanced both dissociative symptoms and panic attacks. it's good to hear you are experiencing less self-judgement nowadays. self-compassion really is a nice thing to practise:) i do think it is important to acknowledge that, alongside awakening, the above is definitely also reminiscent of a recognised psychiatric/psychosomatic symptom. there are potentially many different shades to this experience - some can be cathartic, others can be a result of trauma, and many are probably somewhere in between. it's critical not to oversimplify in this regard. dissociation is not the same as a spiritual samadhi, but there are confusing overlaps. still, it's potentially dangerous to conflate these two, depending on who you are talking to. dissociation has a much more existential feel to it than other mental health symptoms, but it is also much more of a physiological symptom than spiritual awakening and it usually comes with a great deal of side-effects (impacted sensory perception, mobility, emotional function).

yes, sounds familiar. that's depersonalisation/derealisation. it can also be vice versa: depersonalisation/derealisation can trigger anxiety because it's a very odd, intimidating state. i experienced a pretty intense panic attack last year during dissociation. yes! that one also feels very familiar. it's like the state warps even familiar environments into something structurally different. yes, very good! hot/cold showers, ice cubes, physical exercise, using your senses to ground yourself. i would also describe any type of dissociation as the ego's attempt to "go into hiding" and, indeed, dissociate from the physical, emotional, and mental attributes it usually attaches to. typically, it's a reaction to help you deal with overwhelming circumstances or when responsibilities feel like they are too much for YOU to handle....so you almost take a step back and pretend like you're not even there anymore, or not personally involved. it's a stress-response, typically reserved for traumatic events. once this pathway has been activated, though, the activation threshold has been lowered, so it can keep getting activated more often without proper reason for it/can even become an unhealthy coping mechanism for some and an obstacle to successful psychotherapy, because intense emotions cannot be accessed, felt, or worked with. from what you describe, it sounds like you have also come to recognise the confusing aspect of how dissociation borders on the spiritual, but it can equally be driven by a lot of fear despite resembling an experience of no-self. personally, i found it hard to navigate this confusion as the dissociation was felt so spiritual and very addictive, and it was tough to let it go. three weeks sounds exhausting, though. how are you doing now?

okay, i will:) it's good to know that everyone here recommends it so much.

Thank you for the reminder, Lila! This one's already on my list.

i don't think you did anything wrong. i also don't necessarily think she met anybody else in that time. the psychology dynamic can be blamed on the circumstances under which you met and the somewhat unfortunate time frame. you two got close rather quickly, then one of you had to leave....and i think at some point she had to choose to "shut down" a bit as to avoid being vulnerable/getting her hopes up too much and ending up heartbroken. and this had to be a rather swiftly made, abrupt decision, because otherwise it would be a lot more painful to let emotions fade out over time. just my best guess after reading this:)

hi there:) so i'm still going back and forth on whether to start that recipe blog or write a cookbook. either way, i am noticing that there's so much pressure when choosing a potential name (for example for a website). would such a name be permanent or could it be changed later on? how do i decide on a name that doesn't feel weird to me? i could just do my full name, but i'm not sure if i am comfortable with that, either. and anything else with some catchy terms thrown together also seems weird. if i am trying to simply get started without overthinking it, i feel like real depth to my vision is lacking. but if i wait until the vision is there, i'll just sit around and procrastinate on the whole thing.

@Leo Gura when did you come up with "actualized.org" ? were you immediately certain that it's the right domain name?

@vibv yes but isn't that lame??