Judy2

very odd question but whenever i see him speaking in a video, i feel like his lips/mouth/teeth look kind of weird? but i don't know what exactly it is that looks so unusual. has anyone noticed this before and could specify?

ok, that sounds doable

i'm not romantically interested in him, if that is what you are asking. i am tutoring his children and like to think that i am a person they can place trust in. he is like 60 or something and has another daughter my age who already has children. the way i see it, he has more of an administrative role but the main focus of my work are the three girls, and i get along well with them and also feel that they deserve the tutoring i can offer. if things escalate further, i think i'll have to make him aware to keep it together for his children's sake. maybe it's stupid to wait to say something unless something worse happens, but i wouldn't know what to say or how to say it now.

@Olaf that's not exactly what the question was, but since i generally agree with what @Emerald said right in the beginning (didn't read everything after that), i thought i would offer a new perspective. my thoughts are that your investment in this topic seems a bit excessive, and that in itself tends to be off-putting. (sorry to be so harsh...i just noticed the amount of posts you start on this topic...) perhaps it's okay for some time to focus on improving at game or pick-up or whatever, but if that's all someone has to offer in terms of "hobbies"? it's okay to spend some time intentionally improving in this area, also in terms of social skills etc., but eventually, in my opinion, it would be wise to move on, actually "have a personality", be a little more self-sufficient. and then, since you have acquired that ability during this prior phase, only approach when it feels truly authentic. i can usually tell when i'm just the warm-up in what is practiced as a sport, vs when someone makes a genuine compliment. *i hope this doesn't sound too mean. it's not meant to sound that way.

last night, i had to sleep at a hostel that was way too loud and busy for my liking, and it didn't feel like a particularly safe place to sleep in. i woke up startled by noises several times, and when i drifted off to sleep again, my dreams reflected the sense of unsafety. i dreamed of a tortoise whose carapace had cracked, and then it had slipped out completely and was lying there, exposed and naked, maybe dying. it felt like a familiar image that i'd dreamed of before....like a threat that had been lingering at the back of my mind for quite some time. my brother has a pet tortoise, so i have actually pondered this before during my waking hours. i remember feeling pity for my tortoise....a bit of guilt, too. maybe it was my fault that its carapace had cracked. then i wondered if i could get to a vet in time to help it heal again. after some time, i was blessed to find myself with a baby in my arms that i nursed, which was quite calming to the both of us. maybe at that point, i was able to allow myself to relax into sleep again.

maybe it would be nice to get in touch with them:) even just a phone call or a dm.

have you got pets, friends, or family that you can spend time with?

@Michal__ is there anything meaningful you can do while you are off from work? anything to be kind to yourself or help you heal?

cool:) how do you feel now?

maybe just start with a few that are easily available to you and see if you get any value out of it?

i was a bit scared that it might be too difficult, because i've attended yoga classes before where i couldn't keep up. but the instructor here is really nice and the pace is quite gentle.

i'm on a yoga retreat this weekend (my first one ever) and so far, it is a surprisingly positive experience.

@Emerald Thank you for taking the time to respond in such detail:) yes, i mostly say something along these lines concerning the payment. the hearts and touching are probably a little over the line for me and definitely feel weird. but i am a little scared or hesitant to communicate that, too.

@Schizophonia you mean this thread? i think it was a spontaneous emotional decision. i had carried this situation on my own for a little while and thought i shouldn't talk to anyone about it, and then when the most recent interaction on WhatsApp happened and i was stuck on a bus with nothing else to do, i thought i would just come here and, as i said, "get it off my chest". sometimes i find it easier to speak to a third person rather than directly talking to the person who creates the outrage (or conflict or whatever). in fact, it's a bit of a pattern for me. essentially, i get to communicate without any stakes. it's like i can't bear to hold an emotion all on my own, but i'm also not ready to confront people directly. not sure if this is what you were asking?

lol my therapist also hinted at it in our last session, and i sort of laughed but was too shy to ask him explicitly if i had understood correctly.