Judy2

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just now, i had a conversation with my mum about insurances. she responded in a bit of a snappy tone that i will have to tell any new insurance company that i've had anorexia in the past, and then they won't want to make me an offer. what she didn't say, but what i think was nonetheless evident in her tone, was blame, anger, maybe superiority. as if she could somehow reclaim her righteousness by presenting it as though my mental disease was born out of a void, out of mere teenage stupidity. it's easier for her to present it that way, after all this time. easier than to consider that something was "wrong" with our family that made developing anorexia exactly the right course of action for her daughter. perhaps there was some element of choice, yes, but my mother still doesn't see how this choice was born out of dire emotional necessity. sometimes i'm still a little sad that she doesn't understand, after all this time. i can accept that she doesn't, and maybe she never will, but i do feel a bearable amount of sadness when i think of this.

@HopePaul now i'm impressed with my Italian skills:) thought i'd forgotten it all by now. concerning the psychedelics: in my experience, a certain degree of mental stability is necessary to have a higher success rate with these substances. it's not your fault if they aren't the right fit for you atm. i can relate to this feeling of being a bit behind in life. concerning the "social pressure": is it really society pressuring you, though, or is the much more immediate pressure something you yourself are doing and recreating in your own head? is this pressure constant, or does it change over time? i would suppose that it is subject to change, is it not? i don't know what you are referring to?

i get this lump in my throat, too, from time to time. for me, it is mostly associated with sadness, sometimes a little fear or despair. aside from the physical symptoms and the stress/anxiety, what emotions can you register? what behavioural patterns are they linked to? what thought patterns are they linked to?

if a friend told you this, what would you advise them to do? my personal opinion is: it's your doctor's job to handle these things professionally and to support you. the hallucinations will, most likely, not go away on their own. therefore, the 'right thing to do', in my opinion, is to open up to your doctor (even if it's hard and it may seem inconvenient to you in one way or another). this will most likely not result in any compulsory hospitalisation (unless you are an acute danger to yourself or others), but they will work together with you to figure out the appropriate ways to help you.

friendship is generally created through proximity and similarity. on top of that, i think it's important to forge an atmosphere of mutual support: when you can easily share resources (knowledge, emotional support, inviting someone for a coffee, etc.), you do so gladly because you know you'll also benefit from your friends' support soon enough. this is opposed to explicitly weighing favours against each other or keeping close track of "who invested how much".

@Carl-Richarddo you generally avoid soy?

calcium-fortified soy milk and tofu. but i haven't actually counted. my most recent bloodwork came back looking good, though.

i generally enjoy going to the gym, but sometimes i find that environment overstimulating. there's loud music and lots of people are walking by, sometimes a little too close. usually, i don't get ill that often, but this year i had a bad cold twice, so that was a reason for not going....and then while preparing for exams, i also couldn't go that often. i'm trying to make up for that now. in general, i think a lot of people are afraid of going to the gym because it seems like a bit of a harsh environment that invites a lot of judgement and comparison. imagine being overweight or even obese...i'm sure it's challenging to start going to the gym when there are lots of well-trained people there, and it seems as though all eyes are on you. personally, whenever i notice someone like that, i feel a lot of respect for them, but it's probably quite tough for them mentally.

i mean that scene was disgusting and just wrong but also isn't that why we watch GOT/HOTD? to be a little grossed out at times.

yes, i fully agree. in some scenes, you can really empathise with her. the rest evokes a lot of mixed feelings and frustration. yesterday, i felt so sad for Helaena all day. but in my opinion, her end is, perhaps, also "good" (speaking in terms of the show) because it is so tragic and it really makes you go back and reflect on her character. Helaena was one of my favourite characters. the other character i can most relate to is Alicent. in the first two seasons, i believe she is sort of written in such a way that you are supposed to hate her, but over time, i could relate a lot to the internal and external pressures she seemed to experience. Aemond surprised me a little towards the end and i hadn't expected that turn for him at all.

any HOTD fans on here? how do you feel about season 3? who is your favourite character? who is the character you can best identify with and/or relate to? what do you love about season three? what do you hate about it? (spoilers are allowed)

this morning, a friend and i went for a run by the river and ended up running 11 km. it was really nice and good for my psyche...also not even that exhausting as i entered a gentle, mellow flow-state. good start into the day:)

@Natasha Tori Maru hey, thank you for taking the time to reply:) what you say about retinoids makes sense. as for sunscreen: i hadn't considered linking this problem to a lack of mindfulness, but perhaps that's a useful perspective. looking for a different brand may be a good idea, too. i'm vegetarian, but i do get fat from eggs, olive oil, nuts and seeds. i'm still confused if dairy is actually good for me, but i eat that, too. and i hydrate a lot and supplement omega 3s. the last bit you wrote wasn't addressed to me, but i wonder what variety of pumpkin you eat:)

not really doing great...i'm just kind of overwhelmed now, which i'd predicted would happen the second exams are over. idk what to do with myself, i'm not really happy, i notice a lot of discomfort with things that aren't quite right.... i also don't feel motivated to read the books i've been wanting to read and instead just scroll on YouTube. watching a series or something would be fine if i was relaxed and happy doing it, but i'm neither. things aren't urgently horrible, but dissatisfyingly "meh".