Judy2

i've been thinking about renaming this journal. do you have any suggestions?

ok:)

he hasn't texted back yet. i think i'm annoying...even though i haven't said that much. but i'm still convinced that i'm annoying or too much or something, and he only messaged me because he felt sorry for me or didn't want me to feel embarrassed for reaching out.

for all the German speakers, i'd go as far as to say, this is in fact not cringe because they are being cringe on purpose. it's just art at that point. for all the others...i leave that for you to judge:) the song is about pineapples, in case that matters.

i had a few good moments over the past few days, but there's also this feeling of disgust and overwhelm sneaking in, getting bigger. there are a lot of things not going as smoothly as they should, and it makes me irritable and uncomfortable in my own skin. it's this creepy feeling that makes me want to act a little crazy just to feel better, to feel a little safer again.

i added him and he messaged me first....although he kept it very short and started his message with "Judith!", now idk if that's good or not.

i don't know if anyone can relate, but i've been wanting to discuss the following type of situation: it's usually a social situation that i just smile through, and once it's over i bathe in the shock or outrage. wouldn't exactly call it cringe, but it's very emotionally intense. last time it happened was when an elderly couple on the train chatted with me, then invited me to stay at their place for free. i nodded politely all throughout, and once we parted, i just had to shake my body and couldn't really cope for a few minutes. or when a professor whom i had asked a question answered with "oh geeez, i don't know. you'll have to look that up again. it's not me who has to take the exam." i just nodded politely and afterwards i had to text like three friends to channel the shock. it's kind of fun and accelerating when that happens, though. i would be curious to hear everybody's thoughts on this dynamic or if you tend to experience something similar every now and then:)

i did that a couple years ago. if i think i need it (usually i don't), i can just use my computer and open it in the browser.

is flying like swimming in the air in your dreams?

i'm an INFJ, too. most of the time, i don't wear the same outfit two days in a row, but if the clothes aren't dirty, i would save certain pieces and wear them again a few days later before washing them (except for shirts, socks, and underwear). i do stick to certain combinations of clothes, though, as soon as i have found one that i like. for example, my blue skirt is usually best paired with a particular top, and so forth.

i definitely wouldn't mind having someone like Daemon in my life to give me a pep talk every morning...the things i could achieve... what traits do you think you share with him?

@Human Mint what a shitty doctor. something like that should be taken seriously. movement is a good measure in most cases, for sure. also sensory stimulation and distraction and/or reappraisal. although it would also be interesting to find out what is beneath these symptoms. a spider crawling into my ear is right up there on my list of fears along with claustrophobia and a shark attacking me inside a swimming pool. creepy.

*and now i'm almost happy again, for a few moments, here and there. my luggage has also been found and will hopefully be sent to me, which is a huge relief.

okay, that sounds good.

i feel a lot better, though, now that i am back in my apartment. having been away gives me a whole new appreciation for having my own place that is comfortable and that largely reflects my own aesthetic preferances. my parents stopped by briefly and we managed to stand each other surprisingly well for those three hours. at my request, they left me a colourful glass sphere that used to belong to my late grandmother. they are selling the house and this is one of the objects i remember being fascinated by as a child, even though they seem to have barely noticed it when it sat on my grandparents' living room table. well, it's on my desk now and i'm quite fond of that inheritance♡