Naol

@Leo Gura, I want to express to you my profound gratitude, love, and hype for this return to Humanity you are trying to make ! It is great to know that your are "back on our side" so to speak. Your aventures in extreme states of consciousness have probably reached the limits that human beings can atain. This was a worthy contribution. You must have found wild treasure beyond what I can imagine. So I am very hyped that now you will try to include, use, and share them for the benefit of humanity. This "come back" to the human tribe and sharing is truly heroic. I hope that you will enjoy it as much as the treasure hunting ahah. I have listened to all of your videos and taken the LP course, and it transformed my life for the better. But I also have fallen into the trap of transcendance to the detriment of inclusion, and suffered because of it (burnout, physical illness,....). Latly I listened less and less to your recent videos as I was seeing in my life that the infinit quest for infite/absolut insight was throwing me out of balance. I was starting to accept that you had chosen a path that departed from mine and that I would not recieve as much guidance by the OG hero-sage... but my man you seems to still be in the game ! Thats so nice, I am hype to see what will be comming, but also to see you find back your ballance and flourish as a human being ! You have my deepest gratitude bro. If you want to connect to a fellow adventurer on this Journey of life please send me a message, I would gladly be there for you if you want some human connection, support and sharing (from somone that understand in part what you feel and think). Best recovery to you !

Thanks @QQQ and @Batman

Hi there, here is a trip report of my last trip (shrooms), in which I discovered Solipsism is true, which was SHOCKING. I also added some questions at the end and would love to hear your opinion if you have one! Thanks (also: french here, sorry for my bad english). 1 - I am consciousness I was tripping calmly on my couch, then I realised that I was only consciousness, the present moment itself. 2 - Everything is consciousness (or mind, or imagination) Then it hit me that everything that I could see and feel and think was all contained in this consciousness that was me. My environnement was mind, my sensations were mind, my thoughts were mind, everything was mind. There was no material world fundamentally, only consciousness, only "mind", and I understood why enlightened people are saying that the world is imaginary. Everything is emerging from the nothingness of consciousness. I also had this strong knowing that nothing could exist outside consciousness, because it is everything. That was another way, very different from my previous awakenings, to experience Oneness. 3 - Consciousness (I-I) is creating everything (but I can't do what I want) I had this strong knowing that I was the thing that was creating my environnement. This feeling was so strong that I tried to modify it just as and artist modify his/her painting (it did not work lol). 4 - Consciousness creates complexity as its goes along Ok this is a wild claim and I am not sure that this is true, but I felt like things are not intrinsically complex, but that consciousness was creating this complexity moment after moment after moment. Like, this cushion over there is just a form, that is it. But then the next moment, it is a form, but also a thing with texture, density, and so on, which was not the case the moment before. It was just as if complexity unfolds / appears as consciouness is thinking it. Consciousness seemed to be an infinite whole, constantly including and transcending everything by adding creativity. Not sure about this one though… 5 - Solipsism feels good because you are truly secure (for the first time of your life) Solipsism was good. I realised how much my relative "I" has to survive all the time, that this drive for survival is part of my human nature and implies suffering. I realised how, as a human, I can't and will never feel fully secure, because I have to survive physically and psychologically. We can let go of some of the survival stuff, but never completely...My whole body is always ready to react to any danger, each second of my life. Being consciousness itself gave me a profound sense of security: I was (almost) only mind imagining things; what could be dangerous? I guess if there were a guy threatening me with a knife at this moment I would switch mode, go back into human mode and protect myself so I did not transcended totally my ego, but at this moment I still felt pretty free from survival. Actually this was a bit hard to swallow: I will never be able to be fully at peace as a human, and I never realised it so that profoundly before. 6 - Solipsism helped me love my human self more (and be more compassionate in general) I don't exactly understand how, but after this trip, I felt more at peace with myself. I remember having a deep compassion for my human self and other beings who do not taste that peace and suffer a lot most of the time. Also at one point during my trip, I felt the strong desire to "create" love by helping people very directly. To reach for anyone and give my energy and love to them. 7 - Lasting effects After this trip, I could for 2 days still feel solipsism, but it is now fading away. Thus this trip meant a lot for me. Trip after trip my mind opens, and these truths are shaping my conscious and unconscious for the better (I think). Touching to turquoise is a game changer (I hope as much in the long term than in the short term). Conclusion : This was an amazing experience that I did not expected. During the previous 3 or 4 trips, I was unable to go this far. It was just as if the world around me was reflecting my depression: all sad limited and unpleasant. It was impossible to transcend this stage. But before this last trip, I was feeling better since a few day, less stressed, more ok with myself. In my opinion, unless we take a strong dose, our mental health influence our capacity to transcend the ego. At least it seems to work this way for me : if I don't feel good, it is gonna be more complicated to go into God Mode. Also, I now understand so much better the work of Alex Grey (see picture), which makes it more amazing. Questions: (I would love to hear your advices/opinions!) 1 - I would love to rise my everyday life stage of consciousness and always be connected with my "true self", but it is not easy at all… I am meditating everyday (half an hour of zen which is not that much) and try to be conscious in my everyday life, but I don't feel it is changing anything. I wonder how much I should meditate to get results, and if there is anything else to do? Should I try to be conscious in my sleep? What are the next steps? 2 - Related to the previous question: I read "One Taste" from Ken Wilber, who seems to be always connected to the True Self, the I-I thanks to his zen practice. In this book, he says that when he drinks wine, he looses this connection. I am wondering if psychedelics could slow down my efforts to be much more conscious on an everyday life basis. This logically should not be the case since psychedelics are supposed to rise our level of consciousness (and not diminish it like alcohol), but who knows? It seems that Leo is also struggling this that, but I don't know how it's working for him now. Any opinion about that? 3 - During my trip, I knew really strongly that everything was mind. But in another way, I feel that saying things like "everything is mind or imagination" does not reflect the holistic truth. In a way, yes everything is mind (maybe at a more fundamental stage of the holarchy?), but in another way, everything is also material. Isn't it problematic to limit our vision of existence by taking into account only about one perspective, excluding the others? Thank you very much!

@Kksd74628 Well expressed

@michaelcycle00 Yeah I get what you mean: it was not a complete realisation of Solipsism, so profound that the human self is kind of erased and we don't think anymore at all in term of human things. But even though I understood that others were me in the absolute sense, I was still aware that in another dimension I am human and feel separated of others all the time. So I don't feel like I misused this concept to qualify my experience here. Plus, I think that if I did, Leo would have let me know (?). And yeah, nice trip! It was hard to go back into human mode

A) Access an infinity of stages of consciousness My bf and I don't have the same experiences during trips and I have been willing to investigate that. His experiences are more about being connected to his self without any concepts. He is present to his body, mind and environnement, but without expectations, fears, limiting beliefs, projections… He told me he experiences his "lived body" as Merleau-Ponty (french phenomenologist) puts it. In a way, he his staying "humain", identifying with his body and mind , without the "noise" of concepts. My experiences are different. I am usually not connected to my body anymore, or my self. I don't see my environnement because the trip takes me far away from this reality. I realise the infinity of God, its love, its beauty, that I am God. In my opinion, what my bf experiences is one kind of truth, and I experience other kind of truths, being in stages of consciousness in which knowing is coming without the necessity to be aware of my environnement to find truth in it. Knowing just appears and I am focusing on it, so my relation to my body / self / environnement is almost non-existing. For this trip, I decided to try to access the stage of consciousness my bf seems to access easily, the "lived body". I think I succeeded, and here are my thoughts about that and stages of consciousness. 1 - A model of consciousness stages I watched the movie "everything, everywhere, all at once" recently and it helped me to come with this representation of consciousness stages (see image). If you watched, it could help you to understand too. In this model : - Each kind of stage can be understand as one "universe" in itself, in that we can endlessly explore this stage. Each universe contains some truths. No truth is more valuable than another, but some are more distant from our everyday life than others The center point is the stage of consciousness we live in most part of the time, in which we are identifying to our body and thoughts Obviously, in this way to put it each "universe" or stage contains substages of consciousness (that is why I represented layers to each point) The further you go away from the everyday life stage of consciousness, the less you identify to the body and thoughts about yourself. For example, when you realise you are God, you don't identify that much to your body, or yourself (see image). You are less Morgan, John (or whatever) and more God. All of these stages of consciousness are suppose to be included in consciousness (?). But not sure about that. In a same trip, we can access different stages of consciousness (and so different truths), but that is not always the case The number of stages and truths we can access through these stages is infinite. This model is imperfect, but my point is that we can access stage of consciousness in which we are more or less identifying to our body and mind. For me, the stage in which we connect to our "lived body" is a stage not that far from our everyday life stage of consciousness, compared to the one in which we understand that we are everything. What do you think about this model? Does it seems accurate to you somehow? What are my blind spots? 2 - Rationality prevents us from accessing consciousness's stages further from ego Rationality is an attachment that can prevent us from accessing stages of consciousness that are far from our everyday life stage. I am talking here about rationality not in the sense of seeking truth, but in the sense of wanting the realisation to fit a certain frame that we are attached to, which is a resistance to truth. I think the way to get over it is to cultivate a strong and honest curiosity. Also, it is a question of how much mushrooms - or whatever else - you take. I guess if you take a lot your rationality will not be weaken. 3 - It is useful to explore stages of consciousness in which we are still identifying to our body and mind I feel like what @Leo Gura is doing is, in a way, going as far as possible from the "ego" (if I understand well). I have been following this path, but being connected to my "lived body" during my last trip, I had a totally different experience than usual which allowed me to tap into my personal power and erase my irrational fears. I felt energetic, strong, curious, kind of "masculine", the center of my experience ; while in my everyday life I feel vulnerable, pretty anxious, a bit sad, not confident and pretty much alway focused on external things, wondering if my mom, sister, bf, cat or whatever is feeling good or if I should do something for them. I was less empathic at this moment, focused on myself and my thinking and this was GOOD! Actually, this reminded me why I can't stand talks about how women are naturally (and so should be) taking care of others, empathic and so on. That is fucking exhausting even when you don't have kids, and this is what prevents a lot of women to shine intellectually - or in other ways. I suffer from this interpretation of gender because it is printed so profoundly in myself that I struggle a lot to get rid of that and find my place in the world as someone who is trying to be wise and unleash my intellectual potential. Part of it is that I don't know any women who are teaching spirituality in a way I resonate with (means really trying to find truth) so I struggle to find a model I can identify with. Plus men who are teaching spirituality / personal improvement are often speaking from their male experience and are often ignoring women problems. And since Leo said is audience is 95% male, I get it. If you know women who are teaching spirituality in an interesting way, I would love you to drop a comment about that I have been trying to find other way to overcome these beliefs about gender, but I haven't succeeded yet. But anyway I digress. In a way, this kind of experience is much more easy to integrate in my personal life than the realisation that I am God, or an awakening to Absolute Truth. Depends on our personal goal, but I think somehow it is useful to go this way if we want to improve our everyday life. In a way, it could work a bit like Spiral Dynamics: each stage is necessary to gain wisdom, and it's worth it explore stages in which you are not totally detached from your ego. 4 - Soooo subjective I just realised how my perception of reality is profoundly and deeply unique. It not possible for anyone to get exactly the same experience. And I would never have access to anyone experience, and so not understand them completely, which is beautiful and sad at the same time. This also could mean that I will never ever realise God completely, among other for this reason. B) Tripping with gf or bf to look for truth + deepen the relationship 1 - Integrate the knowing and epistemology Tripping together with my bf is pretty useful to avoid epistemic errors. We are tripping half alone half together. By sharing our discoveries about the nature of consciousness, each of us is able to integrate more his understanding about the nature of consciousness or correct it. This is helpful to confront our viewpoints, and stay open to the other's truth. 2 - Deepen our relationship During our trips, we are showing to each other sides of ourselves that we don't usually show. We are both alternatively very vulnerable and very strong. We understand better dynamics that occurs between us. We are acknowledging how much our experiences are different. We are able to connect more deeply in a new way. Some gates between us are falling apart and we are, trip after trip, more authentic to ourselves and each other. These experiences are truly beautiful, I think it it's worth it to try. That's it! Do not hesitate to give me your thoughts about all this. Sorry for my english, not my native langage. Also, if you know a way to avoid headache after an intense trip, I would love it. Thanks and take care

Hi There, I am wondering why it seems that psychedelics are allowing me and other people to awaken to some truth, but does not seem to generate awakenings for others. I just had an awakening a few minutes ago (and others by the past) and it seems that shrooms ALWAYS lead me to awakenings, if I put myself in the right conditions (alone, in a cosy room, feeling secure). But when I listen to McKenna for example, I feel like he did not have that much profound awakenings, I think that is why Leo puts him in green stade (spiral dynamics). How is that possible as he took so much mushrooms and other psychedelics? I was also listening to his brother, and had the same feeling, thus he is taking a lot of psychedelics too. Plus, my bf is also taking psychedelics, but he does not seem to have awakenings like I have. I think he has some stronger feeling of being and make sense of a lot of stuff in his life thanks to mushrooms, but it is not that much about the nature of consciousness. Strong dosing, same setup, we are both listening to Leo since a long time now and are very open to his understanding of what God is. So...How to explain that some people seem to awaken more easily to some truth thanks to psychedelics and others don't? Is that just a story about how open you are and how much you want to know the truth? Any thoughts about that? @Leo Gura do you have some ideas? PS : Do you know if Peter Ralston really tried psychedelics seriously? I do not understand what makes him think that psychedelics cannot lead to truth? Really curious about that, coz I thought about this strongly during my trip and I don't see what could be superior to the truth I realized, or how it could be an illusion. Thank you! Sorry if my english is not amazing, I am not a native

During a solo retreat I did to explore my traumas from my childhood, I took shrooms. At first, I felt so much pain. I realized how much I suffered during my childhood and how much I did not accept myself. Then I met God again. Here are my thoughts and understandings. God : God is creating and loving, that is what he does. God is Love, Consciousness, and Truth. This is all the same. God is simplex. God has no fear or doubt. God is beyond all dualities. God can look at its own creation. (story : I was peeing and my cat got in the bathroom. It hit me profoundly that my cat was a creation of God, and that as God I was enjoying looking at my creation. I raised my head and realized that the whole bathroom - actually the whole reality - was my own creation. Also my cat is so cute.) ______ Truth : I realized Absolute Truth strongly. Truth is what is. This made me so joyful! This is impossible to explain with words though. Before this awakening I had this feeling that truth was reality, but I did not know it profoundly and I would not understand this "absolute" part. Truth dissolves delusion and doubts, but also sadness and fear Also, we can make the experience of Truth, but Truth is not an experience. ______ Self-deception and psychedelics : I feel like somehow during my trip, I was able to see pretty clearly when my ego was trying to "force" a realization and that I was sort of deluding myself, and when it was a true realization. I feel like I understand better the ego and how tricky it is sometimes to avoid self-deception. With radical honesty, we can limit risks of lying to ourselves. Other thought : I also understand better how personal improvement helps reaching the truth. When we have too much insecurities, there is a lot more chance to delude ourselves by being too attach to some ideas that are not the truth, or inventing ourselves awakenings we did not have (=lack of self honesty). Also, I could recognize during my trip that I was not fully awake, and that my insights could be more deep. I also feel somehow that there is no limit to the profundity of an awakening. I feel like we can always realize something more and more deeply by exploring it (for example absolute Truth, or Love…). But I may be wrong about that? There is at least, in my opinion, a lot of different degrees of realization. Also, I was - before all this - sceptic about psychedelics. But now I know that they are leading to truth. I don't exclude completely the possibility that I may be deluded, but honestly I don't think so. ______ How listening to Leo's videos helped me to awaken I was thinking about that and how listening to Leo's teaching and not doing the work all by ourselves could drive to delusion. But really I think that listening to his experiences are guiding me during my trips. Basically it happens like this: 1 - I start to have a insight 2 - Something that Leo said about this kind of insight/experience pops in my mind 3 - I keep exploring having in my mind what Leo said, asking myself "could it be true?" 4 - The Truth hits me, with more or less strength Also sometimes during my trips, I think about something specific Leo said about God, trying to see if I can realized it, and I don't. Like, I did not realized yet the profundity of God's Love, or the fact that reality is all mind, even if I tried to explore this area. (And that is ok). Sooo… I don't feel like I am "inventing" myself realizations from Leo's teaching (that was a question that I asked myself sometimes). When I have an awakening, there is no more Leo's teaching, no influence ; there is just these truths that are revealed to me. I feel like Leo's teaching are providing guidance, help us to "ask the good questions" while tripping. Then that is the listener's job to be sure that he/she is not inventing things by being self-honest. ______ The power of negative motivation : I feel like negative motivation is not that bad somehow.I had a positive motivation to know the truth (coz I am very curious!) but I always felt in my life that I was lacking wisdom and that I was not enough, which created a negative motivation. Maybe without this negative motivation, this suffering, I would not have enough "fuel" to be able to go through all these challenges and get these awakenings, even if that is not ideal. ______ Green vs turquoise understanding : Before these awakenings, I could not stand talks about how everything is perfect, how God is love, how we should love ourselves coz God loves us… But now I know that this is true. I just feel like I met a lot of green people (spiral dynamics) talking about turquoise stuff but could not understand profoundly what all these things means and live in congruence with that - and I could feel this dissonance. I feel like there is a huge difference between green and turquoise. ______ Practical takeways for a human life : 1 - Loving yourself : I realized profoundly that take care of yourself and recognizing your intrinsic dignity + wanting the best for yourself is natural, in the sense that this reflects God's goodness/nature. Plus, we really need to start by loving ourselves to be able to love others truly, I feel it cannot work otherwise. 2 - What to do in life ? There is nothing more to do than just do what is the most important (authentically) for us. This sounds a bit obvious but I did not realized it profoundly. I really asked myself before if the most important thing I had to do was to try my best to stem climate change, which is creating so much suffering. But what drives me truly is spend my time trying to be as wise as I can. I am still not 100% at ease with all that… I still feel a little bit like I am not doing the right thing by not sacrificing my own well-being for the sake of saving a lot of people from crazy suffering like hunger, homelessness… So still some work to do on that. Any thoughts? 3 - Authentic self expression and insecurities : I realized that I have been needy for love my own life, since I am a very young child. I was always craving for love, and did not understand why people could not give me as much love as I wanted. But really what it means when we are looking at the other side of the coin, is that Love is what I want to express and see expressed in the world. A few months ago when I realized doing Leo's Life Purpose Course that my first value is Love, I was disappointed, I thought it was a weak value (lol). Now I feel how powerful Love is and how authentic it is for me to express it by trying to be as wise as I can. So my point is that we can observe our insecurities differently, and try to see in them what authentic radiant desire they could hide. 4 - The kind of "neutrality" that God has does not means that everything is equal. That is a weird paradox, but some behaviors are embodying more God's love than others, and that is a good reason to embody our conception of what is truly good and take a stance - with cleverness - in the different situations we encounter in life. ______ That is all for me, do not hesitate to give me your thoughts on all this!

Strange I never had a similar experience, but it could be definitively worth to give a shot to the solo retreat. Hope your gonna find a good setup Good luck

Thanks @Brivido, it would indeed explain his position

How does it feel like? What's happening?

Good question! I don't remember exactly but roughly, I was not super conscious at first but still more than usual. I started to think about how heavy life seems sometimes, how I failed to protect myself from abuse by the past and all that. My pain emerged more, I was an immense wound. I cried af, realizing that in addition to my original pain I was struggling so much to accept myself, and that overall I was hard on myself pretty much all the time. Then I felt more calm, because I started to reconnect with the experience I had before of profound serenity and soft love that I had realizing God during another awakening 11 months ago. Basically I became more and more conscious thanks to shrooms. I felt less and less physical and emotional pain, and started to observe God's Love and essence. Then, because I was pretty much free from my suffering, I became able to focus on exploring God, Truth, and so on. I kept on becoming more conscious and a lot of insights came fluidly. Hope it was pretty clear for you

@Leo Gura Thanks man, I have no words to express how happy and grateful I am that you work so hard to share these insights with us. Thank you really. I feel so lucky. My life has improved so much since I am listening to you, and doors that I could not even think about before are opening in front of me. I am revealing my true nature to myself, both as God and as an ego. Can't wait for your next course!

Yes that could explain a small part, but that is still is far from explaining it completely... I am French

Hi, I feel like my mental health is deteriorating since a few months. I struggle to understand exactly what is happening to me and if this is entirely due to spiritual discoveries (probably not) but I would love to get some advices to deal with that. I started to listen to Leo content (and other similar content) a year ago. I started to do psychedelics and had two awakenings about God 6 months ago (realizing infinite consciousness + I am God). These awakenings were pretty hard and cool at the same time. But overall I was happy to understand more about life + it helped me understand myself better, so pretty positive. I also during this period of time determined my values (my top one being Love) and broadly my life purpose. I am meditating everyday, doing yoga, reading as much as I can books from Leo's book list. But the fact is that I don't feel motivated anymore, not because my LP is not the right one, but because I don't want to live anymore: 1- I feel like I don't really care anymore about contributing to humanity because there is not much meaning if you look at the big picture. I know it has a value to contribute and I don't understand why I don't feel concerned anymore about giving my best to improve the world. 2- I don't feel really anxious of whatever, just like living does not make sense anymore to me. I feel empty in a weird way, because I am still appreciating things but it is not enough to help me feel fullfiled. I don't have self-destruction pulsions, I just feel like nothing is important anymore. 3 - I feel like overall life is pretty hard, and I am often scared of not being enough. I tried just observing my thoughts but I don't feel like it is making any change (unless I feel like I am suffering less, but it is not making me feel like I want to live fully). 4 - I don't even care about having a pleasant and good life, about enjoying my time on earth. I am like "whatever I can also stop living" I do not understand what the fu** is happening. I should be happy to understand more of life, to find more direction in my own life path, but I just feel like I want to go. I do not want to hurt my boyfriend and my family by killing myself, and I don't want to go to the psychiatrist so he gives me medication, I feel like it would not be usefull anyway. Did you have similar experience, or do you have advices to deal with that? Thank you ! Sorry if my english is not perfect, french girl here.

Hi, I just had a look on the forum but could not find that much resources about how to build a strong spiritual relationship. I think I know the basics about building a healthy and nice relationship with my partner, but I feel we could go much deeper. We are both interested in spirituality, both working on our own issues, both looking for more spiritual connection between us. We cultivate honesty, opening and unconditional love towards each other. But still I think we could go further and deepen the relationship and I don't really know how. I thought about reading Osho's books but there is a lot, do you have any recommendation about that? I am also interested in tantra things (I watched a few seminars about it) but the main advices seemed to be mainly about the guy learning to not cum too fast, or just slowing down when you have sex to feel more things. I feel there is more about tantra. Any good reference? Any other content to share? Thanks

Thanks a lot everybody

Hi there, I would love to get feedbacks about what's happening to me now, I am a little bit confused. To give you a little bit of context, I have been doing mushrooms maybe 6-7 times, but the last two trips were very, very different, so much profound than the other ones. (Sorry if my english is not perfect, I am french). Here a sum up of my experiences: Trip 1: 1.5g of shrooms (very fresh and powerful, I grow them myself) , October 15th Tripping calmly then I accidentally looked at my hand and realized that my body is not me : I am the thing which is seeing, which is feeling. I felt like I am part of something infinite (consciousness) which has no form and is kind of still, but also moving in a certain way (going beyond with duality) Consciousness is infinitely creative and has no limits Consciousness is love, because it is profoundly inclusive. It accepts and contains everything. This love made me cry the whole trip Good and bad do not not exist at all. Everything is ok. I felt like I did not care about death anymore Trip 2 : 1.6g of shrooms, October 31st I am God, I am this consciousness, but I am also nothingness. There is this strong sense of I, but not my "ego I". I am everything, God is everything: it is the theater, the scene and the actors at the same time. There is no separation between anything. That is so weird! I am my mom (who is not really my mom), my bf, the table in my room, my room itself: everything and everyone. This is not just about sharing the same essence with things: I also AM these things. Ego is an complete illusion lol God transcends all dualities and concepts in general. Words are very limited to explain God. God is a mystery by nature, we cannot grasp it. It is a mystery to itself. God plays the game of thinking that it is something separated from other things (an ego) not because God is an asshole or crazy but because the nature of God is to explore itself in plenty of way Whatever we are doing in our life is just God exploring itself There is no time God can surprise itself God can do whatever it wants to do When someone dies, it is just God which stop thinking that it is this person I realized that I am God because I (God) allowed myself to realized it Everything is perfect because there is no perfection That's it, so here are my questions : 1 - I am very surprised by these experiences, because I have not been on the path of spirituality for a long time, I did not expected this profundity at all when I started my trips. Actually, I am listening to Leo's teachings since last January. Even if I am very into spirituality since then and am listening to spiritual content every day (plus I am genuinely attracted by truth), I feel like this happened pretty fast. Am I fooling myself somehow? In a sense I know that my experiences were not a projections of Leo's teaching, that they were real, but I also feel like it is too good to be true and when I talked about that to my bf I almost felt like a fraud. For people who realized God, what do you think about the description I gave about God in my last trip? Did you get the same experience? 2 - What is also making me feel confused is that I did not feel lots of love during my second experience and I thought that realizing God was about feeling a tremendous amount of love. I know God is love by nature there is no doubt, but I was more focusing on asking questions. What do you guys think about that? 3 - My everyday life is just like before this experience: my ego is still strong and I am still a 25yo person (I mean, I am also God and everything but you know) who is struggling to get into yellow. Right after both of these experiences I felt a bit depressed. I do not like going back to this finite form. I do not like my lack of love and my weaknesses. Do you have any advice to integrate these experiences in my "humain" life? Also, I feel kind of fucked because I did not get anything practical to improve my life, any direction (yes, I am still attached to my survival and I would love to get an experience telling me clearly what I should do with my life to be happy). But hey... I am gonna have to figure it out myself. This is not the purpose of God to tell me what I should do since it is so loving and inclusive and beyond all ego things. Ok bye! Thanks for your time if you are reading me and answering my questions

@michaelcycle00 I feel like since God is infinite, it is impossible to grasp it. And for the fact that it even can not grasp itself... I do not really know how to explain it. That was just a realization that came into my experience.

@BipolarGrowth Thanks for your comment I am meditating (not that much, 20 min a day), reading books about personal improvement or spirituality (especially books from Leo's book list), did a solo retreat recently... This kind of things

Thank you so much <3

ok thank you so much for your answer! Indeed I am looking to move up on the path of enlightenment, and even if I am not crazy about that I am trying to know if I am getting there or if I stagnate. But it seems right to go deep into this silence and inquire. Thank you very much for your books recommendations and advices <3

Hi, had a weird feeling during two of my meditions, but I am pretty sure that it is common and that you guys will be able to help me to understand what is going on. (Sorry if my english is not perfect, I am French). First of, a few background info: I have been meditating regularly for maybe 9 months now, 20 or 30 min a day, rarely one hour (mindfulness), which is not that much, but enough to be able to notice some subtle changes in my level of awareness and concentration. Also, I did a Vipassana retreat 2 years ago. Then comes the weird feeling as I was doing a solo retreat, on the 8th day of doing 5-6 hours of meditation a day + 2-3 hours of contemplation. I was doing a simple vipassana meditation focusing on the feeling under my nose and then after maybe 20 min I felt like I should focus on the fact of being conscious. Suddenly I felt something like a shift of conciouness I guess. Here a description of the feeling: Had an intense feeling of concentration and then I felt that I was very conscious that I was conscious. This feeling was pretty stable. I was able to question/explore this state of conciousness at the same time of having it, without loosing it. Had a feeling/sensation of expansion, especially around my head and my upper body Had an intense but not painful feeling of pressure on the top of the head (prefrontal cortex area), and in the nose, going even towards my neck. Was aware of my body but everything happened more around my head. Did not feel like during Vipassana classic meditation when you are scaning your body again and again and having this feeling of pins and needles, being very aware of your body. Plus, I was less aware of my lower body than my upper body. Didn't have a deep feeling of joy, or peace (joy the first time because it was new but then not that much). It was just kind of nice. I did my best to describe it! I tried different things having this experience, like trying to be more and more conscious of consciousness, to focus more on my body, on my hands, to extend this feeling… Did not have that much results. I did try to keep going and going but at one point, I was just super bored and I stopped. I feel like I am stuck in this stade of consciouness where I don't have that much to do, and I do not know where to go. Any explanation/advice? It would be helpfull! Thanks