Judy2

okay, i will:) it's good to know that everyone here recommends it so much.

Thank you for the reminder, Lila! This one's already on my list.

i don't think you did anything wrong. i also don't necessarily think she met anybody else in that time. the psychology dynamic can be blamed on the circumstances under which you met and the somewhat unfortunate time frame. you two got close rather quickly, then one of you had to leave....and i think at some point she had to choose to "shut down" a bit as to avoid being vulnerable/getting her hopes up too much and ending up heartbroken. and this had to be a rather swiftly made, abrupt decision, because otherwise it would be a lot more painful to let emotions fade out over time. just my best guess after reading this:)

hi there:) so i'm still going back and forth on whether to start that recipe blog or write a cookbook. either way, i am noticing that there's so much pressure when choosing a potential name (for example for a website). would such a name be permanent or could it be changed later on? how do i decide on a name that doesn't feel weird to me? i could just do my full name, but i'm not sure if i am comfortable with that, either. and anything else with some catchy terms thrown together also seems weird. if i am trying to simply get started without overthinking it, i feel like real depth to my vision is lacking. but if i wait until the vision is there, i'll just sit around and procrastinate on the whole thing.

@Leo Gura when did you come up with "actualized.org" ? were you immediately certain that it's the right domain name?

@vibv yes but isn't that lame??

yeah i mean there are different degrees to this. are we sending 5-year-olds up our chimneys or do we hand them kid-safe knives to help cut some vegetables while supervised by mum? with the former being exploitative and potentially fatal, and the latter being a reasonable way of including children, boosting their confidence, and preparing them to become functioning members of a healthy, conscious society. i don't really understand your comment. i didn't mean to say anything remotely offensive. in fact, quite the opposite. what i was trying to say is: yes, we should find ways to include children in "normal" household tasks to an age-appropriate degree, while being conscious of the things that do and do not bolster their well-being - maximising the former and minimising the latter.

i am currently doing an internship at a bilingual kindergarten and have been observing the children's behaviour and also the adults' ways of relating to them. what stands out is this very particular way of how adults talk to children, namely by exaggerating emotional responses (shock, surprise, disappointment, approval, and on and on). i mean it's nothing new and i do this myself....when a kid tells me a story about how it was hit by another kid or how that kid said a 'bad word', i fake/exaggerate outrage and compassion, and when it tells me where their family's gonna go on vacation, i fake/exaggerate fascination...whereas with an adult, i'd be more casual while expressing "yeah, Italy is beautiful" (something like that). i guess there's nothing wrong with this and i know most adults interact with children this way - even though sometimes this entails overriding and even suppressing what's actually going on for them personally...think exhaustion, annoyance, worry, etc. in new parents. now i wonder if this exaggerated emotional pattern is the only way of actually relating to children, essentially by copying how their experience is 'structured' as human beings who have been alive for only four, five, six years. i mean of course they are going to perceive things differently....but i wonder if exaggerating emotions is the only way for adults to relate to children, or if there are other options that may be more serious/authentic. would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially if we have any parents/aunties/uncles here:)

@Natasha Tori Maru maybe that's a bit macabre, but sometimes i think about getting to stay with my grandmother the day she has to go. i always imagine that as a privilege...but i can also empathise with your struggle and this internal battle of whether you were supposed to or even wanted to stay in the room with your grandfather or not. if this actually happened to me, i'd probably feel the same. in general, though, i also see a lot of Beauty in Death. i'd be sad to see my grandma go, for sure, but i'd also feel so lucky to be there with her, to feel everything going on in those few moments, and to watch myself struggle to find the right words, which i acknowledge would probably be quite tough to do. i guess this would only work with grandparents, though. i'd be a complete wreck watching anyone else leave, knowing it would be prematurely.

yeah and these children probably passed on trauma for generations. but there's a parenting technique, i don't know what it's called, where children are integrated more into the household and the practical things done every day instead of being offered toys. while i think play is crucial for proper development, too, i like the idea of actually letting kids be part of the household early on and participating in a simplified, child-appropriate way.

@aurum yes that's also true:)

lol i just saw your "i want solipsism to be true" post:) *friendly nudge "I need solipsism to be true." who does? why?

i agree:) that's why i sometimes feel like it's a bit off when Leo discusses his obsession with Truth as completely devoid of human impurities or biases. if you think about it, though, this is kind of similar to how a great surgeon may have been inspired by childhood trauma (like losing a loved one) in their career - which doesn't negate their achievements, though. it just means that from the human perspective, we could always argue that there are psychological "impurities" motivating the pursuit of great things/ awakening. there simply has to be some kind of "story" from inside the dream to explain the journey of a "person" (or at least as humans we like to think that way). the awakening can be pure and legit anyway, though. at least that's the best explanation i could come up with for now. other than that, i think this issue basically boils down to Self-Deception 101. why do people ask intellectual questions like "is there a multiverse? (i want there to be a multiverse)" or "is solipsism true?" in this sub-forum? cause they want quick confirmation of the "truth" of something so that the scary story they told themselves about said thing can quickly be dismissed....then they move on to the next thing to be scared of, and on and on. i'd say it's a subtle fear for most people, but it can be a very obvious lived experience to others.

it seems like you already understand the mechanics of what went "wrong" - namely, your resistance to certain thoughts only amplified them further and made you more anxious. as you mentioned that you are struggling with the length of lsd trips: do you set aside an entire day (ideally a Saturday or a personal equivalent in your schedule) and the morning after? this already helps free up your attention. another tip that comes to mind is creating a gentle plan for the last third of the trip. you don't have to resort to it, but in case things are getting confusing, it might be helpful to have a few activities or tricks to change the setting up your sleeve, for example, by putting on music, changing the lighting, watching a specific video about meditation or spirituality, and so on. sometimes having this emergency plan at the back of your mind can already help calm you down and it'll be a nice way to bridge the rougher parts of the trip if you forget that it'll also come to an end in a few hours

yeah, i like that one:) i do it with colours most often. (5 red, 4 yellow, etc.) ...but including the other senses also makes sense. i fully agree in theory - but also know that this can be tough to implement in practice. i suppose the understanding of how crucial this is comes and goes (at least for me), but is, hopefully, ever-deepening:) have you tried the butterfly hug? i would say it would also fit in this category. Thank you very much! i like how you divided your response into different categories, because depending on the specifics of a situation, different reactions may be required. you're very strong:) take care:)

i feel like i couldn't really articulate my question well here. guess it doesn't matter:)

yes of course.

@PsychedelicEagle ok:) i think when i want to push till failure, it makes sense for me to have some carbs in my system. on some days when i thought i still had enough in my stores from the night before, i miscalculated and couldn't really perform as well as i had hoped. this week i went to the gym at 7am (that's when it opens) and then straight to work and waited 6 hours before my next meal. idk if that's ideal, probably not cause the post-workout meal is more important than pre-workout. but sometimes with things in my schedule, it's hard to time things differently.

i've got a question because i usually work out in the mornings and some of the nutrition advice that i've seen online conflicts in this regard. on the one hand, it's advised to consume around 30g of carbs (preferably simple rather than complex) to fuel the workout, which makes sense to me. on the other hand, women specifically are advised to get around 15g of protein within an hour of waking for hormonal reasons, and carbs in the morning may set you up for more of a blood sugar roller coaster later in the day. as i (currently) don't want to have my full breakfast before i work out and prefer to eat more after i am finished, i wonder what the macros of an ideal pre-workout snack, which is simultaneously my first 'meal'/snack of the day, should look like. so far i've been focussing more on carbs but idk if that is really beneficial or not.

i think i was looking at it the other way around. mirroring makes sense and seems essential to healthy emotional development in children, but i wonder at what point/to what degree parents can also express their own emotions (exhaustion, sadness, ...) without hiding them from children/overplaying them for the sake of mirroring the child's state. because there seems to be a fine line between oversheltering a child from the existence of other people's emotions (which seems like it could be harmful) and making children feel like they are implicitly or explicitly responsible for their parents emotions (which is definitely harmful to their development). but i guess mirroring doesn't have to come at the expense of the parent expressing their emotions (in a moderate, healthy way, of c), too?

@Cred okay, interesting:)

Thank you for sharing:) loving yourself like you would your own daughter and mothering yourself is something i find quite relatable and it's also something i try to use as guidance sometimes. aside from this idea of grace, i am curious if you have developed any specific techniques to deal with more immediate stressful emotions. does anything come to mind in this regard?

i've been feeling different. a tiny bit more alive, awake, alert. worries keep popping up, but for now i seem to have figured out that they're all pointless, and the best way to go is to get used to finding happiness, peace, and joy in the present - cause where else would i find it? i have also decided that optimism is my best bet, even though i can still be anxious about the future. despite this, it's been a busy and exhausting week. the bilingual kids seem to host twice as many germs as regular kids, and i've been warned, but actually ended up battling some kind of infection this weekend. i haven't felt this ill in a couple of years, although i'm hoping i'll still be able to go to work tomorrow. there's this one boy, i think he's three or four, who is just the cutest. like i think i'm in love with his smile. off topic, but all of a sudden i also notice quite some progress i've made at the gym, particularly regarding the muscles in my arms and legs, and they feel a lot leaner as a result. that's something i want to keep up for sure.

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hm, i get you. first of all, if you are autistic (or similar), your brain may be "atypical" - but compared to the brains of millions of people on this planet, it's also typical enough, i'd say. and it doesn't even matter if you are typical or atypical. I get the challenges of being atypical though - but the important part is finding a structure in life that helps you deal with your unique challenges. you say you are a good analytical thinker. would it help to make a table and rank all of the activities you do in a day on a scale from 1-10 in terms of how much joy they bring you and how much you estimate they contribute to short term vs long-term happiness? bring out all the excel sheets you want if that helps. could you make a separate list of the activities that you think you would be happily engaged in once you are finally in that perfect relationship, and slowly start doing more of that until things fall into place? what are the random parts of each day that you really wish you had a relationship, and how could you make them more bearable and joyful today? atypical or not, people tend to be unhappy when they spend too much time projecting all joy and fulfilment onto a hypothetical future self, and it can help to focus on how to take good care of today-self (while keeping long-term health and fulfilment in mind). hope that helps. if it doesn't, maybe you could explain what you mean by the kind of "normal advice" that doesn't work for you.