Judy2

i live in a 20m2 apartment rn. the floor is yellow. for the love of God, i cannot comprehend who could possibly think that that's a good idea. the thing is that, since i already have an undergraduate degree, i believe i'd feel a whole lot more self-efficacy if i could put it to good use and really contribute in a way that expresses my unique skills and abilities, if that makes sense? i'm 24 and i don't want to be working minimum wage jobs (nor live in ugly apartments) forever. i think my skills are worth something and i'd like opportunities to actually let people reap the benefits. i'd feel so much better about myself on a day to day basis if i could be of real service.

@Schizophonia thanks for your concern. i am stable for now. the tendency to eat very high volume, low-calorie food and rely on artificial sweeteners is a bit of a remnant of my ed, but since i see this kind of behaviour being promoted a lot among 'healthy' people (without ed history) on social media these days, i'm second guessing a little bit. in general, i haven't entirely figured out what way of eating is actually good for me. i try to accept that and just ask questions as they arise.

@Joseph Maynor i know i'd need roughly 2.000€ a month to pay the rent for a nice apartment and comfortably cover all other costs.

@PsychedelicEagle that's a very high fat yoghurt. don't you guys also have high protein greek yoghurt with less fat (in the US, i assume)? i've heard conflicting stories about collagen and how it might be useless because it's broken down during digestion anyway. but maybe that doesn't matter.

@Sugarcoat :)

@PsychedelicEagle are you vegan?

is it bad to generate a website using AI? it looks alright to me, but i do not have a clue about these things and maybe there are some caveats i wouldn't be aware of?

@Majedok:) trusting the process is unnerving, but i know you are right.

@CARDOZZO the thing is, i don't even know if freelancing is something that works well for the kind of personality i have. i think i'd do pretty well being employed, having a contract and everything. i do well with security and when an external frame is provided by somebody else. but i'd have to get a 2-year master's degree to get any sort of employment in the language/literature field, so even if i choose that, i'm not getting what i need NOW, which is stability and this feeling of being at home and knowing i can settle. i can't settle and stop feeling stressed if i know i have to constantly work toward the future. and even if i got that master's degree, i wouldn't know if i'd be happy working as a teacher/textbook author/whatever forever. so idk if the two years are worth it. and meanwhile, i'd still have to live with this stupid feeling i'm battling a lot atm, and i just don't know how to make it stop and how to feel okay again and like i'm on the right track.

i feel very stupid and alone. stuck with a ton of emotions that i don't know how to handle. i just don't understand this world or myself or how to make things okay. how to make any of it make sense. i don't know anything. why this is such a constant struggle. it's all so so so much. no matter what i do, it's futile. i don't know what to do. can someone please just tell me what to do, and i'll do it? i would call someone but there's no one i can call and be honest with, and then i notice just how alone i am every second of every day, no matter how horrifyingly crowded some of the places in the city centre are. doesn't matter that there's a neighbour who i hear stomping on the ground, day and night. whose toilet i can hear flush because whoever constructed this building is an idiot. i'm so, so, so alone.

@Majed i'm sorry, i didn't mean to be rude.

i know you mean well, but i don't think this is my problem. i have a lot of energy and, like i said, good work ethic. that's not the problem. the problem is i don't know how to adequately use my resources to actually make good things happen in my life. the problem is i don't know what to do. doing it is the easy part and not in the slightest a part of my struggle. i could work day and night if i knew it was right, if i knew what to work on.

@Majed i'm really trying but i can't.

@Majed it's so annoying being in my twenties. by the time i'll live in a beautiful apartment, work in the job i love and have some stability in my life, i'll have wrinkles and will have to start dyeing my hair. but i can't enjoy my youth or be present, either, because i constantly have to worry about the future, make decisions, figure out what to do and where to move. i hate it.

@sholomarprotein powder is also highly processed:)