Judy2

have you got pets, friends, or family that you can spend time with?

@Michal__ is there anything meaningful you can do while you are off from work? anything to be kind to yourself or help you heal?

cool:) how do you feel now?

maybe just start with a few that are easily available to you and see if you get any value out of it?

i was a bit scared that it might be too difficult, because i've attended yoga classes before where i couldn't keep up. but the instructor here is really nice and the pace is quite gentle.

i'm on a yoga retreat this weekend (my first one ever) and so far, it is a surprisingly positive experience.

@Emerald Thank you for taking the time to respond in such detail:) yes, i mostly say something along these lines concerning the payment. the hearts and touching are probably a little over the line for me and definitely feel weird. but i am a little scared or hesitant to communicate that, too.

@Schizophonia you mean this thread? i think it was a spontaneous emotional decision. i had carried this situation on my own for a little while and thought i shouldn't talk to anyone about it, and then when the most recent interaction on WhatsApp happened and i was stuck on a bus with nothing else to do, i thought i would just come here and, as i said, "get it off my chest". sometimes i find it easier to speak to a third person rather than directly talking to the person who creates the outrage (or conflict or whatever). in fact, it's a bit of a pattern for me. essentially, i get to communicate without any stakes. it's like i can't bear to hold an emotion all on my own, but i'm also not ready to confront people directly. not sure if this is what you were asking?

lol my therapist also hinted at it in our last session, and i sort of laughed but was too shy to ask him explicitly if i had understood correctly.

@Schizophonia i think sometimes old men just want to make a compliment and don't realise that their style of doing that is a bit outdated and weird nowadays?

it is true that you are the one who has to do the real work, but said work also relies on your ability to change patterns with other people, and your learning to have more authentic interactions (goes for everyone, not just you). it's not all abstract stuff in your head, therapy can be a quite practical safe space to rehearse new interaction styles. .... * idk i give up. don't know how to explain what i meant. it's up to you, ultimately. in the end, i don't know what works for you and what doesn't. sorry if i wasted your time:)

idk if it is but i think it's worth questioning. what do you think are potential pros and cons of this choice you have made? could it potentially be harmful to lie to your therapist about this kind of thing? does it create more distance or more connection? could it be harmful (to your own healing journey as well as your therapist) to have this kind of unspoken influence that you bring into each session, without informing or asking them about it?

i remember having a discussion about a similar situation with another user a couple years ago. there may be some ethical considerations to take into account here - e.g., has your therapist consented to this? this is at least worth reflecting on for a little while.

okay, that makes sense.

to his last message, i didn't respond because i couldn't even think of anything to say. or i usually just respond with very short, polite messages or simply ":)", which should also get it across? i don't have his wife's contact info, we usually just say hi when i come in and that's about it. i just feel as though i'd be the one making it weird if i told him to tone things down a bit.